Just one thing to say
Discussion
A colleague in the seventies would say, several times a day, "If things don't change, they'll stay as they are," in a way that suggested this should come as a revelation to those listening.
The chargehand in the sheet metal shop when I was an apprentice knew of the hymen and was keen to share his knowledge despite having told us repeatedly. His face glowing with pride, he could skilfully work this gem into so many different conversations.
A contemporary at school spent almost every break time alone in the corner of the playground singing, "All I want for Christmas is me two front teef, me two front teef, me two front teef," just that, over and over. I left at the end of the fifth year. He may have gone into the sixth year and carried on.
For a year I was one of four contractors in a small workshop. Whenever one of the three paid up members of the human race went to the door the slob would call out, "Remember, more than three shakes is a w
k." It's hard to describe how tedious that became.
The chargehand in the sheet metal shop when I was an apprentice knew of the hymen and was keen to share his knowledge despite having told us repeatedly. His face glowing with pride, he could skilfully work this gem into so many different conversations.
A contemporary at school spent almost every break time alone in the corner of the playground singing, "All I want for Christmas is me two front teef, me two front teef, me two front teef," just that, over and over. I left at the end of the fifth year. He may have gone into the sixth year and carried on.
For a year I was one of four contractors in a small workshop. Whenever one of the three paid up members of the human race went to the door the slob would call out, "Remember, more than three shakes is a w
k." It's hard to describe how tedious that became. The lead engineer on one of my last jobs was very anti television and very pro live entertainment. Whenever anyone was foolhardy enough to ask if he'd seen something on TV he would come back with a variation of, "We don't have television, we go to the TH-YETTER" But, when questioned, he would strenuously deny he put any emphasis on the word theatre.
I had a colleague who was always first in the office in the morning. I was often the next one in and would say good morning. He’d always reply with “I believe so”. Every morning, the same thing in the same nasal tone like he had a recording that he just hit play on. I started changing my greeting to try to make it stop but he’d even say it if I just asked “how are you?” Didn’t even make sense.
Drove me bloody nuts….. on that side of things
Drove me bloody nuts….. on that side of things

I have an employee who is pre programmed with about 3 phrases. Hes like one of those toy story dolls with a draw string.
'Be alreet' Could be in response to anything. No context.
'I turned around and told him' When describing any conversation.
'Carry the f
k on' This is when hes getting annoyed at anyone.
'Be alreet' Could be in response to anything. No context.
'I turned around and told him' When describing any conversation.
'Carry the f
k on' This is when hes getting annoyed at anyone. Gad-Westy said:
I had a colleague who was always first in the office in the morning. I was often the next one in and would say good morning. He’d always reply with “I believe so”. Every morning, the same thing in the same nasal tone like he had a recording that he just hit play on. I started changing my greeting to try to make it stop but he’d even say it if I just asked “how are you?” Didn’t even make sense.
Drove me bloody nuts….. on that side of things
Surely you should ask: 'Are you as much of a wazzock as you sound?'Drove me bloody nuts….. on that side of things

‘Living the dream’
A colleague used this phrase at every opportunity.
How are you doing? ‘Living the dream’
<Having my lunch> ‘Oooh, a sandwich; living the dream’
The meeting at 2pm will be in the large meeting room. ‘The large meeting room; living the dream’
Fred has called in sick, will be off for the rest of the week. ‘Living the dream’

A colleague used this phrase at every opportunity.
How are you doing? ‘Living the dream’
<Having my lunch> ‘Oooh, a sandwich; living the dream’
The meeting at 2pm will be in the large meeting room. ‘The large meeting room; living the dream’
Fred has called in sick, will be off for the rest of the week. ‘Living the dream’

I have one colleague who if you are earlier into work than usual because you know..... you have extra work to do, always comes out with.
"Bloody hell, what's happened? Did you s
t the bed?"
Every. single. time.
This member of staff, who is actually the manager of a department, spends most of his day dodging any work before announcing that he's off about two hours before the rest of his staff leave. He's a real charmer.
"Bloody hell, what's happened? Did you s
t the bed?"Every. single. time.
This member of staff, who is actually the manager of a department, spends most of his day dodging any work before announcing that he's off about two hours before the rest of his staff leave. He's a real charmer.
Had an employee years ago who when asked why something wasn’t done or why he only made 5 sales calls a week would always reply with “it is what it is” (whilst complaining it was unfair that other consultants were billing $50k a month but making 70 calls a day)
He only lasted 5 weeks in the job.
He only lasted 5 weeks in the job.
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