Female logic - does it actually exist?
Discussion
I took in a friend who was down on her luck in December 2021. Rent was agreed at about 75% of the going rate. She earns more than me. I own the house, no mortgage.
Electricity DD went up from £92 when she moved in, to £190 in June last year. I didn't increase her rent. Heating oil price more than doubled. I didn't increase the rent.
She went to visit her sister for Easter, and out of the blue at 3am Saturday morning she sent me several very long Facebook messages calling me a thief for not giving her half of the government electricity rebate. I can't make it sink in that, even after the rebate, the electricity bill is higher than when she moved in. The messages and name-calling have continued ever since, how I'm a thief, a vile person, the worst kind of xxxx. Apparently I've made her homeless and ended a 10 year friendship by "stealing" £200 from her. Made her feel that her life is over, etc.
No amount of reasoning gets through.
For context, this kind of thing happens every time she spends a few days with her sister. In the past, it's always been after she's blown hundreds of pounds on coke, and is coming down from the high. I'm guessing that it's the same this time. Normally ends up with a tearful apology. Not this time.
Weirdly, I spoke to my brother yesterday, and he fell out with his lodger over exactly the same thing. She didn't get that (all inclusive) rent was rent, and expected half the government rebate.
Electricity DD went up from £92 when she moved in, to £190 in June last year. I didn't increase her rent. Heating oil price more than doubled. I didn't increase the rent.
She went to visit her sister for Easter, and out of the blue at 3am Saturday morning she sent me several very long Facebook messages calling me a thief for not giving her half of the government electricity rebate. I can't make it sink in that, even after the rebate, the electricity bill is higher than when she moved in. The messages and name-calling have continued ever since, how I'm a thief, a vile person, the worst kind of xxxx. Apparently I've made her homeless and ended a 10 year friendship by "stealing" £200 from her. Made her feel that her life is over, etc.
No amount of reasoning gets through.
For context, this kind of thing happens every time she spends a few days with her sister. In the past, it's always been after she's blown hundreds of pounds on coke, and is coming down from the high. I'm guessing that it's the same this time. Normally ends up with a tearful apology. Not this time.
Weirdly, I spoke to my brother yesterday, and he fell out with his lodger over exactly the same thing. She didn't get that (all inclusive) rent was rent, and expected half the government rebate.
smn159 said:
You know that not all women are like your lodger, right?
My ex-wife was a bit off the wall at times, but she was open to logical discussion. That was in her 20's and 30's though.Maybe it's an age thing? Or is it just middle-aged divorcees, and they keep it under control while they are married?
Mine has a sort of hindsight logic.
She will get up in the morning and first thing she does is turn the heating on because that is her routine.
The thought process of do I actually need to turn the heating on doesn't take place because its her routine and routines have to be adhered to irrespective.
After a while she will then complain she is hot and turn it off.
This is a common practice with many things,
She will get up in the morning and first thing she does is turn the heating on because that is her routine.
The thought process of do I actually need to turn the heating on doesn't take place because its her routine and routines have to be adhered to irrespective.
After a while she will then complain she is hot and turn it off.
This is a common practice with many things,
Never ever loan friends or family money and never ever ever provide them with a short term tenancy
It always ends badly and often with you being accused of all sorts
I wouldn’t document anything further for her. I’d give her an ultimatum that the cost is the cost and she is can either accept that or leave. Preferably the latter.
It always ends badly and often with you being accused of all sorts
I wouldn’t document anything further for her. I’d give her an ultimatum that the cost is the cost and she is can either accept that or leave. Preferably the latter.
Edited by Alorotom on Sunday 9th April 19:19
You made the mistake of not putting the rent up when gas and electricity prices went up.
Of course, had you tried, she'd have used her logic to say that the rent was all inclusive, and thus your problem. However, you'd at least have been armed with her own logic to throw back at her, when it came to the rebate.
Never just let things slide. If you do want to be generous, then do so after explaining that you're making a concession, so as not to be taken advantage of later.
That said, logic can be twisted and interpreted to suit either side of a situation. Imagine a bottle of wine costs £10, and you give me a tenner to go and buy you one. When I get to the shop they have an offer of buy one get one free. If I keep the "free" one, have I stolen it from you?
Of course, had you tried, she'd have used her logic to say that the rent was all inclusive, and thus your problem. However, you'd at least have been armed with her own logic to throw back at her, when it came to the rebate.
Never just let things slide. If you do want to be generous, then do so after explaining that you're making a concession, so as not to be taken advantage of later.
That said, logic can be twisted and interpreted to suit either side of a situation. Imagine a bottle of wine costs £10, and you give me a tenner to go and buy you one. When I get to the shop they have an offer of buy one get one free. If I keep the "free" one, have I stolen it from you?
clockworks said:
She says she's found somewhere else to rent, moving out on Wednesday. She's already moaning about how she's having to pay £500 a month to get somewhere. She was paying me £350, all inclusive, full use of the house and a say in decorating etc.
Sounds as though you're significantly better off without her in your house. And life. Hmm. Nice friend you have there.
You take her in when she is down on her luck (wonder why she has bad "luck"), she has a big coke habit, sends offensive 3am messages when she is away on holiday, guilt trips you for things that are all of her invention and has not thanked you for doing her a favour on the rent and bills when she needed some help.
And this is not the first time - but so what, she always gives you the tearful apology and you always roll over.
Why on earth would you want someone like that in your life, let alone in your house?
Sounds like you don't need the cash, and you sure as hell don't need the agro.
Just terminate her rental agreement (if you have one - I bet you don't), tell her to f
k off for good and do yourself a long term favour.
BTW if if you fancy her I guarantee she knows it and is taking advantage of you because of it.
And if you don't fancy her then you don't even have that as an excuse for letting her in your life!
Make the right decision - and do report back with regular updates.
Good luck.
You take her in when she is down on her luck (wonder why she has bad "luck"), she has a big coke habit, sends offensive 3am messages when she is away on holiday, guilt trips you for things that are all of her invention and has not thanked you for doing her a favour on the rent and bills when she needed some help.
And this is not the first time - but so what, she always gives you the tearful apology and you always roll over.
Why on earth would you want someone like that in your life, let alone in your house?
Sounds like you don't need the cash, and you sure as hell don't need the agro.
Just terminate her rental agreement (if you have one - I bet you don't), tell her to f
k off for good and do yourself a long term favour. BTW if if you fancy her I guarantee she knows it and is taking advantage of you because of it.
And if you don't fancy her then you don't even have that as an excuse for letting her in your life!
Make the right decision - and do report back with regular updates.
Good luck.
We met in real life for the first time, many years ago, after chatting for months on an e-cig forum. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. No physical attraction either way, strictly friendship. She can be good company at times, and she stays off the coke while at home.
I don't need the money, or the grief every couple of months.
I don't need the money, or the grief every couple of months.
I once had a girlfriend who thought that 1.10 is more than 1.1 because 1.10 is "one point ten", while 1.1 is "one point one" and, because ten is more than one, 1.10 is, therefore, greater than 1.1. How do you even begin to explain to someone who thinks this that 1.10 and 1.1 are the same amount?
clockworks said:
We met in real life for the first time, many years ago, after chatting for months on an e-cig forum. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. No physical attraction either way, strictly friendship. She can be good company at times, and she stays off the coke while at home.
I don't need the money, or the grief every couple of months.
So, your logic is good. Yes?I don't need the money, or the grief every couple of months.
MitchT said:
I once had a girlfriend who thought that 1.10 is more than 1.1 because 1.10 is "one point ten", while 1.1 is "one point one" and, because ten is more than one, 1.10 is, therefore, greater than 1.1. How do you even begin to explain to someone who thinks this that 1.10 and 1.1 are the same amount?
Slowly.If it’s not working stop trying because you’re not going to win.
Appreciate that some people will be wrong and it’s not your job to correct them.
Then get it off your chest on the internet.
ETA and stop assuming men are superior to women. We’re about 50:50 and if you’re not in the plus one you’re the one bringing the average down. If you’re not sure you almost certainly are lowering the average. If you make comments like “female logic” I won’t help you.
Edited by cheesejunkie on Sunday 9th April 20:30
Let this be a lesson that people are rarely "down on their luck".
They are normally psycho druggies who cant accept that they have a problem and in fact their problems are everyone else.
I think the fact she is moving out without much fuss is you getting away lightly so just facilitate that as quickly and smoothly as you can.
I would change the locks half an hour after she has left because the chances of her having had a key cut are pretty high.
They are normally psycho druggies who cant accept that they have a problem and in fact their problems are everyone else.
I think the fact she is moving out without much fuss is you getting away lightly so just facilitate that as quickly and smoothly as you can.
I would change the locks half an hour after she has left because the chances of her having had a key cut are pretty high.
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