People who always complain in hotels/restaurants/bars etc

[anonymous-user]

Anyone have friends or family who always seem to be complaining in hotels or sending food back in restaurants?

We have a couple whom we are good friends with, and we go out to restaurants with them, or occasionally weekends away and suchlike.

We have known them for over 18 years and they are very nice people in every respect, with only one issue: They just can’t seem to go somewhere without complaining about something.

To be fair, they usually have a point, but I just find it a little embarrassing at times.

I’ll be the first to admit that I probably don’t complain much, and will often let things slide, and only start when I think something is really bad. Maybe we don’t complain enough in this country?

They way our friends see things is: If we are eating in what would be classed as a relatively expensive restaurant, everything should be perfect, and if it isn’t perfect, it needs to be rectified.

My wife and I are a lot more relaxed and tend to just accept that things aren’t going to be perfect all the time, and going to a hotel/restaurant etc is an experience to be enjoyed, and complaining just spoils the experience.

I mentioned this to my mum and dad, and they told me that they also have a couple of friends who always seem to complain whenever they go somewhere, and they too find it embarrassing.

Is regular complaining actually a ‘normal’ thing and it’s just me who thinks it isn’t?

[21TonyK]

My boss is a complainer. Can't think of a meal we have been out for where she hasn't moaned about something. She's always right but does seem to look for things to complain about whereas I (and others in the group) will ignore minor things and look for the positives.

Is it a pessimist/optimist thing?

[Jasandjules]

I suppose it depends on what the problem is. The other day we got our starters at the start (quite normal you might think but our odd habit is to have them with the mains) despite asking for them to be served with the mains. Now, I could not be bothered to complain about that so we just ate them.

But another time we have had the meat undercooked etc so I have sent it back.

[vixen1700]

Lord Marylebone said:

I’ll be the first to admit that I probably don’t complain much, and will often let things slide, and only start when I think something is really bad. Maybe we don’t complain enough in this country?

Same here really.

The only thing my wife complains about are hotel rooms, justifiably normally.

Last time was in February in Paris, just staying the night but the room was nothing like the Booking.com picture, tiny and reeked of some kind of awful chemical air-freshener.

We got a different room, but I did feel a little awkward at the reception complaining, even though it was justified. If it wasn't for the air-freshener, I would have put up with it, as it was only for one night.

Can't bear vocal complainers if it's not really warranted.

[RDMcG]

I have a mate who constantly sends food back for completely trivial reasons. Often we have been eating the same meal.

We were having lobster one night in a place that specializes in shellfish when he sent it back as not properly cooked. The waiter took it back and brought back a replacement ( not the same one ) and remarked that it was cooked the same as all lobsters.

Thus was the last straw and I told him I would not dine with him again. His ridiculous response was that his rejections were educational for the kitchen.

He also haggles over every price and complains about work on his car. One day I was picking up a car from service and he saw the price and thought he should talk to the service manager. I prevented him. Some people love to complain.

[AndySheff]

My brother's a chef, which makes him an absolute bloody pain to go out and eat with. Nothing is ever right for him.

[Alex_225]

My mum is a bit of a pain when it comes to moaning about stuff mainly in restaurants. Takes the attitude that everything should be perfect but her version of perfect or acceptable is usually beyond what I think you'd expect in a normal place to eat. We're not talking about anything fancy, no concept of why things might take longer when it's busy etc.

Her sister on the other hand is an utter nightmare and I refuse to go out for a family meal with that side of the family because of it. It's utterly embarrassing and always totally trivial but she can't help herself. I recall her ordering a side salad and making a point of telling the person serving there wasn't enough cucumber in it, so she happily let them bring her a small plate with some more on it. I mean utterly petty requests!

[Drawweight]

My wife’s isn’t a serial complainer but she does have one weakness.

She likes her steak blue and my heart sinks if she orders one (not frequently fortunately)

Most of the time it’s cooked (not what I’d call cooked tho) to her liking but she’ll have no hesitation in sending it back. More than once if necessary.

I can see her point tho.

[anonymous-user]

These examples sound exactly like my friends to be honest. They expect everything to be perfect and will happily take issue when it isn’t.

To be fair, when they do complain, they are polite about it, but it’s just the amount of times I can’t stand

Also, I think there is a lot to be said for the below about pessimist/optimist.

I always try to see and enjoy the good aspects of an experience, and I don’t let the search for perfection spoil something.

In fact, when I’ve been away with my wife somewhere and it has literally been like Fawlty Towers, we tend to have a good laugh about it and find it really funny.

The people I know who complain do have a tendency to look for the bad in things.

21TonyK said:

My boss is a complainer. Can't think of a meal we have been out for where she hasn't moaned about something. She's always right but does seem to look for things to complain about whereas I (and others in the group) will ignore minor things and look for the positives.

Is it a pessimist/optimist thing?

[carreauchompeur]

My partner loves to complain and raise issues about stuff. He doesn’t generally do this in restaurants though, which is a blessing.

I’m very pragmatic about stuff... errors and fkups happen, and ranting to the waitress won’t make it right.

Where I get annoyed though is when there’s not a positive attitude towards resolving issues. Then, and only then, do I get a bit moany.

[bristolbaron]

My Mum went through a serial complainer phase - restaurants/shops/council etc. Very hard work but she’s out the other side now and even commented recently about how miserable it was being a moaner

[anonymous-user]

Lord Marylebone said:

Anyone have friends or family who always seem to be complaining in hotels or sending food back in restaurants?

We have a couple whom we are good friends with, and we go out to restaurants with them, or occasionally weekends away and suchlike.

We have known them for over 18 years and they are very nice people in every respect, with only one issue: They just can’t seem to go somewhere without complaining about something.

To be fair, they usually have a point, but I just find it a little embarrassing at times.

I’ll be the first to admit that I probably don’t complain much, and will often let things slide, and only start when I think something is really bad. Maybe we don’t complain enough in this country?

They way our friends see things is: If we are eating in what would be classed as a relatively expensive restaurant, everything should be perfect, and if it isn’t perfect, it needs to be rectified.

My wife and I are a lot more relaxed and tend to just accept that things aren’t going to be perfect all the time, and going to a hotel/restaurant etc is an experience to be enjoyed, and complaining just spoils the experience.

I mentioned this to my mum and dad, and they told me that they also have a couple of friends who always seem to complain whenever they go somewhere, and they too find it embarrassing.

Is regular complaining actually a ‘normal’ thing and it’s just me who thinks it isn’t?

I suppose the question is why are they always complaining?

If something is genuinely wrong and needs sorted then fair enough but if it’s all the time then maybe they’re the problem?

It’s great wanting things perfect but that’s not what the world is like. Things will always happen that we can’t control. If they (or any of us) are constantly seeing things that are making them/us unhappy (enough to complain) then that suggests the issue is that their world view and expectations are constantly making them dissatisfied?

You and they see the same things but the prism in which they view the world makes them dissatisfied all the time, or more dissatisfied than you.

You likely complain less as you’re generally a happier person and have a more positive world view than them. It’s likely down to our mindset and how reactive we are leading to differences in how we all interpret events.

I’d much rather eat out with you than your friends. You’re likely looking to enjoy your meal and the company whilst they’re likely looking for fault which is making them unhappy. That’s the issue really, their outlook is making them unhappy.

. . . . But then your interpretation of their complaining is making you a bit unhappy so you need to be less judgy and reactive about their complaining too.

You’re looking at them complaining all the time and making a reactive judgement ‘it’s bad’ or ‘it’s embarrassing’ etc. Which is what they’re doing about their food or whatever they’re complaining about.

Their complaining isn’t really good or bad it’s just an event based on their opinions which are different to your opinions.

So in summary you’ll enjoy the meal more if they complain less (which is likely beyond your control) but if they do complain it won’t bother you if you try to be more tolerant of their opinions. Maybe if they’re your friends, instead of being upset by their complaining ask them about it and discuss your different opinions about what’s reasonable etc. They might complain less or you might enjoy gaining more understanding into their mindset.

[dazwalsh]

I'm somewhere inbetween, mainly on the service front more than food.

If I'm in a fairly fancy restaurant or hotel I just want a friendly face and an apology if something goes wrong. I don't mind if something is wrong or out of place, just that they at least acknowledge it. I get the hump when they try and avoid it. I am more than happy if they say "we are very sorry about that, the next round is on us".

[anonymous-user]

El stovey said:

I suppose the question is why are they always complaining?

If something is genuinely wrong and needs sorted then fair enough but if it’s all the time then maybe they’re the problem?

It’s great wanting things perfect but that’s not what the world is like. Things will always happen that we can’t control. If they (or any of us) are constantly seeing things that are making them/us unhappy (enough to complain) then that suggests the issue is that their world view and expectations are constantly making them dissatisfied?

You and they see the same things but the prism in which they view the world makes them dissatisfied all the time, or more dissatisfied than you.

You likely complain less as you’re generally a happier person and have a more positive world view than them. It’s likely down to our mindset and how reactive we are leading to differences in how we all interpret events.

I’d much rather eat out with you than your friends. You’re likely looking to enjoy your meal and the company whilst they’re likely looking for fault which is making them unhappy. That’s the issue really, their outlook is making them unhappy.

. . . . But then your interpretation of their complaining is making you a bit unhappy so you need to be less judgy and reactive about their complaining too.

You’re looking at them complaining all the time and making a reactive judgement ‘it’s bad’ or ‘it’s embarrassing’ etc. Which is what they’re doing about their food or whatever they’re complaining about.

Their complaining isn’t really good or bad it’s just an event based on their opinions which are different to your opinions.

So in summary you’ll enjoy the meal more if they complain less (which is likely beyond your control) but if they do complain it won’t bother you if you try to be more tolerant of their opinions. Maybe if they’re your friends, instead of being upset by their complaining ask them about it and discuss your different opinions about what’s reasonable etc. They might complain less or you might enjoy gaining more understanding into their mindset.

Some of their recent complaints included:

• White wine served not cold/chilled.

• Air conditioning being really cold in a restaurant.

• Food served too cold.

• Food not cooked as you would expect.

• Long delay between asking for some drinks and then being served, or generally slow service.

• Wood fired pizza served with a few burnt bits on it.

• Hotel room being dirty In places.

• Hotel room being nothing like the photos and really small.

• Drinks being served that were mostly ice instead of alcohol/liquid.

So all valid complaints really, but my philosophy is that I could have lived with most of them and just enjoyed the expensive of being out in good company.

They do complain politely though.

Their complaining isn’t so bad that it stops us going out with them, I was just curious as to whether many other people are like this, and it appears they are.

I have raised the issue with them about complaining and we have had a laugh about the fact they complain, but the bottom line is they say they are spending ‘Good money’ for something and it has to be right, and they will send it back until it’s right.

They now apologise to us when they complain

Edited by anonymous-user on Sunday 6th September 11:42

[MYOB]

My ex wife was someone who used to complain about food or hotel rooms. I did use to get embarrassed by it. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite capable of complaining but I'm pragmatic about most things and accept the quirks and foibles of most things. It's all part of the experience.

I cannot get on with the type of people who complains frequently, hence not being married to the ex wife!

[anonymous-user]

dazwalsh said:

I'm somewhere inbetween, mainly on the service front more than food.

If I'm in a fairly fancy restaurant or hotel I just want a friendly face and an apology if something goes wrong. I don't mind if something is wrong or out of place, just that they at least acknowledge it. I get the hump when they try and avoid it. I am more than happy if they say "we are very sorry about that, the next round is on us".

That’s kind of how I am.

I always say that everyone makes mistakes, it’s how they deal with is is what matters.

If someone apologises and makes some effort to fix the issue then that’s fine for me.

It’s when they blatantly don’t care, or worse, that I get annoyed.

I went out for lunch with my mum a while ago, and she asked for an Americano coffee with milk, and the coffee with separate jug of milk arrived as expected.

She poured the milk into her coffee and it immediately separated and bits started floating on the top. It was clear that the milk was ‘on the turn’ and was starting to curdle.

I showed the waiter the issue and asked for a new coffee and milk. It was the restaurant owner/manager who delivered the new coffee and milk, and he did so specifically so he could tell me that we were wrong and that there was nothing wrong with the milk we had just been served.

Regardless of if he thought we were right or wrong about the milk? Why would you tell customers they were wrong? Why not just be polite and replace the coffee?

That was one time I really did complain, but on the way out.

[anonymous-user]

Lord Marylebone said:

Some of their recent complaints included:

• White wine served not cold/chilled.

• Air conditioning being really cold in a restaurant.

• Food served too cold.

• Food not cooked as you would expect.

• Long delay between asking for some drinks and then being served, or generally slow service.

• Wood fired pizza served with a few burnt bits on it.

• Hotel room being dirty In places.

• Hotel room being nothing like the photos and really small.

• Drinks being served that were mostly ice instead of alcohol/liquid.

So all valid complaints really, but my philosophy is that I could have lived with most of them and just enjoyed the expensive of being out in good company.

They do complain politely though.

Their complaining isn’t so bad that it stops us going out with them, I was just curious as to whether many other people are like this, and it appears they are.

I have raised the issue with them about complaining and we have had a laugh about the fact they complain, but the bottom line is they say they are spending ‘Good money’ for something and it has to be right, and they will send it back until it’s right.

They now apologise to us when they complain

Edited by Lord Marylebone on Sunday 6th September 11:42

Sure but the ‘issue’ (the point of the thread), is that (their) “ complaining just spoils the experience” or you find it a bit “embarrassing”. The thread is actually about yours and other people’s reactions to something that’s happened. (Other people complaining)

My point is that you can either A) hope they stop complaining or B) not get upset by them complaining in the first place. I.e. is the problem them complaining or your reaction to their complaining? or both?

Think about it slightly differently and If you applied the same mindset (not getting upset by things not being quite right) you apply to enjoying your meal to your friends behaviour and not let their complaining embarrass you (or whatever your reaction is) , then it wouldn’t be an issue at all.

Obviously if they improved their mindset by not looking for problems then it wouldn’t happen in the first place but you’re also reacting to them complaining in a way which is affecting you a little bit.

[Chrisgr31]

Jasandjules said:

But another time we have had the meat undercooked etc so I have sent it back.

The problem with meat and veg etc being undercooked, overcooked etc is that its down to personal preference. so I like my veg just shown the boiling water, my wife wants hers soft and ruined. Other people like meat well done, others want it still moist etc.

[anonymous-user]

El stovey said:

Sure but the ‘issue’ (the point of the thread), is that (their) “ complaining just spoils the experience” or you find it a bit “embarrassing”. The thread is actually about yours and other people’s reactions to something that’s happened. (Other people complaining)

My point is that you can either A) hope they stop complaining or B) not get upset by them complaining in the first place. I.e. is the problem them complaining or your reaction to their complaining? or both?

Think about it slightly differently and If you applied the same mindset (not getting upset by things not being quite right) you apply to enjoying your meal to your friends behaviour and not let their complaining embarrass you (or whatever your reaction is) , then it wouldn’t be an issue at all.

Obviously if they improved their mindset by not looking for problems then it wouldn’t happen in the first place but you’re also reacting to them complaining in a way which is affecting you a little bit.

You are right. The issue is probably my reaction to them complaining.

I’m quite a ‘discreet’ person and this extends to not making a scene, and in my head, complaining is making a scene.

Complaining clearly isn’t making a scene, it’s just a normal reaction to something not being correct, and it’s just me that thinks complaining creates a scene.

I do find it slightly embarrassing, and that will never change I don’t think, but also I think I can negate the problem by simply not worrying about it.

I can’t control it and it isn’t me doing the complaining, so why worry about it I guess?

[Cotty]

Would you send back the wrong meal?. I was at a business lunch (so not paying) with about six people, so to be honest the food was secondary to the conversation. I ordered the fish pie and they must have put the wrong dish into the oven as I ended up with a cottage pie. I pointed out the mistake to the server as I thought they had mixed up my pie with someone else, but no it was just my pie that was wrong. I thought by the time they cook another pie everyone else will be finished so I just accepted and ate the cottage pie which was lovely.

Almost my 35,000th post