Paying my respects - finding a grave

[Freakuk]

Admins - please move if this is in the wrong forum.

So, 25 years ago a co-worker at the time convinced me to get a bike license and undoubtedly this decision completely changed my life, friends, experiences, motorbikes are more than a hobby, they're an obsession.

I lost touch with this co-worker many, many years ago, life moved on but every now and again I tried unsuccessfully to find them through social media etc. Roll on to last year when another work colleague who I was working with at the same company 25 years ago found me on LinkedIn and said hello and started chatting about old times, when eventually we got onto the person in question. Unfortunately they were killed around 8 years ago in a bizarre (non-biking) accident which knocked me for 6 when they told me.

For no reason I didn't have a good night's sleep and this came into my head so staring at my phone I found a few news items on the accident, looks like they remarried and moved out of the area (probably why I struggled to find them).

I'd just like to pay my respects given the impact they unknowingly had on my life, but I couldn't find anything which would tell me if they were buried, cremated, and where their remains were.

Has anyone got any ideas?

[psi310398]

If you Google the person’s name, location, year of death and add ‘obituary’ or ‘death notice’, either the relevant undertaker or local rag entry tends to pop up with details of the funeral or ‘no flowers/ donations to’ type instructions. That might help narrow things down.

[Wacky Racer]

Nearly 90% of people these days choose to be cremated. The ashes could be anywhere.

Good luck.

[Spare tyre]

I never goto places where ashes of loved ones are

However I do sometimes do something as a special task with the person in mind

My gran loved a day trip to Bournemouth, so I take a specific trip there with her in mind

[Hawkshaw]

OP - Good luck with this. I have been trying to do something similar recently, just wanting to pay my respects, so I can understand your feelings. It depends how much research you are prepared to do. How much do you know already?

As said, Google may give you a lead. Otherwise, if you know the area where the death occurred, you can get copy of the death certificate from the registrar concerned. This will tell you who registered the death who may be a family member, who should be relatively easy to trace.
Once you have a date and place, cemetery/cremation records are usually held by the local authority, and again are freely accessible.

Reading your post again, you'd perhaps need to check marriage records, then property sale records on any address that reveals. It all takes time.

In my case I wanted to find a location in France - if anyone knows how to proceed there, I would be interested to hear. I concluded that I would have to contact the family concerned and in the circumstances (like yours, a tragic accident) felt it was better not to.

Edited by Hawkshaw on Wednesday 4th October 11:42

[Nethybridge]

Paying Respects means different things to different people, visiting a grave,
visiting the person's favourite place, playing the person's favourite song or
just thinking of them every day, no-one is forgotten if people remember them
[ if you know what I mean ]


Plant a tree in his memory ?

[Freakuk]

Hawkshaw said:

OP - Good luck with this. I have been trying to do something similar recently, just wanting to pay my respects, so I can understand your feelings. It depends how much research you are prepared to do. How much do you know already?

As said, Google may give you a lead. Otherwise, if you know the area where the death occurred, you can get copy of the death certificate from the registrar concerned. This will tell you who registered the death who may be a family member, who should be relatively easy to trace.
Once you have a date and place, cemetery/cremation records are usually held by the local authority, and again are freely accessible.

Reading your post again, you'd perhaps need to check marriage records, then property sale records on any address that reveals. It all takes time.

In my case I wanted to find a location in France - if anyone knows how to proceed there, I would be interested to hear. I concluded that I would have to contact the family concerned and in the circumstances (like yours, a tragic accident) felt it was better not to.

Edited by Hawkshaw on Wednesday 4th October 11:42

Thanks, it's a difficult one as I've dug a little further and cannot find anything other than the news article relating to their death. Then I remembered they had two sons, one was about a year old in 1998 when we worked together and I've managed to find him on social media now aged around 26-27 I would guess and would have been around 18 when they suffered the tragic loss of a parent.

I don't think it's appropriate to contact them personally, they would have no idea who I am given they were only one when we worked together and I don't think I should disturb the still waters that time has hopefully afforded them now.

[heisthegaffer]

Freakuk said:

Hawkshaw said:

OP - Good luck with this. I have been trying to do something similar recently, just wanting to pay my respects, so I can understand your feelings. It depends how much research you are prepared to do. How much do you know already?

As said, Google may give you a lead. Otherwise, if you know the area where the death occurred, you can get copy of the death certificate from the registrar concerned. This will tell you who registered the death who may be a family member, who should be relatively easy to trace.
Once you have a date and place, cemetery/cremation records are usually held by the local authority, and again are freely accessible.

Reading your post again, you'd perhaps need to check marriage records, then property sale records on any address that reveals. It all takes time.

In my case I wanted to find a location in France - if anyone knows how to proceed there, I would be interested to hear. I concluded that I would have to contact the family concerned and in the circumstances (like yours, a tragic accident) felt it was better not to.

Edited by Hawkshaw on Wednesday 4th October 11:42

Thanks, it's a difficult one as I've dug a little further and cannot find anything other than the news article relating to their death. Then I remembered they had two sons, one was about a year old in 1998 when we worked together and I've managed to find him on social media now aged around 26-27 I would guess and would have been around 18 when they suffered the tragic loss of a parent.

I don't think it's appropriate to contact them personally, they would have no idea who I am given they were only one when we worked together and I don't think I should disturb the still waters that time has hopefully afforded them now.

I wonder if they might be touched that you've gone to the trouble of finding them?

Perhaps you could write to them instead so they can digest in their own time?

[Mabbs9]

https://www.findagrave.com/

Is this any use? Good luck.

[CanAm]

Nethybridge said:

Paying Respects means different things to different people, visiting a grave,
visiting the person's favourite place, playing the person's favourite song or
just thinking of them every day, no-one is forgotten if people remember them
[ if you know what I mean ]


Plant a tree in his memory ?

As Sir Terry Pratchett wrote, “Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?”

[JagYouAre]

heisthegaffer said:

Freakuk said:

Hawkshaw said:

OP - Good luck with this. I have been trying to do something similar recently, just wanting to pay my respects, so I can understand your feelings. It depends how much research you are prepared to do. How much do you know already?

As said, Google may give you a lead. Otherwise, if you know the area where the death occurred, you can get copy of the death certificate from the registrar concerned. This will tell you who registered the death who may be a family member, who should be relatively easy to trace.
Once you have a date and place, cemetery/cremation records are usually held by the local authority, and again are freely accessible.

Reading your post again, you'd perhaps need to check marriage records, then property sale records on any address that reveals. It all takes time.

In my case I wanted to find a location in France - if anyone knows how to proceed there, I would be interested to hear. I concluded that I would have to contact the family concerned and in the circumstances (like yours, a tragic accident) felt it was better not to.

Edited by Hawkshaw on Wednesday 4th October 11:42

Thanks, it's a difficult one as I've dug a little further and cannot find anything other than the news article relating to their death. Then I remembered they had two sons, one was about a year old in 1998 when we worked together and I've managed to find him on social media now aged around 26-27 I would guess and would have been around 18 when they suffered the tragic loss of a parent.

I don't think it's appropriate to contact them personally, they would have no idea who I am given they were only one when we worked together and I don't think I should disturb the still waters that time has hopefully afforded them now.

I wonder if they might be touched that you've gone to the trouble of finding them?

Perhaps you could write to them instead so they can digest in their own time?

Totally agree with this. If my dad had died and I received a letter from someone telling me their story, such as that in the OP, I'd be chuffed to know that someone was thinking of my old man in such terms after all that time.

That said, I suppose you don't know what their relationship was like etc. etc. So it's a tough one, but I agree if you put it in a letter I don't think it could be taken anything other than in the way it was intended.

Good luck.

[Freakuk]

Mabbs9 said:

https://www.findagrave.com/

Is this any use? Good luck.

Cheers, that's been very useful. Looks like they were indeed cremated and seemingly back near where they were born. There's an email address/contact details for the crematorium so I may drop them an email enquiry. Thanks