Alcoholic person who needs help, any suggestions ?
Discussion
My son rang me earlier, he is living in Scotland and his landlord has gone into an alcoholic death spiral, chap of about sixty, into the gym but has some personal issues and has had alcohol problems in the past, he has recently got back into drinking in a serious way, staying in bed watching telly and swigging Vodka.
Now, its not my sons problem but he rang me today as he is concerned and not sure what to do. I dont want to see the chap kill himself but I also dont want my lad feeling like he didn't do what he could.
I made a couple of suggestions like ringing the local GP surgery and asking whether they do anything, maybe speaking to the police on a "Concern for welfare" (already been done apparently) and just nipping in to speak to him but to be honest I thought I was best asking on here as there seems to be some experience of these matters.
I think its limited what he can do, if the chap is hell bent on drinking himself to death but any suggestions I can provide to him gratefully received. Hoping he pulls out of it.
Now, its not my sons problem but he rang me today as he is concerned and not sure what to do. I dont want to see the chap kill himself but I also dont want my lad feeling like he didn't do what he could.
I made a couple of suggestions like ringing the local GP surgery and asking whether they do anything, maybe speaking to the police on a "Concern for welfare" (already been done apparently) and just nipping in to speak to him but to be honest I thought I was best asking on here as there seems to be some experience of these matters.
I think its limited what he can do, if the chap is hell bent on drinking himself to death but any suggestions I can provide to him gratefully received. Hoping he pulls out of it.
Alcoholic death spiral seems quite strong. How does your son know this?
Admirable as it is, if your son raises it he may be kicked out for being interfering.
If he really still feels strongly he should tell the chap if he ever wants to talk he is there. You can’t force things on alcoholics whatever some might say it has to come from within, he can merely try and nudge
Admirable as it is, if your son raises it he may be kicked out for being interfering.
If he really still feels strongly he should tell the chap if he ever wants to talk he is there. You can’t force things on alcoholics whatever some might say it has to come from within, he can merely try and nudge
You and your son are good folks for considering how to navigate this.
From experience - trying to help a friend I've known for 40 years, unsuccessfully - it's very tough to reach into their world and pull them out. And if ones tries, it might bring hostility, rather than thanks.
So, I agree with previous poster, that a sincere offer of help whenever it's wanted may be a good way forward. Especially if the landlord has been referred before; the experts suffer the same problems reaching someone deep in addiction as we non-experts.
Good luck to you both
From experience - trying to help a friend I've known for 40 years, unsuccessfully - it's very tough to reach into their world and pull them out. And if ones tries, it might bring hostility, rather than thanks.
So, I agree with previous poster, that a sincere offer of help whenever it's wanted may be a good way forward. Especially if the landlord has been referred before; the experts suffer the same problems reaching someone deep in addiction as we non-experts.
Good luck to you both
I just want him to do whatever he can withing reason as if the guy does manage to kill himself then I dont want him feeling like he should have done something, he is fairly pragmatic and not overly emotional so think he would be ok but its good he asked for advice.
It might just be normal for the guy and "Alcoholic Death Spiral" was my wording, but he said it was pretty heavy duty, not talking about having an extra pint at last orders, sounds like its a litre bottle of Vodka in the morning.
Dont think there is much he can do other than pop in for a chat and see how he is doing when passing, they have moved out anyway but have some stuff still there and he owes them (him and his mate) a deposit.
An old mate of mine from school died a month ago after years of alcohol abuse.
It might just be normal for the guy and "Alcoholic Death Spiral" was my wording, but he said it was pretty heavy duty, not talking about having an extra pint at last orders, sounds like its a litre bottle of Vodka in the morning.
Dont think there is much he can do other than pop in for a chat and see how he is doing when passing, they have moved out anyway but have some stuff still there and he owes them (him and his mate) a deposit.
An old mate of mine from school died a month ago after years of alcohol abuse.
surveyor said:
It may be worth having a chat with someone from AA or Al-anon https://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/
Yeah, think my son has called them for advice tonight.ClaphamGT3 said:
There is never a happy ending with alcoholism and you'll get no thanks for trying to create one - leave him to it.
Sadly I think this will be the answer. My dad and I tried to get someone on the straight and narrow. It worked for a few weeks but he soon fell off the rails and made sure he was not around to be helped.He died just a few years later.
ClaphamGT3 said:
There is never a happy ending with alcoholism and you'll get no thanks for trying to create one - leave him to it.
That's a bleak outlook, and not my experience at all. With the right help someone who wants to give up drinking can turn their life around. Its not easy, but it can be done. My advice for the OP is that if the guy doesn't want to stop drinking you (or your son) can't force him to stop. If he does want to stop, help him to find and access the right support from professionals.
The four i knew
1 Wife left got divorced spent the cash on beer, now dead
2 Driver we had was ok for months and then go on binges, still doing fifteen years later,
I walked away when i took him home and put him in bed, only for him to show me the cans he had planned for breakfast,
3 Dad popped off and his mum has, after drifting from job to job, hes now got the family home,
Its already starting to look run down. He will be desd in five years
4 Couldnt take the pressure after a corporate stitchup,
Drank more and more, lost house, friends got access to his funds, got him a small flat,
He Was calling taxis to get his vodka, sat in his owns
t all the time, now dead
I dont know the figures for ones its worked for but ibetits minimal.
No2 has been in drying out clinics at least five times
People were heating boot polish upto drink, and its still not changed him
1 Wife left got divorced spent the cash on beer, now dead
2 Driver we had was ok for months and then go on binges, still doing fifteen years later,
I walked away when i took him home and put him in bed, only for him to show me the cans he had planned for breakfast,
3 Dad popped off and his mum has, after drifting from job to job, hes now got the family home,
Its already starting to look run down. He will be desd in five years
4 Couldnt take the pressure after a corporate stitchup,
Drank more and more, lost house, friends got access to his funds, got him a small flat,
He Was calling taxis to get his vodka, sat in his owns
t all the time, now deadI dont know the figures for ones its worked for but ibetits minimal.
No2 has been in drying out clinics at least five times
People were heating boot polish upto drink, and its still not changed him
Edited by dirky dirk on Saturday 19th September 12:48
I'm a former addictions nurse in Scotland - it's exceptionally difficult to get someone in to treatment against their will unless they're an at risk adult or adult with incapacity and even then they need to meet the three main criteria.
About the best you can do is try and make sure he's eating sufficiently as that really does make a difference to the damage that occurs from pickling your liver in spirit. Try and get him to maintain his daily living needs as best he can, and if he's got serious concerns about him then phone Social Work.
If he does want to seek treatment then GP appointment for referral to the Community Addictions Team - under the HEAT targets they must assess and have you in treatment within 21 days of receiving the referral - drinking at that level will require a detox and it'll be hospital based if he's living alone or has other underlying health needs.
About the best you can do is try and make sure he's eating sufficiently as that really does make a difference to the damage that occurs from pickling your liver in spirit. Try and get him to maintain his daily living needs as best he can, and if he's got serious concerns about him then phone Social Work.
If he does want to seek treatment then GP appointment for referral to the Community Addictions Team - under the HEAT targets they must assess and have you in treatment within 21 days of receiving the referral - drinking at that level will require a detox and it'll be hospital based if he's living alone or has other underlying health needs.
The thing is booze isn’t the problem as such - something is causing him and others to do it.
Whatever that driver is if that can be found and fixed there is a chance. Trying to tell someone to stop drinking (and I put myself as a functioning alcoholic) doesn’t work being nice about it or nasty about it to them will gain no benefit. Cut them out of your life/reduce doing fun things together will not work.
Increasing the price of booze will not work start in the pub then instead drink at home as it’s much cheaper and then if you want even cheaper make your own moonshine.
I’d say everyone had an addiction of some sort of other be it booze porn drugs fitness adultery stealing self pleasure eating spending cash etc etc. Some kill you or reduce life some ruin your family friends work. But I’d say no one goes out to have that end game but to stop is so hard - counting the days one day dry two days etc tine time steps
You need something to live for - kids can make that simple for some.
Though the OPs situation it’s likely the whole story isn’t known - maybe he has suffered a loss and for now booze is numbing the grief (don’t judge anyone how they deal with that )
Whatever that driver is if that can be found and fixed there is a chance. Trying to tell someone to stop drinking (and I put myself as a functioning alcoholic) doesn’t work being nice about it or nasty about it to them will gain no benefit. Cut them out of your life/reduce doing fun things together will not work.
Increasing the price of booze will not work start in the pub then instead drink at home as it’s much cheaper and then if you want even cheaper make your own moonshine.
I’d say everyone had an addiction of some sort of other be it booze porn drugs fitness adultery stealing self pleasure eating spending cash etc etc. Some kill you or reduce life some ruin your family friends work. But I’d say no one goes out to have that end game but to stop is so hard - counting the days one day dry two days etc tine time steps
You need something to live for - kids can make that simple for some.
Though the OPs situation it’s likely the whole story isn’t known - maybe he has suffered a loss and for now booze is numbing the grief (don’t judge anyone how they deal with that )
Won't listen; they only change when the weight of the addiction becomes too much for them to deal with, sadly often having ruined their own life and caused massive damage and suffering to those around them on the way.
The guy probably wouldn't listen to his wife/kids/family (if he has any, or if they are still around), so he won't have much interest in listening to the person who rents his house/flat off of him.
The guy probably wouldn't listen to his wife/kids/family (if he has any, or if they are still around), so he won't have much interest in listening to the person who rents his house/flat off of him.
I've very recently retired from my job as an addiction psychotherapist.
Unless the chap wants help there's very little your son, or indeed anyone else can do.
When running groups for family members of addicts/alcoholics, we tell them of the "three Cs".
You didn't cause it, you cant control it, you cant cure it.
The same goes for friends/colleagues etc.
Most alcoholics die as a consequence of their drinking.
Unless the chap wants help there's very little your son, or indeed anyone else can do.
When running groups for family members of addicts/alcoholics, we tell them of the "three Cs".
You didn't cause it, you cant control it, you cant cure it.
The same goes for friends/colleagues etc.
Most alcoholics die as a consequence of their drinking.
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