Police - Suicide
Discussion
A thoughtful post tonight.
We have a decent group of real-life friends - 10 families. One chap who we know through the group is a Policeman. Over lockdown he lived away as his wife had medical issues and he was still working.
On a recent socially distant stag-night he had told us that he was not coming to a wedding meal as he had decided to leave his wife and not to return home. He was coherent, looking forward to moving on to the next chapter have decided that the relationship had run its course.
We heard today that he has ended his life. We don't know the ins and outs, and if I did I would not speak about it on this post, in a similar vain I will not identify him any further. Those who need to mourn him will probably already know or will find out who the individual is in the coming days.
This forum, especially when involving the boys in blue often becomes bitter and increasingly more divided.
We should remember that these individuals spend their work life dealing with often not very pleasant individuals and see things that most of us would never want to see in our lifetimes, on behalf of us - the general public.
I've run out of words to say. But boys in blue - just in case no one ever does say it - thank-you for what you do.
We have a decent group of real-life friends - 10 families. One chap who we know through the group is a Policeman. Over lockdown he lived away as his wife had medical issues and he was still working.
On a recent socially distant stag-night he had told us that he was not coming to a wedding meal as he had decided to leave his wife and not to return home. He was coherent, looking forward to moving on to the next chapter have decided that the relationship had run its course.
We heard today that he has ended his life. We don't know the ins and outs, and if I did I would not speak about it on this post, in a similar vain I will not identify him any further. Those who need to mourn him will probably already know or will find out who the individual is in the coming days.
This forum, especially when involving the boys in blue often becomes bitter and increasingly more divided.
We should remember that these individuals spend their work life dealing with often not very pleasant individuals and see things that most of us would never want to see in our lifetimes, on behalf of us - the general public.
I've run out of words to say. But boys in blue - just in case no one ever does say it - thank-you for what you do.
I heartily agree with you. My stepson is a police officer. He has 11 years service and, during that time, he has had to deal with things that most of us thankfully, could not imagine. Since he joined, I have developed a great respect for the police, which has been heightened recently by the additional issues they have had to deal with during the whole Covid 19 outbreak. They are human beings who do a difficult job to the best of their ability, not always receiving the support they deserve from either the government or the people they serve.
Condolences regarding your friend.
Condolences regarding your friend.
I suspect there are many that do not recognise from the comfort of their homes those that work so hard to protect us all and make big sacrifices during C19 so that we can lead as normal lives as possible.
Do you know if there is a chosen charity I could contribute to (either directly or via yourself) ?
Do you know if there is a chosen charity I could contribute to (either directly or via yourself) ?
Surveyor,
Firstly, thanks for posting this; the loss of a friend, or even an acquaintance in such circumstances is unnerving, distressing and very sad. It promotes feelings which are often hard to comprehend.
I retired after thirty years as a North Yorkshire cop in February 2019, and, as you may well expect, mental health in the police service is a subject only recently being addressed with the urgency it deserves.
Over the years, too many close friends in the police family have suffered mental health issues resulting in traumatic, and in some cases, fatal outcomes. Suicides, as has happened in this case, are always an unexpected shock.
It has been said that whilst the Police are trained to resolve everyone else’s problems, and remain the service of last resort, we’re not so good at looking after ourselves - there’s certainly some truth in this.
In terms of charities, then Care of Police Survivors would be a good start. A call to your local Force (I see you’re based in Yorkshire) and a chat to the local Police Federation Office would give you more information on this, or other options for you.
We know Policing in the UK has, and always will have, enthusiastic detractors. We know there are elements of the press who regularly cross the line between holding the Police to account and the promotion of anti-authority content, so words of support are very gratefully received.
I feel immensely lucky to have emerged into civilian life physically and mentally almost ok; but I’ve returned to the service as police staff. Part of my role is to lead an informal Men’s network talking about issues such have been raised here - Men constitute the greater percentage of suicide deaths, and sadly, most of us in our 50s will have lost a friend in this way at some time.
Whilst this post is about a Police Officer, it affects men in all walks of life, and all backgrounds. Please, please take the time to talk.
To conclude, OP, I’m very sad to hear your news. It’s terrible for all concerned.
M.
Firstly, thanks for posting this; the loss of a friend, or even an acquaintance in such circumstances is unnerving, distressing and very sad. It promotes feelings which are often hard to comprehend.
I retired after thirty years as a North Yorkshire cop in February 2019, and, as you may well expect, mental health in the police service is a subject only recently being addressed with the urgency it deserves.
Over the years, too many close friends in the police family have suffered mental health issues resulting in traumatic, and in some cases, fatal outcomes. Suicides, as has happened in this case, are always an unexpected shock.
It has been said that whilst the Police are trained to resolve everyone else’s problems, and remain the service of last resort, we’re not so good at looking after ourselves - there’s certainly some truth in this.
In terms of charities, then Care of Police Survivors would be a good start. A call to your local Force (I see you’re based in Yorkshire) and a chat to the local Police Federation Office would give you more information on this, or other options for you.
We know Policing in the UK has, and always will have, enthusiastic detractors. We know there are elements of the press who regularly cross the line between holding the Police to account and the promotion of anti-authority content, so words of support are very gratefully received.
I feel immensely lucky to have emerged into civilian life physically and mentally almost ok; but I’ve returned to the service as police staff. Part of my role is to lead an informal Men’s network talking about issues such have been raised here - Men constitute the greater percentage of suicide deaths, and sadly, most of us in our 50s will have lost a friend in this way at some time.
Whilst this post is about a Police Officer, it affects men in all walks of life, and all backgrounds. Please, please take the time to talk.
To conclude, OP, I’m very sad to hear your news. It’s terrible for all concerned.
M.
Jimmy Recard said:
OP, I'd also like to suggest contacting Samaritans if you feel upset. They offer support specific to those bereaved by suicide
I'm ok. Just a bit sad, not least because none of us realised he was struggling, including those who were closer to him. All of us would have helped in any way we could if he had chosen to speak to us.I did a little research - the police service has the highest number of suicides as a profession, and an officer is 3 times more likely to take their own life than be killed on duty.
One of our other friends relatives who I did not know was an ex copper - he took his own life in the midst of lockdown. Sad.
I've only been a PC a short time and before that an SC.
However there seems to be a few people that see mental health as a weakness within the police.
It has improved however (at least in my force). Mental health is a big thing and wellness. There is always ways to improve though.
I'm fairly lucky in that I'm good at switching off. I've got my little routine after work which helps. Only little things like sitting in the car at home to finish the song I'm listening to.
OP I hope you are OK. PMs are always open (that goes for anyone).
However there seems to be a few people that see mental health as a weakness within the police.
It has improved however (at least in my force). Mental health is a big thing and wellness. There is always ways to improve though.
I'm fairly lucky in that I'm good at switching off. I've got my little routine after work which helps. Only little things like sitting in the car at home to finish the song I'm listening to.
OP I hope you are OK. PMs are always open (that goes for anyone).
I have been through a similar thing with a friend of mine who was a Paramedic. On the surface everything to live for, new wife young child. Had worked hard to become a Paramedic (this was before degree Paramedics) Then one day, he just said to his station officer he was going home and that was the last he was seen alive. I don't think many of us understand the mental turmoil a lot of our emergency services go through.
Just imagine your first call of the day is to an accident involving a child death, you still have the rest of your shift to do and at the next call all you get is "I pay your wages, why has it taken you so long to respond" etc
Just imagine your first call of the day is to an accident involving a child death, you still have the rest of your shift to do and at the next call all you get is "I pay your wages, why has it taken you so long to respond" etc
The number of officers in Scotland commiting suicide at the turn of the year was frightening. It was a very hard period.
https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/s...
This is a subject that’s quite close to my heart. I joined as a Special Constable back in 1991 and remained a special until I joined as a full time, regular officer in 1996. In my last year as a special, I did 1,400 hours of duty, often working pretty much the whole weekend, doubled up with a regular officer. I thought that would help prepare me for being in the “real” cops. It didn’t.
I used to think colleagues with “stress” were being soft and/or taking the piss. My view was that they’ve joined the cops, so they know they’re going to see some unpleasant stuff. They just needed to get on with it.
Unfortunately, I had a full on meltdown back in 2012/2013 and ended up trying to kill myself - unsuccessfully, as you’ve probably gathered. At the time, not even being able to top myself properly made me feel like an even bigger failure than I already did. I went from being a productive, motivated officer, without a single day off sick since I joined, into a horrible, nasty, vindictive, weapons-grade t
t. It helped play a large part in destroying my marriage.
I was really lucky, because when I finally admitted to some close friends/colleagues I was struggling (they already knew, of course) I was instantly taken off operational duties and referred to not only occupational health, but also to the local NHS mental health crisis team. It’s really difficult fo get sectioned under the Mental Health Act; without some very close friends stepping up to take care of me, I would have been sectioned onto a secure mental health ward, on two separate occasions. I saw the crisis team daily for six months.
I was even luckier that I got referred to a specialist NHS psychological trauma treatment programme. I’m not exaggerating when I say the NHS saved my life, because if I hadn’t had their help and support, no matter how much my family and friends tried to help me, I know I wouldn’t be be here today. Life had become unbearable and I wanted it to end.
“The Cops” is still a male oriented, macho organisation. Thankfully, staff welfare has improved massively over the last eight years or so and I’ve become a bit of an evangelist for our mental health. I’ve spoken at a number of well-being events, including force, regional and national levels, about what happened to me.
The police aren’t perfect and like any organisation, we have our fair share of dheads. We still manage to employ some bigots/racists/misogynist/thugs/thieves/paedophiles, but they really are a very tiny minority. I’d say more than 99% of my colleagues do try their very best every day to help people (within the bounds of legislation and process). We still get it wrong and it’s generally those instances that are remembered and reported on, rather than all the times we manage to get it right.
For me, the trigger incident wasn’t the worst/most gruesome thing I’d seen in my career, it was the drowning of a five year old boy at a family party. I and other colleagues attempted resuscitation and even now, when I think about it I can still taste the chlorine from his mouth and the taste of his stomach contents I ended up with in my mouth. It sounds terrible to say to anybody normal that a dead five year old “isn’t that bad”...
I ended up being diagnosed with PTSD and treatment lasted about eighteen months. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Fortunately, I’m now fixed and I can remember and talk about it without being distressed. I can’t ever forget it, or the countless other things I’ve seen. None of this makes me in any way unusual, it’s what many of my colleagues do, day in, day out.
Staff welfare still has a long way to go, but it is much better than it used to be. The cops as a profession is loads safer than other jobs, like farming or construction, but the difference is that those professions are much less likely to see repeated trauma (obviously the other emergency services see their fair share, but the rest of the job tends to be less confrontational and stressful in different ways). The hardest thing I had to deal with was admitting to myself I had a problem. It took me years to acknowledge it and by then, the damage was compounded.
It’s not all doom and gloom. I’ve survived and moved on with my life, domestically and professionally. I tend to post much less on PH than I used to, because I really CBA arguing with the armchair internet experts on policing. I’ve never claimed we always get it right, but there’s so much utter drivel posted on here, gainsyaing it all would be a full time job and I’m old enough (if not necessarily wise enough) to know not everyone will be able to see or acknowledge a different point of view, even if they don’t necessarily agree with it.
Blokes are generally utterly rubbish at speaking about feelings, so if anyone is struggling, I’d urge them to confide in a friend/trusted colleague/family member/healthcare professional/Samaritans etc. It’s really hard to do but I wish I’d been strong enough to ask for help sooner. It would have saved me a lot of pain and hard work. Ignoring it won’t make it go away. Ignoring it will make it worse and eventually, something will have to give.
Anyway, as already suggested, Care of Police Survivors is a great charity. The relevant Police Federation might also be able to suggest where to donate. I’d personally also recommend the Police Treatment Centres, which is a charity many officers pay into. It’s not just for physical injuries, they are now treating many more psychological problems and although officers pay in, its an expensive resource.
https://ukcops.org/
https://www.thepolicetreatmentcentres.org/
https://www.policecharitiesuk.org/
I used to think colleagues with “stress” were being soft and/or taking the piss. My view was that they’ve joined the cops, so they know they’re going to see some unpleasant stuff. They just needed to get on with it.
Unfortunately, I had a full on meltdown back in 2012/2013 and ended up trying to kill myself - unsuccessfully, as you’ve probably gathered. At the time, not even being able to top myself properly made me feel like an even bigger failure than I already did. I went from being a productive, motivated officer, without a single day off sick since I joined, into a horrible, nasty, vindictive, weapons-grade t
t. It helped play a large part in destroying my marriage. I was really lucky, because when I finally admitted to some close friends/colleagues I was struggling (they already knew, of course) I was instantly taken off operational duties and referred to not only occupational health, but also to the local NHS mental health crisis team. It’s really difficult fo get sectioned under the Mental Health Act; without some very close friends stepping up to take care of me, I would have been sectioned onto a secure mental health ward, on two separate occasions. I saw the crisis team daily for six months.
I was even luckier that I got referred to a specialist NHS psychological trauma treatment programme. I’m not exaggerating when I say the NHS saved my life, because if I hadn’t had their help and support, no matter how much my family and friends tried to help me, I know I wouldn’t be be here today. Life had become unbearable and I wanted it to end.
“The Cops” is still a male oriented, macho organisation. Thankfully, staff welfare has improved massively over the last eight years or so and I’ve become a bit of an evangelist for our mental health. I’ve spoken at a number of well-being events, including force, regional and national levels, about what happened to me.
The police aren’t perfect and like any organisation, we have our fair share of d
heads. We still manage to employ some bigots/racists/misogynist/thugs/thieves/paedophiles, but they really are a very tiny minority. I’d say more than 99% of my colleagues do try their very best every day to help people (within the bounds of legislation and process). We still get it wrong and it’s generally those instances that are remembered and reported on, rather than all the times we manage to get it right.For me, the trigger incident wasn’t the worst/most gruesome thing I’d seen in my career, it was the drowning of a five year old boy at a family party. I and other colleagues attempted resuscitation and even now, when I think about it I can still taste the chlorine from his mouth and the taste of his stomach contents I ended up with in my mouth. It sounds terrible to say to anybody normal that a dead five year old “isn’t that bad”...
I ended up being diagnosed with PTSD and treatment lasted about eighteen months. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Fortunately, I’m now fixed and I can remember and talk about it without being distressed. I can’t ever forget it, or the countless other things I’ve seen. None of this makes me in any way unusual, it’s what many of my colleagues do, day in, day out.
Staff welfare still has a long way to go, but it is much better than it used to be. The cops as a profession is loads safer than other jobs, like farming or construction, but the difference is that those professions are much less likely to see repeated trauma (obviously the other emergency services see their fair share, but the rest of the job tends to be less confrontational and stressful in different ways). The hardest thing I had to deal with was admitting to myself I had a problem. It took me years to acknowledge it and by then, the damage was compounded.
It’s not all doom and gloom. I’ve survived and moved on with my life, domestically and professionally. I tend to post much less on PH than I used to, because I really CBA arguing with the armchair internet experts on policing. I’ve never claimed we always get it right, but there’s so much utter drivel posted on here, gainsyaing it all would be a full time job and I’m old enough (if not necessarily wise enough) to know not everyone will be able to see or acknowledge a different point of view, even if they don’t necessarily agree with it.
Blokes are generally utterly rubbish at speaking about feelings, so if anyone is struggling, I’d urge them to confide in a friend/trusted colleague/family member/healthcare professional/Samaritans etc. It’s really hard to do but I wish I’d been strong enough to ask for help sooner. It would have saved me a lot of pain and hard work. Ignoring it won’t make it go away. Ignoring it will make it worse and eventually, something will have to give.
Anyway, as already suggested, Care of Police Survivors is a great charity. The relevant Police Federation might also be able to suggest where to donate. I’d personally also recommend the Police Treatment Centres, which is a charity many officers pay into. It’s not just for physical injuries, they are now treating many more psychological problems and although officers pay in, its an expensive resource.
https://ukcops.org/
https://www.thepolicetreatmentcentres.org/
https://www.policecharitiesuk.org/
surveyor said:
I did a little research - the police service has the highest number of suicides as a profession, and an officer is 3 times more likely to take their own life than be killed on duty.
Massively sobering.I know plenty of people pretty well in the various emergency services. I often think if I had my time again its a path I would take, then my mind goes to 12 hour back to back shifts, cancelled leave and all that stuff - I just don't know if I could. That's before thinking about anything you might have to deal with on the job - I've been told about shouts that I wouldn't want to share, with anyone.
Dibble said:
This is a subject that’s quite close to my heart. I joined as a Special Constable back in 1991 and remained a special until I joined as a full time, regular officer in 1996. In my last year as a special, I did 1,400 hours of duty, often working pretty much the whole weekend, doubled up with a regular officer. I thought that would help prepare me for being in the “real” cops. It didn’t.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm glad you made it back. Very, very sad story, so sorry to read it, the Police do a st job that most of us are happy to be relieved of, we often remark on how their contribution to society is so unappreciated by the majority.
One of my best mates, an ex colleague, is a depressive, something I was completely unaware of until relatively recently. We have talked about depression on many occasions since, I am no nearer understanding the why and how of it but I do understand that contact and conversation help and may give advance warning of problems so now I try to ring him at least every three or four months just to have a chat. Have a think about the mental state of your friends and if you think there is any possibility of depression then ask, the reply may surprise you but you may just be the lifeline in the nick of time.
t job that most of us are happy to be relieved of, we often remark on how their contribution to society is so unappreciated by the majority.One of my best mates, an ex colleague, is a depressive, something I was completely unaware of until relatively recently. We have talked about depression on many occasions since, I am no nearer understanding the why and how of it but I do understand that contact and conversation help and may give advance warning of problems so now I try to ring him at least every three or four months just to have a chat. Have a think about the mental state of your friends and if you think there is any possibility of depression then ask, the reply may surprise you but you may just be the lifeline in the nick of time.
Dibble said:
This is a subject that’s quite close to my heart. I joined as a Special Constable back in 1991 and remained a special until I joined as a full time, regular officer in 1996. In my last year as a special, I did 1,400 hours of duty, often working pretty much the whole weekend, doubled up with a regular officer. I thought that would help prepare me for being in the “real” cops. It didn’t....
Crikey. That's an incredibly sobering post to read and for some reason, has really made me sit up and think. I was going to write some lengthy prose to try and convey my gratitude to you and the thousands of others who selflessly put yourselves in these roles day in, day out but then realised a short para was just as effective. As you say - very few (if any) people come to work to do a bad job and it must sometimes be incredibly difficult to fight the tide of the narrative in the gutter press (and others, come to think of it) but for what it's worth; a genuinely heartfelt thanks to you and your colleagues for the work you do and the inevitable strains and struggles that can bring.
My brother is also a cop and he tried to kill himself last summer. Totally out of the blue, horrific. Fortunately he's still with us but this job takes its toll on us.
I've been diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety recently which sucks a bit but I had to do something as I knew something wasnt right, I was feeling crap about everything so I went to the Drs. Not ashamed to say that I cried my eyes out for the first time in years.
Blokes do the blokey thing of bottling it all up, doesnt do any good at all.
I've been diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety recently which sucks a bit but I had to do something as I knew something wasnt right, I was feeling crap about everything so I went to the Drs. Not ashamed to say that I cried my eyes out for the first time in years.
Blokes do the blokey thing of bottling it all up, doesnt do any good at all.
A sad state of affairs indeed. With having to deal with little sh#ts every day a strong supportive family is essential. Maybe spending time away from his usual support network ie his wife pushed him over the edge.
Having had to kill a lot of time stuck abroad I have been watching the Police reality shows and the way some people speak to the Police is shocking. The lack of respect is outrageous. More cells and free use of the truncheon should be allowed until the scumbags cool down.
More police are needed and more of a no tolerance attitude. Police are seen as too much of a soft touch as are the courts.
Pip
Having had to kill a lot of time stuck abroad I have been watching the Police reality shows and the way some people speak to the Police is shocking. The lack of respect is outrageous. More cells and free use of the truncheon should be allowed until the scumbags cool down.
More police are needed and more of a no tolerance attitude. Police are seen as too much of a soft touch as are the courts.
Pip
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