Funny lines in TV/Film

[ChevronB19]

My sincere apologies if this has been done before (I did try the terrible search function), but just watched an early Simpsons that had one line/exchange that really made me giggle - the one where their house gets taken over by a biker gang.

Biker (to Homer): There’s only one way to resolve this - in the circle of death

Marge: but I’ve just swept the circle of death

[cobra kid]

That's setting a low bar.

[P1Fanatic]

I don't get it?

One of my all time fave episodes of the Simpsons is where Marge joins the police and breaks up a counterfeit jeans operation.

Chief Wiggum: Thats some nice work Simpson, but we cant hold them as no evidence.
Homer: Theres a garage full of counterfeit jeans.
Chief Wiggum: Erm they have mysteriously disappeared.

Cue zipping up sounds and pans over to all the cops wearing jeans.

Chief Wiggum: Looking good boys

[Voldemort]

[StevieBee]

I think it was in Ted, might have beenTed 2.... earlier on Ted and Johnny were smoking drugs from a bong in the shape of a phallus. Later on, they decide to do some drugs but Johny says he's not using the same bong as before.....

Johnny... "As long as it's the Non-Dong-Bong"

Ted... "Non-Dong-Bong? Isn't that the President of North Korea?"

[Genuine Barn Find]

Too many to mention, but take your pick from Dodgeball.

The line from Dog Soldier “I hope i give you the sts” when the soldier is about to be consumed by a werewolf, also stands out.

[Super Sonic]

One of my favourite lines from the Simpsons.
Stretch limo pulls up outside awards ceremony. Krusty gets out followed by more clowns. Krusty turns round and says
"Oh get back in, it's only funny when it's a small car!"

[Gary29]

Genuine Barn Find said:

Too many to mention, but take your pick from Dodgeball.

Is that necessary?! Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No, but I do it anyway, because it's sterile....and I like the taste.

[Quhet]

Two lesbians probably, sisters. I'm just watching.

[Jasandjules]

So many it is hard to choose. I like things like:

Airplane - surely you can't be serious......

Commando - Sully, you know when I said I would kill you last? I lied....
What happened to Sully? I let him go...

Aliens - You ever been mistaken for a man?
No, have you?

10 things I hate about you - what is it with this chick, has she got beer flavoured ni**es or something?

Airplane 2 - sir we have no bridge.
No bridge? Why the hell wasn't I notified?

We've all got things flashing and beeping and beeping and flashing, I can't stand it...

The Running Man: Hey Killion..
I'll be back.
Only in a re-run

[SpudLink]

Jasandjules said:

The Running Man: Hey Killion..
I'll be back.
Only in a re-run

Yeah, that's one of my favorites in any Arnie film.

'The Man With Two Brains' is a film that cracks me up from start to finish. Probably the best line is when Dr Hfuhruhurr's is about to meet the body into which his girlfriends body has been transferred. He declares he will love her no matter what.
Then he meets her... "I coudn't fk a gorilla!"

[Voldemort]

Rimmer: Step up to red alert

Kryten: Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.

[Tim330]

A long one from Dirty Harry

The Mayor : Callahan... I don't want any more trouble like you had last year in the Fillmore district. You understand? That's my policy.

Harry Callahan : Yeah, well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the bd - that's my policy.

The Mayor : Intent? How'd you establish that?

Harry Callahan : When a naked man is chasing a woman through a dark alley with a butcher knife and a hard on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross.

[leaves]

The Mayor : I think he's got a point.

[peterperkins]

Star Trek TOS

Kirk and Spock after Kirk has been dealing with a recalcitrant stroppy female alien.

https://youtu.be/BdjZnCanVbM

[STe_rsv4]

"I've come here to chew bubble-gum and kick ass......and I'm all out of bubble-gum"
They live

"This green Berets gonna kick your ass..."
"I eat Green Berets for breakfast, AND IM REALLY HUUUNNGRRYY!!"
John Matrix - Commando

[President Merkin]

Tom Wambsgans In Succession has a few belters.


Buckle up, fklehead,

Insults a guy on a phone call unaware the man is in the car & on speakerphone.

Um, you're on speaker, Tom.

Pause.... Well, I shouldn't be, Greg.

Edited by President Merkin on Wednesday 16th August 15:59

[Radec]

I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.

So what does that make us?

Absolutely nothing.

[Deranged Rover]

One of my favourites from a non-comedy film was in James Bond - No Time to Die, and if it wasn't written by Phoebe Waller-Bridge, I'll eat my hat:

Madeline: "Come with me - I have something to show you"
Bond: "I hope it's not another child..."

[DeejRC]

Germany just declared war on the Jones boys!

We’re a real Mickey Mouse operation.
Mickey Mouse? We ain’t even Betty Boop!

With. Out. Oxygen!

We are not at home to Mr Ploppy!

Congratulations George, for you have invented…Green!

Actually most of Blackadder is probably applicable here.

[hepy]

From the Young Ones:

RIK - "Neil the bathrooms free - Unlike the country under the Thatcherite junta"

Filthy, Rich and Catflap - "When the going gets tough, the tough have a fag, a drink and a ponder"

4 Lions - "Rubber Dinghy Rapids Bro"