Lockdown rules clarification

[TorqueDirty]

The initial message was deleted from this topic on 15 October 2020 at 10:17

[PPEhero]

Sound to me like he’s just using it as an excuse to set up camp at your place.

Split parents can still have children moving from house to house so Im sure he can go back to his parents now.

[ARFBY]

Maybe bring up the subject of paying rent, or leave a few newspapers lying around the house opened at the property section.

You should not feel guilty about having a nice place to live, you have (I assume) worked for it, he hasn't.

[P-Jay]

Yeah... he needs to be moved on.

Frankly there's loads of exclusions for breaking lock-down due to family issues etc.

Of course, it's one thing if he's using lockdown as an excuse to live rent free with you, quite another if your wife is doing the same.

[Algarve]

You can move house in Scotland, that's no problem.

So what you're experiencing isn't a lockdown rules issue... its a "how to get this past the wife" issue.

I don't envy being in your shoes tbh. I'd maybe be tempted to leave it a bit and hope she gets sick of the situation/him first. This has 'disaster' written all over it if you don't proceed carefully

[StevieBee]

What would be the situation if Covid wasn't a thing?

Is this a lockdown issue or a wider issue?

Be careful before striking and see if you can de-couple the two.

[Pothole]

TorqueDirty said:

I'll try to make this a non TLDR post!

Brother-in-law has been stuck here since lockdown. He does not have a place of his own, and for the last couple of years has been staying either here or with his parents, 30 miles up the road.

Parents are in their 70's and he was here after coming back from a music tour (he is a musician) when the lock down came in to force.

He is a great guy, brilliant with the dogs, looks after our big garden beautifully and is an all round good egg and a good mate.

BUT - I want my house back frankly. Inevitably little things are starting to get on my tits, and at 32 with no place of his own I feel like we are becoming his default place to live - which ain't in my life plan frankly. Wife loves having him here - they are a v close family. I'm starting to feel like a guest in my own flippin house frankly.

So what is the guidance here? He has been here - and gone nowhere else - for months, so the 14 day self isolation thing is well and truly done.

Does this mean he can go back and stay with his folks now? We are in Scotland which might make a difference law wise.

I feel a bit crap asking him to push off for a while since he effectively has his own wing in our house in a nice countryside location and his folks live in a 2 bed flat in a stty town.

Even so - you know.........it can't go on like this for ever. Totally respect and abide by lockdown rules but I'm just not sure what the deal is with this.

Thoughts?

Why have you let the little things develop which are getting on your tits? your house, your rules if he doesn't like it he can ps off, no?

[ApOrbital]

Send in neil chambers he will sort it out and move in for a few days.

[AdamIndy]

Have you spoken to your wife about it?

I can see that is a really awkward situation to be in. For what it's worth, if I were in the situation I'd want him gone too.

[Algarve]

Pothole said:

Why have you let the little things develop which are getting on your tits? your house, your rules if he doesn't like it he can ps off, no?

I think that advice would be superb if he was in a student flat, single and talking about another student lodger.

When he's talking about his wives brother who doesn't have anywhere decent to go, he's walking into a minefield. Moreso now because any paid gigs he can get will put her parents at risk.

[PAUL500]

Get him signed up to Tinder, worked out nicely for one of his buddies!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-8384965...

[mat205125]

Rules around lockdown ain't the obstacle that you need to overcome.

Have you braved the topic with SWMBO?

[jeremyc]

What is the view of the parents?

Could they be persuaded to have a quiet word with their son and suggest "it can't be right for your sister and TorqueDirty to have you there all the time, we think you should move back here while you find your own place ...".

[anonymous-user]

Obviously this being the internet/PH you should just dominate the house and throw him out.

Back in the real world, it's really your wife who needs to have 'the chat' with him. I'd probably make up some reason for needing the space/room back.

[Streps]

If he's reasonable it should be OK to have 'The Talk' about his future plans.
I'd personalty ask for some cash to contribute to the household. There would be a financial incentive to move on then.

[GreatGranny]

Surely it would be like me going to live at my parents which is against Covid 19 guidelines.
They are 2 different households.

Or am I missing something?

His parents are 70+ so pretty vulnerable.
Why not wait for a few weeks until things ease up?

I know you want that big house all to yourself (plus wife and dogs) but would it hurt just to wait a little longer?

[ZOLLAR]

TorqueDirty said:

Thanks for the replies guys.

I agree that this is not really a Covid thing, although it has impacted things in one big way. My brother in law was supposedly moving abroad this year to manage a music venue being built by one of his wealthy musician mates. Of course the arrival of Covid has knocked that right on the head and there appears to be no hint of a plan B.

There is not a bad bone is his body - he is a genuinely nice guy - but he almost certainly does not appreciate that basically living with your married sister and her husband isn't exactly normal or sustainable. Sure as hell isn't for me anyway.

To answer the main question: Yes - discussions have been had with SHMBO. As expected, that went well.

In many ways it is not the fact that he has been here for ages that is the biggest issue - it is that there appears to be no urgency at all to find alternative accommodation.

Looking at it objectively: We have a nice big house in the country, it is very comfortable, there is a sauna etc, the dogs are good company (when they are not being utter tools), there is lots of space, a more than decent home cinema system and the food and drink are generally of a pretty high standard. He has a huge room with a massive double bed, a TV and an en- suite bathroom and it is all free - although he has contributed by buying some food and beer. There is probably not a lot of motivation to move back to the tiny spare room in his parents' little urban flat.

I get it, but Christ, surely he must want a place of his own? You can't be happy just dossing at other people's places forever surely. I bloody couldn't. I'd last about 2 days.

Anyway, rant over. There is no urgent crisis, there are no big arguments - which is actually probably why he is still here. Maybe I should be more of a miserable old sod - you know, like in normal married life!

Mind you the wife might leave as well if I did that.

Win win?

I'm going to go against the grain a bit here, first of all you're completely fine with wanting to have the run of the house back, I know how it feels, it's your house but it's just not the same when someone other than a permanent resident is staying.

However, this isn't normal times, he seems like a tidy guy according to your comments and he's obviously trying to do what he can to help (garden, hoovering etc) so if you have the space and he's family why not just stick it out? it's helping people in situations like this that tend to benefit you in someway in the future.

I'm no lovey dovey, I admit I look at a situation and see how I can benefit but equally if someone isn't doing anything outwardly wrong and I can help I'd be willing to do it.

Musicians and their like also have a different way of looking at things in life so probably has no interest in owning a house. You never know, his wealthy musician mate could get his project off the ground and you'll have some where to go and stay for a cheap holiday.

BIL - "Hey wealthy musician mate, this is my brother in law, he let me stay at his house during the pandemic, he's a top bloke"
Wealthy mate - "Awesome, that's nice of you, let me sort you out with free drinks all night and food"

Who knows eh!

[ZOLLAR]

TorqueDirty said:

Yup, fair comment and I agree. I was just letting of steam.

Interestingly wealthy musician mate always gets to stay here when they do UK tours together. No free booze yet - but he is also a nice guy so no hardship.Reciprocal invite was extended for the next time I'm in Virginia.

If I didn't hate people so much I'd make a good hotelier!

Letting off steam is the best thing to do and the highlighted bit resonates with me

[KAgantua]

Agreed with other posts maybe wait a couple more weeks until lockdown is over?

I think we all know a mate like this, a guy couple years younger than me (so about 36) lives either with his mum, his bro and family or a room in a shared house. Loves his motorbikes. Come into some money from family a few years back (When he was on his arse financially) first thing he said he was going to buy was 'more bikes'

Bless them...

[red_slr]

TorqueDirty said:

he effectively has his own wing in our house in a nice countryside location and his folks live in a 2 bed flat in a stty town.

That's your problem..