Things you know that you will regret.

[surveyor]

This post may be one of them...

14 yr old daughter has a best friend. Best friend and her mother have been kicked out by her mothers now ex violent man-friend. They are staying with a friend, and have to share a single bed.

We have space and has been suggested that friend could stay with us.

I'm not particularly keen as lockdown, extra mouth to feed, two teenage girls etc. Equally I believe in helping where you can - it's my gran in me....

Wife is not keen mainly as she is not so goodwill natured, and rather feels that the mother got them in this mess (it's the third time they have split) and its her problem...

Wife has said yes, under pressure and is now sighing a lot.

This may not have been my wisest moment.

Edited by surveyor on Wednesday 6th May 21:19

[Mastodon2]

This has bad idea written all over it.

[grumbledoak]

[fastraxx]

Wait a couple of years?

[21TonyK]

So what relation is this woman and her daughter to you and your wife other than your daughter is friends with them?

Sounds very much like a rapid "oh sorry, made a mistake" is in order!

[aka_kerrly]

fastraxx said:

Wait a couple of years?

Funny but
Definitely not a joke to make with the wife.

[Big-Bo-Beep]

.. that third bottle of wine.

[Dr Murdoch]

How old is the best friend?

[InitialDave]

surveyor said:

Wife is not keen mainly as she is not so goodwill natured, and rather feels that the mother got them in this mess (it's the third time they have split) and its her problem...

Yes, it may well be the mother that got them into this mess, though that is itself a whole can of worms with regard to what counts as victim blaming... but it's certainly not the daughter's fault, and it's the daughter you've taken in, yes?

Just ask your wife, if you started kicking the st out of her, would she not want someone to offer to take her daughter in? Or is she meant to just wait patiently until it's her turn for a beating as well?

[Algarve]

Whats your connection to the kids mum?

If nothing other than mother of a friend of my kid... there's no way I'd be getting involved in homing them at the best of times. And certainly not during a corona meltdown. Either they'll stay in the house and annoy you, or go out and put you at risk when they come back.

I'd not get involved in this in a million years *

• though in 2 years, maybe

[jack_86]

Agree avoid avoid avoid, advice I live by this motto: don’t inherit other people’s problems! Hence my record of never dating a single mother!

Edited by jack_86 on Wednesday 6th May 22:31

[bloomen]

If I had a spare house that had nothing destroyable in it then maybe.

My own home? fk no x1000

[phil1979]

surveyor said:

it's my gran in me....

In all seriousness, I would want to help out if we could.

[Ayahuasca]

I suspect that the OP’s decision making process is partly driven by the possibility, however slight, of a lockdown threesome with the mother.

[Triumph Man]

OP I applaud your kindness, but just hope the ex man friend doesn’t know where you live. Chavistic types like that don’t understand boundaries

[Drive it fix it repeat]

Surely we need pics of the friends mother to be able to advice accurately?

[WolfAir]

I read that as "friend stays with us" not "friend and mother"...
Even without the innuendos this is a very kind thing you are (potentially) doing.. a friend of mine from school (who was abit of a d*ck but the effect of his homelife) had a dodgy homelife and now 20 years later finds himself on and off drugs and not 100%.. its not a great life..
If your support during this time leads this girl from a life of drugs, drink and all that come with it to a better future than it is a wonderful amazing thing you and your wife would have done.

As for convincing the mrs... No idea

[Petrus1983]

The propensity for this to go wrong seems high. I think I’d have done what you’ve done but you’re wise to see the fallout. I’d be worried about the two teenage girls being the ones to argue first and then the fallout would continue onwards.

[GT03ROB]

As stupid ideas go, this has to be up there as a very stupid one. It has disaster written all over it.

[K77 CTR]

I possibly would take the daughter in but not the mother. With them being split and no residence I would expect then to be high priority for housing in some form. Help them by supporting the mother to find the charities, social services etc to house them. I also would expect the mother to report the guy to the police.