The "Feds" are after you... how long could you evade them?

[Zetec-S]

Ok, so it's Friday afternoon and someone brought this up in the office to kill some time

So the scenario is, right now, you get a shady call warning that they're coming for you. You've got 30 minutes until they get to your location. Another team is 30 minutes away from your home. Phones, computers, emails, bank accounts etc are monitored but not blocked, as are those of family and any other known associates. How long do you think you could evade capture, and how far could you get? Just delaying the inevitable or do you think you could make it long term?

It could be that you go all Bear Grylls and live off your own piss in the woods somewhere. Or this is the time where a PHer can reveal their secret mini-submarine and Argentinian property portfolio. Or you'd just ask to crash on a long lost friend's sofa for a week until you get fed up and hand yourself in.

Take a common sense approach to their tracking abilities, so no real time satellites, thousands of agents, or CSI levels of image enhancement where they use an ATM camera to get facial recognition off the reflection of a spoon through a cafe window from 400 yards away. And it's not some sort of massive national manhunt where the public are aware. A bit more along the lines of Enemy of the State, as opposed to the Fugitive.

Over to you...

[Sporky]

Zetec-S said:

So the scenario is, right now, you get a shady call warning that they're coming for you. You've got 30 minutes until they get to your location. Another team is 30 minutes away from your home.

I work from home, so I sit tight knowing that the two teams will collide and cancel each other out.

[Raccaccoonie]

Isn't this where IT people with go bags, tactical gear and EDC items already have a well written plan.

[Catastrophic Poo]

Have you seen Enemy of the State, you’d be fked


If I wanted cash I’d withdraw the max limit from each of my cards.
Write the pin on each card.
Find local group of smack heads.
Give them said cards.




ETA: I’m also in the UK, so I’d call the police and say the US are trying to render me

Edited by Catastrophic Poo on Friday 21st April 15:24

[Catastrophic Poo]

Raccaccoonie said:

Isn't this where IT people with go bags, tactical gear and EDC items already have a well written plan.

I think they like to call themselves Grey Men now

[Cold]

You want me to give up details of my escape plan on an open forum? Yeah, nice try.

[Puggit]

We talk about this when watching Hunted on C4. In Hunted their contracts force them to use bank cards and do silly things, so it's a bit fake.

My plan would be to find a farm and offer to work in exchange for bed and board.

[PositronicRay]

I think I'd go to Wales and live a normalish life. I doubt anyone would bother me there,

[steveo3002]

mumbles something about 3 weeks and a river or ten years and portugal

[PositronicRay]

Puggit said:

We talk about this when watching Hunted on C4. In Hunted their contracts force them to use bank cards and do silly things, so it's a bit fake.

My plan would be to find a farm and offer to work in exchange for bed and board.

Good plan, become a gypsy slave.

[Flumpo]

I have no skills to evade capture, so I would probably just hide in the loft. Try the old hide in plain site and hope they were too incompetent and lazy enough not to bother getting their clothes dusty.

Trying to workout if I could fit under/behind the bath panel.

[Sporky]

Flumpo said:

I have no skills to evade capture, so I would probably just hide in the loft. Try the old hide in plain site and hope they were too incompetent and lazy enough not to bother getting their clothes dusty.

Put on a fake moustache and insist you are your own evil twin.

[V 02]

I’d give myself up because as an avid reader of SP&L, I would never break the law again by fleeing.

[Fozziebear]

Id be gone, I actually keep a stash of cash just in case, find a boat and sail off. A group of us used to talk about stuff like this, idle minds and to much time.

[LordLoveLength]

You are Nicola Sturgeon and I claim my £5

[Hoofy]

I'd jump in my quickest car which can outrun any police helicopter, make it as far as the end of the road and then drive at 10mph avoiding the potholes. Damn you, Surrey County Council!

[Raccaccoonie]

LordLoveLength said:

You are Nicola Sturgeon and I claim my £5

The money was just resting in her account.

I love how she went on about westminster corruption , whilst her husband took loans etc.

[texaxile]

I would last exactly as long as it took them to knock on my front door and for my Wife to hand me over to the Authorities with a substantial bribe that I spend my remaining days in prison being passed around alike a good magazine.

On a more serious note, I think at the absolute best chance, with local knowledge, survival skills gleaned from too many episodes of "Naked and Afraid" and "Bush tucker man", the help of a friend who is off the scale conspiracy nut, a wad of cash and a bug out bag containing 2 pot noodles and a mars bar, maybe 48 hours.

We have discussed this at work and the general consensus among the "gammon collective" about being caught and thrown in chokey is that "it can't be much worse than working here".

[HustleRussell]

This the same feds who- forty of their finest suspected that a woman fell into a river and drowned and then took over three weeks to find her when she was indeed in the river and within a mile of her last known position? Downstream as it happens?

Reckon I'll be alright. I'll just put a hat on.

ETA: Just read that it wasn't even the police who found her, but members of the public. I'd missed that.

Edited by HustleRussell on Friday 21st April 17:08

[pequod]

Fozziebear said:

Id be gone, I actually keep a stash of cash just in case, find a boat and sail off. A group of us used to talk about stuff like this, idle minds and to much time.

Find a boat? You clearly don't live by the coast! Thousands of sailboats around to escape on, although provisioning, and drinking water, may be your challenge?

A second passport, preferably unused, would be useful as would $1000 minimum in cash, plus another offshore stash in the name of your alias. You do have an alias, don't you?