Dumped by text!
Discussion
I'm 59 she's 51. We've been together just over 3 years. Trips away and holidays together, lots of them. Get on really well, think the same thing at the same time but....
Her troubles down below meant our amazing sex life stopped about a year and a half ago but I respected that and never pushed the matter.
But then the intimacy and affection started to wane but we still spent a lot of time together.
Last month or so she's been a lot colder towards me but as we were only seeing eachother at weekends I didn't want to spoil the still nice atmosphere by having a talk.
We met via an app and she ends it with a click. So 21st century.
It has floored me. So callous. It was backed up by an email that same evening that had all the emotion of a business letter telling a favoured supplier that the contract was over.
It ended with the usual I really like you and I hope we can be friends at some time in the future.
I didn't reply to the text or the email. It's been 3 days now with no contact whatsoever. Weird feeling as we'd normally always say good morning and good night and tell eachother about our day.
Interesting that with Whatsapp you can have a record of your relationship from those heady first weeks, flirting, smirking etc to the point where you think it all may have gone wrong.
I deleted it to stop me wallowing. It took a while.
We never argued probably due to me being so laid back with her, I just never felt the need to.
By her own admission she's an introvert so we didn't have any mutual friends, it was just us. My rival is her love of being alone and being left to do her own thing.
A lovely reprieve from my chaotic life with my alcoholic ex wife and 3 kids all with issues.
She didn't want to be part of that and I kept it all separate.
I know it's dangerous to post threads like this on PH as I'm sure there'll be a lot of 'there are other fish in the sea' and 'did you smash her back doors in'.
It's just the ending it with a text, isn't that what kids do?
Like I say, I haven't replied. Stopped me from writing angry stuff, begging, pleading etc
I feel I have my pride but boy! do I feel sad. At my age I thought that I had finally found the lady I wanted in my life until the end of my days.
Her troubles down below meant our amazing sex life stopped about a year and a half ago but I respected that and never pushed the matter.
But then the intimacy and affection started to wane but we still spent a lot of time together.
Last month or so she's been a lot colder towards me but as we were only seeing eachother at weekends I didn't want to spoil the still nice atmosphere by having a talk.
We met via an app and she ends it with a click. So 21st century.
It has floored me. So callous. It was backed up by an email that same evening that had all the emotion of a business letter telling a favoured supplier that the contract was over.
It ended with the usual I really like you and I hope we can be friends at some time in the future.
I didn't reply to the text or the email. It's been 3 days now with no contact whatsoever. Weird feeling as we'd normally always say good morning and good night and tell eachother about our day.
Interesting that with Whatsapp you can have a record of your relationship from those heady first weeks, flirting, smirking etc to the point where you think it all may have gone wrong.
I deleted it to stop me wallowing. It took a while.
We never argued probably due to me being so laid back with her, I just never felt the need to.
By her own admission she's an introvert so we didn't have any mutual friends, it was just us. My rival is her love of being alone and being left to do her own thing.
A lovely reprieve from my chaotic life with my alcoholic ex wife and 3 kids all with issues.
She didn't want to be part of that and I kept it all separate.
I know it's dangerous to post threads like this on PH as I'm sure there'll be a lot of 'there are other fish in the sea' and 'did you smash her back doors in'.
It's just the ending it with a text, isn't that what kids do?
Like I say, I haven't replied. Stopped me from writing angry stuff, begging, pleading etc
I feel I have my pride but boy! do I feel sad. At my age I thought that I had finally found the lady I wanted in my life until the end of my days.
I commented on your circumstances elsewhere, but I'd reiterate that the method itself isn't important. How is a what's app or mail any different from a letter, or even a vocal statement when the result is the same?
You need to do the grieving and healing thing, and we all know it's tough. Good luck, sounds like you're due some after having been dealt a rough hand.
You need to do the grieving and healing thing, and we all know it's tough. Good luck, sounds like you're due some after having been dealt a rough hand.
I commend you for coming on here to open up about it. Hopefully will help to unload.
I’m the same generation as you (55) and I don’t get the breaking up by text/email thing either.
Take some time to be a bit selfish and mope around, cry, get angry, drink a bit too much etc but not for too long. Then give yourself a bit of a talking too and get on with living and doing things you enjoy!
You never what tomorrow will bring but what I do know is things tend to sort themselves out when you put yourself in a positive frame of mind.
I’m the same generation as you (55) and I don’t get the breaking up by text/email thing either.
Take some time to be a bit selfish and mope around, cry, get angry, drink a bit too much etc but not for too long. Then give yourself a bit of a talking too and get on with living and doing things you enjoy!
You never what tomorrow will bring but what I do know is things tend to sort themselves out when you put yourself in a positive frame of mind.
Christ I ended a 6 mk month relationship face to face. Hardest bloody thing I've ever done especially when I saw her welling up realising it wasn't a chat to move things on it was THE chat to end it. It's a horrible memory i will have all my life (I'm very introvert and don't really have relationships with people) still I could never have done it over a txt or msg.
I was dumped by text once, a good few years ago now when the 'dumper' and I were in our 30s. It was quite a different situation-it was a fairly long fling I suppose you'd call it and although I liked the girl very much I think we both knew it wasn't forever.
Anyway we were trying to arrange getting together but I was genuinely busy with other stuff so wasn't free for any frolics so she went a bit quiet for a day or so then dumped me via text.
I was a bit upset, but more insulted I think that she thought a text was a suitable way to end it. I didn't even bother to reply which I still think was the correct response, but part of me wonders if maybe it was some sort of test-who knows?
I know this is of absolutely no help to the OP, it just reminded me of my story, which to be honest I'm still a bit disgruntled by even though it was 17 years ago
Anyway we were trying to arrange getting together but I was genuinely busy with other stuff so wasn't free for any frolics so she went a bit quiet for a day or so then dumped me via text.
I was a bit upset, but more insulted I think that she thought a text was a suitable way to end it. I didn't even bother to reply which I still think was the correct response, but part of me wonders if maybe it was some sort of test-who knows?
I know this is of absolutely no help to the OP, it just reminded me of my story, which to be honest I'm still a bit disgruntled by even though it was 17 years ago
That’s harsh! I split with my wife four years ago and dated quite a bit. Apart from 1st dates that went nowhere I always did it face to face.
I am surprised. It does sound like it didn’t work for her but if you want closure you should talk to her if you have questions that are unanswered.
On the other side of the coin what’s she thinking? Something going on you don’t know about affecting her
(Unwell, family prob not someone else by the way).
Is she sitting there crying too as you haven’t contacted her so she thinks you don’t care?
I would want to at least chat it through and make sure it’s not a cry for help to protect you from something but we are all different.
You mention down below- has she had some bad news health wise wants to deal with it alone and is protecting you - who knows?
Do what’s right for you Croyde, no one else. Good luck
I am surprised. It does sound like it didn’t work for her but if you want closure you should talk to her if you have questions that are unanswered.
On the other side of the coin what’s she thinking? Something going on you don’t know about affecting her
(Unwell, family prob not someone else by the way).
Is she sitting there crying too as you haven’t contacted her so she thinks you don’t care?
I would want to at least chat it through and make sure it’s not a cry for help to protect you from something but we are all different.
You mention down below- has she had some bad news health wise wants to deal with it alone and is protecting you - who knows?
Do what’s right for you Croyde, no one else. Good luck
Edited by interstellar on Saturday 4th December 14:27
As I said to you elsewhere, I was dumped by text after 7 years and a kid together, I texted her asking if she wanted a bottle of wine picking up, she replied no I've left you.
Quite awkward as we have a kid who is grown up now, turns out she was seeing someone else.
Last year I invited her over to my house in the village and she was saying how lovely it is and her one bed flat was horrible and cold and not in a good area.
As I stood at the back fence pointing to the cows I said under my breath "was he worth it" with a wee smile.
She did me a favour, at least I didn't waste anymore time on her, good riddance I say.
Quite awkward as we have a kid who is grown up now, turns out she was seeing someone else.
Last year I invited her over to my house in the village and she was saying how lovely it is and her one bed flat was horrible and cold and not in a good area.
As I stood at the back fence pointing to the cows I said under my breath "was he worth it" with a wee smile.
She did me a favour, at least I didn't waste anymore time on her, good riddance I say.
Cheers. No she was never wotholding about health stuff.
She describes our 3 years together as 'the longest and most comfortable relationship she has ever had'
Makes me sound like a dress or outfit. Maybe I take comfort that I did the best.....so far.
She's an introvert and I gave her so much space and time almost to the point that it wasn't really a relationship. I thought though, that we were really close good friends.
I doubt she is sitting at home crying. Probably looking forward to the Saudi F1 on Sky.
She describes our 3 years together as 'the longest and most comfortable relationship she has ever had'
Makes me sound like a dress or outfit. Maybe I take comfort that I did the best.....so far.
She's an introvert and I gave her so much space and time almost to the point that it wasn't really a relationship. I thought though, that we were really close good friends.
I doubt she is sitting at home crying. Probably looking forward to the Saudi F1 on Sky.
My young son dumped his girlfriend by text and got heavily criticised by the rest of the family, including me.
Then my brother helpfully revealed I had dumped a girlfriend when I was young by pretending I was moving abroad and it all (predictably) fell apart when I bumped into her and her friends weeks later.
No mater how it happens its s
t but it will get better.
Then my brother helpfully revealed I had dumped a girlfriend when I was young by pretending I was moving abroad and it all (predictably) fell apart when I bumped into her and her friends weeks later.
No mater how it happens its s
t but it will get better. Same thing has happened to me in the past, it really pull the rug out from you if you do not expect it, Louis CK says it well when he explains the difference between men and women, a man will blow you up, cause damage but will leave you as a person intact, a woman will literally crap inside of your heart!!
croyde said:
Cheers. No she was never wotholding about health stuff.
She describes our 3 years together as 'the longest and most comfortable relationship she has ever had'
Makes me sound like a dress or outfit. Maybe I take comfort that I did the best.....so far.
She's an introvert and I gave her so much space and time almost to the point that it wasn't really a relationship. I thought though, that we were really close good friends.
I doubt she is sitting at home crying. Probably looking forward to the Saudi F1 on Sky.
Try and not let it get you down mate. I have followed all the ups and downs of your life on here for years, and you you more than anyone else deserve some real happiness. Take some time to get over this and get yourself back on the market. She describes our 3 years together as 'the longest and most comfortable relationship she has ever had'
Makes me sound like a dress or outfit. Maybe I take comfort that I did the best.....so far.
She's an introvert and I gave her so much space and time almost to the point that it wasn't really a relationship. I thought though, that we were really close good friends.
I doubt she is sitting at home crying. Probably looking forward to the Saudi F1 on Sky.
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