Newly Married - Divorce Needed - Help
Discussion
Hi All,
Been together for 1 year 8 months, but never lived together prior to getting married.
Got married 8 weeks ago and life is a living nightmare.
Arguments daily and I feel she has some serious mental health issues.
I've said I want a separation but she won't leave.
House is in my name with a mortgage, no other joint assets etc.
I pay for everything.
Any advice?
Been together for 1 year 8 months, but never lived together prior to getting married.
Got married 8 weeks ago and life is a living nightmare.
Arguments daily and I feel she has some serious mental health issues.
I've said I want a separation but she won't leave.
House is in my name with a mortgage, no other joint assets etc.
I pay for everything.
Any advice?
The lesson is probably don't buy a car without a test drive. No doubt a lot of us know from bitter experience there's a huge difference between seeing a woman a few times/week when she's at her best and she's making an effort vs living with her full time.
What's her financial situation, presumably not good? Thinking maybe offering her some amount of money might be the quickest/cheapest way to get rid. Obviously you'd still need legal advice to kill the marriage but if you can get her on side and accepting she needs to move on some amount of money might be very well spent.
What's her financial situation, presumably not good? Thinking maybe offering her some amount of money might be the quickest/cheapest way to get rid. Obviously you'd still need legal advice to kill the marriage but if you can get her on side and accepting she needs to move on some amount of money might be very well spent.
In May 22 ( must be just weeks before you got married ) YOU asked advice about pre nuptial agreements. You also expressed doubts about marriage etc
Many people ( did not look like a pile on at all ) suggested for various reasons you don't get married .You got married.
Having no idea of your age, your level of general maturity ( you don't strike me as immature tbh ) and your long term fiscal situation , It all right now just sounds like speed bumps , but as a long term married person it does sound like speed bumps with warnings going off .
Your are going to have to decide if internet advice ( you do not listen it seems ) is just a bit random, but there is often a seed of group truth ....so for "gods" sake really think hard and make some sort of decision before children enter the field of play.
Family lawyer advice -yes . Serious parental/family( YOURS )advice unless you have a family littered only with broken relationships .
Forget the monetary aspects of the marriage/dissolution of marriage , do you want to go with this ?...or get out now for the betterment of you and probably her
Many people ( did not look like a pile on at all ) suggested for various reasons you don't get married .You got married.
Having no idea of your age, your level of general maturity ( you don't strike me as immature tbh ) and your long term fiscal situation , It all right now just sounds like speed bumps , but as a long term married person it does sound like speed bumps with warnings going off .
Your are going to have to decide if internet advice ( you do not listen it seems ) is just a bit random, but there is often a seed of group truth ....so for "gods" sake really think hard and make some sort of decision before children enter the field of play.
Family lawyer advice -yes . Serious parental/family( YOURS )advice unless you have a family littered only with broken relationships .
Forget the monetary aspects of the marriage/dissolution of marriage , do you want to go with this ?...or get out now for the betterment of you and probably her
PM3 said:
In May 22 ( must be just weeks before you got married ) YOU asked advice about pre nuptial agreements. You also expressed doubts about marriage etc
Many people ( did not look like a pile on at all ) suggested for various reasons you don't get married .You got married.
Having no idea of your age, your level of general maturity ( you don't strike me as immature tbh ) and your long term fiscal situation , It all right now just sounds like speed bumps , but as a long term married person it does sound like speed bumps with warnings going off .
Your are going to have to decide if internet advice ( you do not listen it seems ) is just a bit random, but there is often a seed of group truth ....so for "gods" sake really think hard and make some sort of decision before children enter the field of play.
Family lawyer advice -yes . Serious parental/family( YOURS )advice unless you have a family littered only with broken relationships .
Forget the monetary aspects of the marriage/dissolution of marriage , do you want to go with this ?...or get out now for the betterment of you and probably her
Excellent powers of forum recall. I remember that thread.Many people ( did not look like a pile on at all ) suggested for various reasons you don't get married .You got married.
Having no idea of your age, your level of general maturity ( you don't strike me as immature tbh ) and your long term fiscal situation , It all right now just sounds like speed bumps , but as a long term married person it does sound like speed bumps with warnings going off .
Your are going to have to decide if internet advice ( you do not listen it seems ) is just a bit random, but there is often a seed of group truth ....so for "gods" sake really think hard and make some sort of decision before children enter the field of play.
Family lawyer advice -yes . Serious parental/family( YOURS )advice unless you have a family littered only with broken relationships .
Forget the monetary aspects of the marriage/dissolution of marriage , do you want to go with this ?...or get out now for the betterment of you and probably her
Don't think "love" was mentioned at all in the original thread. OP said he "had" to get married. So I suspect divorce is going to be even more tricky than normal.
PM3 said:
In May 22 ( must be just weeks before you got married ) YOU asked advice about pre nuptial agreements. You also expressed doubts about marriage etc
Many people ( did not look like a pile on at all ) suggested for various reasons you don't get married .You got married.
Having no idea of your age, your level of general maturity ( you don't strike me as immature tbh ) and your long term fiscal situation , It all right now just sounds like speed bumps , but as a long term married person it does sound like speed bumps with warnings going off .
Your are going to have to decide if internet advice ( you do not listen it seems ) is just a bit random, but there is often a seed of group truth ....so for "gods" sake really think hard and make some sort of decision before children enter the field of play.
Family lawyer advice -yes . Serious parental/family( YOURS )advice unless you have a family littered only with broken relationships .
Forget the monetary aspects of the marriage/dissolution of marriage , do you want to go with this ?...or get out now for the betterment of you and probably her
I couldn't work out why I couldn't see the post you refer to when I went back a few months but then realized it was May '22 NOT May '23. So it looks like the OP was trying to put stuff in place considerably some time in advance of the marriage ie a year or so before getting hitched.Many people ( did not look like a pile on at all ) suggested for various reasons you don't get married .You got married.
Having no idea of your age, your level of general maturity ( you don't strike me as immature tbh ) and your long term fiscal situation , It all right now just sounds like speed bumps , but as a long term married person it does sound like speed bumps with warnings going off .
Your are going to have to decide if internet advice ( you do not listen it seems ) is just a bit random, but there is often a seed of group truth ....so for "gods" sake really think hard and make some sort of decision before children enter the field of play.
Family lawyer advice -yes . Serious parental/family( YOURS )advice unless you have a family littered only with broken relationships .
Forget the monetary aspects of the marriage/dissolution of marriage , do you want to go with this ?...or get out now for the betterment of you and probably her
It all looks to have gone horribly wrong and I suspect the OP had some foreboding it might.
As others have said posting on here won't be as useful as actual advice from a solicitor. There will be some gems on here but the OP needs to sort a solicitor out now if things are as bad as they seem.
I genuinely wish him luck
Edited by anonymoususer on Thursday 27th July 10:20
This makes for an interesting re-read, given your current predicament:
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
And this sentiment came up a lot:
What he said..
I actually remember it because I've long decided marriage as a construct is not for me, and this coupled with real life examples (and your new situation) continue to reinforce that point. In my mid-30s I've seen both sides now, and I'm still not convinced it's a worthwhile endeavour.
In that thread, you also said:
For context, part of my heritage makes it culturally normal to marry without cohabiting first, or have families hook their kids up, or otherwise do things as the older generations did. I told everyone involved to do-one from an early age (black sheep label notwithstanding!), and still do when pressed / ribbed, and I'm all the better for it.
You can, and should, do things for yourself first. You're no good to anybody else if you're not alright, as evidenced here in the fallout of cultural pressure.
Best of luck with all this, must be extremely difficult. I'd seek proper legal advice, and find your feet while you can - before things get uglier (which is entirely likely, the more you endure).
As an aside, I also have sympathy for your partner. I have a friend who, again, was culturally coerced into marrying someone in their early 20s who they barely knew. The wife ended up losing her mind, became unrecognisable to my pal, and was actually sectioned for a while. What's normal 'back home', ain't necessarily compatible with the here and now.
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
And this sentiment came up a lot:
Porsche guy said:
V1nce Fox said:
Ussrcossack said:
If you are having doubts now.... don't get married
Absolutely this. In that thread, you also said:
TheGreatDane said:
Very clear consensus here, thanks everyone for their input.
I wish it were as simple as having a discussion but her sister had a prenup, fell apart guy left her up s**** creek after amassing huge amounts of debt in her name. She will never come around to the idea of it due to that.
As mentioned culture plays a big part in both of our lives (hers more than mine) so not getting married isn't an option.
I'll have to have a real think, not to sound soppy but I do love her so it is a tough one.
Perhaps besides the point, but the whole 'culture' aspect seems to have screwed you royally here, and one can thusly assume a divorce, so soon, is possibly more culturally unforgivable / inappropriate.I wish it were as simple as having a discussion but her sister had a prenup, fell apart guy left her up s**** creek after amassing huge amounts of debt in her name. She will never come around to the idea of it due to that.
As mentioned culture plays a big part in both of our lives (hers more than mine) so not getting married isn't an option.
I'll have to have a real think, not to sound soppy but I do love her so it is a tough one.
For context, part of my heritage makes it culturally normal to marry without cohabiting first, or have families hook their kids up, or otherwise do things as the older generations did. I told everyone involved to do-one from an early age (black sheep label notwithstanding!), and still do when pressed / ribbed, and I'm all the better for it.
You can, and should, do things for yourself first. You're no good to anybody else if you're not alright, as evidenced here in the fallout of cultural pressure.
Best of luck with all this, must be extremely difficult. I'd seek proper legal advice, and find your feet while you can - before things get uglier (which is entirely likely, the more you endure).
As an aside, I also have sympathy for your partner. I have a friend who, again, was culturally coerced into marrying someone in their early 20s who they barely knew. The wife ended up losing her mind, became unrecognisable to my pal, and was actually sectioned for a while. What's normal 'back home', ain't necessarily compatible with the here and now.
I tried walking away and I was 100% convinced she was going to harm herself, hence I stuck around - hate myself for being a sap here.
Ultimately I decided to proceed so that's on me. Lesson learnt.
My main concern is the house really. She lived with her mum earns well and hasn't contributed towards anything since marriage.
Ultimately I decided to proceed so that's on me. Lesson learnt.
My main concern is the house really. She lived with her mum earns well and hasn't contributed towards anything since marriage.
If it hasnt been consumated you may be able to seek an annulment within the first 12mths ... https://www.gov.uk/how-to-annul-marriage
Legal advice here is key as is speed of action.
Legal advice here is key as is speed of action.
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