Ever decreasing circles…
Discussion
Over the last few years I’ve found friends have drifted and I have fewer of my original tribe left that I can talk to. Some have died, some have moved away, got large family commitments, etc.
I’m approaching a milestone birthday and starting to feel very much as though i am now without a meaningful tribe. What worries me a little is that i’m starting to lack the drive to do anything about it.
Is this a normal age thing?
I’m approaching a milestone birthday and starting to feel very much as though i am now without a meaningful tribe. What worries me a little is that i’m starting to lack the drive to do anything about it.
Is this a normal age thing?
It’s a similar situation for me.
Early 50’s here. I have just one mate left that I’ve known since my 20’s.
Varying career paths, family commitments and the realisation that your outlook on life means that you no longer have a great deal in common with some of the people you used to hang around with, means contact is lost.
Can’t say it bothers me too much and, at this point of my life not too worried about it.
I did read an article recently that suggested that this isn’t an uncommon situation, less friends as you age, but closer relationships with those that still prevail.
Early 50’s here. I have just one mate left that I’ve known since my 20’s.
Varying career paths, family commitments and the realisation that your outlook on life means that you no longer have a great deal in common with some of the people you used to hang around with, means contact is lost.
Can’t say it bothers me too much and, at this point of my life not too worried about it.
I did read an article recently that suggested that this isn’t an uncommon situation, less friends as you age, but closer relationships with those that still prevail.
W201_190e said:
I'm 35 and am finding this, I haven't seen any friends since September 2021. I find myself enjoying the bubble the wife, I and our 2 dogs live in more as time passes.
I had a close group of friends since i was about 18. My proper roots. That circle has finally gone recently and i feel like i can’t be arsed trying to make new friends but do miss having a group. The beautiful mrs. vince is incredibly supportive but it’s not good to have all your eggs in one basket.
Approaching 40 and yes, my social life is very different to how it was. It’s just impossible to get everyone together at the same time - usually because of children, although I honestly think that’s mainly just an excuse to be lazy and stay in at home.
I think I always equated friends and socialising to ‘boozing’. Seeing friends = boozing. And no one really wants to go and do that as much these days. I think I need more sociable hobbies really! Fortunately my job is very sociable so I get my fill of bars and booze that way these days.
I think I always equated friends and socialising to ‘boozing’. Seeing friends = boozing. And no one really wants to go and do that as much these days. I think I need more sociable hobbies really! Fortunately my job is very sociable so I get my fill of bars and booze that way these days.
Crumpet said:
Approaching 40 and yes, my social life is very different to how it was. It’s just impossible to get everyone together at the same time - usually because of children, although I honestly think that’s mainly just an excuse to be lazy and stay in at home.
I think I always equated friends and socialising to ‘boozing’. Seeing friends = boozing. And no one really wants to go and do that as much these days. I think I need more sociable hobbies really! Fortunately my job is very sociable so I get my fill of bars and booze that way these days.
Same here, 40 later this year and we all had a massive trip to Thailand for our 30th’s (20odd of us) … certainly won’t be happening this year.I think I always equated friends and socialising to ‘boozing’. Seeing friends = boozing. And no one really wants to go and do that as much these days. I think I need more sociable hobbies really! Fortunately my job is very sociable so I get my fill of bars and booze that way these days.
Thankfully I’m the same with work and hotels / bars / boozing etc… so don’t miss that side with the friends group.
I do admit though I don’t miss most of that group of friends, when it boiled down we really didn’t have that much in common anymore
Snap.
My close circle of friends (4 of us in total) were trying to arrange a date for a met up one weekend for a few beers. It was impossible to find a weekend when we were all free. However, a good part of that was that I didn't want to go away until late May as I am training for a big bike event (Fred Whitton). It's probably a bit sad i feel that way rather than see old friends.
My close circle of friends (4 of us in total) were trying to arrange a date for a met up one weekend for a few beers. It was impossible to find a weekend when we were all free. However, a good part of that was that I didn't want to go away until late May as I am training for a big bike event (Fred Whitton). It's probably a bit sad i feel that way rather than see old friends.
Early 50’s here as well. In my younger days there used to be a big group of us that would drink at the same pub, sometimes as many of 15-20. But over the years many have settled down and don't come out anymore, their family is their life.
Many moved away and I don't just mean the next town I am talking Bedford, Bournemouth, Spain, Canada etc. It got down to two guys from that original group. One of them feels he has to play the joker if he has a audience, if its just the two of us he is a completely different person, the other was still taking drugs when I last saw him and trying to start a fight on a train. Eventually I sacked them off.
One of the things that bugged me is they would never eat out unless they were with their other half. If that happened then they only went with another couple, I as a single guy was excluded. I tried to get the guys out to a curry, chinese, italian, anything in fact, but they didn't wan't to. I just think its really odd that the last twenty years I knew these guys we maybe ate together once a year if that. Petty much outside of one pub on a Thusday once a week I never saw them, I thought that was odd as well.
Many moved away and I don't just mean the next town I am talking Bedford, Bournemouth, Spain, Canada etc. It got down to two guys from that original group. One of them feels he has to play the joker if he has a audience, if its just the two of us he is a completely different person, the other was still taking drugs when I last saw him and trying to start a fight on a train. Eventually I sacked them off.
One of the things that bugged me is they would never eat out unless they were with their other half. If that happened then they only went with another couple, I as a single guy was excluded. I tried to get the guys out to a curry, chinese, italian, anything in fact, but they didn't wan't to. I just think its really odd that the last twenty years I knew these guys we maybe ate together once a year if that. Petty much outside of one pub on a Thusday once a week I never saw them, I thought that was odd as well.
Edited by Cotty on Sunday 6th February 17:54
We’re still the same band of 10 or so, increasing slightly above this I suppose as some people have ‘pulled others in’.
Things change over time though, priorities, some of your friends have stronger/not as strong/different opinions.
Has everyone drifted or are some of them still close.
Things change over time though, priorities, some of your friends have stronger/not as strong/different opinions.
Has everyone drifted or are some of them still close.
One passed last year. One moved away to other end of the country and two had an irreparable falling out.
I have a close knit team where i work too, we’ve worked together for a long time but i know i’ll be leaving there in a small handful of years too.
I guess i miss my friends and know we won’t ever all get together again.
I have a close knit team where i work too, we’ve worked together for a long time but i know i’ll be leaving there in a small handful of years too.
I guess i miss my friends and know we won’t ever all get together again.
Never really had friends but the few i do have have either moved on or are too busy.
I'm mid 50's so it really doesn't bother me anyway and in truth never has, i'm happy enough with my own company or with my head in a book.
I won't ignore people, i like doing stuff with Lady Slopes and her kids or our grand kids and when we are away with the caravan, if people stop to talk then i'll happily chat away. Same if we are walking Buster the Slopeshound, people always want to make a fuss of him and it can then become a half hour conversation but equally, i don't mind solitude.
I'm mid 50's so it really doesn't bother me anyway and in truth never has, i'm happy enough with my own company or with my head in a book.
I won't ignore people, i like doing stuff with Lady Slopes and her kids or our grand kids and when we are away with the caravan, if people stop to talk then i'll happily chat away. Same if we are walking Buster the Slopeshound, people always want to make a fuss of him and it can then become a half hour conversation but equally, i don't mind solitude.
I have about half a dozen regular friends from the long past ( I am 73) and then a load of people on the car/trackday/coffee Saturday morning lot. They vary from 35 to 75, average 50.
Some close neighbourhood friends for the occasional dinner party ( at least pre-covid) though that is starting up again too. I still enjoy work so quite a few business colleagues too.
Some close neighbourhood friends for the occasional dinner party ( at least pre-covid) though that is starting up again too. I still enjoy work so quite a few business colleagues too.
slopes said:
Never really had friends but the few i do have have either moved on or are too busy.
I'm mid 50's so it really doesn't bother me anyway and in truth never has, i'm happy enough with my own company or with my head in a book.
I won't ignore people, i like doing stuff with Lady Slopes and her kids or our grand kids and when we are away with the caravan, if people stop to talk then i'll happily chat away. Same if we are walking Buster the Slopeshound, people always want to make a fuss of him and it can then become a half hour conversation but equally, i don't mind solitude.
Wish i was more content with how things are. I’m incredibly fortunate with mrs. vince and never lose sight of that. Feel like some sort of epiphany is due, like realising my roots aren’t dependent on still being around my old friends, but it feels like i’m just paying that idea lip service. I'm mid 50's so it really doesn't bother me anyway and in truth never has, i'm happy enough with my own company or with my head in a book.
I won't ignore people, i like doing stuff with Lady Slopes and her kids or our grand kids and when we are away with the caravan, if people stop to talk then i'll happily chat away. Same if we are walking Buster the Slopeshound, people always want to make a fuss of him and it can then become a half hour conversation but equally, i don't mind solitude.
I have a small group of 5 close mates who I have been friends with since my early 20's so 6 of us in total who still go on holiday together once a year and do other things, I have maybe another 4 who I am also mates with but not as close and that's me now, when I was in my early -mid 20's used to go out in big groups, partly my own doing by moving away from my home town but then I got married, had kids etc, life moves on.
V1nce Fox said:
slopes said:
Never really had friends but the few i do have have either moved on or are too busy.
I'm mid 50's so it really doesn't bother me anyway and in truth never has, i'm happy enough with my own company or with my head in a book.
I won't ignore people, i like doing stuff with Lady Slopes and her kids or our grand kids and when we are away with the caravan, if people stop to talk then i'll happily chat away. Same if we are walking Buster the Slopeshound, people always want to make a fuss of him and it can then become a half hour conversation but equally, i don't mind solitude.
Wish i was more content with how things are. I’m incredibly fortunate with mrs. vince and never lose sight of that. Feel like some sort of epiphany is due, like realising my roots aren’t dependent on still being around my old friends, but it feels like i’m just paying that idea lip service. I'm mid 50's so it really doesn't bother me anyway and in truth never has, i'm happy enough with my own company or with my head in a book.
I won't ignore people, i like doing stuff with Lady Slopes and her kids or our grand kids and when we are away with the caravan, if people stop to talk then i'll happily chat away. Same if we are walking Buster the Slopeshound, people always want to make a fuss of him and it can then become a half hour conversation but equally, i don't mind solitude.
Best friend i ever had moved away when i was 5
Parents were scout leaders at the time so used to have to spend weekends elsewhere while they were away
Diagnosed with a brain tumour at 10
Major surgery at 12 then neurosurgery to remove the tumour at 17
Lots of people said they were friends but in reality weren't, so i learnt before the end of my teens that a lot of people want you while you are useful, then when you are not they move on.
Definietly increased after both parents passed away, decided then that all of the drama and bulls
t that people have in their lives was not healthy and what will be, will be.Like i said, i'm not anti social at all, part of my job involves speaking with people and i can have fun conversations over the phone or face to face but i'm happy if i have a day to myself and it's just me or if the dog wants fuss.
Never had many friends. Still don't. (Happily) married with 2 kids and a Labrador. Really small family that I don't really see that much of.
Very much the loner at the age of 48.
Bothered?
Nah - I love my own company. (As you might imagine that aside from the illness aspect of lockdown, I had a great one - working from home and not really seeing anyone. Bliss)
Very much the loner at the age of 48.
Bothered?
Nah - I love my own company. (As you might imagine that aside from the illness aspect of lockdown, I had a great one - working from home and not really seeing anyone. Bliss)
Didn’t realise there were so many of us in the same position. I have a few close friends from my two stints at university and a couple from places I’ve worked over the years but rarely see them as we all live in different places. I was never great at making friends and that has got worse over the years. I have a wife daughter and dog and find that is enough for me.
Late thirties here and definitely see myself with a fairly small circle of friends these days. It got smaller when I moved South a few years ago, but also as all my old school friends are married with kids (I'm not married and have no kids) means that time, priorities etc are all very different.
Have thought about trying meetup or something but it's never really more than a passing thought.
Have thought about trying meetup or something but it's never really more than a passing thought.
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