Under the thumb
Discussion
Think that's the correct term for it.
A bloke comes into my local pub from time to time. Nice chap, easy to talk to, probably in his early 50's & senior partner in a City law firm so I imagine successful in his profession.
Every time he comes in though, his opening gambit is similar to "I've only got 30 mins as the wife is having her nails done", or "I can only stay for a couple as she is getting out of the hairdressers soon".
If he gets caught in the pub by his wife, all hell breaks loose because he has been out enjoying himself and talking to other people without her.
He seems to just accept this as a part of life and trails after her down the road.
Why on earth would you stay in a relationship like that?
A bloke comes into my local pub from time to time. Nice chap, easy to talk to, probably in his early 50's & senior partner in a City law firm so I imagine successful in his profession.
Every time he comes in though, his opening gambit is similar to "I've only got 30 mins as the wife is having her nails done", or "I can only stay for a couple as she is getting out of the hairdressers soon".
If he gets caught in the pub by his wife, all hell breaks loose because he has been out enjoying himself and talking to other people without her.
He seems to just accept this as a part of life and trails after her down the road.
Why on earth would you stay in a relationship like that?
Maybe he is happy
Maybe it's a facade and he doesn't actually want to stay there that long, just literally one or two, and uses it as a "get out"
Maybe he's a really told her is is going to the pub for 30mins, she has 25 to get her nails sorted ready for fulfilling his proctology daydreams
Maybe it's a facade and he doesn't actually want to stay there that long, just literally one or two, and uses it as a "get out"
Maybe he's a really told her is is going to the pub for 30mins, she has 25 to get her nails sorted ready for fulfilling his proctology daydreams
holes is 30 minutes. I've asked my delightful wife to ring me in half an hour to give me an easy out."
It took me an amazingly long time to figure out that some blokes want this kind of relationship. I had a big loud mate in my twenties who turned into a rather put-upon bloke when in a relationship.
I ended up getting to know one of his exes and she said he sort of threw himself under her thumb, and she didnt really like it.
I ended up getting to know one of his exes and she said he sort of threw himself under her thumb, and she didnt really like it.
Johnnytheboy said:
It took me an amazingly long time to figure out that some blokes want this kind of relationship. I had a big loud mate in my twenties who turned into a rather put-upon bloke when in a relationship.
I ended up getting to know one of his exes and she said he sort of threw himself under her thumb, and she didnt really like it.
people create environments consciously and subconsciously and act out all sorts of role plays in relationships. Its interesting watching someone end an "abusive" relationship then specifically build the same conditions around them in the next, acting as if the abuse is already there as if to make it inevitable.I ended up getting to know one of his exes and she said he sort of threw himself under her thumb, and she didnt really like it.
OzzyR1 said:
Think that's the correct term for it.
A bloke comes into my local pub from time to time. Nice chap, easy to talk to, probably in his early 50's & senior partner in a City law firm so I imagine successful in his profession.
Every time he comes in though, his opening gambit is similar to "I've only got 30 mins as the wife is having her nails done", or "I can only stay for a couple as she is getting out of the hairdressers soon".
If he gets caught in the pub by his wife, all hell breaks loose because he has been out enjoying himself and talking to other people without her.
He seems to just accept this as a part of life and trails after her down the road.
Why on earth would you stay in a relationship like that?
Maybe it's a loving relationship that he cares about and wants to maintain, maybe that's just one example of how both partners take into account the other one's needs/wishes even if it involves compromise, maybe he values time spent with his wife more than time spent down the pub, maybe you are only seeing ONE side of the story......A bloke comes into my local pub from time to time. Nice chap, easy to talk to, probably in his early 50's & senior partner in a City law firm so I imagine successful in his profession.
Every time he comes in though, his opening gambit is similar to "I've only got 30 mins as the wife is having her nails done", or "I can only stay for a couple as she is getting out of the hairdressers soon".
If he gets caught in the pub by his wife, all hell breaks loose because he has been out enjoying himself and talking to other people without her.
He seems to just accept this as a part of life and trails after her down the road.
Why on earth would you stay in a relationship like that?
It's an interesting one. I have two or three friends who would certainly be classed as 'under the thumb':
Having to ask permission to go to meet friends for a drink.
Not being allowed to go away for a gentleman's weekend.
Get told off if they don't phone the wife at least a couple of times during the day to 'check in'.
Get in trouble if they don't answer the phone to their wife straight away when she rings. If it goes to voicemail a flurry of demanding texts of "Where are you?" will follow.
Being told what they can and cannot wear.
Being accused of stuff they have never done.
And so on.
I must stress that these chaps have never done anything whatsoever to give their wives any cause for distrust, suspicion or concern. I just think some women are convinced or worried that all men are up to something, even if this has never been experienced.
But the men involved absolutely love their wives 100% and would absolutely not want to be without them, and everything else in the relationship seems really good. It's just the 'doing what they are told' thing that is a little odd.
I think some of them just like being organised by their wives?
Having to ask permission to go to meet friends for a drink.
Not being allowed to go away for a gentleman's weekend.
Get told off if they don't phone the wife at least a couple of times during the day to 'check in'.
Get in trouble if they don't answer the phone to their wife straight away when she rings. If it goes to voicemail a flurry of demanding texts of "Where are you?" will follow.
Being told what they can and cannot wear.
Being accused of stuff they have never done.
And so on.
I must stress that these chaps have never done anything whatsoever to give their wives any cause for distrust, suspicion or concern. I just think some women are convinced or worried that all men are up to something, even if this has never been experienced.
But the men involved absolutely love their wives 100% and would absolutely not want to be without them, and everything else in the relationship seems really good. It's just the 'doing what they are told' thing that is a little odd.
I think some of them just like being organised by their wives?
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