Preparing for Being Old
Discussion
Hope this is OK in The Lounge as it's not really about health issues and it's certainly not anything dodgy about hastening ones own demise.
Anyone else like me from a very small family and the recent PH question about music for your funeral is more or less irrelevant because they wont really be leaving anyone significant behind?
My question is whether others in that sort of situation have thought about how they will try to ensure they end up living in suitable and hopefully enjoyable circumstances in their last few years and not leave too much hassle behind for others to clear up? Having Swedish connections I'm aware of the idea of "death cleaning" where you try to sort out your own affairs before you die so others don't have to once you are gone. I like that a lot since I'm now in the process of sorting out all sorts of stuff my Dad left behind. But another issue is that my Dad had alzheimers so I'm also very aware of cognitive decline. Doesn't mean I'll get it, but if I do I wont have the support that he did. I wouldn't say that all this stresses me to any significant extent at 58 years of age, but I am by nature an eminently practical and well organised person so I would like to try and be ahead of the game on this. Any thoughts on the issue? Cheers.
Anyone else like me from a very small family and the recent PH question about music for your funeral is more or less irrelevant because they wont really be leaving anyone significant behind?
My question is whether others in that sort of situation have thought about how they will try to ensure they end up living in suitable and hopefully enjoyable circumstances in their last few years and not leave too much hassle behind for others to clear up? Having Swedish connections I'm aware of the idea of "death cleaning" where you try to sort out your own affairs before you die so others don't have to once you are gone. I like that a lot since I'm now in the process of sorting out all sorts of stuff my Dad left behind. But another issue is that my Dad had alzheimers so I'm also very aware of cognitive decline. Doesn't mean I'll get it, but if I do I wont have the support that he did. I wouldn't say that all this stresses me to any significant extent at 58 years of age, but I am by nature an eminently practical and well organised person so I would like to try and be ahead of the game on this. Any thoughts on the issue? Cheers.
I’m 50 in 4 weeks and just set up power of attorney and a will with me and my missus.
We have no kids so it really had to be done to sort everything out.
Her cancer diagnosis in 2020(now cured) and my car. Crash that I was lucky to walk away from in December focused the kind a wee bit tbh.
We have no kids so it really had to be done to sort everything out.
Her cancer diagnosis in 2020(now cured) and my car. Crash that I was lucky to walk away from in December focused the kind a wee bit tbh.
PositronicRay said:
When do you qualify as old? ( asking for a friend)
Young is up to 25. Middle age is up to around 55. Beyond that - old. I'm fully death-ready. The only people who'll get any money from me are far richer than me so I presume I will finance a few organic veg boxes from beyond the grave and the rest'll go unnoticed.
cossy400 said:
Wills are sorted, no kids on my side.
As for getting old, not concerned have always said im on borrowed time due to one thing and another.
So dont really worry as such.
Cheers to you and Shambolic. I too am aware of life's uncertainty having been critically injured in an accident 10 years ago. As for getting old, not concerned have always said im on borrowed time due to one thing and another.
So dont really worry as such.
On your point about not worrying, it's not really the will issue, it's more about how to set one's life up to get the best out of it when you might spend 10 years or more needing help with things. Lots of people go and live somewhere quiet when they get older; that's the time when I want things lined up so everything I need to keep me active, healthy and happy is close at hand. Especially since I wont have any family nearby.
It’s state of mind as much as anything - some people just seem to adapt to being boring and miserable from day 1. I was 50 a week ago, just enjoyed a decent 53 mile bike ride with friends, decent speed, nice coffee and cake half way round. Feel fit and healthy and not remotely ’old’ - i don’t actually know what preparing for being old means, as long as your will is in place enjoy life and make the most of it
bloomen said:
PositronicRay said:
When do you qualify as old? ( asking for a friend)
Young is up to 25. Middle age is up to around 55. Beyond that - old. I'm fully death-ready. The only people who'll get any money from me are far richer than me so I presume I will finance a few organic veg boxes from beyond the grave and the rest'll go unnoticed.
Many people worry about dying young. The more likely event and the one you need to plan for is dying old.
Let's assume you live to 85 for instance. If you retire at 60 then you need to have income for another 25 years, plus some safety if you have a younger spouse. Thus the first thing you need to prepare for is a good financial plan. Part of that is a clear executed will that is readily accessible by the executors. A proper realistic income projection (taking inflation into account) is pretty basic.
Secondly,we all assume that we will live to that age in great health and then quietly pop off. Not statistically the case, so you need to have a health plan, and as part of that a very clear statement about your wishes if ill. Do you want to be kept alive at all costs or to elect minimal intervention if terminal for instance? Do you have a good health plan?
Thirdly, some realism about what you want to do when you're old. Leaving work is for many a pleasant experience ( see the Enjoying retirement thread here with lots of great examples). For a minority including me it has had no attraction, and I continued to work essentially till now. I have no financial worries but have some very good performance cars; I will be 75 this year and will have to start considering the next few year as to what I do with them assuming I reach 80. We are all different.
Fourthly, if you are married a good discussion with the OH as to what her ambitions are and see that there is common ground. Do you both want to travel, move to the country or get a place a warm country?
Finally, funerals. This is a very personal thing as some of us are religious and others are not. I have elected for the very minimal funeral available, then cremation. What OH and son do with the ashes is irrelevant to me.
Let's assume you live to 85 for instance. If you retire at 60 then you need to have income for another 25 years, plus some safety if you have a younger spouse. Thus the first thing you need to prepare for is a good financial plan. Part of that is a clear executed will that is readily accessible by the executors. A proper realistic income projection (taking inflation into account) is pretty basic.
Secondly,we all assume that we will live to that age in great health and then quietly pop off. Not statistically the case, so you need to have a health plan, and as part of that a very clear statement about your wishes if ill. Do you want to be kept alive at all costs or to elect minimal intervention if terminal for instance? Do you have a good health plan?
Thirdly, some realism about what you want to do when you're old. Leaving work is for many a pleasant experience ( see the Enjoying retirement thread here with lots of great examples). For a minority including me it has had no attraction, and I continued to work essentially till now. I have no financial worries but have some very good performance cars; I will be 75 this year and will have to start considering the next few year as to what I do with them assuming I reach 80. We are all different.
Fourthly, if you are married a good discussion with the OH as to what her ambitions are and see that there is common ground. Do you both want to travel, move to the country or get a place a warm country?
Finally, funerals. This is a very personal thing as some of us are religious and others are not. I have elected for the very minimal funeral available, then cremation. What OH and son do with the ashes is irrelevant to me.
I’m not feeling old tbh. Just looking at future proofing for when we get old. I still train jiujitsu and we are off diving in the Maldives in 3 weeks.
I’ve seen the other side of the coin when my father in law died. It was a shambles. He knew he didn’t have long to go but never looked out or discussed his wishes, marriage certificates, insurance policies. And so on.
My mother has a steel box under the stairs with everything looked out and in order.
We just thought it was time to look at things and it was quite eye opening when we added up finances that we will leave behind.
I’m not that bothered as I’ll be deid, but better to make it smooth as possible for those left behind.
Scots law intestate is a bit mad and my brother who I don’t see would have been entitled to 50% above £60k (outwith house etc).
Including house, shares and insurance and cash our estate is £3.5million at the moment. I’m 49 and missus 48.
Had to look at death in service etc as it’s £1.6 million if my wife goes before me. (That’s non taxable so we can give lump sums out of that rather than cash, house and shares if there is a joint death in a car crash etc, mines is only worth £300,000).
We actually didn’t realise how much we had on paper until we sat with solicitors last week.
Then there is pensions on top to look at!
I’ve seen the other side of the coin when my father in law died. It was a shambles. He knew he didn’t have long to go but never looked out or discussed his wishes, marriage certificates, insurance policies. And so on.
My mother has a steel box under the stairs with everything looked out and in order.
We just thought it was time to look at things and it was quite eye opening when we added up finances that we will leave behind.
I’m not that bothered as I’ll be deid, but better to make it smooth as possible for those left behind.
Scots law intestate is a bit mad and my brother who I don’t see would have been entitled to 50% above £60k (outwith house etc).
Including house, shares and insurance and cash our estate is £3.5million at the moment. I’m 49 and missus 48.
Had to look at death in service etc as it’s £1.6 million if my wife goes before me. (That’s non taxable so we can give lump sums out of that rather than cash, house and shares if there is a joint death in a car crash etc, mines is only worth £300,000).
We actually didn’t realise how much we had on paper until we sat with solicitors last week.
Then there is pensions on top to look at!
shambolic said:
I’m not feeling old tbh. Just looking at future proofing for when we get old. I still train jiujitsu and we are off diving in the Maldives in 3 weeks.
I’ve seen the other side of the coin when my father in law died. It was a shambles. He knew he didn’t have long to go but never looked out or discussed his wishes, marriage certificates, insurance policies. And so on.
My mother has a steel box under the stairs with everything looked out and in order.
We just thought it was time to look at things and it was quite eye opening when we added up finances that we will leave behind.
I’m not that bothered as I’ll be deid, but better to make it smooth as possible for those left behind.
Scots law intestate is a bit mad and my brother who I don’t see would have been entitled to 50% above £60k (outwith house etc).
Including house, shares and insurance and cash our estate is £3.5million at the moment. I’m 49 and missus 48.
Had to look at death in service etc as it’s £1.6 million if my wife goes before me. (That’s non taxable so we can give lump sums out of that rather than cash, house and shares if there is a joint death in a car crash etc, mines is only worth £300,000).
We actually didn’t realise how much we had on paper until we sat with solicitors last week.
Then there is pensions on top to look at!
Previously mentioned family genetic diseases. I didn’t go into too much detail as it’s not a pleasant story and not a pleasant way to go watching someone’s organs fail. There’s a huge relief knowing you haven’t inherited it but a huge sadness knowing some of your relatives have and their body clock has a time limit.I’ve seen the other side of the coin when my father in law died. It was a shambles. He knew he didn’t have long to go but never looked out or discussed his wishes, marriage certificates, insurance policies. And so on.
My mother has a steel box under the stairs with everything looked out and in order.
We just thought it was time to look at things and it was quite eye opening when we added up finances that we will leave behind.
I’m not that bothered as I’ll be deid, but better to make it smooth as possible for those left behind.
Scots law intestate is a bit mad and my brother who I don’t see would have been entitled to 50% above £60k (outwith house etc).
Including house, shares and insurance and cash our estate is £3.5million at the moment. I’m 49 and missus 48.
Had to look at death in service etc as it’s £1.6 million if my wife goes before me. (That’s non taxable so we can give lump sums out of that rather than cash, house and shares if there is a joint death in a car crash etc, mines is only worth £300,000).
We actually didn’t realise how much we had on paper until we sat with solicitors last week.
Then there is pensions on top to look at!
I’m from a large’ish family. Over 30 Aunts and uncles, over 70 cousins, I’m familiar with funerals. One of my earliest memories is a funeral.
There’s a lot to be said for you’re as old as you feel. Some live their life with one foot in the grave. But we can’t live forever and it makes sense to plan for it. I do joke I’m worth a lot more dead than I am alive, I hope my wife doesn’t do the maths.
I'm now late 60s and, having suffered a pretty bad heart attack a couple of years ago, decided that this was something I wanted to do for the benefit of my beneficialries. It scared the hell out of me and it was then that I decided to get my act together.
I'd already moved/downsized into a bungalow on a quiet estate so I didn't have the hassle of that, though I probably would have done this anyway, probably later rather than sooner though. Having spoken to a few people, setting a Power of Attorney was something that kept being mentioned so, after looking into it to see exactly what it entailed, this was duly done. There are legal firms who will help, or even do this for you, but it's a very simple process to do it all yourself, and a site cheaper. The next thing was a Will, which I already had though it was a basic DIY job which I'd neglected to get signed. This has now been amended and is hopefully up to date.
I have no family now, so most of my bits will be left to friends and their families, though certain bits will go to my ex. All this is specified in my will, the whereabouts of which have been pointed out to my PoA, who also happens to be the main recipient.
My heart issue brought it home to me that, contrary to my previous beliefs, I'm probably not immortal, so it seemed logical to help my friends out and leave them as little as possible to do once I'm gone.
Looking at some of the posts on here, funerals are mentioned a few times. I've not really done anything about this apart from specify that I want burning by my local crem and not burying.
Hopefully I've sorted everything so now it's just a case of keeping the buggars waiting for as long as I possibly can.
I'd already moved/downsized into a bungalow on a quiet estate so I didn't have the hassle of that, though I probably would have done this anyway, probably later rather than sooner though. Having spoken to a few people, setting a Power of Attorney was something that kept being mentioned so, after looking into it to see exactly what it entailed, this was duly done. There are legal firms who will help, or even do this for you, but it's a very simple process to do it all yourself, and a site cheaper. The next thing was a Will, which I already had though it was a basic DIY job which I'd neglected to get signed. This has now been amended and is hopefully up to date.
I have no family now, so most of my bits will be left to friends and their families, though certain bits will go to my ex. All this is specified in my will, the whereabouts of which have been pointed out to my PoA, who also happens to be the main recipient.
My heart issue brought it home to me that, contrary to my previous beliefs, I'm probably not immortal, so it seemed logical to help my friends out and leave them as little as possible to do once I'm gone.
Looking at some of the posts on here, funerals are mentioned a few times. I've not really done anything about this apart from specify that I want burning by my local crem and not burying.
Hopefully I've sorted everything so now it's just a case of keeping the buggars waiting for as long as I possibly can.
fourstardan said:
I quite like the idea of getting as much in order to not have snotty legal professionals, funeral companies and any other trade leaching me when im gone.
I read somewhere, probably on here that the worst possible thing is to let any of the high street banks execute your will, their business model is to soak up the entire estate in fees and charges etc until there is nothing left.Not sure if that's true but it wouldn't suprise me.
RDMcG said:
Many people worry about dying young. The more likely event and the one you need to plan for is dying old.
Let's assume you live to 85 for instance. If you retire at 60 then you need to have income for another 25 years, plus some safety if you have a younger spouse. Thus the first thing you need to prepare for is a good financial plan. Part of that is a clear executed will that is readily accessible by the executors. A proper realistic income projection (taking inflation into account) is pretty basic.
Secondly,we all assume that we will live to that age in great health and then quietly pop off. Not statistically the case, so you need to have a health plan, and as part of that a very clear statement about your wishes if ill. Do you want to be kept alive at all costs or to elect minimal intervention if terminal for instance? Do you have a good health plan?
Thirdly, some realism about what you want to do when you're old. Leaving work is for many a pleasant experience ( see the Enjoying retirement thread here with lots of great examples). For a minority including me it has had no attraction, and I continued to work essentially till now. I have no financial worries but have some very good performance cars; I will be 75 this year and will have to start considering the next few year as to what I do with them assuming I reach 80. We are all different.
Fourthly, if you are married a good discussion with the OH as to what her ambitions are and see that there is common ground. Do you both want to travel, move to the country or get a place a warm country?
Finally, funerals. This is a very personal thing as some of us are religious and others are not. I have elected for the very minimal funeral available, then cremation. What OH and son do with the ashes is irrelevant to me.
Thanks for this and the other replies people have made so far.Let's assume you live to 85 for instance. If you retire at 60 then you need to have income for another 25 years, plus some safety if you have a younger spouse. Thus the first thing you need to prepare for is a good financial plan. Part of that is a clear executed will that is readily accessible by the executors. A proper realistic income projection (taking inflation into account) is pretty basic.
Secondly,we all assume that we will live to that age in great health and then quietly pop off. Not statistically the case, so you need to have a health plan, and as part of that a very clear statement about your wishes if ill. Do you want to be kept alive at all costs or to elect minimal intervention if terminal for instance? Do you have a good health plan?
Thirdly, some realism about what you want to do when you're old. Leaving work is for many a pleasant experience ( see the Enjoying retirement thread here with lots of great examples). For a minority including me it has had no attraction, and I continued to work essentially till now. I have no financial worries but have some very good performance cars; I will be 75 this year and will have to start considering the next few year as to what I do with them assuming I reach 80. We are all different.
Fourthly, if you are married a good discussion with the OH as to what her ambitions are and see that there is common ground. Do you both want to travel, move to the country or get a place a warm country?
Finally, funerals. This is a very personal thing as some of us are religious and others are not. I have elected for the very minimal funeral available, then cremation. What OH and son do with the ashes is irrelevant to me.
"Old" could mean anything really but I guess it means when a person starts being limited in what they can manage physically and/or mentally. As mentioned above, my father had Alzheimers but a key issue was that he never really had a plan B and never adapted to getting older. He was a clever bloke and had a good job, a very sharp wit and was a great sportsman playing football and cricket to a high standard. He retired from work aged 57 (lucky sod) and gave up the 2 sports as soon as he couldn't compete to a high standard. But otherwise he never really faced up for being old. He gave up being friendly with neighbours and had no hobbies he could do from home. As soon as he gave up driving he ended up really cut off in his later years. As a single person with no kids I'm trying not to end up like that.
Tango13 said:
fourstardan said:
I quite like the idea of getting as much in order to not have snotty legal professionals, funeral companies and any other trade leaching me when im gone.
I read somewhere, probably on here that the worst possible thing is to let any of the high street banks execute your will, their business model is to soak up the entire estate in fees and charges etc until there is nothing left.Not sure if that's true but it wouldn't suprise me.
daveenty said:
I'm now late 60s and, having suffered a pretty bad heart attack a couple of years ago, decided that this was something I wanted to do for the benefit of my beneficialries. It scared the hell out of me and it was then that I decided to get my act together.
I'd already moved/downsized into a bungalow on a quiet estate so I didn't have the hassle of that, though I probably would have done this anyway, probably later rather than sooner though. Having spoken to a few people, setting a Power of Attorney was something that kept being mentioned so, after looking into it to see exactly what it entailed, this was duly done. There are legal firms who will help, or even do this for you, but it's a very simple process to do it all yourself, and a site cheaper. The next thing was a Will, which I already had though it was a basic DIY job which I'd neglected to get signed. This has now been amended and is hopefully up to date.
I have no family now, so most of my bits will be left to friends and their families, though certain bits will go to my ex. All this is specified in my will, the whereabouts of which have been pointed out to my PoA, who also happens to be the main recipient.
My heart issue brought it home to me that, contrary to my previous beliefs, I'm probably not immortal, so it seemed logical to help my friends out and leave them as little as possible to do once I'm gone.
Looking at some of the posts on here, funerals are mentioned a few times. I've not really done anything about this apart from specify that I want burning by my local crem and not burying.
Hopefully I've sorted everything so now it's just a case of keeping the buggars waiting for as long as I possibly can.
Thanks you for this. There are definitely similarities to my situation. With regards money, my brother has 2 terrific children and now 2 grandchildren. Though I don't see them too often as they all live overseas, I'm keen to leave them my money and also make sure they get a few nice family things from the UK. I also want to make sure that the few important/valuable things in my house don't get binned. I'd already moved/downsized into a bungalow on a quiet estate so I didn't have the hassle of that, though I probably would have done this anyway, probably later rather than sooner though. Having spoken to a few people, setting a Power of Attorney was something that kept being mentioned so, after looking into it to see exactly what it entailed, this was duly done. There are legal firms who will help, or even do this for you, but it's a very simple process to do it all yourself, and a site cheaper. The next thing was a Will, which I already had though it was a basic DIY job which I'd neglected to get signed. This has now been amended and is hopefully up to date.
I have no family now, so most of my bits will be left to friends and their families, though certain bits will go to my ex. All this is specified in my will, the whereabouts of which have been pointed out to my PoA, who also happens to be the main recipient.
My heart issue brought it home to me that, contrary to my previous beliefs, I'm probably not immortal, so it seemed logical to help my friends out and leave them as little as possible to do once I'm gone.
Looking at some of the posts on here, funerals are mentioned a few times. I've not really done anything about this apart from specify that I want burning by my local crem and not burying.
Hopefully I've sorted everything so now it's just a case of keeping the buggars waiting for as long as I possibly can.
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