Stuck in a house with ex-partner
Discussion
Long story short, my sister and her childish, narcissistic, violent partner have split up.
It's been several months now, and they've continued to live together whilst she's been trying to get a mortgage together, based on the assumption he was going to buy her out (they have a joint mortgage).
They were still having to share a bed until recently when she set herself a sofa-bed up in (his) computer games room (their second bedroom) - so he trashed the room and removed the mattress whilst she was at work, leaving her with nowhere to sleep.
Anyway, as it happens, he isn't actually bothering to try to get a mortgage to buy her out, nor does it look like he'd be able to anyway based on his declared earnings etc.
So they're at a stalemate. He won't let her have the house, and he won't move out. She can't afford to move out and buy or rent without some cash (as she's obviously partially liable for the existing mortgage).
From what I can find out online, it doesn't appear that, without a domestic abuse complaint or conviction, she can actually force him to sell the house, made more difficult by the fact they're not married.
Anyone have any advice they can offer?
It's been several months now, and they've continued to live together whilst she's been trying to get a mortgage together, based on the assumption he was going to buy her out (they have a joint mortgage).
They were still having to share a bed until recently when she set herself a sofa-bed up in (his) computer games room (their second bedroom) - so he trashed the room and removed the mattress whilst she was at work, leaving her with nowhere to sleep.
Anyway, as it happens, he isn't actually bothering to try to get a mortgage to buy her out, nor does it look like he'd be able to anyway based on his declared earnings etc.
So they're at a stalemate. He won't let her have the house, and he won't move out. She can't afford to move out and buy or rent without some cash (as she's obviously partially liable for the existing mortgage).
From what I can find out online, it doesn't appear that, without a domestic abuse complaint or conviction, she can actually force him to sell the house, made more difficult by the fact they're not married.
Anyone have any advice they can offer?
My understanding is that it's as much his house as hers, why should he move (other than being a cock)
She needs to document everything, however very tricky position to be in.
Does she have any single male friends who might want to 'move in' for a while alongside her as her new partner, that'd make it real tricky.
I'd google local solicitors and give them a call and pay the advice fee for her and get the facts right:
https://www.bhdsolicitors.co.uk/news/my-partner-is...
She needs to document everything, however very tricky position to be in.
Does she have any single male friends who might want to 'move in' for a while alongside her as her new partner, that'd make it real tricky.
I'd google local solicitors and give them a call and pay the advice fee for her and get the facts right:
https://www.bhdsolicitors.co.uk/news/my-partner-is...
she can apply for a court order for the sale of the property. first step is terminating the joint tenancy, then applying for the court order.
eta - found a decent link explaining the process:
https://www.samconveyancing.co.uk/news/conveyancin...
https://www.samconveyancing.co.uk/news/conveyancin...
eta - found a decent link explaining the process:
https://www.samconveyancing.co.uk/news/conveyancin...
https://www.samconveyancing.co.uk/news/conveyancin...
Edited by shirt on Tuesday 15th November 12:57
dundarach said:
My understanding is that it's as much his house as hers, why should he move (other than being a cock)
Yes, 50/50 ownership, but likewise, why should she have to move out? Hence the stalemate. The best bet if for them to sell the house....but it doesn't seem possible to 'force' this.dundarach said:
She needs to document everything, however very tricky position to be in.
Does she have any single male friends who might want to 'move in' for a while alongside her as her new partner, that'd make it real tricky.
I'd google local solicitors and give them a call and pay the advice fee for her and get the facts right:
https://www.bhdsolicitors.co.uk/news/my-partner-is...
That's a good read though, thank you.Does she have any single male friends who might want to 'move in' for a while alongside her as her new partner, that'd make it real tricky.
I'd google local solicitors and give them a call and pay the advice fee for her and get the facts right:
https://www.bhdsolicitors.co.uk/news/my-partner-is...
JCB123 said:
They were still having to share a bed until recently when she set herself a sofa-bed up in (his) computer games room (their second bedroom) - so he trashed the room and removed the mattress whilst she was at work, leaving her with nowhere to sleep.
Trashing the spare room she was sleeping in and disposing of the mattress seems to indicate some level of psychological abuse, so that perhaps gives her a starting point to removing him from the house. If he's violent, report it and get him out. I doubt his behaviour is going to improve all the time they are living under the same roof and it's more likely to deteriorate. Meanwhile her life is badly compromised. Of course, my comments are based on the assumption that everything reported is true, they aren't as bad as each other, etc.
Unreal said:
If he's violent, report it and get him out. I doubt his behaviour is going to improve all the time they are living under the same roof and it's more likely to deteriorate. Meanwhile her life is badly compromised. Of course, my comments are based on the assumption that everything reported is true, they aren't as bad as each other, etc.
Violent nature (smashing remote controls etc) not necessarily physically - other than being a dick, there's not a lot to actually report. And she wouldn't anyway - as I'm sure is the case for most domestic abuse victims (not that I'm saying she is particularly a victim). I’d be looking for an avenue to encourage compliance with a sale.
For example, what are their respective careers? Some professions have a code of conduct / ethical standards that must be abided by in work and private life.
Other than this - offer an encouraged split in his favour. Say 55/45 or a nominal amount of £x’k. It may be worth it in the long run.
Failing this, document behaviour and report to police, press, family, friends, employer, etc. Make it easier to sell and move than stay and be difficult.
For example, what are their respective careers? Some professions have a code of conduct / ethical standards that must be abided by in work and private life.
Other than this - offer an encouraged split in his favour. Say 55/45 or a nominal amount of £x’k. It may be worth it in the long run.
Failing this, document behaviour and report to police, press, family, friends, employer, etc. Make it easier to sell and move than stay and be difficult.
JCB123 said:
Long story short, my sister and her childish, narcissistic, violent partner have split up.
It's been several months now, and they've continued to live together whilst she's been trying to get a mortgage together, based on the assumption he was going to buy her out (they have a joint mortgage).
They were still having to share a bed until recently when she set herself a sofa-bed up in (his) computer games room (their second bedroom) - so he trashed the room and removed the mattress whilst she was at work, leaving her with nowhere to sleep.
Anyway, as it happens, he isn't actually bothering to try to get a mortgage to buy her out, nor does it look like he'd be able to anyway based on his declared earnings etc.
So they're at a stalemate. He won't let her have the house, and he won't move out. She can't afford to move out and buy or rent without some cash (as she's obviously partially liable for the existing mortgage).
From what I can find out online, it doesn't appear that, without a domestic abuse complaint or conviction, she can actually force him to sell the house, made more difficult by the fact they're not married.
Anyone have any advice they can offer?
Is there an option for her to buy him out of the mortgage instead? Has she approached the mortgage company to see what advice they can give? They have a vested interest in this being resolved quickly and amicably...It's been several months now, and they've continued to live together whilst she's been trying to get a mortgage together, based on the assumption he was going to buy her out (they have a joint mortgage).
They were still having to share a bed until recently when she set herself a sofa-bed up in (his) computer games room (their second bedroom) - so he trashed the room and removed the mattress whilst she was at work, leaving her with nowhere to sleep.
Anyway, as it happens, he isn't actually bothering to try to get a mortgage to buy her out, nor does it look like he'd be able to anyway based on his declared earnings etc.
So they're at a stalemate. He won't let her have the house, and he won't move out. She can't afford to move out and buy or rent without some cash (as she's obviously partially liable for the existing mortgage).
From what I can find out online, it doesn't appear that, without a domestic abuse complaint or conviction, she can actually force him to sell the house, made more difficult by the fact they're not married.
Anyone have any advice they can offer?
p.s. he sounds like a childish prick who hasn't quite worked out that it's over.
JCB123 said:
Unreal said:
If he's violent, report it and get him out. I doubt his behaviour is going to improve all the time they are living under the same roof and it's more likely to deteriorate. Meanwhile her life is badly compromised. Of course, my comments are based on the assumption that everything reported is true, they aren't as bad as each other, etc.
Violent nature (smashing remote controls etc) not necessarily physically - other than being a dick, there's not a lot to actually report. And she wouldn't anyway - as I'm sure is the case for most domestic abuse victims (not that I'm saying she is particularly a victim). I would go down one of 2 avenues:
1) move out, stop paying the mortgage and say to hell with it, let him be evicted and suck up the credit rating damage for a couple of years (in fairness though sub-primes will only look at the applicants previous 12-18mths and as long as everything is fine, all good)
2) finance the other party out and evict them
Not much help OP but my OH went through similar (although her ex was physically violent). In the end she just threw the towel in and moved out, retaining half the value of the house he'll probably never get his arse into gear to sell. She stayed with friends for a short while before finding somewhere to rent.
I hope your sister gets herself sorted soon, it's a horrible situation to be in.
I hope your sister gets herself sorted soon, it's a horrible situation to be in.
twing said:
Not much help OP but my OH went through similar (although her ex was physically violent). In the end she just threw the towel in and moved out, retaining half the value of the house he'll probably never get his arse into gear to sell. She stayed with friends for a short while before finding somewhere to rent.
I hope your sister gets herself sorted soon, it's a horrible situation to be in.
It is awful, especially having to watch from the sidelines.I hope your sister gets herself sorted soon, it's a horrible situation to be in.
The other issue I have, on behalf of my sister, is that the deposit for them to buy this house, was all her money (£15-20k maybe). If she throws the towel in, she'll lose this. And he'll gain it.
JCB123 said:
twing said:
Not much help OP but my OH went through similar (although her ex was physically violent). In the end she just threw the towel in and moved out, retaining half the value of the house he'll probably never get his arse into gear to sell. She stayed with friends for a short while before finding somewhere to rent.
I hope your sister gets herself sorted soon, it's a horrible situation to be in.
It is awful, especially having to watch from the sidelines.I hope your sister gets herself sorted soon, it's a horrible situation to be in.
The other issue I have, on behalf of my sister, is that the deposit for them to buy this house, was all her money (£15-20k maybe). If she throws the towel in, she'll lose this. And he'll gain it.
JCB123 said:
It is awful, especially having to watch from the sidelines.
The other issue I have, on behalf of my sister, is that the deposit for them to buy this house, was all her money (£15-20k maybe). If she throws the towel in, she'll lose this. And he'll gain it.
She's on the mortgage so hoping she gets her deposit and equity owed back when he sells. In my other half's case it got way beyond a money thing, she was quite happy to walk away from it all in the end and hope for the best money-wise. As it turned out her ex has been shunned by most of the village and he's a sad old fThe other issue I have, on behalf of my sister, is that the deposit for them to buy this house, was all her money (£15-20k maybe). If she throws the towel in, she'll lose this. And he'll gain it.
ker (albeit one with a house) with no-one to talk to. I hope your sister gets sorted.boyse7en said:
JCB123 said:
twing said:
Not much help OP but my OH went through similar (although her ex was physically violent). In the end she just threw the towel in and moved out, retaining half the value of the house he'll probably never get his arse into gear to sell. She stayed with friends for a short while before finding somewhere to rent.
I hope your sister gets herself sorted soon, it's a horrible situation to be in.
It is awful, especially having to watch from the sidelines.I hope your sister gets herself sorted soon, it's a horrible situation to be in.
The other issue I have, on behalf of my sister, is that the deposit for them to buy this house, was all her money (£15-20k maybe). If she throws the towel in, she'll lose this. And he'll gain it.
JCB123 said:
(not that I'm saying she is particularly a victim).
I don't know what else you'd call it.She needs to talk to the police. Get what's gone on so far on record so they can act more decisively the next time even if they do nothing now. She should imo also talk to a domestic abuse charity and get some support there.
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