Looking after an adult who never grew up..............

[the_g_ster]

Thanks for opening, perhaps this is a little complex for a forum topic, but some broad pointers or experiences will be of great help.

I have a family member who has never worked, lives at home with his parents and has a complex medical history in his teens which largely put him out of education for years. He is able bodied, though limited in endurance in what he can do, and I think gets a small amount of disability benefit.

The reason for the forum question, is that his parents are now getting older, circumstances are changing, and having sold a lucrative business they have dwindled their own positions through various reasons and are now unlikely to be able to just buy their son a house and give him money and security for the rest of his life, when they pass away.

I am trying to plan forward at what I can do to help him, as there is zero chance of him being self sufficient, and a slim slim chance of him ever securing a job. He's thirty, with no qualifications, and whilst his memory is amazing, he isn't able to apply himself to for study. he doesn't really leave the house other than for medical appointments or, to walk the dog the odd time.

I am worried that one day, when his parents pass, he will be left without a home, and feature on no radar of the authorities as he's essentially been a man child for his whole life. Indeed, as he gets older, I don't even know if he would be eligible for the state pension, etc etc.

Have any of you had experience of this? Any advice, I don't know where to start, and whatever i do will cause some issues within the family, but trying to think on what I could start to do in order to to try and get him some help and security for the future.

[Simpo Two]

I know a chap in his late 50s who's bipolar, and unable despite best intentions to work. He rents a housing trust one-bed flat and qualifies for enough state benefit to get by. That said he has few overheads (single, can't drive, doesn't take holidays, doesn't drink) and is very careful with money. So that's one scenario that works.

As for your guy's future, it seems likely he'll inherit a house, which he can either live in or downsize to release capital. But he'll need help to do that.

Edited by Simpo Two on Monday 28th June 16:43

[PurpleFox]

It's nice that he has someone at least giving it a thought, good on you.

I would suggest that he needs to get 'in the system' he may receive DLA, that's different, he needs to be known to the local authority, social services and such like.

Without knowing the relationship you have its difficult to know what you can and can't do for him. Seems like he is capable of making his own decisions etc so you need to be careful how you do it to not piss him off or his parents.

If it were me I would want to get him known to adult social services, there may be all sorts of local stuff he could be offered such as group days out and the like. They will also offer some support to the carers, respite etc.

If his parents have looked after him all his life, when they pass away it could be the first the local authority know about him and it will be a disaster. Getting them involved now gives everyone a bit of a heads up and enables a plan for short, medium and long term care.

Good luck.

[Easternlight]

You need to pay 35 years N.I. to qualify for a full state pension, so that's not happening.

[aaron-j9c9a]

Being disabled and depending on what benefits he actually gets now and continues to get until retirement age will determine if he gets full state pension but being disabled more than likely he will.

You need to go to the local authority and get a social worker involved, so he’s on the radar, depending on his disability it would be wise to look at charities that can help support him and point him in the right direction.

The best thing is parents can do to ensure he financially ok for more than a few years is to have a life insurance policy.

[Mattt]

aaron-j9c9a said:

The best thing is parents can do to ensure he financially ok for more than a few years is to have a life insurance policy.

OP said parents are ageing so that’s not really going to be an effective option.

[Captain Raymond Holt]

Depends how close a family member, but it might be sensible to have a PoA in place so you can assist with official stuff if needed?

People in their position can easily lose out though not knowing / acting.