Wife taken kids

[Nampahc Niloc]

I initially set up a new account to maximise my anonymity before posting this, but it turns out you have to wait 14 days before posting. However, I don’t think anyone on here knows who I am in real life, so here goes. On the off chance that anyone does know who I am, I would request you keep this to yourself, as I have not told many people yet.

Before going any further, you don’t need to give me the standard reply. I will be seeking legal advice first thing tomorrow morning; but any advice, be it on the process/ people’s experience or even good lawyers would be greatly welcomed.

To cut the long story short my wife left me on Friday and took both kids (one step child (A) and one biological child (B)). This was accompanied by a police visit to the family home. I have been told there were no allegations of me being violent, and you will have to take my word that this is the case. I was in utter shock at the time and very compliant. There have been threats before that she would leave, but given the police presence this was obviously the real deal. It’s also worth noting that the first I knew she was leaving me was when she came through the front door with two cops in tow.

At this point I assumed I would get to see B over the weekend, that we would immediately come to some arrangement. If I could keep A in my life as well, even better. I was very naive.

I was advised by the police to give my wife space and not to try and contact her. So I let 24 hours pass before starting to realise that I had no idea where they had gone, and no one had contacted me about seeing my kid. I sent one text to my wife at this point asking what was going on, but got no reply.

This morning I phoned her. Many of you are probably think I’m an idiot for not giving her the advised space, but please realise that I did not know where they were and if I would ever see them again. Luckily my wife decided to answer. The conversation pretty much went round in circles with her repeating the following statements.

- B is safe.
- she (my wife) is seeking legal advice

When I asked if I could see B today, she just said no and repeated above. When I asked when I would be able to see B, she repeated the above. She wouldn’t even let me speak to B on the phone and (unsurprisingly) wouldn’t tell me where they are. We hung up and that will be the last time I try to contact her, lest I come across as harassing them.

Needless to say I’m a mess. I’m scared, I have no idea when or even if I’ll ever see my kids again. Her hardline stance and talk of legal advice makes it clear it’s definitely not going to be in the short term.

Obviously every case is different, but can anyone advise of what I’ve got ahead of me. Hopefully her lawyer will convince her to seek arbitration, but I can’t stop worrying about the fact she involved the police and has gone straight down the lawyer route.

How are the courts likely to look on her just taking the kids and denying me any access? Will that help my case if it ends up in a custody battle, as she denied B access to their father, or are they likely to see her as a scared mum and wonder what she was scared about? (I guess the answer is that every case is different and I shouldn’t read to much into it but that’s easier said than done when I have so much to lose).

Thanks in advance for any responses.

[Taita]

No idea on the actual question I am afraid, but hope it works out as well as it can for you

[syl]

Are you worried about the safety of B (and A)?

[Nampahc Niloc]

syl said:

Are you worried about the safety of B (and A)?

No. That’s the one thing I know I can trust. She wouldn’t jeopardise their safety.

[Easternlight]

Nampahc Niloc said:

I initially set up a new account to maximise my anonymity before posting this, but it turns out you have to wait 14 days before posting. However, I don’t think anyone on here knows who I am in real life, so here goes. On the off chance that anyone does know who I am, I would request you keep this to yourself, as I have not told many people yet.

Before going any further, you don’t need to give me the standard reply. I will be seeking legal advice first thing tomorrow morning; but any advice, be it on the process/ people’s experience or even good lawyers would be greatly welcomed.

To cut the long story short my wife left me on Friday and took both kids (one step child (A) and one biological child (B)). This was accompanied by a police visit to the family home. I have been told there were no allegations of me being violent, and you will have to take my word that this is the case. I was in utter shock at the time and very compliant. There have been threats before that she would leave, but given the police presence this was obviously the real deal. It’s also worth noting that the first I knew she was leaving me was when she came through the front door with two cops in tow.

At this point I assumed I would get to see B over the weekend, that we would immediately come to some arrangement. If I could keep A in my life as well, even better. I was very naive.

I was advised by the police to give my wife space and not to try and contact her. So I let 24 hours pass before starting to realise that I had no idea where they had gone, and no one had contacted me about seeing my kid. I sent one text to my wife at this point asking what was going on, but got no reply.

This morning I phoned her. Many of you are probably think I’m an idiot for not giving her the advised space, but please realise that I did not know where they were and if I would ever see them again. Luckily my wife decided to answer. The conversation pretty much went round in circles with her repeating the following statements.

- B is safe.
- she (my wife) is seeking legal advice

When I asked if I could see B today, she just said no and repeated above. When I asked when I would be able to see B, she repeated the above. She wouldn’t even let me speak to B on the phone and (unsurprisingly) wouldn’t tell me where they are. We hung up and that will be the last time I try to contact her, lest I come across as harassing them.

Needless to say I’m a mess. I’m scared, I have no idea when or even if I’ll ever see my kids again. Her hardline stance and talk of legal advice makes it clear it’s definitely not going to be in the short term.

Obviously every case is different, but can anyone advise of what I’ve got ahead of me. Hopefully her lawyer will convince her to seek arbitration, but I can’t stop worrying about the fact she involved the police and has gone straight down the lawyer route.

How are the courts likely to look on her just taking the kids and denying me any access? Will that help my case if it ends up in a custody battle, as she denied B access to their father, or are they likely to see her as a scared mum and wonder what she was scared about? (I guess the answer is that every case is different and I shouldn’t read to much into it but that’s easier said than done when I have so much to lose).

Thanks in advance for any responses.

How did she get the police involved, I didn't think they would turn out for this?

[Paul_B]

What was the reason for her getting the police involved? Might help so those giving genuine advice can be more informed...

[Nampahc Niloc]

The police will come to a home to help a woman leave she is scared, especially since the rise in domestic violence during COVID. They’re purely there to keep the peace. I actually got a phone call this morning to check on my welfare, so I really can’t fault them. They’ve got to err on the side of caution and I get that.

[randlemarcus]

How old is B? The courts will vary in their opinion if B is still breastfeeding, 5 or 15.

Start by making contemporaneous notes, right now. Maybe something with a cloud timestamp, though not a public blog.

If she brought the police, that's going to be her side of the story going forwards, so be incredibly calm and even tempered in every single interaction. Voice recordings may help here, so get used to doing that (but maybe not letting her know).

You're starting this today - she's obviously thought this through over a long period of time. You're also starting on the back foot at the Family Courts, as you have a Y chromosome. Separate access from Child Support - you might want to talk to CMA on Monday to start a direct payment along the lines of the money you need to pay. No cash, all bank transfer.

Most important thing to remember is you have no rights to see B, but she has a right to see you, and that's what you're fighting for.

[Nampahc Niloc]

Paul_B said:

What was the reason for her getting the police involved? Might help so those giving genuine advice can be more informed...

I really don’t know. I was shocked. We’ve been arguing all week but it never got violent. No one told me anything, just that (when I asked) there had been no allegations of violence.

I can only assume she phone the police and said she wanted to move out but was scared.

[Nampahc Niloc]

randlemarcus said:

How old is B? The courts will vary in their opinion if B is still breastfeeding, 5 or 15.

Start by making contemporaneous notes, right now. Maybe something with a cloud timestamp, though not a public blog.

If she brought the police, that's going to be her side of the story going forwards, so be incredibly calm and even tempered in every single interaction. Voice recordings may help here, so get used to doing that (but maybe not letting her know).

You're starting this today - she's obviously thought this through over a long period of time. You're also starting on the back foot at the Family Courts, as you have a Y chromosome. Separate access from Child Support - you might want to talk to CMA on Monday to start a direct payment along the lines of the money you need to pay. No cash, all bank transfer.

Most important thing to remember is you have no rights to see B, but she has a right to see you, and that's what you're fighting for.

Thanks for the advice. B is a toddler and isn’t breast feeding. This may seem arrogant, but B is very much a “Daddy’s” child. When ever B is in distress, I am often the only one they want. That’s something we’ve been trying to ween them off, as work means I can’t always be here (though I may have to reassess that now), but we had a long way to go. Making B suddenly go cold turkey Daddy can’t be nice for them.

[poo at Paul's]

Appalling she turned up with the BIB, nice that they have time to indulge her. Ultimately, all she had to do was pack some bags and go, she could have done that anytime.

How old are the kids? Obviously if they are older, they will have more of a say as to who gets to see them, if they are young, certainly initially you won’t be seeing them unless the missus days so.
Which is disgusting, of course.
Whilst it’s all messy and upsetting, keep cool and write down exactly what’s been happening. Make notes on the phone call, what you’ve been told and where your kid allegedly is.

As for the police advice of give her 24 hours, that’s just bks. It’s your family not theirs. But the mere fact they sent two coppers for her move out suggests to me she’s told them a pack of lies about you, so be prepared for that to continue.

Also, have a think back to what’s been going on in recent weeks and write all that down. iF she’s been seeing someone she’s almost certainly been breaching all the covid rules and regs, whilst it may seem petty, in a global pandemic she could have been risking the health of the whole family, including you and your kid. You may need to make that point to someone at some point in proceedings. But only you know what’s been going on.

Do you Know where they are ? Tried find my iPhone etc for wife and or kids? If she’s telling you she’s at her mums and she’s soemwhere else, again, make a note and write it down.
Hopefully you’ll get better advice and know a bit more soon.

[Nampahc Niloc]

poo at Paul's said:

Appalling she turned up with the BIB, nice that they have time to indulge her. Ultimately, all she had to do was pack some bags and go, she could have done that anytime.

How old are the kids? Obviously if they are older, they will have more of a say as to who gets to see them, if they are young, certainly initially you won’t be seeing them unless the missus days so.
Which is disgusting, of course.
Whilst it’s all messy and upsetting, keep cool and write down exactly what’s been happening. Make notes on the phone call, what you’ve been told and where your kid allegedly is.

As for the police advice of give her 24 hours, that’s just bks. It’s your family not theirs. But the mere fact they sent two coppers for her move out suggests to me she’s told them a pack of lies about you, so be prepared for that to continue.

Also, have a think back to what’s been going on in recent weeks and write all that down. iF she’s been seeing someone she’s almost certainly been breaching all the covid rules and regs, whilst it may seem petty, in a global pandemic she could have been risking the health of the whole family, including you and your kid. You may need to make that point to someone at some point in proceedings. But only you know what’s been going on.

Do you Know where they are ? Tried find my iPhone etc for wife and or kids? If she’s telling you she’s at her mums and she’s soemwhere else, again, make a note and write it down.
Hopefully you’ll get better advice and know a bit more soon.

Thank you.

I don’t want to be too specific, but A is older end of primary school, B is a toddler. The didn’t actually say wait 24 hours. I can’t remember the exact words but it was basically they advised (not ordered) that I don’t try to contact her. After 24 hours, I decided to ignore that advice because I wanted to see B (I’m realistic that I’ve got no argument regarding A).

I have no idea where they are. My wife refused to say when I asked. I haven’t got access to her find my iPhone and the last thing I want to do is risk coming off in anyway stalking them.

[poo at Paul's]

Nampahc Niloc said:

Thank you.

I don’t want to be too specific, but A is older end of primary school, B is a toddler. The didn’t actually say wait 24 hours. I can’t remember the exact words but it was basically they advised (not ordered) that I don’t try to contact her. After 24 hours, I decided to ignore that advice because I wanted to see B (I’m realistic that I’ve got no argument regarding A).

I have no idea where they are. My wife refused to say when I asked. I haven’t got access to her find my iPhone and the last thing I want to do is risk coming off in anyway stalking them.

The irony is that if you’d have done this, she’d have reported the kids missing and they’rd be a nationwide manhunt for you, the kidnapper......

[Sir Bagalot]

Are her Parents or one of her siblings about? Perhaps suggest going through one of them to gain access to child B?

[Eyersey1234]

Just to wish you good luck OP.

[dan_87]

I have nothing much to contribute other than say I hope everything works out for you in the end.

From personal experience, my Dad experienced something similar- carpet swept from under him. Police and allegations of domestic abuse get looked at severely (maybe a little too severely). My father couldn’t cope with the pain, and 2 months later ended things. Whilst this isn’t a plea to pull on heart strings, it shows how quickly it can go from bad to worse.

I think you may be in for a bumpy ride. I hope you will be able to manage the pain.

The Police will do you no favours. The outcome is largely driven from how reasonable your partner/wife is.

Edited by dan_87 on Sunday 28th March 19:51

[LordHaveMurci]

Very best of luck, it’s going to be a horrible journey.

As somebody has already said, stay calm at all times & start keeping a diary of everything.

Not sure of the legalities of recording calls but if legal it would certainly be useful to do.

Women can be properly vile in these circumstances & IME they don’t always put their kids first sadly.

[martinbiz]

dan_87 said:

I have nothing much to contribute

Why bother posting then especially as all you seem to be is a prophet of doom

[Register1]

Very sorry to hear about this.
Happened to me many years ago.
She arrived at our marital home with 2 police.
As I was at home alone, the doors were locked.
Police demanded to come in.
They eventually smashed down the front door.
I never seen the three kids for almost 3 years, so be prepared.
Be prepared for lie after lie, after lie.
Be prepared for her not turning up to childrens court, to decide visitations.
After 18 months she went to childrens court, but didnt comply with orders.
Judge said they have to see their father.
Be prepared to go park outside their temporary home, while you expect the three kids come out, to spend a day with you.
But then nothing, just crying kids at the window, when their mother wont let them out, despite what the judge ordered.
Be prepared to see your kids cry, breaking your heart in pieces, because they cant be with you.
If you dont move away from the house, expect the police to arrive in less than 5 minutes to handcuff you, and lead you away.

I dont want to depress you, but its just utter st.

Even when you get to the courts, and my 14 year daughter tells the judge herself that she wants to live with dad, prepare to be told by care workers that she doesnt know what she wants.

No wonder so many fathers end up broken.

But now, have great relationship with eldest daughter.

Just prepare and be strong, you will need all your energy.

Edited by Register1 on Sunday 28th March 20:12

[Amateurish]

You need to take urgent action tomorrow. Your solicitor should be able to get a hearing at short notice to obtain a temporary child arrangements order so that you can see your child again.