Funeral support

[duckers_26]

Unfortunately my Dad passed away on Monday and my Mum is pretty devastated, they had been together for 60 years, until recently did everything together.

I know the funeral has to socially distanced and masks but I’d like to be able hug my mum or at least hold her hand when she gets upset. We are in a care bubble with my partner.

Nothing on the government website seems to say anything apart from social distancing. Does anyone know if I can give her that support? I’m an only child so no one else will be doing the same and as I say we’re bubbled.

[The Rotrex Kid]

Sorry for your loss.

I am absolutely not one to break laws, cause hassle or some tin foil hatter who thinks the government is out to get us...

But...

In this circumstance, do whatever you need to do, you won’t get arrested.

[K50 DEL]

I attended a funeral earlier in lockdown, the daughter concerned was able to hug her Mum (existing support bubble, same as you) with no problems.
I believe that the family were advised that such contact was OK by the funeral director at the time, but there was certainly no issue with it on the day.

Sorry for your loss.

[Sheepshanks]

The Rotrex Kid said:

In this circumstance, do whatever you need to do, you won’t get arrested.

There has been a bit of a kerfuffle about Crematorium staff wading in and separating people - my FILs funeral was right at the beginning of all this and we were all told in no uncertain terms that we had to keep apart, inc husbands from wives.

I gather they've backed off now, I guess as the rules have become clearer, so should be fine as long as you make staff aware beforehand.

[duckers_26]

Sheepshanks said:

There has been a bit of a kerfuffle about Crematorium staff wading in and separating people - my FILs funeral was right at the beginning of all this and we were all told in no uncertain terms that we had to keep apart, inc husbands from wives.

I gather they've backed off now, I guess as the rules have become clearer, so should be fine as long as you make staff aware beforehand.

This is what I was concerned about, perhaps I’ll have a word with the funeral director as they will probably know what the local crem are like. I would hate what you describe to happen as that would be even more upsetting.

[Taita]

Sorry to hear that.

Look after your mum how you see fit and ignore the rules.

[105.4]

Sorry to hear your news Duckers. My Father has been in a coma for the last 24 days, on a dialysis machine with kidney failure, on a ventilator after multiple heart attacks and with Swiss cheese for lungs, so I guess I’ll be in your shoes soon

As for the funeral, IMO, if you Mother needs a hug, give her a hug and to hell with the bloody social distancing regulations and anybody that tries to enforce them.

What are they going to do? Lock you up for twenty years for comforting your Mother?

Edited by 105.4 on Saturday 20th March 17:18

[Ussrcossack]

The Rotrex Kid said:

Sorry for your loss.

I am absolutely not one to break laws, cause hassle or some tin foil hatter who thinks the government is out to get us...

But...

In this circumstance, do whatever you need to do, you won’t get arrested.

Very good advice
Sorry OP. For your loss

[Legacywr]

Ussrcossack said:

The Rotrex Kid said:

Sorry for your loss.

I am absolutely not one to break laws, cause hassle or some tin foil hatter who thinks the government is out to get us...

But...

In this circumstance, do whatever you need to do, you won’t get arrested.

Very good advice
Sorry OP. For your loss

Agreed, you only die once, be respectful of the situation, and just do what you feel you need to. Nobody who’s not in your immediate personal surroundings will know who’s supposed to be with who, so you shouldn’t face any interference.

Sorry for your loss bud

[duckers_26]

Thanks guys for your advice and thoughts, it’s been small things that set me off, but it just breaks my heart to see mum and I want to be there for her on the day.

We’ve been doing the order of service today and are having a celebrant, both me and mum have written pieces and we’re trying to make it as personal to him as possible rather than hymns that he would never have sung.

[BryanC]

Returning from a funeral this morning, we were invited to choose our own seats in our own respective ' social bubbles '.
No pressure anywhere to sit apart and not certain the limit was not marginally exceeded.
A good send off ending with ' oh I do like to be beside the seaside ' by Reg Dixon. We left with fond memories of an old chum.

I wonder if formalities have been slightly eased during these difficult times.

[Jasandjules]

So sorry for your loss.

I have no idea what "the rules" are for funeral but in my view you get one chance to say goodbye to your dad and to support your mum, thus f**k any rules that would prevent this. Better to do what is right IMHO.

[duckers_26]

Thanks all, my main concern is that we’ll have someone official wade in rather than the rules. I think I’ll speak to the funeral director as they’ll have seen what happens locally (south Essex in case anyone about).

[crofty1984]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Indeed. Priorities.

[wiggy001]

The fact someone grieving even needs to think about this is so wrong.

Do what is right for you and your loved ones. But as you’ve said, probably worth a word beforehand to ensure there won’t be any separating of loved ones.