Numpty with a golf club

[streaky]

On my way back from a visit to a prospective supplier, I was driving behind a AMG55. After being all but stationary behind some traffic truning right, as the road cleared he accelerated away, comfortably exceeding the prevailing 40 limit (I estimate his speed at 70-80). Ahead of him was a lady golfer crossing the road pulling a golf trolley. She waved at him to slow down and his brake lights flickered briefly.

I continued at a (B2 indicated) 40 (there's something about prats that make me drive very defensively).

As I approached the lady, she pulled out a club (a 5 iron as it turned out) and waved it aggressively at me. I stopped just past her, stepped out and walked slowly back towards her (with a totally non-threatening posture and face). I enquired why she had waved the club at me.

"You were speeding!" she screamed ... and her spittle landed on my tie. "You were racing!" (More spittle.)

I asked very politely (I can be sometimes ;)) what speed she thought I was doing.

"90!" she screamed. "90 miles an hour!"

I patiently explained that I was only doing 36 as I neared her (I had checked).

"You liar!" she screamed again. "You were speeding. You were racing! I've got your number. I'm 'phoning the police!"

At this point she stepped towards me and raised the club (which is when I noticed it was a 5 iron, BTW).

I retreated a couple of steps, pulled out my cell-phone and informed her that I considered her gesture to be threatening behaviour and that I was in fear of violence contrary to the Public Order Act 1986 and that I was calling the police.

With that she hastily thrust the club back into the bag, turned on her heal and stomped off. I am convinced I heard a "Harrump!" as she disappeared through a gap in the hedge. I've never heard one before, but that's certainly what it sounded like.

I hope no-one ever gives her a speed-gun ... but I bet they do!

Streaky

[BliarOut]

You are a bad man quoting the law authoritatively at her like that

Have you ever played Mornington Crescent

[JoolzB]

She's got a point, you were definitely speeding, I can tell that from here, although I'd estimate 76.6mph.

[Fer]

JoolzB said:

She's got a point, you were definitely speeding, I can tell that from here, although I'd estimate 76.6mph.

LIAR - it was 155 if it was anything...

Some people guage speed and sound as the same thing. Glad she did not try and drive you onto the fairway.

[Don]

Would you believe I've had this. I'm the guy who obeys 30mph limits and drives like a (very careful and observant) granny through villages and towns.

Something about a bright red sportscar turns otherwise quiescent, holier-than-thou tossers into voluble, indignant tossers.

There you go, streaky, that's the way to think about it! After you'd driven off you can forget about it - but the numpty tosser is that way for life.

[JoolzB]

Don said:

Would you believe I've had this.

Me too, I was driving at <20 along a road with cars parked either side when some ol' dear opened her door and stepped out infront of me. I hit the brakes and somehow missed her. Her son then started having a go at me telling me it was a 30 limit, I guess he was after his inheritance

[7db]

Good for you Streaky for stopping to have a chat.

How disappointing that you didn't involve the BiB, and have a formal identification in the clubhouse...

[tycho]

I'd have taken the club out of her hands and broke it over my knee. (Can't be too careful with these aggressive numpties)

[gh0st]

I once overtook a car doing 30 in a straight 60 . As I reached 55moph (had no intention of needing to go any faster to overtake as the speed differential was already high enough...) some middle aged dude practically jumped off the pavement waving his arms shouting "SLOW DOWN SPEEDER"

Christ!!!!

[MMC]

I was out on the bike at the weekend. It's a fairly ancient BMW R100GS in a fetching shade of Ribena purple, standard (v quiet) exhaust.

There I was, bimbling through a village in North Oxfordshire and a chap looks up from his lawnmower and shakes his fist at me, and yells. He's cutting the verge by quite a big house, smart BMW in the drive, yet there he is, clearly mouthing the words "F-off, you f-ing c-nt" and waving his arms about.

I was doing - wait for it - 20mph.

Sorry for existing and daring to ride through your village...

[2 Smokin Barrels]

MMC said:

, clearly mouthing the words "F-off, you f-ing c-nt" and waving his arms about.

..perhaps it was nothing to do with the bike...he just knew you

[KB_S1]

Or he was jealous.

[JoolzB]

KB_S1 said:

Or he was jealous.

Or...
He was the only gay in the village and then he saw you in all your leathers posing on yer flash motorbike at 20 mph.

[Pot Bellied Fool]

Quick letter to the Club Captain detailing time & description of the 'lady' & telling Cap'n just how much you thought this brought the Club into disrepute & would he/she and the Committee like to have the Police poking their noses round the Clubhouse might just result in a "My Office! Forget the tea & buns" type chat for the daft bint...

[cross-eyed-twit]

Surely if some twit jumps out in front of you you have every right to smash into to them with great force and claim simply 'he/she jumped out in front of me!'

[Jolley]

JoolzB said:

Don said: Would you believe I've had this. Me too

Me three.

On quite a few occasions. The most unbelievable was a policeman that informed me that I must have been doing at least 80mph because he had to do 85mph to catch me. He did not seem to grasp that because I was doing 70mph (Dual C/way), he would have to do more than that to catch me... he even accused me of wanting to be arrested when I asked if he would have thought I was doing 95mph if he did 100mph to catch me?!! It ended with him getting a bit aggressive when I pointed out to him that one of his brake lights was faulty!!

I have nothing against the Police. In fact, the other 19 or so times I have been pulled over, the police have been very fair.... and I was being very naughty!

[streaky]

Don said:

Something about a bright red sportscar turns otherwise quiescent, holier-than-thou tossers into voluble, indignant tossers.

It's black!

tycho said:

I'd have taken the club out of her hands and broke it over my knee. (Can't be too careful with these aggressive numpties)

Have you ever tried to do that? Steel shafts are bl00dy painful and carbon-fibre shafts shatter with very sharp pieces flying everywhere.

MMC said:

There I was, bimbling through a village in North Oxfordshire and a chap looks up from his lawnmower and shakes his fist at me, and yells. He's cutting the verge by quite a big house, smart BMW in the drive, yet there he is, clearly mouthing the words "F-off, you f-ing c-nt" and waving his arms about.

Tourettes (coprolalia) Syndrome?

Streaky

>> Edited by streaky on Friday 5th August 05:44

[tycho]

streaky said:

tycho said: I'd have taken the club out of her hands and broke it over my knee. (Can't be too careful with these aggressive numpties) Have you ever tried to do that? Steel shafts are bl00dy painful and carbon-fibre shafts shatter with very sharp pieces flying everywhere.

Yep, after a particularly bad shot out of a perfect lie in the middle of the fairway into the water about 50 yards to the right of the green......

[BliarOut]

Pot Bellied Fool said:

Quick letter to the Club Captain detailing time & description of the 'lady' & telling Cap'n just how much you thought this brought the Club into disrepute & would he/she and the Committee like to have the Police poking their noses round the Clubhouse might just result in a "My Office! Forget the tea & buns" type chat for the daft bint...

Oh I like your style

[hustlebabe]

Wicked style