Have you ever reached out to an ex to find out why it ended?
Discussion
I guess I am in a unique position in that I don’t think there are many women on here like me. My guess is also that the forum is mostly male members.
My husband reached out to his ex. We have been married 12 years and have two children. He has always been loyal. For some reason or another, quarantine seems to have given him too much time to think...
He made contact with an ex. They were together 2 years before we married. He said he hadn’t processed it and wanted to know why she called off their engagement.
He cheated on her at the time when he was on a stag do. It went on for a few months and she found out. To me that clearly says you did something wrong so why are you even questioning whether someone would want to stay with you.
However, I don’t know if this is a man thing.. is this what men tend to do? Reach out to their ex’s. Makes me sound like the clever one in the relationship.
My husband reached out to his ex. We have been married 12 years and have two children. He has always been loyal. For some reason or another, quarantine seems to have given him too much time to think...
He made contact with an ex. They were together 2 years before we married. He said he hadn’t processed it and wanted to know why she called off their engagement.
He cheated on her at the time when he was on a stag do. It went on for a few months and she found out. To me that clearly says you did something wrong so why are you even questioning whether someone would want to stay with you.
However, I don’t know if this is a man thing.. is this what men tend to do? Reach out to their ex’s. Makes me sound like the clever one in the relationship.
He apologised for keeping it quiet and came clean over dinner. He’s lucky he didn’t get a Glasgow kiss instead. I still cannot get my head around it. Why was he carrying it for that long? He said he loved her deeply. They were together 6 years and she helped him get his life together. If you love someone that much then why mess it up?! Doesn’t make sense but he assures me that he wanted closure and to tell her that he is happy. He showed me the messages after some hesitation. Nothing suggests he loves her. May be he was trying to get her to forgive him or something?!
Wondering whether quarantine will lead to divorce.
Wondering whether quarantine will lead to divorce.
As a bloke, I can tell you, if you love someone deeply, from my point of view anyway...
1. You wouldn't cheat, and certainly not repeatedly.
2. If I were you, I'd be seriously questioning his motives for contacting her now. Especially if he claims to be deeply in love with you.
Something isn't right. Plenty of people might wonder about what if, but generally that would be with your current partner and over a drink or something. Not something you'd do yourself and secretly.
1. You wouldn't cheat, and certainly not repeatedly.
2. If I were you, I'd be seriously questioning his motives for contacting her now. Especially if he claims to be deeply in love with you.
Something isn't right. Plenty of people might wonder about what if, but generally that would be with your current partner and over a drink or something. Not something you'd do yourself and secretly.
Tyre Smoke said:
I'd be seriously questioning his motives for contacting her now
This. Tyre Smoke said:
Something isn't right. Plenty of people might wonder about what if, but generally that would be with your current partner and over a drink or something. Not something you'd do yourself and secretly.
This.Smoke, ergo: fire.
No.
But this is happening to me, only the other way round. An ex of mine is engaged now for some time and has a child with another bloke, but she keeps trying to make contact with me on social media, I completely ghost her every single time.
I would never contact an ex under any circumstances, there is definitely something on his mind, I would be annoyed in your position, you have a right to be pissed off.
But this is happening to me, only the other way round. An ex of mine is engaged now for some time and has a child with another bloke, but she keeps trying to make contact with me on social media, I completely ghost her every single time.
I would never contact an ex under any circumstances, there is definitely something on his mind, I would be annoyed in your position, you have a right to be pissed off.
As an outsider looking in, sorry, doesn't look good on his part, really should be beyond any of a shadow of a doubt that that sort of thing is off limits in a normal relationship, at least without talking to you first.
The mitigating thing is though this lockdown is f
king with a lot of peoples heads and being imprisoned affects individuals very differently.
Hope you work though this wothout too much upset.
The mitigating thing is though this lockdown is f
king with a lot of peoples heads and being imprisoned affects individuals very differently. Hope you work though this wothout too much upset.
Glassman said:
Tyre Smoke said:
I'd be seriously questioning his motives for contacting her now
This. Tyre Smoke said:
Something isn't right. Plenty of people might wonder about what if, but generally that would be with your current partner and over a drink or something. Not something you'd do yourself and secretly.
This.Smoke, ergo: fire.
Also he knows why it ended, the reason is pretty obvious, so I would be asking him the real reason hes contacting her. Sounds more like a midlife crisis to me, get him an MX5.
No, not normal. Particularly after 12 years and 2 children.
One can understand just after a breakdown for a short period trying to get some answers.
It is concerning that he met you, married you, got 2 children and led a “normal” life for 12 years and tells you he hasn’t got over his previous relationship... very odd because either his heart was never with you or this lockdown made him bored or whatever and wants to see what is around. Some blokes struggle to adjust to a family life with children, particularly when they have to look after the children 24-7 or be with their partners 24-7. It’s a new experience the lockdown akin to moving in together from living apart in the beginning of most relationships. The workplace and work life is an escape and relationship strains may not be obvious until you have to be 24/7 locked in with your partner.
I hope for you that he is just a bit different but I suspect most likely your relationship may not be as strong as you think... his excuse is weak in my book... 12 years later? Nah...
Anyway see how things develop but I would keep sharp on this one...
One can understand just after a breakdown for a short period trying to get some answers.
It is concerning that he met you, married you, got 2 children and led a “normal” life for 12 years and tells you he hasn’t got over his previous relationship... very odd because either his heart was never with you or this lockdown made him bored or whatever and wants to see what is around. Some blokes struggle to adjust to a family life with children, particularly when they have to look after the children 24-7 or be with their partners 24-7. It’s a new experience the lockdown akin to moving in together from living apart in the beginning of most relationships. The workplace and work life is an escape and relationship strains may not be obvious until you have to be 24/7 locked in with your partner.
I hope for you that he is just a bit different but I suspect most likely your relationship may not be as strong as you think... his excuse is weak in my book... 12 years later? Nah...
Anyway see how things develop but I would keep sharp on this one...
Sometimes reaching out is less to do with wanting to get back and more to do with dealing with rejection.
Much in the same way as it takes time for people to get over being selected for redundancy even if they go on to find a better job, or wanting to know why they were not selected for a promotion/ new role etc.
No good will come from him digging into it, there isn't a right answer his ex can give him, tell him to stop.
Much in the same way as it takes time for people to get over being selected for redundancy even if they go on to find a better job, or wanting to know why they were not selected for a promotion/ new role etc.
No good will come from him digging into it, there isn't a right answer his ex can give him, tell him to stop.
Maybe he's had time to think and reflect on a part of his life that ended messily. I don't think its unusual to ponder past lives and people known and wonder where they are now, and what a different timeline would have looked like, doesn't mean you'd change what you have today. Or maybe he wants closure. exs of course always have a weird stigma attached, as its someone you were so deep and personal with, yet often its someone you can't even exchange pleasantries with now.
Forgive me but he doesn't sound like the sharpest tack. If he loved her then he always will, but that doesn't mean it's a threat to you. Probably less so given the bungling way he's gone about it.
Forgive me but he doesn't sound like the sharpest tack. If he loved her then he always will, but that doesn't mean it's a threat to you. Probably less so given the bungling way he's gone about it.
Wilmslowboy said:
Sometimes reaching out is less to do with wanting to get back and more to do with dealing with rejection.
Hardly constitutes rejection when he got caught "up to the makers nameplate" though is itI have 2 ex's that were long term - both around 5 years. The first I have a daughter with and we are pretty civil (and have been for the last 10 years or so). The ex wife - not seen her or spoken to her in years as I have no reason to
Can't see any reason that I would even think of getting in touch with her tbh. I'm not perfect but certainly didn't deserve any of the
that she did to me or caused me so why would I?Sounds like a weird one to me
Monkeylegend said:
Super_G said:
He cheated on her at the time when he was on a stag do. It went on for a few months and she found out.
That's the bit that would worry me OP.Maybe people do change but if he loved her so much why cheat and would he do the same to you?
OP, might as well ask, since you brought your dirty washing here to wash, have you and he both been faithful as far as you know, to each other up until now?
Teddy Lop said:
Maybe he's had time to think and reflect on a part of his life that ended messily. I don't think its unusual to ponder past lives and people known and wonder where they are now, and what a different timeline would have looked like, doesn't mean you'd change what you have today. Or maybe he wants closure. exs of course always have a weird stigma attached, as its someone you were so deep and personal with, yet often its someone you can't even exchange pleasantries with now.
Forgive me but he doesn't sound like the sharpest tack. If he loved her then he always will, but that doesn't mean it's a threat to you. Probably less so given the bungling way he's gone about it.
If that were true, why be secretive about it? I posted earlier, if he had nothing to hide, it would be one of those "I wonder what happened to Sandra" conversations between the two of you after the kids had gone to bed. Forgive me but he doesn't sound like the sharpest tack. If he loved her then he always will, but that doesn't mean it's a threat to you. Probably less so given the bungling way he's gone about it.
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