Glesga Burds

[aliged]

Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
She says "Gies that rid yin"
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher Madam."

[aliged]

Another Glesga burd was involved in a serious crash and there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor.

Medic "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok then how many fingers am I holding up"
Danielle: "Aw I'm paralysed!!"