When someone offers to pay?
Discussion
What is the socail ettiqute? A few times recently I have been out to eat when someone has offered to pick up the bill. I know generally if someone "invites" you to dinner they might be paying but historically as a group when we go out for a birthday, for example, none of us were doing well enough to cover it, this has changed a little as we've got older.
Recently our manager left and we went out for lunch, he wanted to pay but a few insisted on paying, so we all ended up doing it, to me it just got a little awkward. When I've been treated, I sometimes ask "are you sure" but then thank them properly. We are going out soon for a friend's birthday and one friend heard the birthday boy was planning on picking up the bill, his reply was no we all pay and cover his too.
Typing this it sounds a little immature, things are different now from 20s to 40s financially but I think I'm of the opinion if someone offers, you should let them.
Interested to hear opinions on how people think it should work
Recently our manager left and we went out for lunch, he wanted to pay but a few insisted on paying, so we all ended up doing it, to me it just got a little awkward. When I've been treated, I sometimes ask "are you sure" but then thank them properly. We are going out soon for a friend's birthday and one friend heard the birthday boy was planning on picking up the bill, his reply was no we all pay and cover his too.
Typing this it sounds a little immature, things are different now from 20s to 40s financially but I think I'm of the opinion if someone offers, you should let them.
Interested to hear opinions on how people think it should work
Others opinion may differ, but...
If it's a celebration for somebody else (they are leaving, retiring, their birthday etc.) then they don't pay and everybody else splits the bill.
If it's a works thing, then the most senior person pays.
Otherwise if somebody offers to pay, then always push back gently as they might just be doing it to be polite. However if they decline your offer to split then accept graciously and get the next round in.
If it's a celebration for somebody else (they are leaving, retiring, their birthday etc.) then they don't pay and everybody else splits the bill.
If it's a works thing, then the most senior person pays.
Otherwise if somebody offers to pay, then always push back gently as they might just be doing it to be polite. However if they decline your offer to split then accept graciously and get the next round in.
deckster said:
Others opinion may differ, but...
If it's a celebration for somebody else (they are leaving, retiring, their birthday etc.) then they don't pay and everybody else splits the bill.
If it's a works thing, then the most senior person pays.
Otherwise if somebody offers to pay, then always push back gently as they might just be doing it to be polite. However if they decline your offer to split then accept graciously and get the next round in.
This is the way I've always done things tooIf it's a celebration for somebody else (they are leaving, retiring, their birthday etc.) then they don't pay and everybody else splits the bill.
If it's a works thing, then the most senior person pays.
Otherwise if somebody offers to pay, then always push back gently as they might just be doing it to be polite. However if they decline your offer to split then accept graciously and get the next round in.
Type R Tom said:
2 sMoKiN bArReLs said:
Over a lifetime it all squares up.
Funny you say that, another mate and I have the exact attitude when it comes to paying for things. Always works itself out We all have friends who calculate everything to the nearest penny and it gets embarrassing. Depending on the size of the bill I'd rather just get it on the quiet rather than everyone getting their phone out to calculate what they had and then the card machine being passed round after those that wanted to pay cash (and get their change) had done so.
Sometimes I'll be drinking, sometimes I'll be driving, sometimes I'll go out with a mate and his family who have more kids than me, sometimes less.
It all equals out there or thereabouts.
Speaking as a waiter. If theres 4 of you split it equally dont give me individual numbers £20each is much easiercto process than £19.56, £17.54 etc. You will all see each other again. You will probably have the slightly more expensive dish next time.
Otherwise 1 person pay and the rest of you transfer the money to them with your digital banking
Younger generations are actually better at spliting bills than the older generations who have to scrutinize the bill down to the penny.
Otherwise 1 person pay and the rest of you transfer the money to them with your digital banking
Younger generations are actually better at spliting bills than the older generations who have to scrutinize the bill down to the penny.
I don’t think you’ll get a standard reply to help you unfortunately. Relationships, circumstances and other factors come into it.
If I invite someone to a meal I expect to pay and vice versa.
As an earlier poster said “it balances out over time” - to me this rings true with friends. I wouldn’t say the same with work colleagues, too many variables.
If I invite someone to a meal I expect to pay and vice versa.
As an earlier poster said “it balances out over time” - to me this rings true with friends. I wouldn’t say the same with work colleagues, too many variables.
Edited by CCCS on Sunday 2nd January 20:12
deckster said:
Others opinion may differ, but...
If it's a celebration for somebody else (they are leaving, retiring, their birthday etc.) then they don't pay and everybody else splits the bill.
If it's a works thing, then the most senior person pays.
Otherwise if somebody offers to pay, then always push back gently as they might just be doing it to be polite. However if they decline your offer to split then accept graciously and get the next round in.
I think that's fair.If it's a celebration for somebody else (they are leaving, retiring, their birthday etc.) then they don't pay and everybody else splits the bill.
If it's a works thing, then the most senior person pays.
Otherwise if somebody offers to pay, then always push back gently as they might just be doing it to be polite. However if they decline your offer to split then accept graciously and get the next round in.
oddman said:
I think the key is to set it up in the invitation
'I'd like to take you out for lunch...'
'I'd love you to be my guest at....'
It makes it pretty obvious who's paying and gives the sensitive the chance to turn it down
Maybe add those who can't afford it to those that who are sensitive'I'd like to take you out for lunch...'
'I'd love you to be my guest at....'
It makes it pretty obvious who's paying and gives the sensitive the chance to turn it down
A group of us went out last month for my birthday for a meal,
I picked up the tab for 8 of us,
however my mate has just given (indirectly) my wife a weekend away at a spa to accompany his wife.
I picked up a £300 bill for him last year, not reminded him and probably wont,
over the years thing will equal up.
I picked up the tab for 8 of us,
however my mate has just given (indirectly) my wife a weekend away at a spa to accompany his wife.
I picked up a £300 bill for him last year, not reminded him and probably wont,
over the years thing will equal up.
sherman said:
Otherwise 1 person pay and the rest of you transfer the money to them with your digital banking
This is how I like doing things. We eat out regularly with 2 other couples. One couple is generally a bit more frugal than us and the other pair, so there’s always a difference in how much they owe. Plus, she (of the frugal couple) doesn’t drink and hates paying more than her share (fair enough). To save any arguments at the table after a nice night out, and having to do maths when I’m stuffed to the gills with meat and booze, I started insisting we do this. One of us pays and a photo of the bill gets passed around later for the rest of them to pay their share.
It used to get a bit awkward sometimes. Now someone just drops a card on the table and we sort it later.
As for someone offering to pick up the tab, I’d protest gently and if they insisted then I’d accept. If we were going for drinks after I’d make sure the person who paid for dinner didn’t buy a round.
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