Giving up on people who don't help themselves?
Discussion
Very recently, me and a few mates just had to give up on a now former 'friend' because his substance abuse had become intolerable. It got to the point where he became toxic, and people around him started to get hurt.
Has anybody here ever done this? Where its clear that the person is just beyond help, or wont listen to a thing other people tell them in attempt to help them?
Has anybody here ever done this? Where its clear that the person is just beyond help, or wont listen to a thing other people tell them in attempt to help them?
Yes it is not easy to do.
A good friend could not live without alcohol, 10+ pints on an evening and a bottle of port during the day, things came to a head when I invited him for a meal with 5 others, he arrived out of his mind and started fighting.
Next day he had no recollection.
Good bloke when he was sober but that didnt happen much
A good friend could not live without alcohol, 10+ pints on an evening and a bottle of port during the day, things came to a head when I invited him for a meal with 5 others, he arrived out of his mind and started fighting.
Next day he had no recollection.
Good bloke when he was sober but that didnt happen much
Certainly.
I left a small circle of friends when one of the guys coke habit started getting well out of control.
We all used to start at his place and then head out and he would do a line or 2 and we’d all head out together, great nights were had. Then he started doing 6/8/10/15 lines and meeting up with us later in the night, then not coming out at all, he lost his spark and banter.
This was enhanced by a large gambling addiction as well which accelerated very quickly.
He ended as always having no money and owed everyone but couldn’t see the wrong in any of it.
I tried to help, paid off some debts, bought replacement stuff for pawned/hawked items but nothing changed and I couldn’t stand it any longer and walked away (first). I cut contact and in fairness he made literally zero effort to get in touch with me again. Others walked away in the subsequent 6-12mths.
He eventually met someone at work and she changed him by all accounts and I understand that he’s a family man now - I’ve no interest in reestablishing a friendship - too much water under the bridge.
I left a small circle of friends when one of the guys coke habit started getting well out of control.
We all used to start at his place and then head out and he would do a line or 2 and we’d all head out together, great nights were had. Then he started doing 6/8/10/15 lines and meeting up with us later in the night, then not coming out at all, he lost his spark and banter.
This was enhanced by a large gambling addiction as well which accelerated very quickly.
He ended as always having no money and owed everyone but couldn’t see the wrong in any of it.
I tried to help, paid off some debts, bought replacement stuff for pawned/hawked items but nothing changed and I couldn’t stand it any longer and walked away (first). I cut contact and in fairness he made literally zero effort to get in touch with me again. Others walked away in the subsequent 6-12mths.
He eventually met someone at work and she changed him by all accounts and I understand that he’s a family man now - I’ve no interest in reestablishing a friendship - too much water under the bridge.
Yep my sister.
25 years of substance abuse, theft, cheating and hurting people I care dearly about means I really couldn't care less if she was dead.
May sound heartless but she has had chance after chance and has done nothing but bring misery to anyone who has ever cared about her.
When someone has been like that for such a long time and despite all the help offered, you just have to realise they are rotten to the core and beyond help.
25 years of substance abuse, theft, cheating and hurting people I care dearly about means I really couldn't care less if she was dead.
May sound heartless but she has had chance after chance and has done nothing but bring misery to anyone who has ever cared about her.
When someone has been like that for such a long time and despite all the help offered, you just have to realise they are rotten to the core and beyond help.
Not a friend, but a neighbor. Had his electricity and gas on a key. Thought nothing of knocking on my door at 11.30 pm to borrow money to get it charged up, even though he was aware that I was up early for work.
He would often then "forget" that he'd borrowed it and would ask for more. It came to a head when I offered to help him sort his finances out and get onto a direct debit, as it was cheaper.
He refused, saying that he preferred the key method and in any case, he could always borrow from me. He got told to f
k off at that point and never asked again.
He would often then "forget" that he'd borrowed it and would ask for more. It came to a head when I offered to help him sort his finances out and get onto a direct debit, as it was cheaper.
He refused, saying that he preferred the key method and in any case, he could always borrow from me. He got told to f
k off at that point and never asked again.If it's serious abuse such as drugs/alcohol it's often necessary to focus on protecting yourself. I've only done it once.
It didn't make the person change but it made me and my loved ones safer and that had to take priority over helping the abuser. Just don't expect them to see the light and reform. The old adage about them needing to hit some sort of rock bottom and want to change is very true.
It didn't make the person change but it made me and my loved ones safer and that had to take priority over helping the abuser. Just don't expect them to see the light and reform. The old adage about them needing to hit some sort of rock bottom and want to change is very true.
Lad I knew from school vaguely, was never a mate but a mate of my mates sort of thing. Went to another lads fortieth a few years back and he got hammered, asked me if he could stay at mine as I was local, but I had no spare beds and three young kids at home so I said no.
He kept popping up on Facebook threatening all sorts and a lot of self pity, difficult to see.
Anyway, he died a couple of weeks back, very sad but he had run out of mates who would put up with his boozing and agro.
He kept popping up on Facebook threatening all sorts and a lot of self pity, difficult to see.
Anyway, he died a couple of weeks back, very sad but he had run out of mates who would put up with his boozing and agro.
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