Anyone ever used an Intermediary Service?
Discussion
I have been tracing my birth mother (I was adopted at 8 weeks old) and have discovered she died in 2016. However, I have half sisters and a half brother.
Obviously I'm curious to know what my mother looked like, what she was like, etc. I have written to one half sister with a tentative letter along the lines of I'm not a nutter, this is not a scam I'm just curious. I know she received it, because she signed for it. However, it's been a couple of weeks and no response.
I happened to have a meeting with my adoption counselor today, and she suggested using an Intermediary Service. Obviously I am keen for contact and have questions, but as she rightly pointed out, people these days are naturally suspicious of unsolicited contact and may not have had the best of relationships with our mother.
So I was wondering, any recommendations? My half sister lives in Gillingham, Kent and I live in Devon.
If ultimately I get no response, then so be it. But I'm not ready to give up after one recorded delivery. Equally I don't want to pester.
Obviously I'm curious to know what my mother looked like, what she was like, etc. I have written to one half sister with a tentative letter along the lines of I'm not a nutter, this is not a scam I'm just curious. I know she received it, because she signed for it. However, it's been a couple of weeks and no response.
I happened to have a meeting with my adoption counselor today, and she suggested using an Intermediary Service. Obviously I am keen for contact and have questions, but as she rightly pointed out, people these days are naturally suspicious of unsolicited contact and may not have had the best of relationships with our mother.
So I was wondering, any recommendations? My half sister lives in Gillingham, Kent and I live in Devon.
If ultimately I get no response, then so be it. But I'm not ready to give up after one recorded delivery. Equally I don't want to pester.
Tyre Smoke said:
I have been tracing my birth mother (I was adopted at 8 weeks old) and have discovered she died in 2016. However, I have half sisters and a half brother.
Obviously I'm curious to know what my mother looked like, what she was like, etc. I have written to one half sister with a tentative letter along the lines of I'm not a nutter, this is not a scam I'm just curious. I know she received it, because she signed for it. However, it's been a couple of weeks and no response.
I happened to have a meeting with my adoption counselor today, and she suggested using an Intermediary Service. Obviously I am keen for contact and have questions, but as she rightly pointed out, people these days are naturally suspicious of unsolicited contact and may not have had the best of relationships with our mother.
So I was wondering, any recommendations? My half sister lives in Gillingham, Kent and I live in Devon.
If ultimately I get no response, then so be it. But I'm not ready to give up after one recorded delivery. Equally I don't want to pester.
Do you know if she knew about you? If not, your letter might have caused quite a shock and it might be some time before you get a direct response. An intermediary may help then, because it's a third party with knowledge on how to push for a response without pushing (so to speak).Obviously I'm curious to know what my mother looked like, what she was like, etc. I have written to one half sister with a tentative letter along the lines of I'm not a nutter, this is not a scam I'm just curious. I know she received it, because she signed for it. However, it's been a couple of weeks and no response.
I happened to have a meeting with my adoption counselor today, and she suggested using an Intermediary Service. Obviously I am keen for contact and have questions, but as she rightly pointed out, people these days are naturally suspicious of unsolicited contact and may not have had the best of relationships with our mother.
So I was wondering, any recommendations? My half sister lives in Gillingham, Kent and I live in Devon.
If ultimately I get no response, then so be it. But I'm not ready to give up after one recorded delivery. Equally I don't want to pester.
Don't really have anything helpful to add but now I've pinged in your notifications.... 
I started to trace a brother I didn't know I had two years ago but the adoption agency went into administration before they could do enough digging to find him. Thankfully, the case worker I had at the agency transferred across to the organisation that took over a lot of their cases, so she is now working on my case a second time.
I've just paid £215 for a tracer which gets me 7 hours of research + a report. Beyond that, hopefully they can make contact and he might want to meet (although I've asked the tracer not to mention I'm a Yeovil Town fan, don't want to scare the bloke off!). If it gets to this point, I think I'll need an intermediary.
Anyhow, best of luck TS, wish you well.
I started to trace a brother I didn't know I had two years ago but the adoption agency went into administration before they could do enough digging to find him. Thankfully, the case worker I had at the agency transferred across to the organisation that took over a lot of their cases, so she is now working on my case a second time.
I've just paid £215 for a tracer which gets me 7 hours of research + a report. Beyond that, hopefully they can make contact and he might want to meet (although I've asked the tracer not to mention I'm a Yeovil Town fan, don't want to scare the bloke off!). If it gets to this point, I think I'll need an intermediary.
Anyhow, best of luck TS, wish you well.
I used www.adoptiontrace.co.uk who charged me a flat £350 and have done a lot more work than 7 hours. Nothing has been too much trouble, and they have been very professional.
Tread very carefully.
I'm adopted and have zero interest in determining my biological roots due to the fact that I couldn't have wished for better parents - as in the people that raised me. I have a friend, also adopted, who wasn't blessed with such an upbringing, quite the opposite. She embarked on a quest to find her birth mother and family which resulted in a very unwelcome can of worms being opened.
She did go through an intermediary who traced the mother but returned with a no-contact request. This affected her badly and made her own enquires to determine where she lived and - somewhat stupidly - went and knocked on her door believing that meeting in person would change her mind. It didn't.
There are some good stories of course but do please be cautious on how you go forward.
I'm adopted and have zero interest in determining my biological roots due to the fact that I couldn't have wished for better parents - as in the people that raised me. I have a friend, also adopted, who wasn't blessed with such an upbringing, quite the opposite. She embarked on a quest to find her birth mother and family which resulted in a very unwelcome can of worms being opened.
She did go through an intermediary who traced the mother but returned with a no-contact request. This affected her badly and made her own enquires to determine where she lived and - somewhat stupidly - went and knocked on her door believing that meeting in person would change her mind. It didn't.
There are some good stories of course but do please be cautious on how you go forward.
Stevie, I'm not overly bothered if they don't want contact. I just want them to be aware I'm not some nutter with an ulterior motive.
What I would like is a photgraph that's all.
As it turns out, I've done a lot of research already and find my grandfather (her dad) to be much more interesting see here Clicky
What I would like is a photgraph that's all.
As it turns out, I've done a lot of research already and find my grandfather (her dad) to be much more interesting see here Clicky
Tyre Smoke said:
Stevie, I'm not overly bothered if they don't want contact. I just want them to be aware I'm not some nutter with an ulterior motive.
What I would like is a photgraph that's all.
As it turns out, I've done a lot of research already and find my grandfather (her dad) to be much more interesting see here Clicky
Ahh - in that case, I wish you well.What I would like is a photgraph that's all.
As it turns out, I've done a lot of research already and find my grandfather (her dad) to be much more interesting see here Clicky
I understand the interest. The only time I've been mildly interested was when Bernard Matthews died. I was born in Norwich and when he died, there were all these photos of him as a younger man looking not dissimilar to me as a younger man. He was also a bit of a lad it seems so I thought I might be in line for a share of a slice of his fortune..... or at least a free turkey at Christmas!
Tyre Smoke said:
I used www.adoptiontrace.co.uk who charged me a flat £350 and have done a lot more work than 7 hours. Nothing has been too much trouble, and they have been very professional.
I hadn't heard of them until you posted this, maybe I should have done a little more research (no pun intended!). I used After Adoption, paid £130 then they went into administration... I'm much further along the road with my previous case worker involved again now, thankfully.
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