Whats the most you've made a stranger laugh out loud...
Discussion
So came back from the Download festival this morning after 5 days of little sleep....(and pretending I'm 18 again)
Stopped at a service station for a Costa (and a s
t in a clean toilet), ordered a large Latte. Took it to the sugar station. Opened the sugar packet, poured the sugar in the bin and put the empty packet in my latte.
Rather annoyingly there was a women next to me who saw me do this, and turned into hysterics at my situation.......
All rather embarrassing.....
So what have you done that turned a stranger into hysterics?.........
Stopped at a service station for a Costa (and a s
t in a clean toilet), ordered a large Latte. Took it to the sugar station. Opened the sugar packet, poured the sugar in the bin and put the empty packet in my latte.Rather annoyingly there was a women next to me who saw me do this, and turned into hysterics at my situation.......
All rather embarrassing.....
So what have you done that turned a stranger into hysterics?.........
On the receiving end for me.
In the summer hols and weekends I used to work in a fairly upmarket home furnishings store.
A well dressed and well preened older lady came in on day. Almost certainly eye wateringly wealthy, old money wealthy. She wanted to have her sitting room redone and she wanted two complementing wallpapers, one for above, and one for below the DILDO rail.
I invited her to sit on the sofa and i only just about held it together whilst I went into the back to "fetch a sample book"....
I still regularly laugh about it now (12yrs later)
In the summer hols and weekends I used to work in a fairly upmarket home furnishings store.
A well dressed and well preened older lady came in on day. Almost certainly eye wateringly wealthy, old money wealthy. She wanted to have her sitting room redone and she wanted two complementing wallpapers, one for above, and one for below the DILDO rail.
I invited her to sit on the sofa and i only just about held it together whilst I went into the back to "fetch a sample book"....
I still regularly laugh about it now (12yrs later)
Edited by Ambleton on Tuesday 14th June 23:15
Another, opposite way round story.
At the checkout in a busy supermarket about 20 years ago. A very stressed lady with several little kids and their little pals at the next checkout. The kids are all arguing about which of their dads has the best car or something, when one of them loudly, and just at the very moment the muzak stopped and the store was silent, shouts out "yeah, well my mum's got the biggest vagina in the whole world". Cue every single person in the shop all staring at this poor mum who naturally looked mortified, and then just pissing themselves laughing.
At the checkout in a busy supermarket about 20 years ago. A very stressed lady with several little kids and their little pals at the next checkout. The kids are all arguing about which of their dads has the best car or something, when one of them loudly, and just at the very moment the muzak stopped and the store was silent, shouts out "yeah, well my mum's got the biggest vagina in the whole world". Cue every single person in the shop all staring at this poor mum who naturally looked mortified, and then just pissing themselves laughing.
Ambleton said:
On the receiving end for me.
A well dressed and well preened older lady came in on day. Almost certainly eye wateringly wealthy, old money wealthy. She wanted to have her sitting room redone and she wanted two complementing wallpapers, one for above, and one for below the DILDO rail.
I've an image in my head of this ladies colourful collection all lined up on display along the said dildo rail in the living room.A well dressed and well preened older lady came in on day. Almost certainly eye wateringly wealthy, old money wealthy. She wanted to have her sitting room redone and she wanted two complementing wallpapers, one for above, and one for below the DILDO rail.
Receiving end here.
Stood in the queue at the kebab shop. Two slightly tipsy girls at the front, ordering a doner. The server fires up the electric cutter and starts carving slices off the elephant leg, one of the girls turns to the other and blurts out "ooh it's like when I shave me legs". The whole shop erupted. (Cool story bro etc.)
Stood in the queue at the kebab shop. Two slightly tipsy girls at the front, ordering a doner. The server fires up the electric cutter and starts carving slices off the elephant leg, one of the girls turns to the other and blurts out "ooh it's like when I shave me legs". The whole shop erupted. (Cool story bro etc.)
Ambleton said:
On the receiving end for me.
In the summer hols and weekends I used to work in a fairly upmarket home furnishings store.
A well dressed and well preened older lady came in on day. Almost certainly eye wateringly wealthy, old money wealthy. She wanted to have her sitting room redone and she wanted two complementing wallpapers, one for above, and one for below the DILDO rail.
I invited her to sit on the sofa and i only just about held it together whilst I went into the back to "fetch a sample book"....
I still regularly laugh about it now (12yrs later)
Did she put it up herself?In the summer hols and weekends I used to work in a fairly upmarket home furnishings store.
A well dressed and well preened older lady came in on day. Almost certainly eye wateringly wealthy, old money wealthy. She wanted to have her sitting room redone and she wanted two complementing wallpapers, one for above, and one for below the DILDO rail.
I invited her to sit on the sofa and i only just about held it together whilst I went into the back to "fetch a sample book"....
I still regularly laugh about it now (12yrs later)
Edited by Ambleton on Tuesday 14th June 23:15
Decades ago working in retail when the Access card, now Mastercard, was advertised as your Flexible Friend, a customer asked if they could use their flexible friend. Without thinking I replied that my flexible friend ad gone hard implying that I had no credit left - then I realised what I had said. Must be 40 years ago and I still can't forget it.
I was on a training course where they make you engage with mini presentations and activities. One of the presentations was to talk about a company or brand that you liked and reasons why.
We had not long bought new furniture for the Vikingettes from M&S. I was impressed with the beds and mattresses. Really high quality wood and the mattresses were just right for comfort. Add to that there was minimal construction, and the limited amount there was was done by the delivery drivers who screwed everything together and took away all the packaging. It was a far experience from Ikea.
So I stood up and told every how I loved S&M. Not sure why I mixed up the intials of M&S other than a brain fart. I carried on talking about "S&M" to a group of strangers until the tittering exploded into full blown laughter. Some of these people still email me with "Dear S&M.."
We had not long bought new furniture for the Vikingettes from M&S. I was impressed with the beds and mattresses. Really high quality wood and the mattresses were just right for comfort. Add to that there was minimal construction, and the limited amount there was was done by the delivery drivers who screwed everything together and took away all the packaging. It was a far experience from Ikea.
So I stood up and told every how I loved S&M. Not sure why I mixed up the intials of M&S other than a brain fart. I carried on talking about "S&M" to a group of strangers until the tittering exploded into full blown laughter. Some of these people still email me with "Dear S&M.."
Not sure if it's the most I've made a stranger laugh at me, but years ago I was on the receiving end of a prank from a work colleague:
I was walking out of the office one lunchtime to walk to M&S just down the road and get a sandwich, and a colleague, a lady a few years older than me who I got on well with and have 'office banter' with, was walking to her car as she was on her way out to a site visit. She offered me a lift to M&S as she would be passing it.
She pulled up right outside the front door of the food hall, and it was really busy with numerous ladies pushing trolleys in and out of the door, and other office types getting lunchtime sandwiches. I got out and thanked her for the lift, and just as I started walking away from the car she wound down the passenger window and started screaming at the top of her voice "It's my baby too you fking heartless bd! I'm not getting rid of it just because you don't want it!" then drove off very briskly with a chirp from the tyres...
I then found myself being stared about by about 8 or 10 absolutely furious women. Some bloke who was stood leaning against the wall burst out laughing at me. Not sure if he guessed it was a joke or just thought it was a terrific bit or Schadenfreude, either way he found it hilarious.
I was absolutely mortified and all I could do was scuttle away inside the store. I laughed about it afterwards though
I was walking out of the office one lunchtime to walk to M&S just down the road and get a sandwich, and a colleague, a lady a few years older than me who I got on well with and have 'office banter' with, was walking to her car as she was on her way out to a site visit. She offered me a lift to M&S as she would be passing it.
She pulled up right outside the front door of the food hall, and it was really busy with numerous ladies pushing trolleys in and out of the door, and other office types getting lunchtime sandwiches. I got out and thanked her for the lift, and just as I started walking away from the car she wound down the passenger window and started screaming at the top of her voice "It's my baby too you f
king heartless bd! I'm not getting rid of it just because you don't want it!" then drove off very briskly with a chirp from the tyres...I then found myself being stared about by about 8 or 10 absolutely furious women. Some bloke who was stood leaning against the wall burst out laughing at me. Not sure if he guessed it was a joke or just thought it was a terrific bit or Schadenfreude, either way he found it hilarious.
I was absolutely mortified and all I could do was scuttle away inside the store. I laughed about it afterwards though
Many years ago playing pitch and put.
There was I with a fistful of hired clubs from the shop waiting to tee off in jeans and a t-shirt.
The chap in front was all kitted out with the plus fours, golf trolley and a golfing glove on.
He missed his first two attempts and then sliced a grass cutter off wildly to the left when he made contact on the third attempt, he looked round sheepishly at me and the others behind.
I just said "I should take that glove off mate" with a big grin
everyone fell about and he scuttled off all red faced.
There was I with a fistful of hired clubs from the shop waiting to tee off in jeans and a t-shirt.
The chap in front was all kitted out with the plus fours, golf trolley and a golfing glove on.
He missed his first two attempts and then sliced a grass cutter off wildly to the left when he made contact on the third attempt, he looked round sheepishly at me and the others behind.
I just said "I should take that glove off mate" with a big grin
everyone fell about and he scuttled off all red faced.
Few years back we were on holiday with a couple of couples so decided to go to Chester zoo for a day since we were in that neck of the woods.
It was a busy morning and there was a little que to get in the front gate. There was a family of 5 in front of us, mum with a little one in a buggy and 2 kids age 3/4ish off the lead while dad chased behind. Both kids were high as kites about being at the zoo. As we went in we decided to go clockwise around the park as did this family.
The two kids were asked if they needed the toilet as they went in and both replied no so they carried on into the park. We were just round the first corner behind them and they ran towards the elephants enclosure and the wee lad stopped dead in his track, put his hands over his bum and shouted in front of everyone "I need a poo, I need a poo, I need a poo"...
Dad didn't look happy but it gave us a good laugh.
It was a busy morning and there was a little que to get in the front gate. There was a family of 5 in front of us, mum with a little one in a buggy and 2 kids age 3/4ish off the lead while dad chased behind. Both kids were high as kites about being at the zoo. As we went in we decided to go clockwise around the park as did this family.
The two kids were asked if they needed the toilet as they went in and both replied no so they carried on into the park. We were just round the first corner behind them and they ran towards the elephants enclosure and the wee lad stopped dead in his track, put his hands over his bum and shouted in front of everyone "I need a poo, I need a poo, I need a poo"...
Dad didn't look happy but it gave us a good laugh.
Went into a seaside cafe in Lowestoft with my family about twenty years ago and the young waitress asked if we wanted any desserts.
I said yes, I'll have Spotted Dick and custard.
She started sniggering then burst into laughter for about ten seconds, which seemed more like five minutes.
All the other customers turned round to see what was going on....
Another:-
Went into Boots in Scarborough around 1996 with my lad, he wanted a new large joystick for computer game.
A very young girl behind the corner pulled a couple out of the box to show us, and another girl who worked there came up behind her and said "What's that?"
She said "It's called a joystick"
The second assistant said "Ouuuwwww"
I said yes, I'll have Spotted Dick and custard.
She started sniggering then burst into laughter for about ten seconds, which seemed more like five minutes.
All the other customers turned round to see what was going on....
Another:-
Went into Boots in Scarborough around 1996 with my lad, he wanted a new large joystick for computer game.
A very young girl behind the corner pulled a couple out of the box to show us, and another girl who worked there came up behind her and said "What's that?"
She said "It's called a joystick"
The second assistant said "Ouuuwwww"
Was running late for a race, and was *very* late into the assembly area at Donington.
In my haste I put my balaclava on in a rush, and got it completely the wrong way round. I did a ‘comedy movie’ style genuine double take right in front of a very pretty female marshal, who proceeded to absolutely kill herself laughing.
In my haste I put my balaclava on in a rush, and got it completely the wrong way round. I did a ‘comedy movie’ style genuine double take right in front of a very pretty female marshal, who proceeded to absolutely kill herself laughing.
Three from me, and in the face of the doubters, all true.
1. When my eldest son was coming up to school age I thought I would do a very fatherly thing and have a little chat about little boys’ wee wee’s and that not of them were exactly the same, that it was perfectly OK if his didn’t look like his friends. I was remembering the Roundheads and Cavaliers stuff from my own youth and the anxieties that generated. Message seemingly absorbed and all well. Shortly afterwards we went on a visit to the National Gallery and there was a picture of a male nude, more than life size, and a small crowd of people standing in front of it. Junior Toothless pushes his way up front, studies the painting, and the very prominent appendage, and then turns round to shout at the top of his voice, “daddy, that man’s got a wee wee like we’ve got in our family.” All heads turned in my direction.
2. In a Renault dealer, booking my Espace in for a service. The girl asked if there were any problems, so I said there was a small leak through the top offside corner of the windscreen. She duly noted it down. Then she asked, “does it do it all the time?” So I answered, “no, only when it rains.” She diligently added this to the worksheet. I looked over her shoulder to see the manager collapsed with silent laughter over his desk behind.
3. In Sainsburys, my wife choosing a toilet deodorant spray. She was taking surreptitious little squirts to sniff at. She answered my enquiring look by saying she was trying to find the one with the nicest scent. I said, I am sure too loudly, as is common with hard of hearing people like me, “Christ, it only has to smell better than s**t - that’s not a big ask.” I looked round to see half the isle snorting with mirth.
1. When my eldest son was coming up to school age I thought I would do a very fatherly thing and have a little chat about little boys’ wee wee’s and that not of them were exactly the same, that it was perfectly OK if his didn’t look like his friends. I was remembering the Roundheads and Cavaliers stuff from my own youth and the anxieties that generated. Message seemingly absorbed and all well. Shortly afterwards we went on a visit to the National Gallery and there was a picture of a male nude, more than life size, and a small crowd of people standing in front of it. Junior Toothless pushes his way up front, studies the painting, and the very prominent appendage, and then turns round to shout at the top of his voice, “daddy, that man’s got a wee wee like we’ve got in our family.” All heads turned in my direction.
2. In a Renault dealer, booking my Espace in for a service. The girl asked if there were any problems, so I said there was a small leak through the top offside corner of the windscreen. She duly noted it down. Then she asked, “does it do it all the time?” So I answered, “no, only when it rains.” She diligently added this to the worksheet. I looked over her shoulder to see the manager collapsed with silent laughter over his desk behind.
3. In Sainsburys, my wife choosing a toilet deodorant spray. She was taking surreptitious little squirts to sniff at. She answered my enquiring look by saying she was trying to find the one with the nicest scent. I said, I am sure too loudly, as is common with hard of hearing people like me, “Christ, it only has to smell better than s**t - that’s not a big ask.” I looked round to see half the isle snorting with mirth.
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