Fridays joke thread

[ZR1cliff]

I can see the press release headline already:

BRAKE criticises speedophile website for racist jokes



>> Edited by Mon Ami Mate on Friday 9th September 13:56

[r988]

I wonder how many inappropriate and tasteless jokes can be posted before this is shut down

[ukbob]

[MARQUE]

snigger

[Prof Beard]

ZR1cliff said:

Disclaimer;i am not a racist,i just thought this was funny.

Nevertheless it is a racist joke and would offend many people.

Prof Beard

[staceyb]

My 8yr old cousins favourite joke.

There are two fish swimming up a river when suddenly they swim into a wall. One turns to the other one and says "Damn"

[ukbob]

staceyb said:

My 8yr old cousins favourite joke. There are two fish swimming up a river when suddenly they swim into a wall. One turns to the other one and says "Damn"

[Taxi 4 Hutton]

Friend of mine sent me this, just after they got a really, really REALLY nasty shock with their Tax bill...

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.

"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"

"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."

[raf dug]

>> Edited by Mon Ami Mate on Friday 9th September 13:57

[ukbob]

raf dug said:

>> Edited by Mon Ami Mate on Friday 9th September 13:57

[mybrainhurts]

Prof Beard said:

ZR1cliff said: Disclaimer;i am not a racist,i just thought this was funny. Nevertheless it is a racist joke and would offend many people. Prof Beard

Yeah....weird that, isn't it?

[IS200RJR]

Prof Beard said:

ZR1cliff said: Disclaimer;i am not a racist,i just thought this was funny. Nevertheless it is a racist joke and would offend many people. Prof Beard

Come on you ever heard of freedom of speach ?

[muley]

Duck goes into Boots and buys loads of stuff and pays for it. Notices some condoms near the counter and pulls one off the display stand. The assistant says ‘would you like it on your bill?’ and the duck replies










‘No thanks, I’m not that sort of duck’

[whoateallthepies]

Bloke laid on the beach with no arms or legs

Three gorgeous blondes walk up to him.

The first one asks if he's ever been kissed, and when he says no she proceeds to give a him a kiss.

The second one asks if he has ever been hugged, and when he says no she proceeds to give him a hug.

The third one asks if he has ever been fed.

He says no, and she turns around with her friends and walks off. Then she turns back to him and says:-

You are now the tides coming in.

[L100NYY]

whoateallthepies said:

Bloke laid on the beach with no arms or legs Three gorgeous blondes walk up to him. The first one asks if he's ever been kissed, and when he says no she proceeds to give a him a kiss. The second one asks if he has ever been hugged, and when he says no she proceeds to give him a hug. The third one asks if he has ever been fed. He says no, and she turns around with her friends and walks off. Then she turns back to him and says:- You are now the tides coming in.

Coffee over keyboard moment

[kippax]

A Woman is standing nude in front of the bedroom mirror & says to her husband " I look horrible fat & ugly pay me a compliment"

Husband replies " Your eyesight is ferkin spot on!"

Howard.

[celticpilgrim]

Bloke with no arms and no legs at a bus stop. Bus arrives, door opens, and the driver shouts...

'Alright mate, how you gettin' on?'

or how about...

two african doctors talking in a hospital ward, obviously having a heated discussion...

It's WOOMBA...W-O-O-M-B-A, says the first doctor.
No no, my friend, replies the second medic, it's more like WOOOMBA

Good god, says a passing matron, I know the NHS is in the shit, but if we have to get doctors in from overseas, can they at least speak bloody english, and proceeds to walk of in a huff.

What is that bloody woman on about, says the first doctor...I doubt if she's ever seen a Hippopotamus in the flesh, never mind hear it fart underwater!!!


Cheque please!!!