Starting a new life
Discussion
Just after some advice/thoughts/opinions etc!
Many apologies in advance for the length of the post etc.
After many years of hard slog (like most people) my wife (28 years married & 2 children) and I realized our dream and made a permanent move to our holiday home in France. 3 years previous to this my wife suffered a catastrophic seizure and placed in an induced coma for 3 days. A large aneurysm was discovered and the surgeon gave us the option of an operation or just enjoy life for as long as possible (he said 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days etc but death will be instant.
My wife died on a Saturday morning just less than 3 years after moving over and 2 days after her birthday. It was a shock for the children but I/we had been living with the knowledge for so long and I knew that my life in France wasn’t over.
Fast forward 2 years and I have met someone else (adult children get on well with her). I have sold my house and have been emptying/chucking out/selling 28 years of collected items. I have now bought another house with girlfriend but what do I do with all the personal possessions and photographs (of the children from babies to school etc and pictures of my wife? My son house shares in the UK, my daughter is working around Europe so sending them on isn’t viable. Do I chuck everything or am I making too much of an issue? I’ve not looked at any photographs of my wife since I made a PowerPoint presentation for the funeral so I know I’m not in denial.
Many apologies in advance for the length of the post etc.
After many years of hard slog (like most people) my wife (28 years married & 2 children) and I realized our dream and made a permanent move to our holiday home in France. 3 years previous to this my wife suffered a catastrophic seizure and placed in an induced coma for 3 days. A large aneurysm was discovered and the surgeon gave us the option of an operation or just enjoy life for as long as possible (he said 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days etc but death will be instant.
My wife died on a Saturday morning just less than 3 years after moving over and 2 days after her birthday. It was a shock for the children but I/we had been living with the knowledge for so long and I knew that my life in France wasn’t over.
Fast forward 2 years and I have met someone else (adult children get on well with her). I have sold my house and have been emptying/chucking out/selling 28 years of collected items. I have now bought another house with girlfriend but what do I do with all the personal possessions and photographs (of the children from babies to school etc and pictures of my wife? My son house shares in the UK, my daughter is working around Europe so sending them on isn’t viable. Do I chuck everything or am I making too much of an issue? I’ve not looked at any photographs of my wife since I made a PowerPoint presentation for the funeral so I know I’m not in denial.
Trying to put myself in your position I think I would look to store all the images onto some kind of hard drive, or may be two so you have a backup and then you could look to dispose of the originals?
depending on how many photos we are talking though that may be quite a long process, you may want to pay a company to do it, and also it depends on how difficult for you it will be to dispose of the original versions, I mean on an emotional level, only you can answer that.
depending on how many photos we are talking though that may be quite a long process, you may want to pay a company to do it, and also it depends on how difficult for you it will be to dispose of the original versions, I mean on an emotional level, only you can answer that.
I think you would regret not keeping them.
She was a major part of you and your children's lives and I believe you would all appreciate looking back through the happy memories when the time feels right.
Happy to hear how your situation has turned out, wouldn't want to wish it upon anyone.
She was a major part of you and your children's lives and I believe you would all appreciate looking back through the happy memories when the time feels right.
Happy to hear how your situation has turned out, wouldn't want to wish it upon anyone.
Keep them.
They are part of your and children’s life’s history.
You lost your wife in a horrible way not through a break up and acrimonious divorce. I bet you have photos of grandparents too. The box you can store them in is a story of your family. Your new partner and her family form a new chapter to add to the story.
They are part of your and children’s life’s history.
You lost your wife in a horrible way not through a break up and acrimonious divorce. I bet you have photos of grandparents too. The box you can store them in is a story of your family. Your new partner and her family form a new chapter to add to the story.
Jamescrs said:
Trying to put myself in your position I think I would look to store all the images onto some kind of hard drive, or may be two so you have a backup and then you could look to dispose of the originals?
depending on how many photos we are talking though that may be quite a long process, you may want to pay a company to do it, and also it depends on how difficult for you it will be to dispose of the original versions, I mean on an emotional level, only you can answer that.
I had thought of scanning the photos but there must be 20+ albums (long before digital) and 10 crates of various other photos). I can store them at the new house so don’t have a pressing need for a solution. On the emotional side, I think about my wife, children every day and how lucky I was to have had such a good life and also how lucky I am to be embarking on a new adventure. Sometimes (not too often), I think what a sdepending on how many photos we are talking though that may be quite a long process, you may want to pay a company to do it, and also it depends on how difficult for you it will be to dispose of the original versions, I mean on an emotional level, only you can answer that.
t hand was dealt but compared to recent events it’s just life!My Father remarried after my mothers death.
Wasnt really impressed by the whitewashing of my mothers memory out of my father's life.
One dusty photo in a darkened part of the house never did my mother justice.
I'm not saying dont move on, but dont just put your wife in the bin like nothing ever happened.
Her life is part of your children's make up, you are the guardian of those memories and that history.
Store it away and let them decide what's wanted when they are debating who gets what when you too are a memory.
Wasnt really impressed by the whitewashing of my mothers memory out of my father's life.
One dusty photo in a darkened part of the house never did my mother justice.
I'm not saying dont move on, but dont just put your wife in the bin like nothing ever happened.
Her life is part of your children's make up, you are the guardian of those memories and that history.
Store it away and let them decide what's wanted when they are debating who gets what when you too are a memory.
Tallow said:
You can always dispose of them at a later stage if the feeling you should persists, but you can't un-throw them away once you do. I'd keep them for now.
This seems most sensible.Keep as much as you can give storage space for - it won't eat anything.
If at some point later you have a real urge to chuck the stuff and the kids don't want it, then chuck it
Better that than if the kids come along in a year or three and say Dad, you know that photo of mum on Brighton beach with the big ice cream? Can I have it please? and the only answer you can offer is that you binned it
Quite simple. Put them in a pair of lock boxes for your children so that they can have them once they’ve set up home somewhere.
You lost a loving wife, it wasn’t a case of her shagging behind your back and you wanting to forget her. Your children will cherish the memories, and so will you.
You lost a loving wife, it wasn’t a case of her shagging behind your back and you wanting to forget her. Your children will cherish the memories, and so will you.
I’m also in the camp of box them up in a waterproof and airtight box and put it somewhere out of sight (but accessible) it’s not only for you and your kids but their kids also.
Thinking about my family and my half sisters father who she never knew other than the vitriol my mother had for him (they split before she was 5) and she destroyed everything that had any memory attached and now my sister has literally zero of her biological father. He died before making contact when she was a legal adult so is a total unknown.
Thinking about my family and my half sisters father who she never knew other than the vitriol my mother had for him (they split before she was 5) and she destroyed everything that had any memory attached and now my sister has literally zero of her biological father. He died before making contact when she was a legal adult so is a total unknown.
From experience it can still be wrong to make permanent decisions even as far past the event as you are. Waterproof boxes in the loft seems the best idea to me. Even if you never look at them your kids will eventually have to clear your house out. Imagine finding all of that unexpectedly in 20-30 years.
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