Is this person my friend?

[SamD38]

How much would you care about someone to arrange to meet with them (travelling 40 minutes on the subway to get there) and spend six hours with them - fi􏰂rstly having lunch with them and then visiting a museum with them?

Do you think that the person who did this and met with me is a friend?

I have Aspergers, so struggle to interpret things socially, and often struggle to make close friends. I often feel that many people 'hate me' (due to bullying that I faced at school) and that 'I have no friends'.

Indeed, when I was feeling a bit down and previously said 'I have no friends to talk to anymore' to this person, they replied to me:

‘Kate you can always talk to me  and I don’t know of anyone who hates you you’re such a lovely person. I think you just need to gain perspective on the situation you feel you’re in. Are you at home at the moment? Might be best to get some sleep and think about it tomorrow’

Do you think that this person is my friend?

[ThunderSpook]

Unless you’re paying them, nobody is going to voluntarily spend 6 hours with you if they weren’t friends with you.

Clearly the person that you said you had no friends to, you actually felt close enough to them to say that, therefore that person is most likely your friend.

[Meeten-5dulx]

Is your name Kate?
Assuming it is, this person is probably a friend.

[SamD38]

Not sure what happened in my post with the random numbers.

Seemingly the word 'f irstly' has a lot of random numbers in it - not sure why.

Then after 'Kate you can always talk to me' there was a smiley face, not a load of random characters...

Sorry about that!

[SamD38]

Hi Meeten-5dulx,

Yes. Ah - what makes you think that? I wasn't sure if by starting with my name the sender was somewhat angry at me (e.g. like addressing me directly)?

[jjones]

SamD38 said:

Hi Meeten-5dulx,

Yes. Ah - what makes you think that? I wasn't sure if by starting with my name the sender was somewhat angry at me (e.g. like addressing me directly)?

It's fine, they seem friendly.

[ThunderSpook]

When someone starts a sentence with your name it usually means they are being serious and want you to listen.

It’s not a sign of telling you off or anything like that, they just want to make sure they have your full attention.

[98elise]

ThunderSpook said:

Unless you’re paying them, nobody is going to voluntarily spend 6 hours with you if they weren’t friends with you.

Clearly the person that you said you had no friends to, you actually felt close enough to them to say that, therefore that person is most likely your friend.

Agreed. Socially you can probably class all people you meet as strangers, acquaintances or friends.The amount of time I'd freely give up for them would be along the lines of...

Strangers: 20 minutes
Acquaintances: 1hour
Friends:: All day

Anyone who isn't your family or colleague, that will happily give up a couple of hours to be with you is a friend.

Edited by 98elise on Thursday 15th July 08:24

[J4CKO]

Certainly seems friendly to me

[Evoluzione]

SamD38 said:

Not sure what happened in my post with the random numbers.

Seemingly the word 'f irstly' has a lot of random numbers in it - not sure why.

Then after 'Kate you can always talk to me' there was a smiley face, not a load of random characters...

Sorry about that!

You're using emoticons from your phone which this forum doesn't accept. Use the 'Smilies' tab up there.

Yes I would say they're a friend.

[98elise]

SamD38 said:

Not sure what happened in my post with the random numbers.

Seemingly the word 'f irstly' has a lot of random numbers in it - not sure why.

Then after 'Kate you can always talk to me' there was a smiley face, not a load of random characters...

Sorry about that!

You can edit the post to fix the problem with firstly. It works for me so you probably misstyped it, and a character caused a format issue.

For the smiley use the pistonheads ones rather then emojis from elsewhere.

[Ambleton]

I agree with the others.


I would say that this person is being a good friend. They obviously saw your message and thought that you were feeling down. When you're feeling a bit down or sad then good friends will always make time for you and cheer you up, spend the day with you etc.

I am quite a solitary person, but its always nice to have a few good friends to meet up with occasionally. It always cheers me up, even if it's just for an hour meeting up for a drink.

Personally I like to plan in social events or meet ups several months in advance. Maybe two or three per year per "friend", often at car events, but museums is good too, because there's always something to chat about. If I met with the same person every week then I think it would be difficult to keep the conversation going. It also means that there is always something to look forward to and you can keep the diary free.

[shih tzu faced]

Definitely a friend and a good one too. Sounds like they have decent intentions, care about you and have your interests at heart.

It might be worth talking to this person about your Asperger’s if they aren’t already aware. Easier said than done I know, but definitely worth making the effort to bring it up in conversation if you can.

Another thing is that Asperger’s is really quite common these days and people’s understanding of it may often be greater than you think.

Anyway, in this instance it sounds like there is nothing to worry about, good luck with everything.

[Meeten-5dulx]

SamD38 said:

Hi Meeten-5dulx,

Yes. Ah - what makes you think that? I wasn't sure if by starting with my name the sender was somewhat angry at me (e.g. like addressing me directly)?

I think (as mentioned previosuly) if someone starts out a sentence with your name, it already puts you at ease.
Now if they get your name incorrect - that can be annoying and I would expect a friend to know my name!

[mikeveal]

SamD38 said:

I have Aspergers, so struggle to interpret things socially, and often struggle to make close friends.

With the greatest respect, PH may not be the best place for you.
Posters here are often savage in their replies and have no qualms disagreeing vehemently with each other. "Humour" is often at the expense of other forum users. Not every poster is an internet-warrior-pillock, but there are a very significant number who are.

You are just as likely to receive harsh words as you are affirmation & support.

This can be a great place, but you must be prepared to recognise that people will post stuff that isn't nice. If you are likely to worry about any negative comments you may get, then perhaps you should reconsider your choice of forum. Mumsnet is apparently nicer.

But if you're able to look at a post and think "That guy's wrong / rude/ an idiot." then you'll fit right in.

[shirt]

I’m getting deja vu here, there was an identical thread ri this a couple of years back. Weird

[mw88]

shirt said:

I’m getting deja vu here, there was an identical thread ri this a couple of years back. Weird

Was thinking the same thing. Seem to remember there being a few threads for different social interactions that the person had at the time.

[38911]

SamD38 said:

How much would you care about someone to arrange to meet with them (travelling 40 minutes on the subway to get there) and spend six hours with them - fi??rstly having lunch with them and then visiting a museum with them?

Do you think that the person who did this and met with me is a friend?

I have Aspergers, so struggle to interpret things socially, and often struggle to make close friends. I often feel that many people 'hate me' (due to bullying that I faced at school) and that 'I have no friends'.

Indeed, when I was feeling a bit down and previously said 'I have no friends to talk to anymore' to this person, they replied to me:

‘Kate you can always talk to me ? and I don’t know of anyone who hates you you’re such a lovely person. I think you just need to gain perspective on the situation you feel you’re in. Are you at home at the moment? Might be best to get some sleep and think about it tomorrow’

Do you think that this person is my friend?

Nothing sinister in that message - it looks like good advice.

People don't generally spend 6 hours with someone unless there is a 'reward motivation' for them. This could be as simple as the enjoyment of being in your company. It could be the satisfaction of advancing your mutual friendship. Or it could be that they themselves are bored/lonely and wanted some company.

It could also be for nefarious reward such a scam, or they are doing it for some sort of financial reward. I'm not suggesting this is the case here - but if for example you paid for their lunch, their drinks, their museum tickets, their train ticket etc - then the "reward motivation" for them could be a freebie day out and a slap up lunch.

You need to apply some judgment here, but try not to over-think things.

Edited by 38911 on Thursday 15th July 11:16

[Jasandjules]

Anyone who will freely spend six hours with you is a friend. They are enjoying your company.

[ThunderSpook]

Jasandjules said:

Anyone who will freely spend six hours with you is a friend. They are enjoying your company.

Or they want to get in your pants