How to NOT be fluent in French...
Discussion
Wedge Fest, Stratford (or thereabouts).
Myself, tallbloke, Patrick and others a-quaffing of ale and a-shooting of sh!t, as you do.
Patrick mentions working in France, I relate story of how old mate of mine once told me that a guaranteed chat-up line was 'Pardonnez-moi, mademoiselle, est-ce que tu fais la pipe?' (Do you 'smoke' a {ahem} pipe :D)
At which point a French woman behind me butts in and says 'What did you say?'
:rolleyes:
What's the bloody chances of that? A bloody French woman who's lived for four years in a quaint English country village, in the middle of bloody nowhere, and I ask her to suck me off. And she has her kids with her.
Is there an 'earth-opening' smiley?
Myself, tallbloke, Patrick and others a-quaffing of ale and a-shooting of sh!t, as you do.
Patrick mentions working in France, I relate story of how old mate of mine once told me that a guaranteed chat-up line was 'Pardonnez-moi, mademoiselle, est-ce que tu fais la pipe?' (Do you 'smoke' a {ahem} pipe :D)
At which point a French woman behind me butts in and says 'What did you say?'
:rolleyes:
What's the bloody chances of that? A bloody French woman who's lived for four years in a quaint English country village, in the middle of bloody nowhere, and I ask her to suck me off. And she has her kids with her.
Is there an 'earth-opening' smiley?
Ha! Reminds me of the time when I first lived in Germany 12 years ago. I was sitting outside a pub with a mate and two girls we didn't know well and one asked what I was doing at the weekend. I replied that my girlfriend was coming and that we were plannign to go off for a walk in the woods. I meant to say "bummeln" (to stroll), but I said "bumsen" (to 
). I said it and wandered off for a slash with no idea of my mistake, leaving the girl to ask my mate if I was always so frank. 
). I said it and wandered off for a slash with no idea of my mistake, leaving the girl to ask my mate if I was always so frank. Zod said:
Ha! Reminds me of the time when I first lived in Germany 12 years ago. I was sitting outside a pub with a mate and two girls we didn't know well and one asked what I was doing at the weekend. I replied that my girlfriend was coming and that we were plannign to go off for a walk in the woods. I meant to say "bummeln" (to stroll), but I said "bumsen" (to
reminds me of the time we were VIPs at an airshow, our area was next to the dutch airforce team, my dutch mate was sat outside sunning herself. Dutch pilots next to us said " look at the airbags on that, I wouldn't mind giving her one!" to which she replied " I suggest you check if someone speaks you language before voicing your opinions" they slunk off looking very embarrased.
A colleague of my dad's once asked the MD of a french company to dinner with "est-vous avalable pour diner ce soir". Avalable means swallowable...
My favourite was one of my own though - I was going on a french exchange as a schoolboy, and we had to telephone the family in advance to introduce ourselves. I spoke to my exhange partner's mother, and instead of "je me presente", I came out with "je m'introduis".
It wasn't until well into the week that she told me I'd inserted myself into her over the phone.
My favourite was one of my own though - I was going on a french exchange as a schoolboy, and we had to telephone the family in advance to introduce ourselves. I spoke to my exhange partner's mother, and instead of "je me presente", I came out with "je m'introduis".
It wasn't until well into the week that she told me I'd inserted myself into her over the phone.
My parents were entertaining German clients of my dads at home. At the end of a nice meal and whilst smoking big cigars my bro returns from his evening at the pub. Being an 18 year old and somewhat mischevious young chap he mentions to the guests that he has picked up a little German language over the years by studying German films. He then to my parents horror carries on with..
Oh! ist good ya, oh ya! etc
Germans saw the funny side of it, Bro rather wished he hadn't bothered by the next morning..
Oh! ist good ya, oh ya! etc
Germans saw the funny side of it, Bro rather wished he hadn't bothered by the next morning..
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