Teenage Son Mugged; What Would You Do?
Discussion
Yesterday my 12 year-old (will be 13 next week) son was held up by three older boys. They ushered him away from eyes and tried to hassle him for his money and then his phone. He resisted and they gripped him in a corner and threatened to 'get upset' if he didn't succumb to their demands. They got nothing as during this, my son was spotted by one of his mates who was walking with his dad. They came over and the incident, thankfully, didn't get any worse.
Son is playing it cool and clearly would rather it didn't happen (he feels a bit awkward). My son is no snivelling weed; he'll stand his ground (he's tall for his age and very fit). However, there were three of these lads, all from the year above.
He doesn't want me to get involved. He doesn't want mum to tell the school either. My guess is he doesn't want to be seen as the grass. The snitch. His rationale is that he still has his phone and perhaps his thinking is that if he doesn't take it further, it won't get any worse?
I'm fuming.
Whilst I'm spitting feathers, I have to think about my son's view of the world. What would you do?
As it turns out, the three boys are from the same school. One of them has been expelled. The other two - get this - were in their school uniform. The school also has a system whereby pupils can be identified by their academic year by a colour they wear on their uniform. A quick bit of research reveals that the expelled boy is known to many as he has been, shall we say, busy with no school to attend. I am quietly confident that these boys can easily be identified.
I could tell you more about the profile of these boys but I don't want to get into any discussion about stereotypes. I do however think it is relevant. Whenever there is an incident like this, it's always the same profiles. Another discussion for another day.
My son wants me to forget about it.
Son is playing it cool and clearly would rather it didn't happen (he feels a bit awkward). My son is no snivelling weed; he'll stand his ground (he's tall for his age and very fit). However, there were three of these lads, all from the year above.
He doesn't want me to get involved. He doesn't want mum to tell the school either. My guess is he doesn't want to be seen as the grass. The snitch. His rationale is that he still has his phone and perhaps his thinking is that if he doesn't take it further, it won't get any worse?
I'm fuming.
Whilst I'm spitting feathers, I have to think about my son's view of the world. What would you do?
As it turns out, the three boys are from the same school. One of them has been expelled. The other two - get this - were in their school uniform. The school also has a system whereby pupils can be identified by their academic year by a colour they wear on their uniform. A quick bit of research reveals that the expelled boy is known to many as he has been, shall we say, busy with no school to attend. I am quietly confident that these boys can easily be identified.
I could tell you more about the profile of these boys but I don't want to get into any discussion about stereotypes. I do however think it is relevant. Whenever there is an incident like this, it's always the same profiles. Another discussion for another day.
My son wants me to forget about it.
to get the police involved you have to trust they will fix the problem with all the boys immediately. what i imagine will happen is they might make contact , make it very obvious he "grassed" on them and then do next to nothing about it which may make life hard for your boy
if he's a big lad tell him to crack them one on the nose ...and leave the phone at home for now
if he's a big lad tell him to crack them one on the nose ...and leave the phone at home for now
I’d be inclined to leave it for now as per his wishes, you didn’t describe the circumstances (walking home or on school grounds etc) so not sure if you can do some short term mitigation, but if you can I would monitor it and keep talking to your lad but don’t go over the top. Bullying is awful for kids and parents, if it continues I would act.
The Police won't take any action unless your son is going to make a complaint officially about the boys involved including giving a statement.
The days of them just going to have a word with the parents or kids are gone.
Iits your sons choice if he is willing to do that but if he isn't dont expect to get very far.
The days of them just going to have a word with the parents or kids are gone.
Iits your sons choice if he is willing to do that but if he isn't dont expect to get very far.
Gary29 said:
Don1 said:
I'd tell the school and maybe the cops.
'The cops'? For an altercation between a few schoolboys where nothing was stolen and no assault took place? I doubt they'd give you the time of day.Attempted theft, oh don't worry, sounds like the little cherub will sort himself out.... What with learning and changing behavior with the expulsion.
He doesn’t need a phone at school surely?
In my experience of being bullied once I started punching back the bullying stopped. Take him to martial arts classes. After I left school I got into martial arts and trained for many years. I never needed to use what I had learned as an adult but always felt better knowing that if I needed to I had some knowledge and practice under my belt.
In my experience of being bullied once I started punching back the bullying stopped. Take him to martial arts classes. After I left school I got into martial arts and trained for many years. I never needed to use what I had learned as an adult but always felt better knowing that if I needed to I had some knowledge and practice under my belt.
Blue62 said:
I’d be inclined to leave it for now as per his wishes, you didn’t describe the circumstances (walking home or on school grounds etc) so not sure if you can do some short term mitigation, but if you can I would monitor it and keep talking to your lad but don’t go over the top. Bullying is awful for kids and parents, if it continues I would act.
He, and one of his mates, walked to the shops which is about a 10-15 minute walk from the school. The shops are on a road where several bus routes cross. There's also a chicken shop there. Very popular with some kids.
3 to 1 it's difficult to win, better to run like I did. 1 to 1 left him bloody on the ground and it never happened again.
When it happened to my son we went to the school. The first time...
Well they tried, but it happened again, so police it was. The offender was then expelled.
In my view it is better to be labelled a grass and they stay away from you than risk the bullying getting worse to the point of serious injury.
Hard people are hard until they meet someone harder.
When it happened to my son we went to the school. The first time...
Well they tried, but it happened again, so police it was. The offender was then expelled.
In my view it is better to be labelled a grass and they stay away from you than risk the bullying getting worse to the point of serious injury.
Hard people are hard until they meet someone harder.
What part of the country are we talking about? Do kids round there carry knives? That's what would worry me. You can say he should just batter one of them to send a message (which is exactly what I'd have done 25 years ago) but if these are the sort of scummy kids who carry knives clearly that would be a terrible idea.
I think perhaps I'd go with his wishes on the proviso that it doesn't happen again. If it does happen again, I'd be straight on to the school.
I think perhaps I'd go with his wishes on the proviso that it doesn't happen again. If it does happen again, I'd be straight on to the school.
Nothing for now as per his wishes. It's unlikely to happen again as he'll be more aware of similar scenarios in the future. When I was at school, kids who "told" just got more grief and always out of view of any witnesses to avoid getting into trouble. It'll likely make him more of a target but who knows what kids nowadays are like.
However, if it does happen again I'd talk to the school, not the Police.
However, if it does happen again I'd talk to the school, not the Police.
Turkish91 said:
Nothing for now as per his wishes. It's unlikely to happen again as he'll be more aware of similar scenarios in the future. When I was at school, kids who "told" just got more grief and always out of view of any witnesses to avoid getting into trouble. It'll likely make him more of a target but who knows what kids nowadays are like.
However, if it does happen again I'd talk to the school, not the Police.
^^^ This. He didn’t get mugged, not quite, so if you involve the school you’ll make his day to day life miserable. If it happens again then go for it. Sounds like what your son wants you to do too. However, if it does happen again I'd talk to the school, not the Police.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
This. Life is different for kids. In my generation knife-crime wasn't a thing. We had punch ups. That said, I made it through school/adolescence without martial arts/self-defence. Same for my mates and most of the people I knew.
My son has been to jujitsu, boxing and kick boxing classes. He didn't want to do it. He's had a scrap (dealt with a bully who who was pushing someone else around) and is generally quite at ease with himself and his surroundings.
I might be being overprotective of him but then, I would rather not be thinking is he going to get stabbed on his way home from school or when he's out having a kickabout with his pals.
Don1 said:
I'd tell the school and maybe the cops.
I'd tell the school, I probably wouldn't bother with the Police. Like it or not, this is part of growing up and your son will have experienced something like this sooner or later. Fortunately it hasn't ended badly and will hopefully be a good lesson for him.
The "not wanting to be a snitch" is a ridiculous mentality. Reporting it to the school MIGHT stop the scrotes doing the same thing to somebody else.
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