What changes people more?

[GilletteFan]

I've noticed a lot of the people have changed, you could say, for the worse. Weight gain, mental health issues, withdraw from social relationships and pretty much focused on doing the bare minimum to get by - i.e. earn their salary

Anecdotally, I think the main drivers of change are in order:

1. Mortgage and being tied down
2. Marriage
3. Having Kids/ Owning dogs
4. Being single
5. Being in a job that continues to not provide stimulation apart from gaslighting from those above, below and at level

I don't want to come across as cynical here, but almost everybody is unrecognisable now and slightly passive-aggressive.

[jdw100]

GilletteFan said:

I've noticed a lot of the people have changed, you could say, for the worse. Weight gain, mental health issues, withdraw from social relationships and pretty much focused on doing the bare minimum to get by - i.e. earn their salary

Anecdotally, I think the main drivers of change are in order:

1. Mortgage and being tied down
2. Marriage
3. Having Kids/ Owning dogs
4. Being single
5. Being in a job that continues to not provide stimulation apart from gaslighting from those above, below and at level

I don't want to come across as cynical here, but almost everybody is unrecognisable now and slightly passive-aggressive.

Owning a dog? Seriously?

If that's a key driver in altering your life: what the hell was your life before that?

Equating it with having a child? Saving up for your dog's education? Our mutt....I think those piano lessons are wasted on it, if I'm being honest.

I'd definitely put owning a dog above, I don't know.....death of a person close to you?


Hey mate how's that life altering injury and/or fatal disease working out for you?

"Well I'm going to die next week, but what's really impacted me more is buying a dog".


So sorry to hear about all your relatives dying in that war, must have really changed you as a person and your whole outlook on life, you ever want to talk about this trauma...well..I'm here for you.

"Oh yeah that, thanks. I bought a dog!"

[fttm]

Getting out of the vastly over populated UK , breath of fresh air having room to stretch and not sat in traffic everywhere . Have wife dags and kids , no issue with them at all , they keep me sort of sane .

[Fast and Spurious]

jdw100 said:

Owning a dog? Seriously?

If that's a key driver in altering your life: what the hell was your life before that?

Equating it with having a child? Saving up for your dog's education? Our mutt....I think those piano lessons are wasted on it, if I'm being honest.

I'd definitely put owning a dog above, I don't know.....death of a person close to you?


Hey mate how's that life altering injury and/or fatal disease working out for you?

"Well I'm going to die next week, but what's really impacted me more is buying a dog".


So sorry to hear about all your relatives dying in that war, must have really changed you as a person and your whole outlook on life, you ever want to talk about this trauma...well..I'm here for you.

"Oh yeah that, thanks. I bought a dog!"

Brilliant answer indicating that you are a perfect example of the too-highly-strung half-loon that the OP was alluding to. Well done!

[Fast and Spurious]

GilletteFan said:

I've noticed a lot of the people have changed, you could say, for the worse. Weight gain, mental health issues, withdraw from social relationships and pretty much focused on doing the bare minimum to get by - i.e. earn their salary

Anecdotally, I think the main drivers of change are in order:

1. Mortgage and being tied down
2. Marriage
3. Having Kids/ Owning dogs
4. Being single
5. Being in a job that continues to not provide stimulation apart from gaslighting from those above, below and at level

I don't want to come across as cynical here, but almost everybody is unrecognisable now and slightly passive-aggressive.

This is a good observation.
I would suggest adding bloody COVID-19, the polarisation of politics by the media, the rate of change of societal norms and over-use of internet to the list.

[Jamescrs]

Covid has changed a couple of people I know massively, not catching it but the whole lockdown and threat of it. It made one friend lock themselves away and I'm not sure they will ever be the same as pre covid at this point.

I think the lack of human contact affected a lot of people in a negative way

[jdw100]

Fast and Spurious said:

jdw100 said:

Owning a dog? Seriously?

If that's a key driver in altering your life: what the hell was your life before that?

Equating it with having a child? Saving up for your dog's education? Our mutt....I think those piano lessons are wasted on it, if I'm being honest.

I'd definitely put owning a dog above, I don't know.....death of a person close to you?


Hey mate how's that life altering injury and/or fatal disease working out for you?

"Well I'm going to die next week, but what's really impacted me more is buying a dog".


So sorry to hear about all your relatives dying in that war, must have really changed you as a person and your whole outlook on life, you ever want to talk about this trauma...well..I'm here for you.

"Oh yeah that, thanks. I bought a dog!"

Brilliant answer indicating that you are a perfect example of the too-highly-strung half-loon that the OP was alluding to. Well done!

Attempt at humour that clearly fell flat.

A dog though…..

Change is great, embrace it!

As for me: no mortgage, no lock downs, two businesses that couldn’t be more different. Was at beach for sunrise this morning….I’m all good.

The main factor is though, we got a dog last year. Changed my life…..Oh yeah had a kid at some point…

[GilletteFan]

Jamescrs said:

Covid has changed a couple of people I know massively, not catching it but the whole lockdown and threat of it. It made one friend lock themselves away and I'm not sure they will ever be the same as pre covid at this point.

I think the lack of human contact affected a lot of people in a negative way

Did it also involve physical changes? I know a lot of people around me have anxiety and are very very very sensitive now.

And, unfortunately, my fellow office professionals are so focused on keeping their salaries coming in that they have forgotten to live.

[LukeBrown66]

In my experience having kids as it toes unhappy people together for 20 odd years when without kids they would probably have split up and happily got on with new lives.

Being single changes you massively, and not always for the worse or good, you quickly realise a lot of things are stacked against you, most of society and policy is geared towards families, so a lot of it makes you life far more expensive pro rata, rent, shopping etc becomes far dearer. But the upside is you have no ties, no unhappiness if you are comfortable with your decision, and the ability to do exactly what you want when you want. No matter what it is within reason.

[Jamescrs]

GilletteFan said:

Did it also involve physical changes? I know a lot of people around me have anxiety and are very very very sensitive now.

And, unfortunately, my fellow office professionals are so focused on keeping their salaries coming in that they have forgotten to live.

Not that I am aware of but I haven't seen them since October last year as they constantly make excuses not to go out with other friends anymore so who knows, I still message them asking how they are etc but that's about the extent of it now, shame but I felt it was dragging me down trying to make the effort constantly as do others in the group

[Mr Penguin]

I think having kids changes people a lot. Also having friends who have kids changes you because they naturally change their lives to focus on the kids and move closer to other friends who are parents, meaning you end up realigning your relationships.

[Spare tyre]

Jamescrs said:

Covid has changed a couple of people I know massively, not catching it but the whole lockdown and threat of it. It made one friend lock themselves away and I'm not sure they will ever be the same as pre covid at this point.

I think the lack of human contact affected a lot of people in a negative way

I spent some time over weekend with a dear friend of mine I lived with at uni

Life and soul of any situation, always talks to everyone in the room, tramp or king, thoroughly decent guy.

Lock down came, it caused depression I guess.

He told me he was thinking about how to commit suicide - it was only his kids that made him not do it, but said he would have if it wasn’t for them

A total 180 for him. When I tell my folks about some of his issues, they simply don’t believe me as Dave is not like that


Thankfully Dave is on the bounce back now.

I would have bet my house that he of all people wouldn’t have got like this.


Everyone is wired up differently so every situation will have different outcomes for everyone.

Still try and keep in contact with as many as I can and get them out the house on a walk

[Spare tyre]

Mr Penguin said:

I think having kids changes people a lot. Also having friends who have kids changes you because they naturally change their lives to focus on the kids and move closer to other friends who are parents, meaning you end up realigning your relationships.

We have a 3 year old. I’ve had a sticker on the back of my car for three years that is just white from sun exposure.

I got the car the week before the kid arrived, it wasn’t until this weekend that I’ve had the time to remove it, it took 2 mins and I only had the time as I was waiting for someone in a car park who was running 5 mins late

People without kids will possibly struggle to understand this, but there is always something to do, washing up, grab some baby food, goto park, put washing out to help wife, read books, step in on an argument about why 3 year old can’t wear mummies socks to nursery etc

[foxbody-87]

jdw100 said:

Owning a dog? Seriously?

If that's a key driver in altering your life: what the hell was your life before that?

Equating it with having a child? Saving up for your dog's education? Our mutt....I think those piano lessons are wasted on it, if I'm being honest.

I'd definitely put owning a dog above, I don't know.....death of a person close to you?


Hey mate how's that life altering injury and/or fatal disease working out for you?

"Well I'm going to die next week, but what's really impacted me more is buying a dog".


So sorry to hear about all your relatives dying in that war, must have really changed you as a person and your whole outlook on life, you ever want to talk about this trauma...well..I'm here for you.

"Oh yeah that, thanks. I bought a dog!"

Aren’t you the bloke that killed his neighbours dog or am I getting mixed up?

[HustleRussell]

It is a shame when people grow apart but life and changing circumstances do that.

Reading the opening post I wondered how the OP thinks that people shouldn't change in response to things going on in their life?

In an effort to avoid ever 'changing', we should be not single but not married, we should never buy property, we should never have kids or a dog... So what 'should' we do? Reach our late-20s and then rinse and repeat for the rest of our lives, doing only late-20s things?

[vixen1700]

Mr Penguin said:

I think having kids changes people a lot. Also having friends who have kids changes you because they naturally change their lives to focus on the kids and move closer to other friends who are parents, meaning you end up realigning your relationships.

Yeah, best mate of over 42 years had kids very late in life (twins at 48), and his personality totally changed to a complete 'baby-head'.

Haven't seen him in over two years dispite him working in London two days a week, so he could pop his head round the door if he wanted to.

Last time I spoke to him, he kept on about my need to be vaccinated even though I didn't want to talk about it, then hung up on me when I mentioned adverse reaction to the vaccines. As if I'd called him out as a cult member or something.

Spoke to my mrs. about it the other day, the fact I haven't seen or spoken to him and the fact it slightly bothers me but at the same time, I don't care really. Odd.

[Alex_225]

For me it was losing a parent changed me and having children did too. I don't think either changed me outwardly, so relationships didn't change or changing groups of friends etc.

But certainly I can say both made such an impact they changed my view on many things, having children (one with my ex) certainly taught me patience and ability to be as selfless as you possibly can be. You can maintain your identity but best thing ever. For that is as I appreciate not everyone likes or wants kids.

I have seen things change people. A friend of mine, I'd say best mate at the time was someone I was close too. We both work in the same industry so would swap e-mails most days and have a chat, would catch up regularly, the other halves got on well and we even went on a really good holiday with them.

First kid is born and the effect is immediate, e-mails/texts become less and less frequent to the point I no longer hear from him. I appreciate you don't see friends as much when you have kids, they're priority but other friends with children seem to balance that out, even if you don't catch up so much. This particular mate, there's just nothing. Could text and not hear back at all.

[Jamescrs]

Alex_225 said:

First kid is born and the effect is immediate, e-mails/texts become less and less frequent to the point I no longer hear from him. I appreciate you don't see friends as much when you have kids, they're priority but other friends with children seem to balance that out, even if you don't catch up so much. This particular mate, there's just nothing. Could text and not hear back at all.

I'm not sure other friends with children do balance iut the loss of contact you have with friends prior to children.

My own circumstances are that I definitely have less contact with the people I used to see prior to children, I still stay in contact with 5-6 close mates I had prior to kids but I did have at least double that I used to socialise with regularly who I see maybe once or twice a year now.

In balance I have no new friends that I have made through having children, the people I meet at the school gates and at the rare kids party I attend are not people who I want to have any kind of friendship with if i'm blunt, seemingly having nothing in common with them other than our kids go to the same school.

That may sound like i'm rude but the men who I work with all seem to have very similar views and don't associate with their children's mates parents either and would rather self harm themselves than do so, it does seem to be different for women though, my wife included who will quite happily meet up with the other mum's and has made friends through mother and baby groups etc.

[PositronicRay]

GilletteFan said:

I've noticed a lot of the people have changed, you could say, for the worse. Weight gain, mental health issues, withdraw from social relationships and pretty much focused on doing the bare minimum to get by - i.e. earn their salary

Anecdotally, I think the main drivers of change are in order:

1. Mortgage and being tied down
2. Marriage
3. Having Kids/ Owning dogs
4. Being single
5. Being in a job that continues to not provide stimulation apart from gaslighting from those above, below and at level

I don't want to come across as cynical here, but almost everybody is unrecognisable now and slightly passive-aggressive.

Maybe it's you who've changed?

[p4cks]

Jamescrs said:

I think the lack of human contact affected a lot of people in a negative way

I don't think it's changed people as such, they've just found their true self.