Meeting the kids, any advice please!
Discussion
About three months ago I met a wonderful lady who has an 8 year old boy and 5 year old girl, birthdays are Feb for the boy and July for the girl.
All going well with the relationship, planning on going away for four days in about a month the only issue is the kids.
I don’t have any myself, I'm nearly 40, so a little concerned about how to introduce myself to them and how familiar to be with then and all that kind of stuff.
I have 1 nephew and 5 nieces, so i am used to spending the day with kids it’s just this feels different.
I guess the correct answer is just to be myself, but obviously thats always easier said than done.
Any help or guidance would be greatly appreciated, and hopefully soon I will be shooting them with a nerf gun!
All going well with the relationship, planning on going away for four days in about a month the only issue is the kids.
I don’t have any myself, I'm nearly 40, so a little concerned about how to introduce myself to them and how familiar to be with then and all that kind of stuff.
I have 1 nephew and 5 nieces, so i am used to spending the day with kids it’s just this feels different.
I guess the correct answer is just to be myself, but obviously thats always easier said than done.
Any help or guidance would be greatly appreciated, and hopefully soon I will be shooting them with a nerf gun!
They do seem open to the idea of someone making their Mummy happy which is a relief so at least I don’t have to worry about them thinking i am breaking their family apart, she split from her husband three years ago so they don’t really remember them as a family which is both sad and a blessing i guess!!
I have bought some of the choose your own adventure books to read to the little girl and going to get myself a nerf gun to join in with the lad. So hopefully that will buy me some brownie points.
Just a bit nervous as it’s the last piece in the puzzle and she is nervous as i have made it clear that not having children was a choice that the ex and i made consciously although i was more up for it than her it wasn’t enough to push the issue if that makes sense.
I have bought some of the choose your own adventure books to read to the little girl and going to get myself a nerf gun to join in with the lad. So hopefully that will buy me some brownie points.
Just a bit nervous as it’s the last piece in the puzzle and she is nervous as i have made it clear that not having children was a choice that the ex and i made consciously although i was more up for it than her it wasn’t enough to push the issue if that makes sense.
Make sure it's the biggest nerf gun available. You dont want him thinking hes in control. Dominate the nerf gun battle and the war will be won. Remember the long distance, really sore plastic tipped bullets. Dont want him leaving with no bruises and 2 eyes.
(Seriously just be chill. He will ask you, if you want to play. Then your sorted)
(Seriously just be chill. He will ask you, if you want to play. Then your sorted)
Cudd Wudd said:
Stay relaxed and don’t do as your username.
Oh, and when she says, “kids, this is [insert name]”, instantly reply with, “But please, call me daddy”.
It will show your paternal side and she’ll know you’re the one.
Probably just do one of these. You decide which. And good luck
Absolutely don’t do this.Oh, and when she says, “kids, this is [insert name]”, instantly reply with, “But please, call me daddy”.
It will show your paternal side and she’ll know you’re the one.
Probably just do one of these. You decide which. And good luck
They already have a Daddy and you aren’t their Dad....if over time they want to call you Daddy that is their prerogative but it is 100% their choice.
Even if they don’t remember it the divorce will have been a traumatic experience for them so you really don’t want to do or say anything which would associate you with that.
Some really good advice on here. Some thoughts from personal experience.
Kids are very good at sniffing out people who are fake.
Be yourself. Don't fake it, don't force it, don't try and do parent stuff immediately unless they invite you to. Just be cool and friendly.
Let them come to you. They will be curious about mum's new friend. Let the relationship with them build naturally over time.
If mum asks you to do something with them, ask them if that's OK, they will almost certainly say yes. Mum should not be expecting you to be a parent straight away, she will want to see how it goes.
Bear in mind that for a small kid to trust a new adult, is a very big deal for them. They are placing an enormous amount of trust in said adult. A dodgy adult can break their entire life. You need to ask yourself whether you are up to it.
The fact that you are asking this question makes me feel that you will do great, because 99% of men in this situation don't bother.
Kids are very good at sniffing out people who are fake.
Be yourself. Don't fake it, don't force it, don't try and do parent stuff immediately unless they invite you to. Just be cool and friendly.
Let them come to you. They will be curious about mum's new friend. Let the relationship with them build naturally over time.
If mum asks you to do something with them, ask them if that's OK, they will almost certainly say yes. Mum should not be expecting you to be a parent straight away, she will want to see how it goes.
Bear in mind that for a small kid to trust a new adult, is a very big deal for them. They are placing an enormous amount of trust in said adult. A dodgy adult can break their entire life. You need to ask yourself whether you are up to it.
The fact that you are asking this question makes me feel that you will do great, because 99% of men in this situation don't bother.
AmitG said:
Some really good advice on here. Some thoughts from personal experience.
Kids are very good at sniffing out people who are fake.
Be yourself. Don't fake it, don't force it, don't try and do parent stuff immediately unless they invite you to. Just be cool and friendly.
Let them come to you. They will be curious about mum's new friend. Let the relationship with them build naturally over time.
If mum asks you to do something with them, ask them if that's OK, they will almost certainly say yes. Mum should not be expecting you to be a parent straight away, she will want to see how it goes.
Bear in mind that for a small kid to trust a new adult, is a very big deal for them. They are placing an enormous amount of trust in said adult. A dodgy adult can break their entire life. You need to ask yourself whether you are up to it.
The fact that you are asking this question makes me feel that you will do great, because 99% of men in this situation don't bother.
The question of whether i am up for it is the only one left for me with regards to this relationship and i have been completely honest about this. Kids are very good at sniffing out people who are fake.
Be yourself. Don't fake it, don't force it, don't try and do parent stuff immediately unless they invite you to. Just be cool and friendly.
Let them come to you. They will be curious about mum's new friend. Let the relationship with them build naturally over time.
If mum asks you to do something with them, ask them if that's OK, they will almost certainly say yes. Mum should not be expecting you to be a parent straight away, she will want to see how it goes.
Bear in mind that for a small kid to trust a new adult, is a very big deal for them. They are placing an enormous amount of trust in said adult. A dodgy adult can break their entire life. You need to ask yourself whether you are up to it.
The fact that you are asking this question makes me feel that you will do great, because 99% of men in this situation don't bother.
I am 98% certain i will be fine and love them as my own (agree with not replacing their dad but if I’m in it I’m in it), the other thing i have said is that if I can’t handle it i will back out honestly and in a way that affects them the least.
I love my nieces and nephew but also understand it is massively different playing with them and living with your own!! Understatement of the year!!!!
It sounds like you will be fine.
If you can unleash your inner kid, that will also help.
The nerf gun is a great idea. Buy the girl a pink one (they exist: https://amzn.to/2R7HOoO ). Buy one for yourself and one for mum. Don't forget eye protection (£1 eye protectors are fine for nerf guns) and 100 bullets. Boys vs girls.
If you can unleash your inner kid, that will also help.
The nerf gun is a great idea. Buy the girl a pink one (they exist: https://amzn.to/2R7HOoO ). Buy one for yourself and one for mum. Don't forget eye protection (£1 eye protectors are fine for nerf guns) and 100 bullets. Boys vs girls.
Well this is going to be hard....
Kids are hard enough, but kids from another guy.... This girl must be special indeed, and those kids come along as part of the package.
1. remember you are always going to play 2nd fiddle to the kids.... that is fact.
2. it wont be easy. be prepared for all sorts as they will see you as an intruder, they will see mom's attention being taken by you and that will grate them immensely... you will be seen as a challenge and they will test you repeatedly and often lol.
3. You will get attached to them.
4. its a whole new experience, nephews and nieces are ok and you don't spend a lot of time with them, this is different
5. ex partner may use the kids to get back at you, fill them with hate and the like.
but knowing all that and going to give it a try.... what should you do..
be yourself and don't get worked up. just be in the back ground for the initial few months, have something of interest that you can share with them, hobby or the like something that the kids could be involved with. even make something up that would be interesting and you could do together. don't be heavy handed and don't argue, don't you wont win...
Kids are hard enough, but kids from another guy.... This girl must be special indeed, and those kids come along as part of the package.
1. remember you are always going to play 2nd fiddle to the kids.... that is fact.
2. it wont be easy. be prepared for all sorts as they will see you as an intruder, they will see mom's attention being taken by you and that will grate them immensely... you will be seen as a challenge and they will test you repeatedly and often lol.
3. You will get attached to them.
4. its a whole new experience, nephews and nieces are ok and you don't spend a lot of time with them, this is different
5. ex partner may use the kids to get back at you, fill them with hate and the like.
but knowing all that and going to give it a try.... what should you do..
be yourself and don't get worked up. just be in the back ground for the initial few months, have something of interest that you can share with them, hobby or the like something that the kids could be involved with. even make something up that would be interesting and you could do together. don't be heavy handed and don't argue, don't you wont win...
Oh, and meal times are often a great time to become familiar with kids. They LOVE super hot food as it's only adults who get scared of hot things, kids don't know any better. So a couple of super hot diablo chilli feast pizzas and a side of explosivodeath chilli sauce is bound to get the kids on board.
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