Do I need a solicitor?
Discussion
I'll try to keep it brief
Mother died late last year, left a simple will, estate to be shared equally between myself and my brother.
We are both agreed that house will be sold as soon as probate is granted, 50/50, no argument about that.
Problem is that my brother and I hate each other, have done for 20 years but were at least civil while mum was alive. Now she's gone the gloves are off and if we're left alone together one more time one of us will be dead, the other will be off to prison for a very long time, not an attractive prospect either way.
So my question is, do I need a solicitor to take care of my interests? My brother still lives in the house but is absolutely desperate for the money so wouldn't do anything to sabotage the sale but equally is far too lazy to do anything to help it either.
Mother died late last year, left a simple will, estate to be shared equally between myself and my brother.
We are both agreed that house will be sold as soon as probate is granted, 50/50, no argument about that.
Problem is that my brother and I hate each other, have done for 20 years but were at least civil while mum was alive. Now she's gone the gloves are off and if we're left alone together one more time one of us will be dead, the other will be off to prison for a very long time, not an attractive prospect either way.
So my question is, do I need a solicitor to take care of my interests? My brother still lives in the house but is absolutely desperate for the money so wouldn't do anything to sabotage the sale but equally is far too lazy to do anything to help it either.
If you brother still lives in the house I think its worth getting a solicitor involved just to make sure the sale etc. all goes ahead as planned, I've heard way too many stories of one family member living in the house that is inherited and trying to make a play to keep the house or trying to get more of the estate on various grounds.
keep it simple and get a solicitor involved early!
keep it simple and get a solicitor involved early!
Muzzer79 said:
If you have agreed everything to do with money, then surely you just need an intermediary between you and your brother?
Aunt, Uncle, wife, friend, one of your kids, take your pick.
I think this rather than a solicitor. Based on what the OP has said if a solicitor is introduced the brother will assume that the OP is out to do him over using the solicitor as cover. Aunt, Uncle, wife, friend, one of your kids, take your pick.
A neutral intermediary would be a safer choice.
BlackWidow13 said:
A neutral intermediary would be a safer choice.
Like whom?Obviously the two of you are going to have cooperate as executors - at least to instruct a solicitor/conveyancer to sell the house. Nothing can make that go away.
How do you communicate? The "time gap" of exchanging carefully worded emails can avoid the danger of direct conversation escalating to confrontation.
Roman Knows said:
I'll try to keep it brief
Mother died late last year, left a simple will, estate to be shared equally between myself and my brother.
We are both agreed that house will be sold as soon as probate is granted, 50/50, no argument about that.
Problem is that my brother and I hate each other, have done for 20 years but were at least civil while mum was alive. Now she's gone the gloves are off and if we're left alone together one more time one of us will be dead, the other will be off to prison for a very long time, not an attractive prospect either way.
So my question is, do I need a solicitor to take care of my interests? My brother still lives in the house but is absolutely desperate for the money so wouldn't do anything to sabotage the sale but equally is far too lazy to do anything to help it either.
Who is/are the executors?Mother died late last year, left a simple will, estate to be shared equally between myself and my brother.
We are both agreed that house will be sold as soon as probate is granted, 50/50, no argument about that.
Problem is that my brother and I hate each other, have done for 20 years but were at least civil while mum was alive. Now she's gone the gloves are off and if we're left alone together one more time one of us will be dead, the other will be off to prison for a very long time, not an attractive prospect either way.
So my question is, do I need a solicitor to take care of my interests? My brother still lives in the house but is absolutely desperate for the money so wouldn't do anything to sabotage the sale but equally is far too lazy to do anything to help it either.
S16KBW said:
If you brother still lives in the house I think its worth getting a solicitor involved just to make sure the sale etc. all goes ahead as planned, I've heard way too many stories of one family member living in the house that is inherited and trying to make a play to keep the house or trying to get more of the estate on various grounds.
keep it simple and get a solicitor involved early!
Definately. A friends brother still lives in their mother's house over 10 years after she died. He pleads poverty and says he can't afford to leave. keep it simple and get a solicitor involved early!
When wife's Godfather died he split his estate 50/50 with my wife (who he regarded, and would introduce, as his daughter) and his great neice.
We never got on with the niece, who for years made it pretty clear that she just wanted her great uncle to die. She always tried to assert authority over us as she was "family" and my wife wasn't, even though we both had POA.
I was very glad the estate was handled by a solicitor who could act between us. His niece set up the first meeting with the solictor who then, to the nieces dismay, invited us. His face was a picture when he asked how the funeral had gone, and we said it hasn't happened yet! He was completely gobsmacked when he asked about the house to find she already had it on the market - he had to explain to her that it 'belongs' to the Executor.
We never got on with the niece, who for years made it pretty clear that she just wanted her great uncle to die. She always tried to assert authority over us as she was "family" and my wife wasn't, even though we both had POA.
I was very glad the estate was handled by a solicitor who could act between us. His niece set up the first meeting with the solictor who then, to the nieces dismay, invited us. His face was a picture when he asked how the funeral had gone, and we said it hasn't happened yet! He was completely gobsmacked when he asked about the house to find she already had it on the market - he had to explain to her that it 'belongs' to the Executor.
If you are both at terms with the mourning process, then it has to be time to sit down both of you and that you try to sort it out without wasting time, money and energy on lawyers.
If you draw up a well prepared list of all the choices and don't dictate to your brother but calmly explain why you prefer a certain option, there has to be a good chance you can both agree.
If you have 'hated' each other for ages, a solicitor is guaranteed to get his goat and then that sibling stupidity where he actively chases a damaging agreement simply to get one over on you.
On that note, if you are still mourning then go extra, extra careful. People can get outrageously irrational when in mourning - have seen families knock down gravestones as some object to the order of names on it. If your brother does not feel you did as much as he did for Mum when she was alive, it can get very, very nasty and childish.
If you draw up a well prepared list of all the choices and don't dictate to your brother but calmly explain why you prefer a certain option, there has to be a good chance you can both agree.
If you have 'hated' each other for ages, a solicitor is guaranteed to get his goat and then that sibling stupidity where he actively chases a damaging agreement simply to get one over on you.
On that note, if you are still mourning then go extra, extra careful. People can get outrageously irrational when in mourning - have seen families knock down gravestones as some object to the order of names on it. If your brother does not feel you did as much as he did for Mum when she was alive, it can get very, very nasty and childish.
Thank you for the replys, so much for me to think about.
To answer a few questions....
We are joint executors.
There is zero chance he will ever refuse to move out/sell, he is desperate to get the money, he is unemployed and for various reasons unemployable so this is the big score.
When mum died, I was aware he probably didn't have any money so I said I'd cover the cost of the funeral and everything associated with it. He readily agreed to this. It was also my wife and myself that did all the organising of the funeral and sorting out all the things that need doing when someone dies, as he was too "busy".
When sorting through mums things we found a few hundred pounds in cash which I told him to keep and spend as he needed. Which he did.
Things were amicable enough until a week or so after the funeral when he gets in touch to say he's skint and needs money. I suggest he gets the house contents sold and use the proceeds as he sees fit. His reaction to this suggestion is akin to if I'd told him to sell a kidney. He needs cash and it has to be now.
There follows 3 days of the most vile text message abuse, directed mainly to me but also my wife and pretty much anyone I'd ever known.
By the 4th day I said I'd arrange a visit (I live 150 miles away) and we'd sit down and sort it out.
Now, I'm not an expert on drugs but I'm reasonably convinced he was as high as a kite. He's always been a pot smoker but now appears to have moved on to other things.
Needless to say the visit didn't go well, anything I said was wrong and he just shouted over me whenever I tried to speak. I left when he said he wanted to stab me in the face.
I have a meeting booked with a solicitor next week, just an initial consultation to see if they think I need their services, which the more I think about it, I reckon I will.
To answer a few questions....
We are joint executors.
There is zero chance he will ever refuse to move out/sell, he is desperate to get the money, he is unemployed and for various reasons unemployable so this is the big score.
When mum died, I was aware he probably didn't have any money so I said I'd cover the cost of the funeral and everything associated with it. He readily agreed to this. It was also my wife and myself that did all the organising of the funeral and sorting out all the things that need doing when someone dies, as he was too "busy".
When sorting through mums things we found a few hundred pounds in cash which I told him to keep and spend as he needed. Which he did.
Things were amicable enough until a week or so after the funeral when he gets in touch to say he's skint and needs money. I suggest he gets the house contents sold and use the proceeds as he sees fit. His reaction to this suggestion is akin to if I'd told him to sell a kidney. He needs cash and it has to be now.
There follows 3 days of the most vile text message abuse, directed mainly to me but also my wife and pretty much anyone I'd ever known.
By the 4th day I said I'd arrange a visit (I live 150 miles away) and we'd sit down and sort it out.
Now, I'm not an expert on drugs but I'm reasonably convinced he was as high as a kite. He's always been a pot smoker but now appears to have moved on to other things.
Needless to say the visit didn't go well, anything I said was wrong and he just shouted over me whenever I tried to speak. I left when he said he wanted to stab me in the face.
I have a meeting booked with a solicitor next week, just an initial consultation to see if they think I need their services, which the more I think about it, I reckon I will.
Firstly, Sorry for your loss.
use a Solicitor... as this takes any emotion out of the equation and no argument of you misinterpreting the will. the cost of the solicitor can be paid from the estate.
I'm at the end of this myself. it sounds similar.
My father passed in August, his house was taken over by my brother and his friends whilst my father was in hospital, however, my father told the police that they should not have been there. the police removed them from the property. Thank God. otherwise I anticipate that we would never have got them out (police already involved due to safeguarding issues)
also had to deal with brother trying to take over accounts and utilities which has been stressful ( he was not an executor)
just last night I saw a credit check alert for an online gambling application using my late fathers name/address/dob etc.
I have ongoing complaints for harassment with the police against my brother.
the Solicitor route has given me one less thing to worry about during the probate and house sale.
use a Solicitor... as this takes any emotion out of the equation and no argument of you misinterpreting the will. the cost of the solicitor can be paid from the estate.
I'm at the end of this myself. it sounds similar.
My father passed in August, his house was taken over by my brother and his friends whilst my father was in hospital, however, my father told the police that they should not have been there. the police removed them from the property. Thank God. otherwise I anticipate that we would never have got them out (police already involved due to safeguarding issues)
also had to deal with brother trying to take over accounts and utilities which has been stressful ( he was not an executor)
just last night I saw a credit check alert for an online gambling application using my late fathers name/address/dob etc.
I have ongoing complaints for harassment with the police against my brother.
the Solicitor route has given me one less thing to worry about during the probate and house sale.
For what it’s worth here’s what happened in my family. My brother engineered a situation where my mother and I ceased to talk, despite only being 2 miles away. I subsequently found out that he told her I hated her guts and no longer wanted to be associated as her son. He used this opportunity to put her house on the market without telling her, and moved her from Surrey to Milton Keynes, buying her another house and pocketing the £90k difference. He then fell out with his then 3rd wife, who assisted with care (she was nearly 90 by then) and told my mother they were both moving to Bridlington but she needed to go first, and would settle her in a small semi with no upstairs, so she could move around easily. This he did, pocketing another £50k+, the figure difficult to determine. He failed to move to Bridlington, but got as far as Corby where he was milking another cash cow and her elderly but rich mother. Meanwhile he was able during a sporadic visit to get her debit card, on the pretext of getting some shopping, and for her to pay for the petrol in his 5 litre Merc for him to visit. He did not return this card, and proceeded to take £250 a day from ger current account. She rarely opened mail, poor eyesight, so had no idea the perilous state of her finances.
It just happened his second ex wife visited her, and with her permission opened some mail, showing a rapid decline in funds.This ex wife then got in touch with my other sibling in Canada and told the sorry tale (she had no contact details for me). He phoned me and relayed the tale, told me to collect him from Gatwick the next day and prepare for a trip ‘oop north’.
We arrived at her house where we were able to piece together what he had done. 1, destroyed all family photos expect where he was the only subject telling her she had just one child. 2 taken control of her finances but without PoA 3, forced her to rewrite her will with him as sole beneficiary and executor. She had less than £3k left and her house which I’m surprised wasn’t mortgaged!
The decision was taken to get a house visit from her local solicitor (the one that did the last one with him as sole beneficiary) and we went to have a beer while the solicitor made a new will in line with her wishes, not his.
The solicitor was satisfied, and we asked her if her firm could be made sole executor to avoid interference. We, my brother and I were not interested in the contents, as we were both financially independent. She (the solicitor) suggested a Power of Attorney being put in place while she still had mental capacity, which at 96 may not be for long, and I was “volunteered” as it was clear I was trustworthy, and also would not be duped by him.
In the event, in the 4 months the PoA took to be enacted, she was close to the end and no longer conscious, passing shortly after.
This, when he heard brought about all sorts of screaming and threats, police involvement which they clearly saw who was the wrong un, and personal threats upon my family and business, which I knew he wouldn’t/couldn’t carry out, and at every point told him to address everything at the solicitor.
Nine years have passed, not another word, but I did hear through the grape vine he did get his hands on his new victim’s money
A small footnote to this, showing that she still had some marbles left, after making the new will, she insisted I have her copy, although I’d told her to lodge it with her bank, and she kept the previous will in the same place just in case of a visit!
It just happened his second ex wife visited her, and with her permission opened some mail, showing a rapid decline in funds.This ex wife then got in touch with my other sibling in Canada and told the sorry tale (she had no contact details for me). He phoned me and relayed the tale, told me to collect him from Gatwick the next day and prepare for a trip ‘oop north’.
We arrived at her house where we were able to piece together what he had done. 1, destroyed all family photos expect where he was the only subject telling her she had just one child. 2 taken control of her finances but without PoA 3, forced her to rewrite her will with him as sole beneficiary and executor. She had less than £3k left and her house which I’m surprised wasn’t mortgaged!
The decision was taken to get a house visit from her local solicitor (the one that did the last one with him as sole beneficiary) and we went to have a beer while the solicitor made a new will in line with her wishes, not his.
The solicitor was satisfied, and we asked her if her firm could be made sole executor to avoid interference. We, my brother and I were not interested in the contents, as we were both financially independent. She (the solicitor) suggested a Power of Attorney being put in place while she still had mental capacity, which at 96 may not be for long, and I was “volunteered” as it was clear I was trustworthy, and also would not be duped by him.
In the event, in the 4 months the PoA took to be enacted, she was close to the end and no longer conscious, passing shortly after.
This, when he heard brought about all sorts of screaming and threats, police involvement which they clearly saw who was the wrong un, and personal threats upon my family and business, which I knew he wouldn’t/couldn’t carry out, and at every point told him to address everything at the solicitor.
Nine years have passed, not another word, but I did hear through the grape vine he did get his hands on his new victim’s money
A small footnote to this, showing that she still had some marbles left, after making the new will, she insisted I have her copy, although I’d told her to lodge it with her bank, and she kept the previous will in the same place just in case of a visit!
Edited by vitesse2000 on Sunday 6th March 17:39
Roman Knows said:
Thank you for the replys, so much for me to think about.
To answer a few questions....
We are joint executors.
There is zero chance he will ever refuse to move out/sell, he is desperate to get the money, he is unemployed and for various reasons unemployable so this is the big score.
When mum died, I was aware he probably didn't have any money so I said I'd cover the cost of the funeral and everything associated with it. He readily agreed to this. It was also my wife and myself that did all the organising of the funeral and sorting out all the things that need doing when someone dies, as he was too "busy".
When sorting through mums things we found a few hundred pounds in cash which I told him to keep and spend as he needed. Which he did.
Things were amicable enough until a week or so after the funeral when he gets in touch to say he's skint and needs money. I suggest he gets the house contents sold and use the proceeds as he sees fit. His reaction to this suggestion is akin to if I'd told him to sell a kidney. He needs cash and it has to be now.
There follows 3 days of the most vile text message abuse, directed mainly to me but also my wife and pretty much anyone I'd ever known.
By the 4th day I said I'd arrange a visit (I live 150 miles away) and we'd sit down and sort it out.
Now, I'm not an expert on drugs but I'm reasonably convinced he was as high as a kite. He's always been a pot smoker but now appears to have moved on to other things.
Needless to say the visit didn't go well, anything I said was wrong and he just shouted over me whenever I tried to speak. I left when he said he wanted to stab me in the face.
I have a meeting booked with a solicitor next week, just an initial consultation to see if they think I need their services, which the more I think about it, I reckon I will.
OP, I’m sorry to hear how things are for you. Reading your post I’d have no hesitation in using a solicitor. If I were in your shoes I’d want a go-between between myself and the brother. A solicitor will ensure you have minimum contact with your brother from here on in. Yes, it may get his back up but I suspect things are going to get even more nasty for you the more contact you have with him. To answer a few questions....
We are joint executors.
There is zero chance he will ever refuse to move out/sell, he is desperate to get the money, he is unemployed and for various reasons unemployable so this is the big score.
When mum died, I was aware he probably didn't have any money so I said I'd cover the cost of the funeral and everything associated with it. He readily agreed to this. It was also my wife and myself that did all the organising of the funeral and sorting out all the things that need doing when someone dies, as he was too "busy".
When sorting through mums things we found a few hundred pounds in cash which I told him to keep and spend as he needed. Which he did.
Things were amicable enough until a week or so after the funeral when he gets in touch to say he's skint and needs money. I suggest he gets the house contents sold and use the proceeds as he sees fit. His reaction to this suggestion is akin to if I'd told him to sell a kidney. He needs cash and it has to be now.
There follows 3 days of the most vile text message abuse, directed mainly to me but also my wife and pretty much anyone I'd ever known.
By the 4th day I said I'd arrange a visit (I live 150 miles away) and we'd sit down and sort it out.
Now, I'm not an expert on drugs but I'm reasonably convinced he was as high as a kite. He's always been a pot smoker but now appears to have moved on to other things.
Needless to say the visit didn't go well, anything I said was wrong and he just shouted over me whenever I tried to speak. I left when he said he wanted to stab me in the face.
I have a meeting booked with a solicitor next week, just an initial consultation to see if they think I need their services, which the more I think about it, I reckon I will.
Good luck!
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