property purchase with partner dilemma
Discussion
Hi,
My girlfriend and i are about to buy a place together.
I will use the capital from my house sale and get a mortgage or the rest.
She will not contribute.
She has an adult child.
I have a mid teen child.
So, we are supposed to be buying together.
But i have concerns.
1) If we buy as both owning half (tenants in common), if she dies before me, i will lose half my home to her child.
If i were to die first i have other assets so i can ensure both my girlfriend and my child are taken care of.
2) if we buy where we both own the home entirely (joint tenants), when i die, eventually everything will be inherited by her when i die and then by her child when she dies, and nothing by my child.
This seems unfair, as i will pay for everything.
I could just buy on my own,
But that feels s
t.
I love my girlfriend and want to do things correctly.
But i want to secure my child's future, not my girlfriend's child.
We are actually engaged.
No doubt this is a very old dilemma aced by many.
How can i do the right thing re my fiancee, without seeing everything eventually pssing to her child when we die, or half to her child if my girlfriend dies?
Anyone dealt with this problem?
Any ideas/financial structures etc etc?
Thanks.
My girlfriend and i are about to buy a place together.
I will use the capital from my house sale and get a mortgage or the rest.
She will not contribute.
She has an adult child.
I have a mid teen child.
So, we are supposed to be buying together.
But i have concerns.
1) If we buy as both owning half (tenants in common), if she dies before me, i will lose half my home to her child.
If i were to die first i have other assets so i can ensure both my girlfriend and my child are taken care of.
2) if we buy where we both own the home entirely (joint tenants), when i die, eventually everything will be inherited by her when i die and then by her child when she dies, and nothing by my child.
This seems unfair, as i will pay for everything.
I could just buy on my own,
But that feels s
t.I love my girlfriend and want to do things correctly.
But i want to secure my child's future, not my girlfriend's child.
We are actually engaged.
No doubt this is a very old dilemma aced by many.
How can i do the right thing re my fiancee, without seeing everything eventually pssing to her child when we die, or half to her child if my girlfriend dies?
Anyone dealt with this problem?
Any ideas/financial structures etc etc?
Thanks.
tonyvid said:
Can you not state all this in your wills to cover these different outcomes? I had a similar situation and we wanted it to be fair depending what might happen. Also have life assurance covering the outstanding mortgage so that no one is left homeless if the worst happens.
How would i ever be sure that she doesn't change her will at a later date?We do see things quite differently when it comes to our children.
Rightly or wrongly, i am committed to provide for my girlfriend and my child, but not her child.
Seems a bit of a dichotomy here, firstly you want to put her name on the deeds even though it sounds like she is contributing nothing to the deposit or the mortgage payments?
Secondly, in the event of you dying you do not want the property to pass on to your girlfriend and eventually her child?
Really awkward situation to be in to be honest.
Secondly, in the event of you dying you do not want the property to pass on to your girlfriend and eventually her child?
Really awkward situation to be in to be honest.
Just put it in your will that when you die your gf can stay in the house but upon sale or her death the proceeds of the house would be split in proportion to ownership, and vice versa. That way neither of you will lose your house if the other dies and there will be no issue with your kids having to lose out.
Joey Deacon said:
Seems a bit of a dichotomy here, firstly you want to put her name on the deeds even though it sounds like she is contributing nothing to the deposit or the mortgage payments?
Secondly, in the event of you dying you do not want the property to pass on to your girlfriend and eventually her child?
Really awkward situation to be in to be honest.
Yes. Bloody awkward.Secondly, in the event of you dying you do not want the property to pass on to your girlfriend and eventually her child?
Really awkward situation to be in to be honest.
I don't mind it going to my gf, but it is where it goes after that that concerns me.
I didn't spend half my life living in hotel whilst working away from home to take care of someone i have met a few times, and not my child who i always planned to help later in life.
But i have been with my gf for 11 years and owe her security.
To make matters worse, my gf has started menopause or pre, and that makes me very nervous as well!
Not always a fun time.
bulldong said:
Just put it in your will that when you die your gf can stay in the house but upon sale or her death the proceeds of the house would be split in proportion to ownership, and vice versa. That way neither of you will lose your house if the other dies and there will be no issue with your kids having to lose out.
She will feel betrayed that she is not on the deeds.You won't feel she has security as the will can be changed.
I think i am asking a question that doesn't have a real solution acceptable to all.
Bugger.
OP, what exactly do you want to happen in these different scenarios
eg.
You die
You die and your son is dead
You die and your girlfriend / wife is dead
You die and your girlfriend sells the house
etc.
There are a lot of scenarios to work through and a lawyer might be best placed to spell them out and help you draw up the appropriate will / trust arrangement.
eg.
You die
You die and your son is dead
You die and your girlfriend / wife is dead
You die and your girlfriend sells the house
etc.
There are a lot of scenarios to work through and a lawyer might be best placed to spell them out and help you draw up the appropriate will / trust arrangement.
markiii said:
its real simple no contribute not on the deeds
or prepare to get shafted in the event of a split
your choice
Harsh, very harshor prepare to get shafted in the event of a split
your choice
But sadly I would say this is the way.
Should you die, she could be more than fair and give half to your son but....
Or you could just split up even after 11 years. Then she gets half and you have to buy her half out.
She'll possibly leave you over this or hold it over you for the rest of your time together.
How stable is the relationship really.
No need for her to be on the deeds, as surely this will resolve itself when you marry? Once married, what yours is hers and all that. 
But, putting her on before marriage (even after 11 years!) opens you up to a risk if you don’t marry...
Once married (and really before) you’re going to have to have a discussion about what you want to happen when you die in respect of the family assets and supporting your child, and then formalise that in a will. Whatever you do, have the talk first - no one needs a surprise in a will!
If, as part of the discussion, you find out her ideas for supporting your child after you’re gone are wildly different from yours, you might want to consider how well you really know her...
But, putting her on before marriage (even after 11 years!) opens you up to a risk if you don’t marry...
Once married (and really before) you’re going to have to have a discussion about what you want to happen when you die in respect of the family assets and supporting your child, and then formalise that in a will. Whatever you do, have the talk first - no one needs a surprise in a will!
If, as part of the discussion, you find out her ideas for supporting your child after you’re gone are wildly different from yours, you might want to consider how well you really know her...
philv said:
Hi,
My girlfriend and i are about to buy a place together.
I will use the capital from my house sale and get a mortgage or the rest.
She will not contribute.
I think you need to stop there and take a step back......My girlfriend and i are about to buy a place together.
I will use the capital from my house sale and get a mortgage or the rest.
She will not contribute.
You are NOT buying a house TOGETHER.
YOU are buying a house. She is possibly coming to live in it with you.
Once you realise that fact you should make arrangements via a legal agreement or through your will as to how you would like that house to be treated/disposed off in the event if your death or ending of the relationship.
Please do this in order to look after your own child.
You would be well advised NOT to put her on the deeds.
Edited by gts.981 on Tuesday 23 March 11:03
philv said:
i want to secure my child's future, not my girlfriend's child.
philv said:
How would i ever be sure that she doesn't change her will at a later date?
We do see things quite differently when it comes to our children.
Rightly or wrongly, i am committed to provide for my girlfriend and my child, but not her child.
If you aren't absolutely certain she'll do the right thing and make sure your child is taken care of, my brutally honest opinion is to stay single.We do see things quite differently when it comes to our children.
Rightly or wrongly, i am committed to provide for my girlfriend and my child, but not her child.
NuckyThompson said:
Take out life insurance?
If you die then your gf gets the life insurance payout, your child gets the house. Both are provided for.
If say in 20 years you are still together then revisit the situation but ask that your gf starts to contribute to the household income if possible.
I am starting to think along these lines.If you die then your gf gets the life insurance payout, your child gets the house. Both are provided for.
If say in 20 years you are still together then revisit the situation but ask that your gf starts to contribute to the household income if possible.
If we split we will have been together for 11 or more years.
She has a moral right to security as i accepted her to be with me.
I accepted her as my charge so to speak.
If i die, i have enough assets to distribute to make things fair.
If she dies and there is life insurance, then the life insurance would cover her half of the house.
I would take out the policy and pay the premiums (presumably i can do this).
I would put it in a trust.
Thoughts?
I
My thoughts are that you should talk to a solicitor to draw up a will before buying the house, taking out life insurance or anything else.
This is fairly complex stuff and easy to get wrong but bread and butter work for a solicitor.
When I did so a few years back, I was quite surprised at all the possible avenues that need to be covered off.
This is fairly complex stuff and easy to get wrong but bread and butter work for a solicitor.
When I did so a few years back, I was quite surprised at all the possible avenues that need to be covered off.
I did a few things to cater for my son from a previous relationship and my partner and younger son.
Firstly, I put in £60k when we got our house, she put in £10k. We did a declaration of trust document from the solicitor. If the relationship ends, I get my £60k, she gets her £10k and we sell the house and pay off the mortgage. Any profit is split 50:50. The house has over £100k equity in it and rising.
Wills. We specified how we want our estate to be split. My son will still get a good chunk in the event of my death. My partner and other son who we have together are covered too.
We both have death in service with work which will more than cover the mortgage meaning they can still live in the house after I'm gone.
We have a joint life insurance policy which will also cover the mortgage and more.
Basically, if one of us dies or we decide to part and go our separate ways, everyone is protected.
Firstly, I put in £60k when we got our house, she put in £10k. We did a declaration of trust document from the solicitor. If the relationship ends, I get my £60k, she gets her £10k and we sell the house and pay off the mortgage. Any profit is split 50:50. The house has over £100k equity in it and rising.
Wills. We specified how we want our estate to be split. My son will still get a good chunk in the event of my death. My partner and other son who we have together are covered too.
We both have death in service with work which will more than cover the mortgage meaning they can still live in the house after I'm gone.
We have a joint life insurance policy which will also cover the mortgage and more.
Basically, if one of us dies or we decide to part and go our separate ways, everyone is protected.
We have a similar situation except that we are married. As tenants in common we are able to will our respective halves of the house to our respective children. The will can be written in such a way that on first death the house passes to the surviving spouse/partner but that the deceased's half is held in some sort of Trust to be distributed as per the deceased's wishes after the second death. In that way the surviving partner has full use of the asset (buy/sell/rent) during their life-time. I would suggest the OP pays for a discussion with a professional will advisor.
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