Call Centre Revenge
Discussion
Phone rang on Friday night. I picked it up and it soon became apparent that it was one of those dweebs trying to sell a mobile phone package.
Thought I'd have some fun but didn't think it would end up as it did. :eek:
I told him to hang on while I went to get Mr Lazyitus. I then left the reciever on the settee for 2 minutes.
I then picked it up again and with a slow, thick sounding voice asked again who the dweeb wished to speak to. He said again that he wanted to speak to me. So I told him, I'll just go and find 'Me'.
Left it another 2 minutes and then picked the phone back up.
"Is that Mr Lazyitus" said dweeb.
I confirmed that it was indeed me. He asked me if I was on pay-as-you-go or a contract.
I replied by asking if he'd like a yoghurt and if so, which flavour he preferred.
He slammed the phone down but not before he told me that I was a fucking bastard.
Do you reckon I got to him? :)
Thought I'd have some fun but didn't think it would end up as it did. :eek:
I told him to hang on while I went to get Mr Lazyitus. I then left the reciever on the settee for 2 minutes.
I then picked it up again and with a slow, thick sounding voice asked again who the dweeb wished to speak to. He said again that he wanted to speak to me. So I told him, I'll just go and find 'Me'.
Left it another 2 minutes and then picked the phone back up.
"Is that Mr Lazyitus" said dweeb.
I confirmed that it was indeed me. He asked me if I was on pay-as-you-go or a contract.
I replied by asking if he'd like a yoghurt and if so, which flavour he preferred.
He slammed the phone down but not before he told me that I was a fucking bastard.
Do you reckon I got to him? :)
someone I know...hehe yeah thats right 
works in a call centre,
to 'my friends' knowledge if that happened, the dweeb who called you would recieve a warning if his supervisor was listening to the call, which isnt likely unfortunatly.
My friend also tells me that he isn't a pillock on the phones, he doesn't cold call, and please dont kill him
>> Edited by Jack In The Box on Monday 13th June 15:58
works in a call centre, to 'my friends' knowledge if that happened, the dweeb who called you would recieve a warning if his supervisor was listening to the call, which isnt likely unfortunatly.
My friend also tells me that he isn't a pillock on the phones, he doesn't cold call, and please dont kill him
>> Edited by Jack In The Box on Monday 13th June 15:58
lazyitus said:
Phone rang on Friday night. I picked it up and it soon became apparent that it was one of those dweebs trying to sell a mobile phone package.
Thought I'd have some fun but didn't think it would end up as it did.
I told him to hang on while I went to get Mr Lazyitus. I then left the reciever on the settee for 2 minutes.
I then picked it up again and with a slow, thick sounding voice asked again who the dweeb wished to speak to. He said again that he wanted to speak to me. So I told him, I'll just go and find 'Me'.
Left it another 2 minutes and then picked the phone back up.
"Is that Mr Lazyitus" said dweeb.
I confirmed that it was indeed me. He asked me if I was on pay-as-you-go or a contract.
I replied by asking if he'd like a yoghurt and if so, which flavour he preferred.
He slammed the phone down but not before he told me that I was abastard.
Do you reckon I got to him?
That's great - I normally just leave the reciever on the side an go back when they've hung up, but to con them into waiting for you is brilliant!
Nice one. I'm forever getting double glazing companies calling me and I've found a way of stopping them in their tracks.
Basically, if they ask about my windows I simply say: "I haven't got any, I bricked them all up to save cleaning them".
Because their sales patter is scripted they've got nowhere to go with that answer. Works for me, there's this awkward silence as the person struggles for an answer.
Basically, if they ask about my windows I simply say: "I haven't got any, I bricked them all up to save cleaning them".
Because their sales patter is scripted they've got nowhere to go with that answer. Works for me, there's this awkward silence as the person struggles for an answer.
I'm a shocker for gags on the phone, my wife gets so embarrassed. A few weeks ago there was a call and it was obviously a wrong number from some girl, I summarise:
Phone rings, I pick it up:
Girl: "Ello, I want Tracy"
Me: "Um, she's not here, I think you've got the wro.."
Girl: "Well, where is she then? Are you gonna tell me?"
Me: "She's gone out with, um, Martin".
Girl: "What, not Martin Smith, are you sure?"
Me: "Yes, Smith, that's the chap".
Girl: "I don't beleive it!"
Me: "Did you not know they've been seeing each other for months".
Girl: "What the hell".
Me: "I think you two need to have a honest chat".
Girl: "I bloody will".
She hangs up.
Martin was obviously a lucky guess on my part, and I'd love to know the outcome. My kids were listening and they were in stitches.
Phone rings, I pick it up:
Girl: "Ello, I want Tracy"
Me: "Um, she's not here, I think you've got the wro.."
Girl: "Well, where is she then? Are you gonna tell me?"
Me: "She's gone out with, um, Martin".
Girl: "What, not Martin Smith, are you sure?"
Me: "Yes, Smith, that's the chap".
Girl: "I don't beleive it!"
Me: "Did you not know they've been seeing each other for months".
Girl: "What the hell".
Me: "I think you two need to have a honest chat".
Girl: "I bloody will".
She hangs up.
Martin was obviously a lucky guess on my part, and I'd love to know the outcome. My kids were listening and they were in stitches.
Ah yes.. the home owner one..
Can i speak to the homeowner please?
No.
Will the homeowner be available soon?
No.
Are you a tenent?
No.
Who owns the home?
No one (well, no person..
)
you mean no one owns the house? Getting rather exasapated now
No.
Hows that work then?
I'm not telling you.
Somone must own the home?
No, no person owns the home.
does a company own the home?
No..
The blokes says.. you're wasting my time... goodbye.. WASTING HIS TIME???!!!!!!
>> Edited by vixpy1 on Monday 13th June 16:28
Can i speak to the homeowner please?
No.
Will the homeowner be available soon?
No.
Are you a tenent?
No.
Who owns the home?
No one (well, no person..
) you mean no one owns the house? Getting rather exasapated now
No.
Hows that work then?
I'm not telling you.
Somone must own the home?
No, no person owns the home.
does a company own the home?
No..
The blokes says.. you're wasting my time... goodbye.. WASTING HIS TIME???!!!!!!
>> Edited by vixpy1 on Monday 13th June 16:28
srebbe64 said:
Phone rings, I pick it up:
Girl: "Ello, I want Tracy"
Me: "Um, she's not here, I think you've got the wro.."
Girl: "Well, where is she then? Are you gonna tell me?"
Me: "She's gone out with, um, Martin".
Girl: "What, not Martin Smith, are you sure?"
Me: "Yes, Smith, that's the chap".
Girl: "I don't beleive it!"
Me: "Did you not know they've been seeing each other for months".
Girl: "What the hell".
Me: "I think you two need to have a honest chat".
Girl: "I bloody will".
She hangs up.
Martin was obviously a lucky guess on my part, and I'd love to know the outcome. My kids were listening and they were in stitches.
Bloody marvellous!Another one that I do is insist the person on the other end of the line ends each sentence with "over", as though talking on the radio. The conversation will tend to go something like:
Phone rings, I pick it up:
Seller: "Good evening sir, could I talk to you about replacement windows?"
Me: "OK, but I'm ex-military and I prefer radio speak, can you oblige, over".
Seller: "Sorry, what do you mean".
Seller: "Hello, is anyone there?"
Me: "Sorry, I didn't realise you'd finished because you didn't say over, over".
Seller: "OK, would you be interested in a quote for new windows, over?"
Me: "Maybe, what sort of windows, over?"
Seller: "UPVC, over."
Me: "What colour, over".
Seller: "we have a range of colours, over".
And so the conversation develops. I then end it by saying:
"This telephone conversation is now over, over"
I then put the phone down.
Phone rings, I pick it up:
Seller: "Good evening sir, could I talk to you about replacement windows?"
Me: "OK, but I'm ex-military and I prefer radio speak, can you oblige, over".
Seller: "Sorry, what do you mean".
Seller: "Hello, is anyone there?"
Me: "Sorry, I didn't realise you'd finished because you didn't say over, over".
Seller: "OK, would you be interested in a quote for new windows, over?"
Me: "Maybe, what sort of windows, over?"
Seller: "UPVC, over."
Me: "What colour, over".
Seller: "we have a range of colours, over".
And so the conversation develops. I then end it by saying:
"This telephone conversation is now over, over"
I then put the phone down.
Caller : Hello is that Mr Wizzpig.
wizzpig : Yes.
Caller : Hello Mr Wizzpig, my names so&so from the somebollox company and I wanted to talk to you about how much money you can save if you switch your car insurance, gas, electric, phone bill, Sky subscription, medical prescription etc etc yadra yarda yar with somebollox.com, is that something you'd be interested in Mr Wizzpig.
wizzpig : Yeah sure, but can I just ask you, what's six foot & hangs up?
Caller : I... er... I don't know Mr Wizzpig?
wizzpig : *click*
works everytime.
wizzpig : Yes.
Caller : Hello Mr Wizzpig, my names so&so from the somebollox company and I wanted to talk to you about how much money you can save if you switch your car insurance, gas, electric, phone bill, Sky subscription, medical prescription etc etc yadra yarda yar with somebollox.com, is that something you'd be interested in Mr Wizzpig.
wizzpig : Yeah sure, but can I just ask you, what's six foot & hangs up?
Caller : I... er... I don't know Mr Wizzpig?
wizzpig : *click*
works everytime.
The good thing about the word 'hello' is that it's common to a load of languages. You can say it in a variety of different accents and then carry on with a stream of what might as well be, to whoever's on the other end of the phone, complete gibberish.
Don't try Punjabi or Hindi though - they might know that you're in fact calling them a with a like a 'd and reply accordingly, if it's an Indian call centre.
Don't try Punjabi or Hindi though - they might know that you're in fact calling them a
with a like a 'd and reply accordingly, if it's an Indian call centre.They can back fire sometimes though. My sister was staying at the parents house a few months ago and got a call for my mum, to which she told them that she doesn't live at that address anymore and to get lost basically.
Anyway, it turned out they were trying to arrange delivery of the new dining suite. It took quite a bit of persuasion to them to believe that she did still live there
Anyway, it turned out they were trying to arrange delivery of the new dining suite. It took quite a bit of persuasion to them to believe that she did still live there
Kelly: Hello is that Mr Git?
Me: Yes
Kelly: Hello this is Kelly from Krappy Kitchens, would you be interested in a new kitchen?
Me: Would you like to buy a car?
K: Pardon?
Me: It's a lovely car. Would you be interested?
K: Em...
Me: Ach go on, it's pale blue, you'll love it
K: Well em
Me: Look I'll be in your area on Wednesday, you can have a look, see if you like it, no obligation ok?
K: But but
Me: No honestly, wait till you see it - what time will I bring it round?
K: But but... I've already got a car
Me: I've already got a kitchen. Bye
Call over.
Me: Yes
Kelly: Hello this is Kelly from Krappy Kitchens, would you be interested in a new kitchen?
Me: Would you like to buy a car?
K: Pardon?
Me: It's a lovely car. Would you be interested?
K: Em...
Me: Ach go on, it's pale blue, you'll love it
K: Well em
Me: Look I'll be in your area on Wednesday, you can have a look, see if you like it, no obligation ok?
K: But but
Me: No honestly, wait till you see it - what time will I bring it round?
K: But but... I've already got a car
Me: I've already got a kitchen. Bye
Call over.
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