50yr old - new relationship advice
Discussion
It sounds like it's fairly early days.
G/f and I are both early 50s. I've spent most of my life living on my own, and when we met we both said fairly quickly that neither of us wanted marriage in the future and it was unlikely we'd live together. That was about 3.5 years ago.
I moved in to hers early this year, we had clearly both changed our mind about marriage and she now wears an engagement ring.
Give it a bit more time.
G/f and I are both early 50s. I've spent most of my life living on my own, and when we met we both said fairly quickly that neither of us wanted marriage in the future and it was unlikely we'd live together. That was about 3.5 years ago.
I moved in to hers early this year, we had clearly both changed our mind about marriage and she now wears an engagement ring.
Give it a bit more time.
SuffolkDefender said:
PH folk, your thoughts please - and I intend to ask friends and family this question too, but interested in wider views too!
I’m 50yrs old and with a 13yr old son who lives with me half the time. I’m divorced over a decade ago, live in a rented house but have a good deposit for a house purchase available.
At the beginning of 2023, I met a really lovely woman who I get on with incredibly well. We have lots of shared interests and non-shared interests, good circle of friends each, etc. Normal stuff. She doesn’t have children although she did want them, is financially secure, owns her house, good job etc. A really lovely woman all round. A keeper without doubt.
The only fly in the ointment is that I want to move in together at some point and possibly remarry; and moving in together is not high on her priority list. She enjoys having her own space and has gotten used to it, being single for quite a large part of her life.
So, what to do:
a) stick with it, in the knowledge that it isn’t what I want right now, but that it could be, maybe, one day. If she were to change her mind.
b) call time on it now before I get much more emotionally involved, and have a break / move on /whatever because it isn’t what I want (right now).
c) some other solution I haven’t yet considered.
I know a woman who sounds very much like this one - divorced, no children, own home etc.....I’m 50yrs old and with a 13yr old son who lives with me half the time. I’m divorced over a decade ago, live in a rented house but have a good deposit for a house purchase available.
At the beginning of 2023, I met a really lovely woman who I get on with incredibly well. We have lots of shared interests and non-shared interests, good circle of friends each, etc. Normal stuff. She doesn’t have children although she did want them, is financially secure, owns her house, good job etc. A really lovely woman all round. A keeper without doubt.
The only fly in the ointment is that I want to move in together at some point and possibly remarry; and moving in together is not high on her priority list. She enjoys having her own space and has gotten used to it, being single for quite a large part of her life.
So, what to do:
a) stick with it, in the knowledge that it isn’t what I want right now, but that it could be, maybe, one day. If she were to change her mind.
b) call time on it now before I get much more emotionally involved, and have a break / move on /whatever because it isn’t what I want (right now).
c) some other solution I haven’t yet considered.
The key point is that she really has no need to change - and is very unlikely to do so. Most women in that situation can, if they wish, build up a relationship with lots of new friends, men included.
What's in it for her ?
Are you in a particular hurry?
Why do you want to live together and/or marry her? Is it because it would make the relationship permanent?
Does she prefer the current arrangement because of independence or is she not as keen on you as you are her? Sorry to be blunt.
If she's lived on her own for a long time, giving that up is a huge step.
I'd give it more time - until late Spring 2024. And in particular see how Christmas goes.
Why do you want to live together and/or marry her? Is it because it would make the relationship permanent?
Does she prefer the current arrangement because of independence or is she not as keen on you as you are her? Sorry to be blunt.
If she's lived on her own for a long time, giving that up is a huge step.
I'd give it more time - until late Spring 2024. And in particular see how Christmas goes.
Thanks for the responses.
No, I’m not in a hurry at all and I’m flexible on the marriage side, just slightly less so on the living together side I suppose. I feel that living together is the natural progression and when I’ve lived with other people many years ago I did enjoy my being part of a team, for want of a better word.
Not at all concerned that she doesn’t want to be with me, she has been very clear that she does and that she wants it to work long term and make a real go of it.
And, to be fair, when I was divorced it took me a long time to come around to the idea of thinking about marriage. But as I say, the marriage idea is not a deal breaker at all, just something I’d considered
No, I’m not in a hurry at all and I’m flexible on the marriage side, just slightly less so on the living together side I suppose. I feel that living together is the natural progression and when I’ve lived with other people many years ago I did enjoy my being part of a team, for want of a better word.
Not at all concerned that she doesn’t want to be with me, she has been very clear that she does and that she wants it to work long term and make a real go of it.
And, to be fair, when I was divorced it took me a long time to come around to the idea of thinking about marriage. But as I say, the marriage idea is not a deal breaker at all, just something I’d considered
Edited by SuffolkDefender on Sunday 22 October 21:39
SuffolkDefender said:
Thanks for the responses.
No, I’m not in a hurry at all and I’m flexible on the marriage side, just slightly less so on the living together side I suppose. I feel that living together is the natural progression and when I’ve lived with other people many years ago I did enjoy my being part of a team, for want of a better word.
Not at all concerned that she doesn’t want to be with me, she has been very clear that she does and that she wants it to work long term and make a real go of it.
And, to be fair, when I was divorced it took me a long time to come around to the idea of thinking about marriage. But as I say, the marriage idea is not a deal breaker at all, just something I’d considered
Don't take this wrong way, but your two posts either display selfishness or a lack of awareness of your own situation.No, I’m not in a hurry at all and I’m flexible on the marriage side, just slightly less so on the living together side I suppose. I feel that living together is the natural progression and when I’ve lived with other people many years ago I did enjoy my being part of a team, for want of a better word.
Not at all concerned that she doesn’t want to be with me, she has been very clear that she does and that she wants it to work long term and make a real go of it.
And, to be fair, when I was divorced it took me a long time to come around to the idea of thinking about marriage. But as I say, the marriage idea is not a deal breaker at all, just something I’d considered
Edited by SuffolkDefender on Sunday 22 October 21:39
You come with a 13yo boy from a previous relationship for half the week, so it is not just you moving in. This makes a huge difference to the equation of moving in together. This is your normality but this will be really far out there for her. I also suspect things are different in your relationship regarding who your focus is on when your son is with you, compared to when he isn't.
It sounds like you have found a great person and have a great relationship, and I doubt you'll find better from what you have said. But you'll have to accept the next steps could take a lot longer to happen because of your circumstances. It could easily be 2-5+ years before you move in together.
9 months is nothing. Whats the rush? Whilst it may be the logical next step, it really doesn't have to happen in any sort of timeframe. It will add stress to the relationship, and if one party is not ready for that step yet, will probably break the relationship. Sounds like things are good right now so no need to rock a boat.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff