No headstone for neighbour
Discussion
My neighbour across the road died last year. We had nothing to do with her or her husband, a miserable oldish couple, or their daughter who lives next door to them, after the oldish couple pranged our car whilst reversing, twice, and drove off without telling us (lesson learned, we got it on our new CCTV system the second time and they reluctantly paid for repairs.
Anyway, she is buried in a nearby cemetery and we noticed that, after a year, she has no headstone. They are reasonably well off I imagine, so I don't know what to make of it. It's their business and I'm not judging anyone, but is this unusual? I can't see any similar graves in the cemetery, which all have a stone or a cross or something. I wouldn't expect anything elaborate but a marker of some sort. Even Dylan Thomas only has a simple painted cross, and it's more than adequate.
Anyway, she is buried in a nearby cemetery and we noticed that, after a year, she has no headstone. They are reasonably well off I imagine, so I don't know what to make of it. It's their business and I'm not judging anyone, but is this unusual? I can't see any similar graves in the cemetery, which all have a stone or a cross or something. I wouldn't expect anything elaborate but a marker of some sort. Even Dylan Thomas only has a simple painted cross, and it's more than adequate.
You should wait some time for the ground to settle before installing a headstone and we had to wait a year before installing my mum’s headstone but there were f
k-ups and lockdowns to deal with which caused a delay to things.
Depending on what materials used, it may need to be imported which will also cause delays.
k-ups and lockdowns to deal with which caused a delay to things.Depending on what materials used, it may need to be imported which will also cause delays.
I buried my father in the family plot. Haven’t got around to getting a mason to mark out on the headstones ( it’s a very old plot with stone surrounds to it etc.
I mean physically just went up and put him in there. No ceremony or even told the grave yard folk.
How about that for a weird tale.
I mean physically just went up and put him in there. No ceremony or even told the grave yard folk.
How about that for a weird tale.
lornemalvo said:
My neighbour across the road died last year. We had nothing to do with her or her husband, a miserable oldish couple, or their daughter who lives next door to them, after the oldish couple pranged our car whilst reversing, twice, and drove off without telling us (lesson learned, we got it on our new CCTV system the second time and they reluctantly paid for repairs.
Anyway, she is buried in a nearby cemetery and we noticed that, after a year, she has no headstone. They are reasonably well off I imagine, so I don't know what to make of it. It's their business and I'm not judging anyone, but is this unusual? I can't see any similar graves in the cemetery, which all have a stone or a cross or something. I wouldn't expect anything elaborate but a marker of some sort. Even Dylan Thomas only has a simple painted cross, and it's more than adequate.
After a burial it is normal that there is a delay before the headstone can be arranged. After my mum died unexpectedly my dad managed to purchase a grave plot and arrange a burial but subsequently he was too much overcome with grief to organise the headstone and so it was left for a few years. Now that my dad has died I arranged for his ashes to be interred in the same plot. Although my dad could be interred because he was the owner of the plot I was not able to organise a headstone because I am not the owner. Before I can arrange a headstone for the both of them I have to wait for probate which will take about 12 weeks and then I can apply for ownership of the plot which is called the permenant right of burial to pass from my dad to me which will take another 12 weeks and then a stonemason approved by the cemetery will accept my instruction to produce a headstone which will take about 12 weeks and then I need to arrange with the cemetery to install the headstone which I'm guessing at the current rate of progress will take another 12 weeks. Note that the headstone and inscription needs to be approved by the cemetery before work on the headstone is started.Anyway, she is buried in a nearby cemetery and we noticed that, after a year, she has no headstone. They are reasonably well off I imagine, so I don't know what to make of it. It's their business and I'm not judging anyone, but is this unusual? I can't see any similar graves in the cemetery, which all have a stone or a cross or something. I wouldn't expect anything elaborate but a marker of some sort. Even Dylan Thomas only has a simple painted cross, and it's more than adequate.
austinsmirk said:
I buried my father in the family plot. Haven’t got around to getting a mason to mark out on the headstones ( it’s a very old plot with stone surrounds to it etc.
I mean physically just went up and put him in there. No ceremony or even told the grave yard folk.
How about that for a weird tale.
Unofficial additions to graves may not be such an weird situation as I am organising for ashes to be interred and a headstone added to an existing burial grave plot. The plot can accommodate 1 burial and 6 ashes in caskets and 6 ashes poured into the grave. The cemetery authority have been very helpful and have explained what is and is not possible and DIY being totally forbidden was at the top of the list. I mean physically just went up and put him in there. No ceremony or even told the grave yard folk.
How about that for a weird tale.
It is possible that a stonemason will not perform any work without permission from the cemetery authority who will need to approve the inscription which would need to match their records for who in interred in the plot. In my case a total of 13 persons could be interred and so I expect there is a protocol for opening the grave in the right place and adding ashes.
You may not be permitted to do anything officially unless you own the permenant right of burial for the plot.
The cemetery authority were very helpful to me but the whole process is very protracted.
Actual said:
lornemalvo said:
My neighbour across the road died last year. We had nothing to do with her or her husband, a miserable oldish couple, or their daughter who lives next door to them, after the oldish couple pranged our car whilst reversing, twice, and drove off without telling us (lesson learned, we got it on our new CCTV system the second time and they reluctantly paid for repairs.
Anyway, she is buried in a nearby cemetery and we noticed that, after a year, she has no headstone. They are reasonably well off I imagine, so I don't know what to make of it. It's their business and I'm not judging anyone, but is this unusual? I can't see any similar graves in the cemetery, which all have a stone or a cross or something. I wouldn't expect anything elaborate but a marker of some sort. Even Dylan Thomas only has a simple painted cross, and it's more than adequate.
After a burial it is normal that there is a delay before the headstone can be arranged. After my mum died unexpectedly my dad managed to purchase a grave plot and arrange a burial but subsequently he was too much overcome with grief to organise the headstone and so it was left for a few years. Now that my dad has died I arranged for his ashes to be interred in the same plot. Although my dad could be interred because he was the owner of the plot I was not able to organise a headstone because I am not the owner. Before I can arrange a headstone for the both of them I have to wait for probate which will take about 12 weeks and then I can apply for ownership of the plot which is called the permenant right of burial to pass from my dad to me which will take another 12 weeks and then a stonemason approved by the cemetery will accept my instruction to produce a headstone which will take about 12 weeks and then I need to arrange with the cemetery to install the headstone which I'm guessing at the current rate of progress will take another 12 weeks. Note that the headstone and inscription needs to be approved by the cemetery before work on the headstone is started.Anyway, she is buried in a nearby cemetery and we noticed that, after a year, she has no headstone. They are reasonably well off I imagine, so I don't know what to make of it. It's their business and I'm not judging anyone, but is this unusual? I can't see any similar graves in the cemetery, which all have a stone or a cross or something. I wouldn't expect anything elaborate but a marker of some sort. Even Dylan Thomas only has a simple painted cross, and it's more than adequate.
Actual said:
austinsmirk said:
I buried my father in the family plot. Haven’t got around to getting a mason to mark out on the headstones ( it’s a very old plot with stone surrounds to it etc.
I mean physically just went up and put him in there. No ceremony or even told the grave yard folk.
How about that for a weird tale.
Unofficial additions to graves may not be such an weird situation as I am organising for ashes to be interred and a headstone added to an existing burial grave plot. The plot can accommodate 1 burial and 6 ashes in caskets and 6 ashes poured into the grave. The cemetery authority have been very helpful and have explained what is and is not possible and DIY being totally forbidden was at the top of the list. I mean physically just went up and put him in there. No ceremony or even told the grave yard folk.
How about that for a weird tale.
It is possible that a stonemason will not perform any work without permission from the cemetery authority who will need to approve the inscription which would need to match their records for who in interred in the plot. In my case a total of 13 persons could be interred and so I expect there is a protocol for opening the grave in the right place and adding ashes.
You may not be permitted to do anything officially unless you own the permenant right of burial for the plot.
The cemetery authority were very helpful to me but the whole process is very protracted.
Yes we own it. My grandfather designed the whole plot and had the stones cut etc. I go up every so often and strim the bigger neglected areas back with my petrol strimmer.
My mothers family had an undertaking business for many years. She (at 88) sees the whole thing as an utter farce and rip off. Thus quite happy for us to go up and just dig and hole and pop my dad in.
I’ll do the same for her, at her request.
lornemalvo said:
That manager was clearly a dick. I bet he walked everywhere with a clipboard
a bit unfair, gotta have rules or else there's anarchy. we were told on no account is sprinkling a husband's ashes on his wife's
grave allowed, one can bury the urn in the plot for a small cost, but no ash dumping.
A grave and a headstone frankly is a burden. I live an hour away from my parents graves, both were cremated but my dad went first and mum wanted an internment and a headstone. Then mum went and as I’m an only one I obvs had her buried in the same plot as dad and the stone altered accordingly. However I now obvs have to go and tend it etc otherwise I wouldn’t be happy with myself.
When I’m gone just scatter me in the garden of remembrance, much easier.
When I’m gone just scatter me in the garden of remembrance, much easier.
Slk55AMG KiaSportage said:
A grave and a headstone frankly is a burden. I live an hour away from my parents graves, both were cremated but my dad went first and mum wanted an internment and a headstone. Then mum went and as I’m an only one I obvs had her buried in the same plot as dad and the stone altered accordingly. However I now obvs have to go and tend it etc otherwise I wouldn’t be happy with myself.
When I’m gone just scatter me in the garden of remembrance, much easier.
I absolutely agree. They are completely pointlessWhen I’m gone just scatter me in the garden of remembrance, much easier.
When we took my dad back to Dorset to the family's historical home village , his ashes were put into a small hole dug next to
the grave with ancient head stone of his long dead parents and brother .
The headstone is extremely weathered so his name was never going to be added to it in 2018 .
His other brother has his own grave 30 yards away .
So there is no record that the eldest brother is there .....
the grave with ancient head stone of his long dead parents and brother .
The headstone is extremely weathered so his name was never going to be added to it in 2018 .
His other brother has his own grave 30 yards away .
So there is no record that the eldest brother is there .....
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