Discussion
I read an article this morning about men who didn’t have any children. Apparently nearly a quarter of men over 40 are not fathers. For those involuntarily childless it can be hugely debilitating with feelings of regret and sadness.
I was completely unaware of the scale of the problem. I’ve read a lot about women who are involuntarily childless but never about men.
Being a father is such a fundamental part of me I find it hard to think of life without my daughter.
The figure shocks me too. I know some men over 40 with no children but those not gay are a small minority.
Anyone on hear with direct experience?
I was completely unaware of the scale of the problem. I’ve read a lot about women who are involuntarily childless but never about men.
Being a father is such a fundamental part of me I find it hard to think of life without my daughter.
The figure shocks me too. I know some men over 40 with no children but those not gay are a small minority.
Anyone on hear with direct experience?
You seem to presume that those who are childless are that way involuntarily? In very many cases that is not the case at all. In this day and age, with an overpopulated world, and the benefits of birth control, many people decide not to have children. I'm rather surprised you don't know people who have made that decision.
How many are step fathers though?
My mate has 4 step children. He has been part of of their lives for a long time (pretty much all of it for the youngest ones)
Perhaps he would have liked more children, but maybe four was enough for him and his wife (I don't know, never asked him. Not my place to)
My mate has 4 step children. He has been part of of their lives for a long time (pretty much all of it for the youngest ones)
Perhaps he would have liked more children, but maybe four was enough for him and his wife (I don't know, never asked him. Not my place to)
MrBen986 said:
You seem to presume that those who are childless are that way involuntarily? In very many cases that is not the case at all. In this day and age, with an overpopulated world, and the benefits of birth control, many people decide not to have children. I'm rather surprised you don't know people who have made that decision.
Most of the blokes I know who have voluntarily decided not to have children are gay.I know couples without children but it’s usually not through choice.
I know two guys at my work in their 50s who don’t want children but both have serious commitment issues.
I used to know one guy at work who was married and both didn’t want children but that’s pretty much it.
I think it’s still statistically unusual to not ever want children and even more so to be in a relationship where neither want children.
Early 50's.
Never wanted kids, don't have kids, have zero regrets.
I am not gay, I don't think I am some sort of wierdo (no more than anyone who posts on PH) and I don't have commitment issues and am happily married to someone who also never wanted kids.
Never wanted kids, don't have kids, have zero regrets.
I am not gay, I don't think I am some sort of wierdo (no more than anyone who posts on PH) and I don't have commitment issues and am happily married to someone who also never wanted kids.
Edited by Castrol for a knave on Wednesday 30th August 17:17
Yes, I'm 48 and single, no children. I've always been of the opinion that children do best when their parents are in a loving marriage, and I always assumed that I'd meet someone, get married and that children would follow. But life hasn't worked out like that for a variety of reasons. Due to hormonal reasons, I have little to no sex drive, so the drive to overcome fear of rejection hasn't been very strong. I still have strong desire for companionship, but I left meeting a partner to chance rather than trying to actively make it happen. My friends told me that I should stop trying and it would just happen. In my 30s when internet dating became a normal thing, I tried dating and had a few dates but only once did it progress beyond a second date, and although we dated for some time, her work took her abroad and that was that. I became disillusioned with the internet dating thing as it seemed that everyone was looking for different things and had a very different educational and cultural background than I wanted, so I gave up on internet dating and went back to hoping something might happen organically. It didn't and then mum became very ill and between work and looking after her, I had very little time to worry about my love life or lack thereof.
It's only after the death of my mother last year that it really hit home how I'd let her down by not giving her grandchildren. And that's when the loneliness really hit, as she kept me pretty busy with juggling her needs with my work. Then I only had work, and nothing else in my life. No partner, no children. I do have adult nephews and nieces, but no family to call my own and it really kills me. A friend of mine lost her ex-partner to cancer a few years ago, and now she has been diagnosed with an incurable cancer. She has a 9-year-old daughter who will inevitably lose her mother in the next year or so, and yet she hasn't been told. So she will have to be adopted, and while I'm sure the daughter will be taken care of by her extended family, I've started thinking about adoption. I'm constantly musing on the meaning of life, and what's the point of being here just to work, eat, sleep and go on holiday once or twice a year? And then who will care about me when I'm old and ill? I'd rather die than go to a nursing home when that time comes. And will anyone remember me when I'm gone?
But here's the thing. While I live a comfortable life and have no financial worries, I'm not even sure I'd make a fantastic parent. I'll be 50 in just over a year's time and due to my hormonal issues I'm often feeling tired. I'm overweight and pretty set in my ways. Perhaps I wouldn't be a great parent at all, which could well be why I haven't found a partner the natural way. At least my cars love me...
It's only after the death of my mother last year that it really hit home how I'd let her down by not giving her grandchildren. And that's when the loneliness really hit, as she kept me pretty busy with juggling her needs with my work. Then I only had work, and nothing else in my life. No partner, no children. I do have adult nephews and nieces, but no family to call my own and it really kills me. A friend of mine lost her ex-partner to cancer a few years ago, and now she has been diagnosed with an incurable cancer. She has a 9-year-old daughter who will inevitably lose her mother in the next year or so, and yet she hasn't been told. So she will have to be adopted, and while I'm sure the daughter will be taken care of by her extended family, I've started thinking about adoption. I'm constantly musing on the meaning of life, and what's the point of being here just to work, eat, sleep and go on holiday once or twice a year? And then who will care about me when I'm old and ill? I'd rather die than go to a nursing home when that time comes. And will anyone remember me when I'm gone?
But here's the thing. While I live a comfortable life and have no financial worries, I'm not even sure I'd make a fantastic parent. I'll be 50 in just over a year's time and due to my hormonal issues I'm often feeling tired. I'm overweight and pretty set in my ways. Perhaps I wouldn't be a great parent at all, which could well be why I haven't found a partner the natural way. At least my cars love me...
u-boat said:
I think it’s still statistically unusual to not ever want children and even more so to be in a relationship where neither want children.
Would be interested to see the statistics you refer to, as this is one of those subjects where people tend to use anecdata to support their position!LunarOne said:
Yes, I'm 48 and single, no children. I've always been of the opinion that children do best when their parents are in a loving marriage, and I always assumed that I'd meet someone, get married and that children would follow. But life hasn't worked out like that for a variety of reasons. Due to hormonal reasons, I have little to no sex drive, so the drive to overcome fear of rejection hasn't been very strong. I still have strong desire for companionship, but I left meeting a partner to chance rather than trying to actively make it happen. My friends told me that I should stop trying and it would just happen. In my 30s when internet dating became a normal thing, I tried dating and had a few dates but only once did it progress beyond a second date, and although we dated for some time, her work took her abroad and that was that. I became disillusioned with the internet dating thing as it seemed that everyone was looking for different things and had a very different educational and cultural background than I wanted, so I gave up on internet dating and went back to hoping something might happen organically. It didn't and then mum became very ill and between work and looking after her, I had very little time to worry about my love life or lack thereof.
It's only after the death of my mother last year that it really hit home how I'd let her down by not giving her grandchildren. And that's when the loneliness really hit, as she kept me pretty busy with juggling her needs with my work. Then I only had work, and nothing else in my life. No partner, no children. I do have adult nephews and nieces, but no family to call my own and it really kills me. A friend of mine lost her ex-partner to cancer a few years ago, and now she has been diagnosed with an incurable cancer. She has a 9-year-old daughter who will inevitably lose her mother in the next year or so, and yet she hasn't been told. So she will have to be adopted, and while I'm sure the daughter will be taken care of by her extended family, I've started thinking about adoption. I'm constantly musing on the meaning of life, and what's the point of being here just to work, eat, sleep and go on holiday once or twice a year? And then who will care about me when I'm old and ill? I'd rather die than go to a nursing home when that time comes. And will anyone remember me when I'm gone?
But here's the thing. While I live a comfortable life and have no financial worries, I'm not even sure I'd make a fantastic parent. I'll be 50 in just over a year's time and due to my hormonal issues I'm often feeling tired. I'm overweight and pretty set in my ways. Perhaps I wouldn't be a great parent at all, which could well be why I haven't found a partner the natural way. At least my cars love me...
I cannot reconcile that point of view. It's bIt's only after the death of my mother last year that it really hit home how I'd let her down by not giving her grandchildren. And that's when the loneliness really hit, as she kept me pretty busy with juggling her needs with my work. Then I only had work, and nothing else in my life. No partner, no children. I do have adult nephews and nieces, but no family to call my own and it really kills me. A friend of mine lost her ex-partner to cancer a few years ago, and now she has been diagnosed with an incurable cancer. She has a 9-year-old daughter who will inevitably lose her mother in the next year or so, and yet she hasn't been told. So she will have to be adopted, and while I'm sure the daughter will be taken care of by her extended family, I've started thinking about adoption. I'm constantly musing on the meaning of life, and what's the point of being here just to work, eat, sleep and go on holiday once or twice a year? And then who will care about me when I'm old and ill? I'd rather die than go to a nursing home when that time comes. And will anyone remember me when I'm gone?
But here's the thing. While I live a comfortable life and have no financial worries, I'm not even sure I'd make a fantastic parent. I'll be 50 in just over a year's time and due to my hormonal issues I'm often feeling tired. I'm overweight and pretty set in my ways. Perhaps I wouldn't be a great parent at all, which could well be why I haven't found a partner the natural way. At least my cars love me...
ks. You don't have children (the biggest commitment you can ever make) because it'll make someone else happy. Ultimately, life is very short, so why spend a huge portion of your relative youth bringing up another human? I fundamentally don't understand those that want or have (and enjoy) kids.
Another argument made is that they take care of you in old age. That to me is cruel - you're basically creating an emotional slave to wipe your bum. I'll use the countless amount of money I've saved to pay for someone to do it for me. Or just end it before I get to that stage.
Maybe they've read this
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
No kids of my own, by choice. After being widowed in my forties, I met someone who has two children. They're great, but I don't regret not having any of my own, and I could have lived a perfectly happy life if I'd met someone else who didn't have any. There are lots of ways to live a happy life.
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
No kids of my own, by choice. After being widowed in my forties, I met someone who has two children. They're great, but I don't regret not having any of my own, and I could have lived a perfectly happy life if I'd met someone else who didn't have any. There are lots of ways to live a happy life.
When I was newly married in my early thirties I had no interest in having children whatsoever.
Had it not been for my younger wife really wanting them, I wouldn't have.
But she did and I loved her dearly so we settled on two.
It took a while and ironically a situation developed where I ended up raising both of them, more or less as a single parent from the age of 40 - I'm now mid 50's.
They've been away for a few weeks and I've missed them immensely.
One's off to college and the other has a few more years at school but the thought of not having either of them here is something that going to take an unusual amount of getting used to.
Had it not been for my younger wife really wanting them, I wouldn't have.
But she did and I loved her dearly so we settled on two.
It took a while and ironically a situation developed where I ended up raising both of them, more or less as a single parent from the age of 40 - I'm now mid 50's.
They've been away for a few weeks and I've missed them immensely.
One's off to college and the other has a few more years at school but the thought of not having either of them here is something that going to take an unusual amount of getting used to.
I don’t like people who don’t have kids but get a dog and say it’s their child…!!!
WFH has been brilliant in that I don’t have to listen to their bullst about how their world has come to an end because the fur baby has a cough…
Can’t get my head round choosing to be without a family of your own just keep your made up dramas to yourself…
WFH has been brilliant in that I don’t have to listen to their bulls
t about how their world has come to an end because the fur baby has a cough…Can’t get my head round choosing to be without a family of your own just keep your made up dramas to yourself…
It's a lifestyle choice. Some want them and some don't. The 0.02c is that the world is already over populated and I don't live in a third world country.
Kuwahara said:
WFH has been brilliant in that I don’t have to listen to their bullst about how their world has come to an end because the fur baby has a cough…
You can take comfort in knowing that most dog owners feel exactly the same way about people talking about their kids. It's just another person bringing their problem into work and making it everybody else's problem.t about how their world has come to an end because the fur baby has a cough…Edited by alabbasi on Wednesday 30th August 17:43
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff