Child punished in school for using self-defence
Discussion
I'm looking for some PH advice and to vent, as I am massively pissed off.
My youngest son had the pleasure of spending a day in isolation at school today (I'm properly angry as they never informed me). His crime? Physically defending himself from a cowardly attack.
Bit of a back story, my lad is in his 1st year at high school and regularly puts up with verbal bullying from little s
ts in school (it absolutely frustrates me that he has deal with this) he will occasionally snap back verbally, but he has never got physical.
Yesterday, he was messing with a few of his mates and he ended up on the floor, for no reason a lad from his class (he's one of the ones that throws insults at him) came out of the blue and booted him at the top of his leg whilst he was on the ground. My son jumped up and gave him a low leg kick (he does muay thai, which he keeps quiet about in school) to tell him to back off, and the lad then started doing some weird slappy punches at him, which my son dodged, he then took the lad to the ground and restrained him in a head lock (he's done some ju-jitsu as well). The teacher came and split them up and as she did, the lad bit my son's arm (he still had a mark today).
I'm really impressed with my son holding back (I'm old school and in the, don't start it, finish it camp) as the lad is apparently smaller than him, so he could have seriously hurt him, but he didn't. I'm also sure the school is going to wave the "this child has ADHD" card in the attacker's defence, as he wasn't in isolation today.
Besides going thermonuclear (which is where I am, as I hate bullies), what's the best course of action? I suppose the argument from school would be, that my son shouldn't have retaliated, but he'd just been booted unprovoked whilst in a very vulnerable position. I've never had to deal with any of this nonsense with schools before, and I don't want to come away looking like I or my lad is the problem.
What is the deal with kids? They are nasty little sts.
My youngest son had the pleasure of spending a day in isolation at school today (I'm properly angry as they never informed me). His crime? Physically defending himself from a cowardly attack.
Bit of a back story, my lad is in his 1st year at high school and regularly puts up with verbal bullying from little s
ts in school (it absolutely frustrates me that he has deal with this) he will occasionally snap back verbally, but he has never got physical. Yesterday, he was messing with a few of his mates and he ended up on the floor, for no reason a lad from his class (he's one of the ones that throws insults at him) came out of the blue and booted him at the top of his leg whilst he was on the ground. My son jumped up and gave him a low leg kick (he does muay thai, which he keeps quiet about in school) to tell him to back off, and the lad then started doing some weird slappy punches at him, which my son dodged, he then took the lad to the ground and restrained him in a head lock (he's done some ju-jitsu as well). The teacher came and split them up and as she did, the lad bit my son's arm (he still had a mark today).
I'm really impressed with my son holding back (I'm old school and in the, don't start it, finish it camp) as the lad is apparently smaller than him, so he could have seriously hurt him, but he didn't. I'm also sure the school is going to wave the "this child has ADHD" card in the attacker's defence, as he wasn't in isolation today.
Besides going thermonuclear (which is where I am, as I hate bullies), what's the best course of action? I suppose the argument from school would be, that my son shouldn't have retaliated, but he'd just been booted unprovoked whilst in a very vulnerable position. I've never had to deal with any of this nonsense with schools before, and I don't want to come away looking like I or my lad is the problem.
What is the deal with kids? They are nasty little s
ts. When you’ve calmed down a bit you may just think about letting it go. The isolation is already done,your lad has done what he needed to do and hopefully sent a message to the bullies that he’s not to be messed with and you can have a little word in his ear that you’re proud that he was restrained and didn’t take it further.
I’d prob just let it lie for now I think.
I’d prob just let it lie for now I think.
Shrugging for victory said:
I'm looking for some PH advice and to vent, as I am massively pissed off.
My youngest son had the pleasure of spending a day in isolation at school today (I'm properly angry as they never informed me). His crime? Physically defending himself from a cowardly attack.
Bit of a back story, my lad is in his 1st year at high school and regularly puts up with verbal bullying from little sts in school (it absolutely frustrates me that he has deal with this) he will occasionally snap back verbally, but he has never got physical.
Yesterday, he was messing with a few of his mates and he ended up on the floor, for no reason a lad from his class (he's one of the ones that throws insults at him) came out of the blue and booted him at the top of his leg whilst he was on the ground. My son jumped up and gave him a low leg kick (he does muay thai, which he keeps quiet about in school) to tell him to back off, and the lad then started doing some weird slappy punches at him, which my son dodged, he then took the lad to the ground and restrained him in a head lock (he's done some ju-jitsu as well). The teacher came and split them up and as she did, the lad bit my son's arm (he still had a mark today).
I'm really impressed with my son holding back (I'm old school and in the, don't start it, finish it camp) as the lad is apparently smaller than him, so he could have seriously hurt him, but he didn't. I'm also sure the school is going to wave the "this child has ADHD" card in the attacker's defence, as he wasn't in isolation today.
Besides going thermonuclear (which is where I am, as I hate bullies), what's the best course of action? I suppose the argument from school would be, that my son shouldn't have retaliated, but he'd just been booted unprovoked whilst in a very vulnerable position. I've never had to deal with any of this nonsense with schools before, and I don't want to come away looking like I or my lad is the problem.
What is the deal with kids? They are nasty little sts.
"There are three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth. And no one is lying. Memories shared serve each differently"My youngest son had the pleasure of spending a day in isolation at school today (I'm properly angry as they never informed me). His crime? Physically defending himself from a cowardly attack.
Bit of a back story, my lad is in his 1st year at high school and regularly puts up with verbal bullying from little s
ts in school (it absolutely frustrates me that he has deal with this) he will occasionally snap back verbally, but he has never got physical. Yesterday, he was messing with a few of his mates and he ended up on the floor, for no reason a lad from his class (he's one of the ones that throws insults at him) came out of the blue and booted him at the top of his leg whilst he was on the ground. My son jumped up and gave him a low leg kick (he does muay thai, which he keeps quiet about in school) to tell him to back off, and the lad then started doing some weird slappy punches at him, which my son dodged, he then took the lad to the ground and restrained him in a head lock (he's done some ju-jitsu as well). The teacher came and split them up and as she did, the lad bit my son's arm (he still had a mark today).
I'm really impressed with my son holding back (I'm old school and in the, don't start it, finish it camp) as the lad is apparently smaller than him, so he could have seriously hurt him, but he didn't. I'm also sure the school is going to wave the "this child has ADHD" card in the attacker's defence, as he wasn't in isolation today.
Besides going thermonuclear (which is where I am, as I hate bullies), what's the best course of action? I suppose the argument from school would be, that my son shouldn't have retaliated, but he'd just been booted unprovoked whilst in a very vulnerable position. I've never had to deal with any of this nonsense with schools before, and I don't want to come away looking like I or my lad is the problem.
What is the deal with kids? They are nasty little s
ts. Shrugging for victory said:
I'm looking for some PH advice and to vent, as I am massively pissed off.
My youngest son had the pleasure of spending a day in isolation at school today (I'm properly angry as they never informed me). His crime? Physically defending himself from a cowardly attack.
Bit of a back story, my lad is in his 1st year at high school and regularly puts up with verbal bullying from little sts in school (it absolutely frustrates me that he has deal with this) he will occasionally snap back verbally, but he has never got physical.
Yesterday, he was messing with a few of his mates and he ended up on the floor, for no reason a lad from his class (he's one of the ones that throws insults at him) came out of the blue and booted him at the top of his leg whilst he was on the ground. My son jumped up and gave him a low leg kick (he does muay thai, which he keeps quiet about in school) to tell him to back off, and the lad then started doing some weird slappy punches at him, which my son dodged, he then took the lad to the ground and restrained him in a head lock (he's done some ju-jitsu as well). The teacher came and split them up and as she did, the lad bit my son's arm (he still had a mark today).
I'm really impressed with my son holding back (I'm old school and in the, don't start it, finish it camp) as the lad is apparently smaller than him, so he could have seriously hurt him, but he didn't. I'm also sure the school is going to wave the "this child has ADHD" card in the attacker's defence, as he wasn't in isolation today.
Besides going thermonuclear (which is where I am, as I hate bullies), what's the best course of action? I suppose the argument from school would be, that my son shouldn't have retaliated, but he'd just been booted unprovoked whilst in a very vulnerable position. I've never had to deal with any of this nonsense with schools before, and I don't want to come away looking like I or my lad is the problem.
What is the deal with kids? They are nasty little sts.
That’s your sons side of things. My youngest son had the pleasure of spending a day in isolation at school today (I'm properly angry as they never informed me). His crime? Physically defending himself from a cowardly attack.
Bit of a back story, my lad is in his 1st year at high school and regularly puts up with verbal bullying from little s
ts in school (it absolutely frustrates me that he has deal with this) he will occasionally snap back verbally, but he has never got physical. Yesterday, he was messing with a few of his mates and he ended up on the floor, for no reason a lad from his class (he's one of the ones that throws insults at him) came out of the blue and booted him at the top of his leg whilst he was on the ground. My son jumped up and gave him a low leg kick (he does muay thai, which he keeps quiet about in school) to tell him to back off, and the lad then started doing some weird slappy punches at him, which my son dodged, he then took the lad to the ground and restrained him in a head lock (he's done some ju-jitsu as well). The teacher came and split them up and as she did, the lad bit my son's arm (he still had a mark today).
I'm really impressed with my son holding back (I'm old school and in the, don't start it, finish it camp) as the lad is apparently smaller than him, so he could have seriously hurt him, but he didn't. I'm also sure the school is going to wave the "this child has ADHD" card in the attacker's defence, as he wasn't in isolation today.
Besides going thermonuclear (which is where I am, as I hate bullies), what's the best course of action? I suppose the argument from school would be, that my son shouldn't have retaliated, but he'd just been booted unprovoked whilst in a very vulnerable position. I've never had to deal with any of this nonsense with schools before, and I don't want to come away looking like I or my lad is the problem.
What is the deal with kids? They are nasty little s
ts. Have you thought your son could actually be the bully?
My kids have both left school now, but a similar incident happened to my son.
He was in the toilet when 2 kids from the year above who were taking their GCSEs came in. As he was washing his hands they started verbally abusing him and he simply ignored them.
As he went past them to leave they got physical, fortunately he was now in the door way leading into a corridor and a prefect saw what followed.
One of the kids went to hit my son who simply hit him back breaking his nose. The other kid then jumped in and got hit a few times as well as kicked. He ended up knocked out laying on the corridor floor. All the kids in the corridor saw this.
Obvious teachers reaction was to grab my son and drag him off. This was understandable. Ambulance and other parents called.
We get a call and I go to school. It was good that a little time gad gone by allowing the facts to come out.
Other parents got to school before me and demanded the police be involved. Fortunately the prefect was able to say what he had seen and this backed up my sons story that he only reacted to each kid after they attacked him. He also stopped as soon as he had put each down.
The deputy head explained they weren't going to take action against my son, but did comment that they had no idea my son could fight. I explained he'd trained since 4 year old in Muay Thai and had done multiple amateur fights. He also had not gone round school making out he was one of the hard lads like some.
The other kids got some form of restriction from school and were only allowed to go in to sit their exams. So the school in this instance got it right.
However we were fortunate to have a witness to the initial incident.
He was in the toilet when 2 kids from the year above who were taking their GCSEs came in. As he was washing his hands they started verbally abusing him and he simply ignored them.
As he went past them to leave they got physical, fortunately he was now in the door way leading into a corridor and a prefect saw what followed.
One of the kids went to hit my son who simply hit him back breaking his nose. The other kid then jumped in and got hit a few times as well as kicked. He ended up knocked out laying on the corridor floor. All the kids in the corridor saw this.
Obvious teachers reaction was to grab my son and drag him off. This was understandable. Ambulance and other parents called.
We get a call and I go to school. It was good that a little time gad gone by allowing the facts to come out.
Other parents got to school before me and demanded the police be involved. Fortunately the prefect was able to say what he had seen and this backed up my sons story that he only reacted to each kid after they attacked him. He also stopped as soon as he had put each down.
The deputy head explained they weren't going to take action against my son, but did comment that they had no idea my son could fight. I explained he'd trained since 4 year old in Muay Thai and had done multiple amateur fights. He also had not gone round school making out he was one of the hard lads like some.
The other kids got some form of restriction from school and were only allowed to go in to sit their exams. So the school in this instance got it right.
However we were fortunate to have a witness to the initial incident.
If your son is getting bullied at school this should be documented by you contacting the school in a calm polite way and having meetings etc, then if this kind of thing happens there’s a background and more of a context to any events.
Plus than you’ve got grounds (and a documented history) to complain rather than having to say it was just self defence.
Plus than you’ve got grounds (and a documented history) to complain rather than having to say it was just self defence.
OldGermanHeaps said:
You need to work on teaching him the not getting caught part now.
yep and take it as a lesson thats the sort of treatment the police would dish out , taking sides and all thatlife isnt fair
at least he sounds like he can take care of himself , if words get around he can flatten one of em things might calm down
I was always told by my dad that if I got a detention or suspended for fighting that he wouldn't care if I had been defending myself or one of my friends but woe betide me if I started it. I will be taking the same approach. However my wife who is a teacher is of the "tell a teacher" approach which as everyone knows does nothing but attract more attention from bullies.
On the school front i'd be taking my son's word for it as that's all you can do right now. I'd visit the school and have a calm and polite chat and get the bullying activity that instigated the fight reported. They however may have CCTV of the incident which goes against what your son has said so i'd also be prepared for that happening.
On the school front i'd be taking my son's word for it as that's all you can do right now. I'd visit the school and have a calm and polite chat and get the bullying activity that instigated the fight reported. They however may have CCTV of the incident which goes against what your son has said so i'd also be prepared for that happening.
My daughter is a year older than your lad Shrugging for Victory.
I’ve always taught her that if she is in the wrong, then to admit to her mistakes and take her punishment. But if she is in the right, then she is to continue defending herself.
To give an example, a few months back she was caught chewing chewing gum in class. She got a yellow card and put in isolation. Fine. Fair enough. I agree with and support that punishment.
On another occasion, she was literally just about to start her period. She asked the teacher if she could go to the bathroom. He told her no. She left it a couple of minutes and asked the teacher again, this time trying to really, really emphasise the importance of needing to go to the bathroom immediately. Again, her teacher told her “No”, so my daughter grabbed what she needed out of her bag and went to the bathroom.
Upon her return to the classroom her teacher told her to go to isolation. My daughter refused. The teacher tried to put her on some some of report. My daughter refused. The school then gave her an after school detention for going to the bathroom to put a pad on. My daughter didn’t attend. That was the point at which we found out what had happened, spoke to the staff and the school backed down.
The point that I’m trying to make is that if your child believes that they are 100% in the right and they calmly refuse to comply, then the whole system breaks down. Although the trick there is making sure that your child absolutely is in the right to begin with.
I’d say 95% of the time we support the school in whatever punishment they issue to our daughter, even if we think it’s a little harsh. But every once in a while, just like what will happen in real life when your lad gets older, ‘the system’ will screw him over. I believe that on such occasions it’s then important to stand your ground and fight, no matter what the consequences.
I’ve always taught her that if she is in the wrong, then to admit to her mistakes and take her punishment. But if she is in the right, then she is to continue defending herself.
To give an example, a few months back she was caught chewing chewing gum in class. She got a yellow card and put in isolation. Fine. Fair enough. I agree with and support that punishment.
On another occasion, she was literally just about to start her period. She asked the teacher if she could go to the bathroom. He told her no. She left it a couple of minutes and asked the teacher again, this time trying to really, really emphasise the importance of needing to go to the bathroom immediately. Again, her teacher told her “No”, so my daughter grabbed what she needed out of her bag and went to the bathroom.
Upon her return to the classroom her teacher told her to go to isolation. My daughter refused. The teacher tried to put her on some some of report. My daughter refused. The school then gave her an after school detention for going to the bathroom to put a pad on. My daughter didn’t attend. That was the point at which we found out what had happened, spoke to the staff and the school backed down.
The point that I’m trying to make is that if your child believes that they are 100% in the right and they calmly refuse to comply, then the whole system breaks down. Although the trick there is making sure that your child absolutely is in the right to begin with.
I’d say 95% of the time we support the school in whatever punishment they issue to our daughter, even if we think it’s a little harsh. But every once in a while, just like what will happen in real life when your lad gets older, ‘the system’ will screw him over. I believe that on such occasions it’s then important to stand your ground and fight, no matter what the consequences.
Edited by 105.4 on Wednesday 17th May 07:53
lrdisco said:
That’s your sons side of things.
Have you thought your son could actually be the bully?
No, as he's come home from school upset umpteen times due to being picked on at school. This lad is one of the ones that's been giving my son verbal grief. They pick on him because he has a bit of a gap in his front teeth and he's clearly a bit sensitive about this (I have no idea why as it isn't bad). The school are aware of this bullying, as I have previously raised it with them. Have you thought your son could actually be the bully?
The way it currently looks to me is that bullying is dealt with no better than when I was at school in the 90s i.e. the victim is the problem. Telling a teacher etc, just paints you out as a snitch and makes things worse, as the teachers aren't always around.
Edited by Shrugging for victory on Wednesday 17th May 08:01
Have you spoken to school?
You need to demonstrate to your son that school have policies and they're trying to follow them and you're going to back the school.
The last thing you need to do, is demonstrate to your son how wrong school are and how right he is. You might as well keep him off and get sad compensation faces ready.
He needs to follow the rules and if other things are happening and he's being bullied, this needs sorting out.
Whatever he did, he was punished for, let that go.
Whatever else is going on, get into school and get it sorted out.
You need to demonstrate to your son that school have policies and they're trying to follow them and you're going to back the school.
The last thing you need to do, is demonstrate to your son how wrong school are and how right he is. You might as well keep him off and get sad compensation faces ready.
He needs to follow the rules and if other things are happening and he's being bullied, this needs sorting out.
Whatever he did, he was punished for, let that go.
Whatever else is going on, get into school and get it sorted out.
ciege said:
Have you spoken to school?
You need to demonstrate to your son that school have policies and they're trying to follow them and you're going to back the school.
The last thing you need to do, is demonstrate to your son how wrong school are and how right he is. You might as well keep him off and get sad compensation faces ready.
Hmm, good point actually.You need to demonstrate to your son that school have policies and they're trying to follow them and you're going to back the school.
The last thing you need to do, is demonstrate to your son how wrong school are and how right he is. You might as well keep him off and get sad compensation faces ready.
ciege said:
Have you spoken to school?
You need to demonstrate to your son that school have policies and they're trying to follow them and you're going to back the school.
The last thing you need to do, is demonstrate to your son how wrong school are and how right he is. You might as well keep him off and get sad compensation faces ready.
He needs to follow the rules and if other things are happening and he's being bullied, this needs sorting out.
Whatever he did, he was punished for, let that go.
Whatever else is going on, get into school and get it sorted out.
Nail / head.You need to demonstrate to your son that school have policies and they're trying to follow them and you're going to back the school.
The last thing you need to do, is demonstrate to your son how wrong school are and how right he is. You might as well keep him off and get sad compensation faces ready.
He needs to follow the rules and if other things are happening and he's being bullied, this needs sorting out.
Whatever he did, he was punished for, let that go.
Whatever else is going on, get into school and get it sorted out.
OldGermanHeaps said:
You need to work on teaching him the not getting caught part now.
Ha ha, after a year of regular Friday afternoon calls from my son's head teacher for various issues, some are his fault, sone he seems to be the 'innocent' victim, this is exactly what I've been trying to instill with him!It's been quite quiet this term so far....
ciege said:
Have you spoken to school?
You need to demonstrate to your son that school have policies and they're trying to follow them and you're going to back the school.
The last thing you need to do, is demonstrate to your son how wrong school are and how right he is. You might as well keep him off and get sad compensation faces ready.
He needs to follow the rules and if other things are happening and he's being bullied, this needs sorting out.
Whatever he did, he was punished for, let that go.
Whatever else is going on, get into school and get it sorted out.
Fingers crossed I will actually speak to someone today, as they never let me know that he was being placed in isolation, and the head of year was meant to have called me, as isolation has the added perk of being held back an hour after school. You need to demonstrate to your son that school have policies and they're trying to follow them and you're going to back the school.
The last thing you need to do, is demonstrate to your son how wrong school are and how right he is. You might as well keep him off and get sad compensation faces ready.
He needs to follow the rules and if other things are happening and he's being bullied, this needs sorting out.
Whatever he did, he was punished for, let that go.
Whatever else is going on, get into school and get it sorted out.
I have already explained to him that the school will have punished him due to him getting up and retaliating as they will see him as being just as bad as the lad who started it (absolutely ridiculous IMHO, but that's the world).
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