Girlfriend doesn't do 'drama'
Discussion
Been with this lady nearly a year and a half. She's 49, I'm 57.
We got on like a house on fire from day one and on our third date, dinner at hers, she jumped me and we had the best sex life of my 50 years on this planet ever. Plus we could chat for hours, love hiking, watch the same TV, cook for each other and just enjoyed our time together.
About 3 months in the sex suddenly nose dives. She still loves a kiss and a cuddle but sex is a no no, citing fibroids and a change of contraception.
I respect her wishes and her body and leave well alone. Means the lack of intimacy is quite upsetting but she seems unbothered.
She still finds holidays for us to go on but I have to invite myself to hers for if I didn't I'd suspect I'd never see her.
I raise the question from time to time about if she is still into us and she always answers yes, and why do I ask.
My situation up to a week ago was that I was living in the ex marital home, in a separate room to oversee my teens and save money on rent.
Not a great catch, I agree.
So now I have my own place and despite invites, she shows no interest in coming over. I have even offered her the chance to furnish it and decorate.
Spent the night at hers last night, just sleeping, and this morning I get a call about ex wife attempting suicide which is understandably upsetting news and really gets to me.
Girlfriend and I were finally going to mine last night but just as we get to station she declined, citing she doesn't do drama.
I was gobsmacked. I'd do anything for her and have done yet she couldn't even comfort me in a time if trouble.
Peck on the lips and off she walks with out looking back.
I did text are you finishing with me but her answer was, Why on Earth did you think that.
I sometimes wonder if she is autistic as she does say stuff straight out. No empathy etc.
I'm just writing this as it's cathartic, please don't lay into her but this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but now I'm not to sure.
We got on like a house on fire from day one and on our third date, dinner at hers, she jumped me and we had the best sex life of my 50 years on this planet ever. Plus we could chat for hours, love hiking, watch the same TV, cook for each other and just enjoyed our time together.
About 3 months in the sex suddenly nose dives. She still loves a kiss and a cuddle but sex is a no no, citing fibroids and a change of contraception.
I respect her wishes and her body and leave well alone. Means the lack of intimacy is quite upsetting but she seems unbothered.
She still finds holidays for us to go on but I have to invite myself to hers for if I didn't I'd suspect I'd never see her.
I raise the question from time to time about if she is still into us and she always answers yes, and why do I ask.
My situation up to a week ago was that I was living in the ex marital home, in a separate room to oversee my teens and save money on rent.
Not a great catch, I agree.
So now I have my own place and despite invites, she shows no interest in coming over. I have even offered her the chance to furnish it and decorate.
Spent the night at hers last night, just sleeping, and this morning I get a call about ex wife attempting suicide which is understandably upsetting news and really gets to me.
Girlfriend and I were finally going to mine last night but just as we get to station she declined, citing she doesn't do drama.
I was gobsmacked. I'd do anything for her and have done yet she couldn't even comfort me in a time if trouble.
Peck on the lips and off she walks with out looking back.
I did text are you finishing with me but her answer was, Why on Earth did you think that.
I sometimes wonder if she is autistic as she does say stuff straight out. No empathy etc.
I'm just writing this as it's cathartic, please don't lay into her but this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but now I'm not to sure.
croyde said:
Been with this lady nearly a year and a half. She's 49, I'm 57.
We got on like a house on fire from day one and on our third date, dinner at hers, she jumped me and we had the best sex life of my 50 years on this planet ever. Plus we could chat for hours, love hiking, watch the same TV, cook for each other and just enjoyed our time together.
About 3 months in the sex suddenly nose dives. She still loves a kiss and a cuddle but sex is a no no, citing fibroids and a change of contraception.
I respect her wishes and her body and leave well alone. Means the lack of intimacy is quite upsetting but she seems unbothered.
She still finds holidays for us to go on but I have to invite myself to hers for if I didn't I'd suspect I'd never see her.
I raise the question from time to time about if she is still into us and she always answers yes, and why do I ask.
My situation up to a week ago was that I was living in the ex marital home, in a separate room to oversee my teens and save money on rent.
Not a great catch, I agree.
So now I have my own place and despite invites, she shows no interest in coming over. I have even offered her the chance to furnish it and decorate.
Spent the night at hers last night, just sleeping, and this morning I get a call about ex wife attempting suicide which is understandably upsetting news and really gets to me.
Girlfriend and I were finally going to mine last night but just as we get to station she declined, citing she doesn't do drama.
I was gobsmacked. I'd do anything for her and have done yet she couldn't even comfort me in a time if trouble.
Peck on the lips and off she walks with out looking back.
I did text are you finishing with me but her answer was, Why on Earth did you think that.
I sometimes wonder if she is autistic as she does say stuff straight out. No empathy etc.
I'm just writing this as it's cathartic, please don't lay into her but this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but now I'm not to sure.
Move on. We got on like a house on fire from day one and on our third date, dinner at hers, she jumped me and we had the best sex life of my 50 years on this planet ever. Plus we could chat for hours, love hiking, watch the same TV, cook for each other and just enjoyed our time together.
About 3 months in the sex suddenly nose dives. She still loves a kiss and a cuddle but sex is a no no, citing fibroids and a change of contraception.
I respect her wishes and her body and leave well alone. Means the lack of intimacy is quite upsetting but she seems unbothered.
She still finds holidays for us to go on but I have to invite myself to hers for if I didn't I'd suspect I'd never see her.
I raise the question from time to time about if she is still into us and she always answers yes, and why do I ask.
My situation up to a week ago was that I was living in the ex marital home, in a separate room to oversee my teens and save money on rent.
Not a great catch, I agree.
So now I have my own place and despite invites, she shows no interest in coming over. I have even offered her the chance to furnish it and decorate.
Spent the night at hers last night, just sleeping, and this morning I get a call about ex wife attempting suicide which is understandably upsetting news and really gets to me.
Girlfriend and I were finally going to mine last night but just as we get to station she declined, citing she doesn't do drama.
I was gobsmacked. I'd do anything for her and have done yet she couldn't even comfort me in a time if trouble.
Peck on the lips and off she walks with out looking back.
I did text are you finishing with me but her answer was, Why on Earth did you think that.
I sometimes wonder if she is autistic as she does say stuff straight out. No empathy etc.
I'm just writing this as it's cathartic, please don't lay into her but this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but now I'm not to sure.
croyde said:
Not so easy at 57 and I'm no womaniser.
I'm not sure what you gain by staying? You describe a relationship that seems distant, lacking affection and stressful for you. What are the good points?You shouldn't stay in a relationship for fear of being alone! 57 isn't all that old, plenty of opportunities still out there. Technology helps...
Alternatively, be honest with here. See what she says. See if it will change anything.
Monkeylegend said:
Probably too many issues with your ex. You are talking about moving back into her house on the other thread, I can understand why your current lady would want to avoid the drama.
That was girlfriend's suggestion as she says the kids come first, but on proviso ex moves out. " I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. It's very painful for you I know and very distressing for me to witness."
So it's painful for her to witness yet she can't have dinner with me and at the very least be comforting.
When I have been there for all her pains and ailments. I just find it odd.
ks and move on or put up with being at her beck and call.Blib said:
OP. May be worth your time to read up a little on Attachment theory. In particular, Love Avoidance.
Obviously, I've no idea of how your partner thinks or feels. But, what you describe rang some bells.
Thanks BlibObviously, I've no idea of how your partner thinks or feels. But, what you describe rang some bells.
Just read this:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/markmanson.net/attach...
Pretty spot on.
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