Do you put your finances before your health?
Discussion
Hi everyone,
I'm a regular on PH but I'm using a different account to remain anonymous, as I'm pretty sure I have work colleagues on here.
TLDR, fairly skint but thinking of taking huge paycut to improve my life and health. Am I crazy to do this or crazy not to? Sorry its a bit long winded, I don't get to get things off my chest very often.
I've always been on the back foot with my finances as for most of my adult life I have been helping out a family member in need. It's seemed like a constant battle to try and stay afloat, but I've been fortunate in that I have been able to earn a reasonable wage throughout my 20s. I've had some sort of debt from the very beginning. I was struggling to find work when I finished school after the credit crunch so when I was 17 I started working and living away from home to learn a new skill. It was all going well when said family member was hospitalised 130 odd miles away and I needed time off and lots of travelling to and from, and that's where it started. It was a big push but a couple of years ago I finally managed to get on the property ladder.
As I approach 30, my finances are still in a bit of a mess. I have decided to focus on myself more so that we can plan for children etc but this is very difficult as I still have the previously mentioned family member asking for support regularly, and due to their own personal problems and health it can be quite hard to say no.
My work has been getting me down for a long time, and it quite badly affects my mental and physical health.
With said needy family member taking up a chunk of my personal free time, the pressure to do more hours at work all the time is tricky, especially when I also try and find time to dedicate to my other half. I feel like in all areas of my life, nothing I do is ever enough, each area requires/demands more than I can give. It also affects my physical health in a very real and horrible way and this also gets me down, and I know this shouldn't continue.
I have the opportunity for a new job. Its a massive pay cut, but massively less hours, commuting time, lots more paid holiday and offers genuine professional development, and would not be bad for my health physically like my current job. It's in a totally different industry. I hope that it would also leave me time for a cheap hobby involving keeping fit so I can actually look after myself. Maybe have time to cook healthy food more often.
I can extend the mortgage term to help accommodate paycut, very scary as Im now down to 23 years so extending to 35 seems insane. I'll save around 150 quid a month in fuel. I can try and cut back in other areas to narrow the gap. What kills it is having a loan and credit card debt, amounting to around 450pcm. Things would be very, very tight for probably a long time and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. The mental pressure relieved by the job might be just as bad with this financial strain.
If this opportunity hadn't come along and I could mentally and physically stick the current job, it would be sensible to work as hard as possible to pay the debts down and then exit the industry in a better situation. The problem is I don't feel like I have much more left to give, and the money situation never seems to get much better, as soon as I get ahead, something happens, inevitably needing to bail out aforementioned family member. I reckon I wouldn't feel much worse off as I physically won't have the money to help anyone out. Things will be tight but at least I'll know where I am. I feel like I really need to try and put myself first.
Bit of a ramble and I do apologise, I know it's hard to fully understand my situation without some details that I've missed out especially regarding the family member I have helped out for many years, but I suppose I'd just like some opinions on my thinking and maybe some success stories from those who have taken a pay cut, struggled but found it better lifestyle wise. It's quite a big decision for me and I'm struggling to make it, so any help or advice welcomed as always.
I'm a regular on PH but I'm using a different account to remain anonymous, as I'm pretty sure I have work colleagues on here.
TLDR, fairly skint but thinking of taking huge paycut to improve my life and health. Am I crazy to do this or crazy not to? Sorry its a bit long winded, I don't get to get things off my chest very often.
I've always been on the back foot with my finances as for most of my adult life I have been helping out a family member in need. It's seemed like a constant battle to try and stay afloat, but I've been fortunate in that I have been able to earn a reasonable wage throughout my 20s. I've had some sort of debt from the very beginning. I was struggling to find work when I finished school after the credit crunch so when I was 17 I started working and living away from home to learn a new skill. It was all going well when said family member was hospitalised 130 odd miles away and I needed time off and lots of travelling to and from, and that's where it started. It was a big push but a couple of years ago I finally managed to get on the property ladder.
As I approach 30, my finances are still in a bit of a mess. I have decided to focus on myself more so that we can plan for children etc but this is very difficult as I still have the previously mentioned family member asking for support regularly, and due to their own personal problems and health it can be quite hard to say no.
My work has been getting me down for a long time, and it quite badly affects my mental and physical health.
With said needy family member taking up a chunk of my personal free time, the pressure to do more hours at work all the time is tricky, especially when I also try and find time to dedicate to my other half. I feel like in all areas of my life, nothing I do is ever enough, each area requires/demands more than I can give. It also affects my physical health in a very real and horrible way and this also gets me down, and I know this shouldn't continue.
I have the opportunity for a new job. Its a massive pay cut, but massively less hours, commuting time, lots more paid holiday and offers genuine professional development, and would not be bad for my health physically like my current job. It's in a totally different industry. I hope that it would also leave me time for a cheap hobby involving keeping fit so I can actually look after myself. Maybe have time to cook healthy food more often.
I can extend the mortgage term to help accommodate paycut, very scary as Im now down to 23 years so extending to 35 seems insane. I'll save around 150 quid a month in fuel. I can try and cut back in other areas to narrow the gap. What kills it is having a loan and credit card debt, amounting to around 450pcm. Things would be very, very tight for probably a long time and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. The mental pressure relieved by the job might be just as bad with this financial strain.
If this opportunity hadn't come along and I could mentally and physically stick the current job, it would be sensible to work as hard as possible to pay the debts down and then exit the industry in a better situation. The problem is I don't feel like I have much more left to give, and the money situation never seems to get much better, as soon as I get ahead, something happens, inevitably needing to bail out aforementioned family member. I reckon I wouldn't feel much worse off as I physically won't have the money to help anyone out. Things will be tight but at least I'll know where I am. I feel like I really need to try and put myself first.
Bit of a ramble and I do apologise, I know it's hard to fully understand my situation without some details that I've missed out especially regarding the family member I have helped out for many years, but I suppose I'd just like some opinions on my thinking and maybe some success stories from those who have taken a pay cut, struggled but found it better lifestyle wise. It's quite a big decision for me and I'm struggling to make it, so any help or advice welcomed as always.
Edited by Shed2021 on Sunday 3rd January 12:36
Credit cards debt is emergency money. If you can't afford to settle them foreseeable then you don't have money to lend to people, and as noble as helping out this family member is your situation is unsustainable, and that's before the work issue. Its akin to trying to Save a drowning man without first considering the risk of being pulled under. You need to see what other options there are for this family member - forgive me but its easy for there to be no other options for someone when taking money from you has a 100% success rate, and do they appreciate what its doing to you, they might just think you're loaded?
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Yes. If you're fairly skint now, the extra stress and worry of being even more short of money will impact negatively on your health.
That's what I'm worried about. I could make some changes to the mortgage that may relieve pressure, potentially even remortgage with a smaller deposit to pay a bit of debt off and make monthly outgoings easier. Saving fuel also helps bridge the gap. I can make it so I'm not massively worse off, but will be losing the chance of overtime for extra money and earning power to pay down debts.. Well, done posting, OP. Identifying the fact that things in your life really need to change is an important and courageous step to fixing them.
First, maintaining an unsustainable job/lifestyle that you feel is damaging your mental health is NOT a good idea. I’ve seen it so many times - however tough you think you are, at some point your mind/body will pack in and you will be forced to stop work. Far better to solve the problem in your own time, and get back to a sustainable lifestyle that isn’t damaging your health.
Second, lack of money is a major stressor, so before you make the change to income, make the change to outgoings too. Sounds like you should take some debt advice and see if you can refinance your expensive short-term debt and cut outgoings, possibly using cheap mortgage debt. Definitely get some advice, may save you thousands.
Third, I would recommend you take a firm stand with your relative, and decide on a budget you can sustain, and stick to it. You have a right to decent life too, and certainly one where you aren’t running yourself into the ground. If they are part of the problem, they need to be part of the solution.
I know several people who have taken big pay cuts for better work-life balance, and I’ve done it myself, and it is invariably a very positive experience. It just needs careful planning.
Good luck!
First, maintaining an unsustainable job/lifestyle that you feel is damaging your mental health is NOT a good idea. I’ve seen it so many times - however tough you think you are, at some point your mind/body will pack in and you will be forced to stop work. Far better to solve the problem in your own time, and get back to a sustainable lifestyle that isn’t damaging your health.
Second, lack of money is a major stressor, so before you make the change to income, make the change to outgoings too. Sounds like you should take some debt advice and see if you can refinance your expensive short-term debt and cut outgoings, possibly using cheap mortgage debt. Definitely get some advice, may save you thousands.
Third, I would recommend you take a firm stand with your relative, and decide on a budget you can sustain, and stick to it. You have a right to decent life too, and certainly one where you aren’t running yourself into the ground. If they are part of the problem, they need to be part of the solution.
I know several people who have taken big pay cuts for better work-life balance, and I’ve done it myself, and it is invariably a very positive experience. It just needs careful planning.
Good luck!
I think if i was planning to take a life style cut i would first "test" that i could live on the lower amount for at least half a year.
Start by selling the cars, getting a cheap snotter and going from there.
Alot of people find it very easy to let their lifestyle creep with their income, but would find it nearly impossible to go back the other way.
Obviously I only know the very basics of your situation, but are you sure the family member is actually to blame for the problem?
I know plenty of people who earn reasonable figures yet still live pay check to pay check, yet they all seem to have an excuse, but when you get to know them and see their spending habits it turns out they eat expensively most nights, impulse buy everything, have nearly new cars on the tick, brand new sofas and dont take any time to shop around for anything.
As your new profile is anonymous, would you be willing to break down you're monthly budget? If its 100% honest, you should be left with a negative net figure, otherwise you would be saving and not in debt.
Start by selling the cars, getting a cheap snotter and going from there.
Alot of people find it very easy to let their lifestyle creep with their income, but would find it nearly impossible to go back the other way.
Obviously I only know the very basics of your situation, but are you sure the family member is actually to blame for the problem?
I know plenty of people who earn reasonable figures yet still live pay check to pay check, yet they all seem to have an excuse, but when you get to know them and see their spending habits it turns out they eat expensively most nights, impulse buy everything, have nearly new cars on the tick, brand new sofas and dont take any time to shop around for anything.
As your new profile is anonymous, would you be willing to break down you're monthly budget? If its 100% honest, you should be left with a negative net figure, otherwise you would be saving and not in debt.
To be honest, as others have mentioned, this NFM seems to be the predominant issue here. You cannot go through life supporting this person, if it is at the detriment of your own health, well being and family life. Can you help from a distance, try to arrange council led support ect? You need to reassess the support you give this person, then take the career change.
Edited by Rob_125 on Sunday 3rd January 15:45
OP, try this statement of affairs template.
https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa...
Its the one that always gets used on the Money Saving Expert boards (probably an even better source of knowledge on debt issues than PH)
You could try posting the results here.
Im not particularly good at being caring, but i (sadly) love personal finance topics and would happily look for ways you could save money.
I really think taking a pay cut when you're already in debt is only going to make matters worse and lead you into an even darker personal state.
https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa...
Its the one that always gets used on the Money Saving Expert boards (probably an even better source of knowledge on debt issues than PH)
You could try posting the results here.
Im not particularly good at being caring, but i (sadly) love personal finance topics and would happily look for ways you could save money.
I really think taking a pay cut when you're already in debt is only going to make matters worse and lead you into an even darker personal state.
Agreed that it seems silly taking a pay cut when you are already in debt.
I think a couple of people have assumed that because you have a bit of debt that you are currently on your knees, but if you've recently bought a house then it can't be that bad.
Sounds like your current situation is managable if you change how you deal with this family member you are propping up.
How is your current job affecting your physical health? This is a biggie. Depression can be managed for a while to keep the money coming in, but nothing is more important than your health, so it sounds like the career change could be a lot more urgent. You can't just suck it up and get on with it if your job is making you poorly.
Wouldn't hurt to throw some figures up here as Benbay said, as its anonymous. Current salary and outgoings and what your new salary and outgoings would be.
I think a couple of people have assumed that because you have a bit of debt that you are currently on your knees, but if you've recently bought a house then it can't be that bad.
Sounds like your current situation is managable if you change how you deal with this family member you are propping up.
How is your current job affecting your physical health? This is a biggie. Depression can be managed for a while to keep the money coming in, but nothing is more important than your health, so it sounds like the career change could be a lot more urgent. You can't just suck it up and get on with it if your job is making you poorly.
Wouldn't hurt to throw some figures up here as Benbay said, as its anonymous. Current salary and outgoings and what your new salary and outgoings would be.
Edited by Clappedoutvolvo on Monday 4th January 21:56
Simpo Two said:
It seems that something has to give. My first thought is the needy family member (NFM). Are they really needy, and if so can anyone else help, or is your nice nature and most of your spare time being exploited?
That was my reading at first too.Clearly we are not party to the detail here....but that would be the first place I would look to cut something back.
On the other hand...you say work is getting you down as well: that is a separate issue really (although from your perspective, it is clearly all related).
If the "needy family member" (which sounds negative to me, & why I would look to pull back from that first) was NOT an issue - what would your plan for work be? If it would still be to move, then certainly look into the alternative.
Taking a paycut for health and work reasons is perfectly reasonable; it sounds like a worthwhile undertaking from the little you have shared.
Taking "a huge paycut", of course, needs some serious sums & soul searching.
Are there any other friends (or other relatives) you trust, who know you and could help give advice or at least their thoughts?
Hi OP,
Glad you have made the decision to do something, well done mate. I am sure the PH community will be able to help.
What I find interesting, is, in the short version, you don't mention the family member at all. I wonder why this is? Is it because you feel bad about mentioning them or their demand is more on your time as opposed to your money?
I know of a few people who have been left to look after their family members alone (no one else helping) and it has created a awful lot of resentment in them as a result.
Equally, on the flip side, I know of individuals who, to my mind (looking from quite a distance) seem to be taken advantage off by their family members. However these individuals keep trudging on because they emotionally can't say no.
I think, it might be best to split the situation into two, one purely financial / career oriented (with no emotion) and one with just the emotional part this can include all parts from the family member to your work, work colleagues etc.. Entirety up to you of course.
Be brave, as others have said post up your budget/ expenditure. It will be brutal but hopefully you will come out Inna better position on the other side.
Wish you well
FV
Glad you have made the decision to do something, well done mate. I am sure the PH community will be able to help.
What I find interesting, is, in the short version, you don't mention the family member at all. I wonder why this is? Is it because you feel bad about mentioning them or their demand is more on your time as opposed to your money?
I know of a few people who have been left to look after their family members alone (no one else helping) and it has created a awful lot of resentment in them as a result.
Equally, on the flip side, I know of individuals who, to my mind (looking from quite a distance) seem to be taken advantage off by their family members. However these individuals keep trudging on because they emotionally can't say no.
I think, it might be best to split the situation into two, one purely financial / career oriented (with no emotion) and one with just the emotional part this can include all parts from the family member to your work, work colleagues etc.. Entirety up to you of course.
Be brave, as others have said post up your budget/ expenditure. It will be brutal but hopefully you will come out Inna better position on the other side.
Wish you well
FV
Benbay001 said:
I know plenty of people who earn reasonable figures yet still live pay check to pay check, yet they all seem to have an excuse
Also, i am really sorry if that came across the wrong way. Please dont take offense at the word "excuse". I am not saying that its not the family member thats causing the financial problems, because it very probably is. I just want to make sure youve considered the other factors that may be in play.
What does your partner do for work? Please dont tell me nothing. Is she in a position to help out more?
Sometimes you gotta pay for your happiness and a pay cut is just that. But i would settle all debt while making more money so the transition is smoother. Set a goal and a time frame and stick to it.
Sometimes you gotta pay for your happiness and a pay cut is just that. But i would settle all debt while making more money so the transition is smoother. Set a goal and a time frame and stick to it.
I cant comment on your specific circumstances but id say in the last 12 months I have re evaluated my own view on life and what is important which may give perspective.
I read a quote somewhere and I dont remember it word for word but essentially it is, when your at lifes end and you are laying in your hospital bed at whatever age that maybe I dont think anyone will look back on life and think "I wish I spent more time at work".
I have personally cut back on the hours im working this year through choice, and where I work on overtime I've been taking the hours for time off in lieu rather than for pay so i get the time off at a later date.
Its easy for me to say I guess because whilst I'm not rich im relatively comfortable but my view is health and life should come before chasing money.
I read a quote somewhere and I dont remember it word for word but essentially it is, when your at lifes end and you are laying in your hospital bed at whatever age that maybe I dont think anyone will look back on life and think "I wish I spent more time at work".
I have personally cut back on the hours im working this year through choice, and where I work on overtime I've been taking the hours for time off in lieu rather than for pay so i get the time off at a later date.
Its easy for me to say I guess because whilst I'm not rich im relatively comfortable but my view is health and life should come before chasing money.
What would happen to the needy family member if you had a heart attack and couldn't work, or got hit by a bus and were no more?
Is the needy family member unable to work and unable to get benefits themselves, or is it more of a case that they can't bring themselves to do one or the other and having you as a crutch saves them having to face up to reality? They are putting their health before yours, whether they realize it or not. It sounds like tough love is required.
If you are the only one working out of you, your partner and NFM, then you are paying tax on income that they wouldn't have to if they shared a little of the burden. Even if they are not employable, there are plenty of ways of earning at the very least a small income by buying and selling or offering a service from home.
Taking the alternative job and letting the others pull their weight sounds like the right way to go.
Is the needy family member unable to work and unable to get benefits themselves, or is it more of a case that they can't bring themselves to do one or the other and having you as a crutch saves them having to face up to reality? They are putting their health before yours, whether they realize it or not. It sounds like tough love is required.
If you are the only one working out of you, your partner and NFM, then you are paying tax on income that they wouldn't have to if they shared a little of the burden. Even if they are not employable, there are plenty of ways of earning at the very least a small income by buying and selling or offering a service from home.
Taking the alternative job and letting the others pull their weight sounds like the right way to go.
Edited by GliderRider on Sunday 3rd January 19:03
Hi OP,
As you're anonymous, can you share the figures so that we can advise with the full picture? I.e.:
How much is pay cut (either gross or net)?
How much is cc debt & what is interest rate?
How much is loan for & what is interest rate?
How much do you give NFM per month?
My first thoughts are that you need to assess your debt before taking any action:
- transfer credit card debt to 0% interest card and focus on paying it off
- Consider consolidating Loan into mortgage if significant
- Are you on best mortgage rate etc?
As you're anonymous, can you share the figures so that we can advise with the full picture? I.e.:
How much is pay cut (either gross or net)?
How much is cc debt & what is interest rate?
How much is loan for & what is interest rate?
How much do you give NFM per month?
My first thoughts are that you need to assess your debt before taking any action:
- transfer credit card debt to 0% interest card and focus on paying it off
- Consider consolidating Loan into mortgage if significant
- Are you on best mortgage rate etc?
Gassing Station | Finance | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff