Ex threatening to withhold our child
Discussion
Just had a very odd call with my ex in which she threatened that she would withhold our son and not let him go with me at my next time to see him. This then degraded into shouting and swearing on her part and I hung up. Is it now time to request residency order or something similar? Seek legal advice?
We've had an informal 50/50 agreement for around 8 years but recently she's been making a lot of noise about how we don't have an agreement or if we did I bullied her into it somehow.. I suspect what she actually wants is maintenance payments which as it was always 50/50 I've never paid (but historically have always bought bulk of stuff like clothes, school uniforms etc etc)
We've had an informal 50/50 agreement for around 8 years but recently she's been making a lot of noise about how we don't have an agreement or if we did I bullied her into it somehow.. I suspect what she actually wants is maintenance payments which as it was always 50/50 I've never paid (but historically have always bought bulk of stuff like clothes, school uniforms etc etc)
ziggy328 said:
Not sure 50/50 matters. Mine spend a LOT of time with me and I have joint custody/parental responsibility. Regardless, they are deemed to live with their mother. I'm not sure how you don't pay maintenance unless it was a "clean break" divorce?
We were never married but have the PR status due to birth year and name on certificate etc. We agreed as that time to have an open flexible 50/50 with no maintenance I wouldn't worry.
She won't get child maintenance at 50/50 access. If she seeks legal advice about changing this arrangement after 8 years, she will be advised that courts prefer the retain status quo as much as possible, unless there are circumstances that would benefit the child spending less time with one parent.
Like I say, don't worry. But I'm sure others will come along telling you to get a court approved order in place. Perhaps this would be wise but it would be a shame because the informal arrangement appears to have worked okay.
She won't get child maintenance at 50/50 access. If she seeks legal advice about changing this arrangement after 8 years, she will be advised that courts prefer the retain status quo as much as possible, unless there are circumstances that would benefit the child spending less time with one parent.
Like I say, don't worry. But I'm sure others will come along telling you to get a court approved order in place. Perhaps this would be wise but it would be a shame because the informal arrangement appears to have worked okay.
Expect to see a brown envelope through the letterbox some time soon.
She’ll open a CMS case, state that the kids reside with her and you’ll end up having to dispute it.
CMS are useless and in disputed scenarios in the absence of a court order like to take the easy option of using child benefit receipt as a determining factor. I assume she gets that.
The good thing in your case is that there is an established track record of equal shared care and expenses without maintenance being paid or claimed for.
In your position I would be thinking about being able to provide evidence of this.
Note that 50/50 residency isn’t quite the same as equal shared care. You need to have a equal participation in day to day care of the child so any evidence that you’d take them to the doctor, dentist, having equal contact with the school, etc. would be useful. It’s also based on overnight stays so even if you had the child the majority of daytime hours if she can claim that they stay with her overnight slightly more than at yours, she may have a claim.
How old is the child?
She’ll open a CMS case, state that the kids reside with her and you’ll end up having to dispute it.
CMS are useless and in disputed scenarios in the absence of a court order like to take the easy option of using child benefit receipt as a determining factor. I assume she gets that.
The good thing in your case is that there is an established track record of equal shared care and expenses without maintenance being paid or claimed for.
In your position I would be thinking about being able to provide evidence of this.
Note that 50/50 residency isn’t quite the same as equal shared care. You need to have a equal participation in day to day care of the child so any evidence that you’d take them to the doctor, dentist, having equal contact with the school, etc. would be useful. It’s also based on overnight stays so even if you had the child the majority of daytime hours if she can claim that they stay with her overnight slightly more than at yours, she may have a claim.
How old is the child?
Edited by theboss on Tuesday 30th June 23:06
theboss said:
Expect to see a brown envelope through the letterbox some time soon.
She’ll open a CMS case, state that the kids reside with her and you’ll end up having to dispute it.
CMS are useless and in disputed scenarios in the absence of a court order like to take the easy option of using child benefit receipt as a determining factor. I assume she gets that.
The good thing in your case is that there is an established track record of equal shared care and expenses without maintenance being paid or claimed for.
In your position I would be thinking about being able to provide evidence of this.
Note that 50/50 residency isn’t quite the same as equal shared care. You need to have a equal participation in day to day care of the child so any evidence that you’d take them to the doctor, dentist, having equal contact with the school, etc. would be useful. It’s also based on overnight stays so even if you had the child the majority of daytime hours if she can claim that they stay with her overnight slightly more than at yours, she may have a claim.
How old is the child?
She does get the child benefit package yes..She’ll open a CMS case, state that the kids reside with her and you’ll end up having to dispute it.
CMS are useless and in disputed scenarios in the absence of a court order like to take the easy option of using child benefit receipt as a determining factor. I assume she gets that.
The good thing in your case is that there is an established track record of equal shared care and expenses without maintenance being paid or claimed for.
In your position I would be thinking about being able to provide evidence of this.
Note that 50/50 residency isn’t quite the same as equal shared care. You need to have a equal participation in day to day care of the child so any evidence that you’d take them to the doctor, dentist, having equal contact with the school, etc. would be useful. It’s also based on overnight stays so even if you had the child the majority of daytime hours if she can claim that they stay with her overnight slightly more than at yours, she may have a claim.
How old is the child?
Edited by theboss on Tuesday 30th June 23:06
He's 9 quite soon... I have him an equal number of nights as she does and was wondering if that can be a factor - thanks for confirming
I'm always present at all school appointments, even a few where she's forgotten. He's never Ill so no doctors visits really but taken him optician etc. I'm also home based for work so I drop him to school and collect 2.5 days (tho obviously not the last few months)
Edited by Captain Answer on Tuesday 30th June 23:54
Before jumping in I would wait a few days until it calms down and see if you can then determine the issue.
Ex wives ( partners ) can be volatile sadly ( as I know ) she may have broken up with her bf , had a bad day or taken exception to something you did a week ago.
If it doesn’t calm down then chat to a lawyer. The snag with the legal route is it is slow and expensive so best to avoid if practical.
Best of luck
Ex wives ( partners ) can be volatile sadly ( as I know ) she may have broken up with her bf , had a bad day or taken exception to something you did a week ago.
If it doesn’t calm down then chat to a lawyer. The snag with the legal route is it is slow and expensive so best to avoid if practical.
Best of luck
If you do seek legal advice I can recommend this guy.
He didn’t represent me but I did consult him on a few points as he has specific expertise around child maintenance disputes involving shared care, and offers a very reasonable phone consultation service.
https://www.childmaintenanceadvice.co.uk/costs.php
To quote -
“To be successful with a 50/50 day to day care case which is contested by the other parent will be very difficult without representation. At appeal, the Tribunal will look at a number of things such as mental attitude towards the child; decisions about the child's health and welfare; decision-making about the child; decisions about the necessities of life; decisions about control and protection, all of these areas are very complex and using our experience of what is asked at Tribunal hearings on these cases, we have developed our own successful system of helping to put the right evidence forward.”
As I said above, staying with both parents an equal number of nights per year does not necessarily equate to sharing equal day to day care.
He didn’t represent me but I did consult him on a few points as he has specific expertise around child maintenance disputes involving shared care, and offers a very reasonable phone consultation service.
https://www.childmaintenanceadvice.co.uk/costs.php
To quote -
“To be successful with a 50/50 day to day care case which is contested by the other parent will be very difficult without representation. At appeal, the Tribunal will look at a number of things such as mental attitude towards the child; decisions about the child's health and welfare; decision-making about the child; decisions about the necessities of life; decisions about control and protection, all of these areas are very complex and using our experience of what is asked at Tribunal hearings on these cases, we have developed our own successful system of helping to put the right evidence forward.”
As I said above, staying with both parents an equal number of nights per year does not necessarily equate to sharing equal day to day care.
Edited by theboss on Wednesday 1st July 22:20
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