Discussion
After my accident (shattered patella - see old thread) I’m returning to work at a new job. My wife had to cancel her maternity leave whilst I was recovering so that we had some money coming in. She has changed her hours to full time, previously she worked 9-3, she is unable to change her hours back again. This leaves me having to ask my parents to look after our son for a few hours twice a week after picking him up from the childminder.
The problem is.... my brother who has a baby a similar age (1yo) with his lovely girlfriend- that has 7 children to 7 different men and has never worked a day in her life is asking my parents to look after there baby over night nearly every other weekend whilst they go on nights out or to concerts or whatever else they fancy doing. My parents would never say no to them as they don’t want to cause upset but it is exhausting for them as they’re both approaching 80.
How do I approach the subject either with them or my brother without it causing serious family issues, I know the toys are going to get thrown straight out the pram. He is going to have to put his jolly nights out on hold and look after his kid as I’m going to have to ask Mum and Dad to look after my child whilst I WORK! Something that his missis isn’t very familiar with!
Whilst on the subject of his missis, she ‘sprained’ her ankle a week after I shattered my knee to pieces and she is still in ‘extreme pain’ they were together 3 months before she got pregnant, 7th child, and currently is trying to find new accommodation as the 3 bed top floor flat we are paying for isn’t big enough for her. My brother doesn’t live with her, he has his own place.
Apologies in advance for bad spelling and grammar I’m writing this whilst being beyond angry - Iv just spoken to my mum and she’s had the baby overnight again last night as they went out to watch the new James Bond!!!!!!!
The problem is.... my brother who has a baby a similar age (1yo) with his lovely girlfriend- that has 7 children to 7 different men and has never worked a day in her life is asking my parents to look after there baby over night nearly every other weekend whilst they go on nights out or to concerts or whatever else they fancy doing. My parents would never say no to them as they don’t want to cause upset but it is exhausting for them as they’re both approaching 80.
How do I approach the subject either with them or my brother without it causing serious family issues, I know the toys are going to get thrown straight out the pram. He is going to have to put his jolly nights out on hold and look after his kid as I’m going to have to ask Mum and Dad to look after my child whilst I WORK! Something that his missis isn’t very familiar with!
Whilst on the subject of his missis, she ‘sprained’ her ankle a week after I shattered my knee to pieces and she is still in ‘extreme pain’ they were together 3 months before she got pregnant, 7th child, and currently is trying to find new accommodation as the 3 bed top floor flat we are paying for isn’t big enough for her. My brother doesn’t live with her, he has his own place.
Apologies in advance for bad spelling and grammar I’m writing this whilst being beyond angry - Iv just spoken to my mum and she’s had the baby overnight again last night as they went out to watch the new James Bond!!!!!!!
Edited by PPEhero on Sunday 3rd October 13:01
Edited by PPEhero on Sunday 3rd October 13:06
Tyre Smoke said:
What makes you think you have a divine right to insist your parents look after your child rather than his?
Whilst they may well be taking the piss, why are you adding to their workload rather than looking for an alternative?
Possibly because his brother has already had lots of this parents childcare so unless your assuming his parents love isn’t equal then why wouldn’t the child care be equal. Whilst they may well be taking the piss, why are you adding to their workload rather than looking for an alternative?
Tyre Smoke said:
What makes you think you have a divine right to insist your parents look after your child rather than his?
Whilst they may well be taking the piss, why are you adding to their workload rather than looking for an alternative?
Because I need the childcare to work. She doesn’t know what work is. Whilst they may well be taking the piss, why are you adding to their workload rather than looking for an alternative?
I’m asking for 2 hours 2 days a week, at my house as it’s next to the childminder. I’m not asking for overnight stays every other weekend whilst I go on nights out.
Taking a step back youve said it's exhausting for your parents to look after the other kid at the weekend and you would like them to stop doing so they can look after yours instead while you work during the week. Would this also not be exhausting for them?
Alot of information in the OP that doesn't relate to the core question. Are you sure this isn't about something else? What relevance is the 7 kids, the flat you pay for, that they ask for their kid to be watched so they can go to a James bond film etc. Feels like you want to have something out with someone, and the childcare issue is being used as a proxy.
If the childminder won't take the kid longer then nurseries tend to be open till about 6.
Alot of information in the OP that doesn't relate to the core question. Are you sure this isn't about something else? What relevance is the 7 kids, the flat you pay for, that they ask for their kid to be watched so they can go to a James bond film etc. Feels like you want to have something out with someone, and the childcare issue is being used as a proxy.
If the childminder won't take the kid longer then nurseries tend to be open till about 6.
I'm not trying to be confrontational or negative, but it does sound as deebs says, like you are trying to leverage something out of this.
I too fail to see what relevance the number of children your brother's partner has, or her employment status has. What I see is you trying to influence your parents because you are 'more important'.
I too fail to see what relevance the number of children your brother's partner has, or her employment status has. What I see is you trying to influence your parents because you are 'more important'.
If your parents were healthy enough to look after your kid a few hours a week, an extra overnight for your brother wouldn't do much harm. You are conceding they are on the edge of their limits. Of course they would never say no.
I had a near identical situation with my brother, except I didn't have kids at the time, but I felt I had to intervene, and it pretty much ended the relationship, and it's never recovered .
The mistake I made was leading with stuff about him. I should have ignored his lifestyle issues and focused entirely on why parents were too elderly to do childcare. If I could do it again, I would ignore any personal aspects and concentrate purely on the parents needs. Hard to do as sibling rivalry over resources is ever present.
My parents only stopped the childcare, after they were hospitalised for exhaustion so I feel like it was the right decision to try, but very poorly executed by switching focus away from my parents needs.
I had a near identical situation with my brother, except I didn't have kids at the time, but I felt I had to intervene, and it pretty much ended the relationship, and it's never recovered .
The mistake I made was leading with stuff about him. I should have ignored his lifestyle issues and focused entirely on why parents were too elderly to do childcare. If I could do it again, I would ignore any personal aspects and concentrate purely on the parents needs. Hard to do as sibling rivalry over resources is ever present.
My parents only stopped the childcare, after they were hospitalised for exhaustion so I feel like it was the right decision to try, but very poorly executed by switching focus away from my parents needs.
We’ve had similar discussions in our family over
The years. Eventually my mother said enough. They are always ready to help out for the odd nights out, but the school runs etc was just too much.
Having said that they seem to be collecting my 15 year old and dropping her to home far more often than I would like or is even necessary.
My only advice is to stay out of it. Rows and bothers will not improve the situation.
Ps. Ages since you updated your other thread.
Hope your recovery is going well and asshole employer being held to account.
The years. Eventually my mother said enough. They are always ready to help out for the odd nights out, but the school runs etc was just too much.
Having said that they seem to be collecting my 15 year old and dropping her to home far more often than I would like or is even necessary.
My only advice is to stay out of it. Rows and bothers will not improve the situation.
Ps. Ages since you updated your other thread.
Hope your recovery is going well and asshole employer being held to account.
okgo said:
Get over it.
As said above. Neither of you should be leaning on someone who’s that age. Just because she’s council it doesn’t make her child any less work than yours. My kid once in bed is no work at all. He’s sleeping. Far harder would be having him for two hours awake to be frank.
Would you confront the brother and his wife to stop taking the urine out of your parents? As said above. Neither of you should be leaning on someone who’s that age. Just because she’s council it doesn’t make her child any less work than yours. My kid once in bed is no work at all. He’s sleeping. Far harder would be having him for two hours awake to be frank.
greygoose said:
Welshbeef said:
Op could you not pay the brothers wife to baby sit your child ?
Good idea, she does appear to have a lot of childcare experience.Maybe I’m being completely irrational but I need a few hours childcare so I can provide money/better life for my family, she needs it for her nights out with money provided not earned.
surveyor said:
We’ve had similar discussions in our family over
The years. Eventually my mother said enough. They are always ready to help out for the odd nights out, but the school runs etc was just too much.
Having said that they seem to be collecting my 15 year old and dropping her to home far more often than I would like or is even necessary.
My only advice is to stay out of it. Rows and bothers will not improve the situation.
Ps. Ages since you updated your other thread.
Hope your recovery is going well and asshole employer being held to account.
Not too bad thanks. I’m around 100 degree movement now and only walk with a slight limp. The cold weathers starting to cause some aches and pains though. HSE got back in touch and are investigating, Iv got to give a formal statement next week. Still haven’t got any of my wages I’m owed from before the accident!The years. Eventually my mother said enough. They are always ready to help out for the odd nights out, but the school runs etc was just too much.
Having said that they seem to be collecting my 15 year old and dropping her to home far more often than I would like or is even necessary.
My only advice is to stay out of it. Rows and bothers will not improve the situation.
Ps. Ages since you updated your other thread.
Hope your recovery is going well and asshole employer being held to account.
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