Best put downs

[jonsp]

In a coffee shop earlier teen girl at the next table was having an animated conversation on her phone. Then she said no, you don't have haters people just don't like you. Then she hung up. Brilliant.

Couple of others that came to mind.

Alf Garnett, sickness/health.

Mrs Alf: Will you come shopping with me?
Alf: It's Saturday afternoon I'm going to West Ham
Mrs Alf: Sometimes I think you love West Ham more than you love me
Alf: You know that's not true
Mrs Alf: Aww, really?
Alf: I love bloody Millwall more than I love you

Married With Children
Guy: looking pensive on the sofa
Wife: Honey what are you thinking?
Guy: If I wanted you to know what I was thinking I'd be talking

Any contributions....

[Jonquil]

Describing someone as having delusions of adequacy.

[Spare tyre]

I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong

[gt40steve]

If you were my husband I'd put poison in your tea.

Madam, if you were my wife I'd drink it !

Lady Astor coming second to Churchill.

[Super Sonic]

For someone that doesn't know much about engines
'You don't know a big end from a small beginning'

[Pieman68]

Heard towards the end of the night from a highly exasperated member of bar staff in a very busy nightclub in an exchange with a highly inebriated teenage punter, following on from a disagreement over who should be served next.

Inebriated punter (as the barman walked away) - "You fat b"

Highly exasperated barman - "I'm only a fat b cos your Mum gives me a slice of cake every time I f her up the a"

The member of staff may, or may not, have been yours truly

[Spare tyre]

Pieman68 said:

Heard towards the end of the night from a highly exasperated member of bar staff in a very busy nightclub in an exchange with a highly inebriated teenage punter, following on from a disagreement over who should be served next.

Inebriated punter (as the barman walked away) - "You fat b"

Highly exasperated barman - "I'm only a fat b cos your Mum gives me a slice of cake every time I f her up the a"

The member of staff may, or may not, have been yours truly

User name checks out

[Turtle Shed]

"He could get into a taxi and it would still be empty."

[Pixel Pusher]

I can't say the best / worst / cruellest one I heard as I'll probably get banned.

However telling someone they're uglier than a warthog's mother in law is pretty cutting.

[Mr Squarekins]

'I told him to just be himself, I guess that was pretty mean.'

Roger Sterling, Mad men.

[Rene Souffle]

“Your ambition outweighs your talent”… to anyone who crashes their car or motorbike…..

Originally said by Casey Stoner to Valentino Rossi after what was seen as quite a dirty move.

[PhilboSE]

Pieman68 said:

Heard towards the end of the night from a highly exasperated member of bar staff in a very busy nightclub in an exchange with a highly inebriated teenage punter, following on from a disagreement over who should be served next.

Inebriated punter (as the barman walked away) - "You fat b"

Highly exasperated barman - "I'm only a fat b cos your Mum gives me a slice of cake every time I f her up the a"

The member of staff may, or may not, have been yours truly

Eddo Brandes, is that you?

[Castrol for a knave]

There are those who like Castrol, and there are those who have met him.....

[Nethybridge]

the one in the monster film in space , the butch lezzy grunt says something to the less than manly officer

[Common Porpoise]

"You are Turbobloke from pistonheads AICMFP "

[PhilboSE]

Nethybridge said:

the one in the monster film in space , the butch lezzy grunt says something to the less than manly officer

"Hey Vasquez, you ever been mistaken for a man?"

"No. Have you?"

[InitialDave]

In response to someone complaining about a minor injury:
"Just take some Tryactin"
"Tryactin?"
"Yeah, try actin' like a man"

[anonymous-user]

You can tell light moves faster than sound, as you appear bright until you open your mouth and start speaking

[Huff]

Turtle Shed said:

"He could get into a taxi and it would still be empty."

That's an inversion of what Churchill had to say of Clement Atlee: ' ...an empty taxi drew up, and Mr Atlee got out'.

[TUS373]

Good thread. Lots of phrases to use with Just Stop Oil numpties.