Things you've learnt the hard way

[CopperBolt]

Such as:

If you have back pockets on your trousers in which you store a wallet/phone whatever, when lowering your trousers prior to sitting on the toilet, take a step forward first in case the object in your rear pocket hits the toilet seat during the trouser lowering process, slides out of the pocket perfectly and falls into the bowl.

Any more?

[worsy]

If you have a fly zipper on your jeans, push your arse back a bit as you do it up to make sure John Thomas is clear.

[r3g]

CopperBolt said:

Such as:

If you have back pockets on your trousers in which you store a wallet/phone whatever, when lowering your trousers prior to sitting on the toilet, take a step forward first in case the object in your rear pocket hits the toilet seat during the trouser lowering process, slides out of the pocket perfectly and falls into the bowl.

Any more?

Sorry but . On the plus side, be thankful it happened before you started and not as you were getting up after you'd finished .

[littleredrooster]

When using a mandoline, always use the vegetable holder-thingy, not just your fingers.

[Doofus]

Being drunk doesn't make you better at jumping than when you're sober.

[J4CKO]

Not to ignore letters from the bank.

[r3g]

J4CKO said:

Not to ignore letters from the bank.

I've an even better one than that : never ignore letters from HMRC! That was quite an expensive lesson learned the hard way.

[bigandclever]

Tucker's Law is a very real thing.

[paulguitar]

CopperBolt said:

Such as:

If you have back pockets on your trousers in which you store a wallet/phone whatever, when lowering your trousers prior to sitting on the toilet, take a step forward first in case the object in your rear pocket hits the toilet seat during the trouser lowering process, slides out of the pocket perfectly and falls into the bowl.

Any more?

If you have your passport in a back pocket and sit on it, it can permanently disable the little chip that enables you to use the gates in airports. Ask me how I know...

[RedWhiteMonkey]

bigandclever said:

Tucker's Law is a very real thing.

Have you got the tea towel?

[airsafari87]

CopperBolt said:

Such as:

If you have back pockets on your trousers in which you store a wallet/phone whatever, when lowering your trousers prior to sitting on the toilet, take a step forward first in case the object in your rear pocket hits the toilet seat during the trouser lowering process, slides out of the pocket perfectly and falls into the bowl.

Any more?

I lost a set of hire car keys which had the key to my rented condo down a Walmart bog at 3am in a backwater town in Mississippi doing the exact same thing.

No problem you think, just fish them out and you're good to go?
Ohhh no, these toilets had an infrared sensor at rhe back of them that automatically flushed the bog as you stood up.
Both sets of keys gone forever.

It was a Sunday, the car rental office was at New Orleans airport some 60 miles away, the place I had rented the condo from was closed till 1st thing Monday morning.

You know those dingy motels you see on US TV programmes and in movies? I can confirm that they do infact exist.

[Tycho]

worsy said:

If you have a fly zipper on your jeans, push your arse back a bit as you do it up to make sure John Thomas is clear.

"Oh man! How'd you get the beans above the frank?"

[littlebasher]

You can't swim across to the Isle of Wight.

[cobra kid]

Not to accidentally let the nozzle on the hot melt glue gun rest against your inner arm.

[jumare]

Playing leap frog when drunk can be classed as a dangerous sport (and results in a stay in hospital).

[sociopath]

All bosses are c*nts

[Mr MXT]

Dont pull an HT lead off with the engine running.

[Legacywr]

Keep your dick in your trousers.

Well, I'm still on the course, to be honest with you...

[Ronstein]

The importance of being patient

[Doofus]

sociopath said:

All bosses are c*nts

I'm not.