Losing friends in your 30's
Discussion
sherman said:
Death or just moving away?
not even any of that, people simply growing apart and prioritising other things. My best friend of 20 years just can't be arsed to do anything since having a kid and another close friend turned out to only value friendships that bring him financial value.
from my late teens to mid 20's I had a big group of friends that I regularly went out drinking and on holiday with. I lost all of them when I was 26 when I got a new job that one of them didn't approve of. Made going out drinking with them a bit difficult as that one 'friend' would always try to cause trouble over it. I had to stop seeing them as I knew he was trying to provoke a big argument or fight. That was over 25yrs ago and I still think it was a shame that one person could spoil all of that.
The Gauge said:
from my late teens to mid 20's I had a big group of friends that I regularly went out drinking and on holiday with. I lost all of them when I was 26 when I got a new job that one of them didn't approve of. Made going out drinking with them a bit difficult as that one 'friend' would always try to cause trouble over it. I had to stop seeing them as I knew he was trying to provoke a big argument or fight. That was over 25yrs ago and I still think it was a shame that one person could spoil all of that.
Are you a copper or a stripper? 
Motoring12345 said:
sherman said:
Death or just moving away?
not even any of that, people simply growing apart and prioritising other things. My best friend of 20 years just can't be arsed to do anything since having a kid and another close friend turned out to only value friendships that bring him financial value.
And that’s if he’s had a normal experience, plenty of dads get depressed, which is a whole other minefield.
Can’t defend the second guy though, never ditched anyone over money (unless they owe you a lot)
Motoring12345 said:
not even any of that, people simply growing apart and prioritising other things.
My best friend of 20 years just can't be arsed to do anything since having a kid and another close friend turned out to only value friendships that bring him financial value.
‘Can’t be arsed’ can be very different to ‘has different priorities now’ depending which side of the friendship you are. I lost some mates to fatherhood, and then lost others when I became a dad. My best friend of 20 years just can't be arsed to do anything since having a kid and another close friend turned out to only value friendships that bring him financial value.
The first couple of years can be really tough, time is limited and the idea of a night out and the subsequent hangover becomes less and less appealing.
I try and connect with my best non dad mate, but we have very different lives. We’ve worked out other things which can work well - he walks the dog, my kids get a runaround etc, but ultimately my wife and kids are my priority now.
Don’t give up on him though, things get easier and time does start becoming available. In the mean time pop over for biscuits and a cuppa, I’m sure he’d love that.
bristolbaron said:
The Gauge said:
from my late teens to mid 20's I had a big group of friends that I regularly went out drinking and on holiday with. I lost all of them when I was 26 when I got a new job that one of them didn't approve of. Made going out drinking with them a bit difficult as that one 'friend' would always try to cause trouble over it. I had to stop seeing them as I knew he was trying to provoke a big argument or fight. That was over 25yrs ago and I still think it was a shame that one person could spoil all of that.
Are you a copper or a stripper? 
The Count said:
Wait until you're mid-forties, they all but disappear.
I am 50 and I 100% agree with this. It's funny, but when I was at university there was a group of 15+ of us and we literally spent every day and weekend together going out. Looking back it was the best time ever, probably the best years of my life.One by one they got girlfriends, got married, had children and moved away. I think the last time I saw any of them was 7 years ago, some of them I haven't seen for nearly 20 years.
It's sad, but unfortunately that is what happens in life.
W201_190e said:
I’m a new dad at 36. Having friends and a social life isn’t on the cards anymore. I have one friend I’ll see once every 3/4 weeks, that’s it. I’m very OK with that.
I don't have kids (yet) but you really don't have to give up your life. I still catch up with friends with kids, yes we're not going clubbing but there's no reason why children of almost any age can't go with you round to a friend's for dinner and drinks or to a country pub for lunch. If anything, I think it'll probably lead to better rounded children.The Count said:
That's one thing they don't tell you. There should be a book/manual.
Wait until you're mid-forties, they all but disappear.
Most of mine disappeared when I went to Polytechnic. I'd changed and they had changed, but they'd gone in opposite directions to me. Wait until you're mid-forties, they all but disappear.
Didn't make any life long friends at Poly, because....i just didn't.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/WXyIRbZnnGE
I realised a while ago, that there are times I come home from work on Friday evening, and I don't speak, or message, a single person until 64 hours later when I go back to work on Monday.
To echo the point above. I never kept in contact with anybody from either school. Or college. Or even my last employer. Most will be a comment on social media every 6 months or so.
I realised a while ago, that there are times I come home from work on Friday evening, and I don't speak, or message, a single person until 64 hours later when I go back to work on Monday.
To echo the point above. I never kept in contact with anybody from either school. Or college. Or even my last employer. Most will be a comment on social media every 6 months or so.
You grow up and become more comfortable with yourself/your life.
I had a big group of friends in my younger years out Sat and Sunday every weekend, slowed down a bit when we had kids but not for any other reason than I actually preferred the company of my wife/kids than being sat in a pub recounting tales of stuff we’d done in the last 20 years.
Now I’m in my fifties I’m quite comfortable, when being asked to come out by an old friend/workmate etc, saying no thanks, I can’t really be bothered. Because that’s the truth.
I had a big group of friends in my younger years out Sat and Sunday every weekend, slowed down a bit when we had kids but not for any other reason than I actually preferred the company of my wife/kids than being sat in a pub recounting tales of stuff we’d done in the last 20 years.
Now I’m in my fifties I’m quite comfortable, when being asked to come out by an old friend/workmate etc, saying no thanks, I can’t really be bothered. Because that’s the truth.
bristolbaron said:
Motoring12345 said:
not even any of that, people simply growing apart and prioritising other things.
My best friend of 20 years just can't be arsed to do anything since having a kid and another close friend turned out to only value friendships that bring him financial value.
‘Can’t be arsed’ can be very different to ‘has different priorities now’ depending which side of the friendship you are. I lost some mates to fatherhood, and then lost others when I became a dad. My best friend of 20 years just can't be arsed to do anything since having a kid and another close friend turned out to only value friendships that bring him financial value.
The first couple of years can be really tough, time is limited and the idea of a night out and the subsequent hangover becomes less and less appealing.
I try and connect with my best non dad mate, but we have very different lives. We’ve worked out other things which can work well - he walks the dog, my kids get a runaround etc, but ultimately my wife and kids are my priority now.
Don’t give up on him though, things get easier and time does start becoming available. In the mean time pop over for biscuits and a cuppa, I’m sure he’d love that.
Another friend had a baby at the same time as him but he makes an effort to meet up once or twice a month and we communicate every other day. This guy has completely changed since he had a kid. He doesn't try to communicate, the conversations we have are just small talk and a bit awkward. I've suggested going to his place so his mrs can finally meet my gf of 2.5 years and also see his 1.5-year-old son but has no interest. All suggested dates for meeting him alone are TBC.
He only sends memes on IG and likes the ones I send him, that's the most I get out of him lol
Edited by Motoring12345 on Monday 4th December 22:45
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