Worrying signs.....5 Years on
Discussion
Some of you may recall the story of my brother in law (BiL) from 5 years ago. Summary; single bloke in his 50's (football, beer, hi-fi, bird watcher ) meets a jobless woman almost 20 years his junior with 2 kids. 3 months later she is pregnant. I could see worrying signs. She has never worked but insisted in being present whenever his finances were discussed as we tried to equip him for his new life. The family gave him £115k to buy a bigger house). And then the story begins of her cutting him off from his work friends, family and friends.Joint Fb and email, which she is the only one to use.
5 years on he has left his job (she was making allegations agaisnt his workmates) has only been allowed to keep a few very 'steady' mates he ses a few times a year.. He only sees his 86 year old dad every 2-3 months for 40 minutes , despiting living 3 miles away and a 5 minute phone call every month. My wife and I, and one of his oldest mates were cut off because we refused to take her insructions on cutting contact with an ex friend of hers. His pension lump sum has been spunked on a Merc, family holidays, jewellery and fancy hotel stays (thankfully covid saved his arse). He has had to get temporary work to maintain her lifestyle and the 3 kids.
I actually spoke with a domestic violence helpline (I think it is coercive control) but they said he had to take the step. Put their number on the back of a local decorator's business card for him but he isn't interested.
lesson; when you see the signs, take note.
Lost for ideas of what to do now.
5 years on he has left his job (she was making allegations agaisnt his workmates) has only been allowed to keep a few very 'steady' mates he ses a few times a year.. He only sees his 86 year old dad every 2-3 months for 40 minutes , despiting living 3 miles away and a 5 minute phone call every month. My wife and I, and one of his oldest mates were cut off because we refused to take her insructions on cutting contact with an ex friend of hers. His pension lump sum has been spunked on a Merc, family holidays, jewellery and fancy hotel stays (thankfully covid saved his arse). He has had to get temporary work to maintain her lifestyle and the 3 kids.
I actually spoke with a domestic violence helpline (I think it is coercive control) but they said he had to take the step. Put their number on the back of a local decorator's business card for him but he isn't interested.
lesson; when you see the signs, take note.
Lost for ideas of what to do now.
Probably is coercive control, but if he doesn't want to engage with any services that can help then there's not much can be done.
Three of my MIL's sons are drug addicts, alcoholics and gambling addicts and are fleecing her to the bone by 'borrowing' money from her and never paying it back, they have had thousands £££ from her, but she says she's happy to give it to them as they need it, whereas her other sons and daughters don't. She's leaving her whole estate to them both in her will. Nowt we can do.
Three of my MIL's sons are drug addicts, alcoholics and gambling addicts and are fleecing her to the bone by 'borrowing' money from her and never paying it back, they have had thousands £££ from her, but she says she's happy to give it to them as they need it, whereas her other sons and daughters don't. She's leaving her whole estate to them both in her will. Nowt we can do.
Tyre Smoke said:
Perhaps he's happy?
I do remember the original post. After five years, they're still together, seems like there isn't anyone in the relationship that isn't happy with the situation.
I have aked him and he says Yes, but if he was a woman I think the old bill would be in there like a shot. I do remember the original post. After five years, they're still together, seems like there isn't anyone in the relationship that isn't happy with the situation.
I remember the threads. 
Original thread
The update thread from 2019
Original thread
The update thread from 2019
x5tuu said:
Jesus, I remember the original post and can’t believe it’s 5yrs on.
Sounds like she’s broke him
Until he “wakes up” you can’t really do anything sadly
Sounds like she’s broke him
Until he “wakes up” you can’t really do anything sadly
anonymoususer said:
You can only just be there in the background for him.
That is the plan, we have kept enough cash in reserve so that when she finally breaks him there is a place for him where he can see his son because as sure as eggs is eggs she will have the house (100% of which was his but even before they maried she had him put her as joint owners). He came around late one night saying he thought she may be throwing him out. Her ex doesnt see the kids as she has done a jobb job of alienation , and I fear BiL would see the same .I envision her as looking slightly older than she is, dressing slightly younger than she should, some leopard/zebra patterned clothes, small purse on a chain, (fake) Louis Vuitton bags or Bicester village stuff, gummy smile, dark hair bleached blonde with roots showing, loud obnoxious voice.
Looking forward to the 25 years on thread. Where the brother in law has passed away at a ripe old age of natural causes and she only stayed with him for thirty years to get the inheritance…
If he’s happy, he’s happy.
5 years is unusually long for a gold digger isn’t it? Don’t they stay just long enough to be entitled to 50% and move on?
Efa
If he’s happy, he’s happy.
5 years is unusually long for a gold digger isn’t it? Don’t they stay just long enough to be entitled to 50% and move on?
Efa
Edited by robemcdonald on Sunday 26th September 09:17
Edited by robemcdonald on Sunday 26th September 09:18
I sympathise with the OP, we have a problem in our family where the MIL is being fleeced by her three youngest dysfunctional sons who have borrowed thousands ££££ from her, stolen from her and generally abused her. She hasn't got any money left but she is leaving her house to the three sons as she says 'they need it more than my other children'. Nothing you can do but distance yourself from it all.
LeadFarmer said:
I sympathise with the OP, we have a problem in our family where the MIL is being fleeced by her three youngest dysfunctional sons who have borrowed thousands ££££ from her, stolen from her and generally abused her. She is leaving her will to them as the says 'they need it more than my other children'. Nothing you can do but distance yourself from it all.
You know you posted that yesterday as well 
Monkeylegend said:
LeadFarmer said:
I sympathise with the OP, we have a problem in our family where the MIL is being fleeced by her three youngest dysfunctional sons who have borrowed thousands ££££ from her, stolen from her and generally abused her. She is leaving her will to them as the says 'they need it more than my other children'. Nothing you can do but distance yourself from it all.
You know you posted that yesterday as well Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff