How to confuse a kid
Discussion
I’m going to hell, aren’t I?
From my dad:
1) (During my endless rabbiting toddler years) - you need to be quiet, as you’re born with only a certain number of words. That is why old people are quite quiet, as they are running out (it worked on me, I also tried that with my daughter and it worked perfectly).
2) (Whilst I was developing speech) - pointing at an object (e.g. a sofa) and saying ‘that’s called a greenhouse’ etc.
From me (as well as the above):
1) Daughter scared of spiders - told her they were all called ‘Gerald’, even the girls (this actually worked against her fear?)
2) In early years, when she wanted to ‘scan’ items on a supermarket till, passed her over the scanner (with approval from lady on till, who triggered a ‘beep’ from the till thing). It must’ve been at least until she was 5 that she didn’t have a barcode on her butt.
Any other tales of casual (non illegal) child cruelty welcome…
From my dad:
1) (During my endless rabbiting toddler years) - you need to be quiet, as you’re born with only a certain number of words. That is why old people are quite quiet, as they are running out (it worked on me, I also tried that with my daughter and it worked perfectly).
2) (Whilst I was developing speech) - pointing at an object (e.g. a sofa) and saying ‘that’s called a greenhouse’ etc.
From me (as well as the above):
1) Daughter scared of spiders - told her they were all called ‘Gerald’, even the girls (this actually worked against her fear?)
2) In early years, when she wanted to ‘scan’ items on a supermarket till, passed her over the scanner (with approval from lady on till, who triggered a ‘beep’ from the till thing). It must’ve been at least until she was 5 that she didn’t have a barcode on her butt.
Any other tales of casual (non illegal) child cruelty welcome…
CharlieGee said:
Looking to secure halfway acceptable behaviour in the run up to Christmas? Wrap some empty boxes up, put them under the tree and lob one on the fire every time someone steps out of line.
Colleague of mine did this and once picked up the wrong box.He couldn't back down and give the game away, so he had to go and buy another present.
There is a nearby craggy hill that from a distance looks like a volcano. So I told my daughter that it was a currently dormant volcano which she believed for years. When I learned that she was doing local geography at school I had to confess to avoid her looking like an idiot.
One I heard (I think on PH) was someone told their son that when you find a pile of feathers (from where a cat or fox has got a pigeon) it is because when pigeons die they explode. This lasted until secondary school when his son piped up with that "fact" in biology...
One I heard (I think on PH) was someone told their son that when you find a pile of feathers (from where a cat or fox has got a pigeon) it is because when pigeons die they explode. This lasted until secondary school when his son piped up with that "fact" in biology...
We have ‘Black Teeth Keith” at home. A unpleasant specimen who visits children in the night and who pulls out unbrushed/black teeth with a pair of pliers when they are sleeping. Keith used to be a normal little boy who refused to brush his teeth. The latter rotted and went bad, and he became Black Teeth Keith. No issues whatsoever with teeth brushing with our two, albeit our youngest (5) has said he is going to stay awake and fight Keith.
In my wife's family there is a sort of tradition of a "Mrs. Price", she runs the local prison for naughty boys and girls and if you misbehave too much you have to go and live with her. The terrible ways Mrs. Price treats children are legendary.
I don't think that's too bad a 'thing', it useful when it's a bit too early in the year to say "Father Christmas is watching" when they're being a dick and you're too tired to parent properly.
What is a bad thing is I have a habit of taking something and running with it... As the eldest got a little older he realised none of the other kids in school knew about this Mrs. Price, and doubts were forming in his mind, so I doubled down. I told him tales of the time I had to go and live with Mrs. Price, even offering a few of my scars as evidence of mistreatment. Then I changed the contact name for my Office to "Mrs Price" on my mobile. Now and again I'd be driving him from school and the office would call "Mrs. Price" would flash up on the screen. I say "Oh NO!" cancel the call, and start looking around frantically, even sometimes changing direction and the route home to avoid her.
Some of the other parents in school started looking at me strangely and whispering when I passed them. Rumour has it one of the kids in class had a Dad who had 'done a bit of bird'. I have never corrected anyone.
One time, after weeks and weeks of terrible behaviour from him, nothing working and no end in sight. I drafted a very official looking letter with a HMPS crest at the top highlighting his various 'crimes' and calling him to prison. I could see there was doubt in his mind, but clear as day it said he had to go to prison 1 week from the date of the letter. He begged me to get him off the hook, so I made a call, and got him a warning "this time". Within 24 hours he was back to being a little s
t, so solemnly his Mum told him the warning was gone and he had to go in.
At the weekend we packed his clothes for him and I went as far as driving him to the gates of HMP Cardiff, until he decided to be less of a dick from then on, which he was for a good while.
I forgot all about Mrs Price for years, until recently, I was driving him to work (he's an adult now) and the office rang, I only saw him suddenly sit up in the corner of my eye, by paid no mind to it, pressed answer and said "hello mate" to my boss. When I hung up he just shook his head and muttered "total tt".
I don't think that's too bad a 'thing', it useful when it's a bit too early in the year to say "Father Christmas is watching" when they're being a dick and you're too tired to parent properly.
What is a bad thing is I have a habit of taking something and running with it... As the eldest got a little older he realised none of the other kids in school knew about this Mrs. Price, and doubts were forming in his mind, so I doubled down. I told him tales of the time I had to go and live with Mrs. Price, even offering a few of my scars as evidence of mistreatment. Then I changed the contact name for my Office to "Mrs Price" on my mobile. Now and again I'd be driving him from school and the office would call "Mrs. Price" would flash up on the screen. I say "Oh NO!" cancel the call, and start looking around frantically, even sometimes changing direction and the route home to avoid her.
Some of the other parents in school started looking at me strangely and whispering when I passed them. Rumour has it one of the kids in class had a Dad who had 'done a bit of bird'. I have never corrected anyone.
One time, after weeks and weeks of terrible behaviour from him, nothing working and no end in sight. I drafted a very official looking letter with a HMPS crest at the top highlighting his various 'crimes' and calling him to prison. I could see there was doubt in his mind, but clear as day it said he had to go to prison 1 week from the date of the letter. He begged me to get him off the hook, so I made a call, and got him a warning "this time". Within 24 hours he was back to being a little s
t, so solemnly his Mum told him the warning was gone and he had to go in. At the weekend we packed his clothes for him and I went as far as driving him to the gates of HMP Cardiff, until he decided to be less of a dick from then on, which he was for a good while.
I forgot all about Mrs Price for years, until recently, I was driving him to work (he's an adult now) and the office rang, I only saw him suddenly sit up in the corner of my eye, by paid no mind to it, pressed answer and said "hello mate" to my boss. When I hung up he just shook his head and muttered "total t
t". Stolen from the parenting hell podcast, but I love the story of the young kid who was told he was allergic to hazelnuts and that he would have a very severe reaction if he ever ate any.
Years later off he goes to uni as a young adult and accidentally eats some hazelnuts on his first week. Queue a panicked call to mum, expecting his imminent demise, asking what he should do - should he ring an ambulance etc
Mum's response "oh you're not allergic to hazelnuts, I only told you that so you wouldn't eat my Ferrero Rocher."
Years later off he goes to uni as a young adult and accidentally eats some hazelnuts on his first week. Queue a panicked call to mum, expecting his imminent demise, asking what he should do - should he ring an ambulance etc
Mum's response "oh you're not allergic to hazelnuts, I only told you that so you wouldn't eat my Ferrero Rocher."
We used to go scrumping apples on the local farm as a kid and those films scared us almost as much as getting caught did. When they built the M3 we could no longer get to the apple trees as they were on the other side to us. The farmers wife then used to collect a bowl full every day and leave them outside the farm gate for us. Turns out we need not have feared being caught as she obviously knew what we were up to. I spoke to her many years later and she said she used to watch us sneaking across the field to get the apples. She left apples outside the gate untill she passed away in the 90's.
I convinced my daughter when she was younger that any missing food, drink, sweets etc were all down to a permanently hungry thieving entity called 'The Black Unicorn'.
I told of her of the time when at university, we had been playing a football match & came into the dressing room at half time, only to find the oranges, sweets & sports drinks had all disappeard. Outside on the grass were some mysterious hoof prints....
Then there was time I was living in a crap flat & had settled down to watch TV with a takeaway pizza & some cans of lager.
The doorbell went but there was no one there when I answered. When I got back the cans had gone, along with the pizza...but there was a greasy hoof print on the pizza box.....
He plagued her for a couple of years, as cakes, chocolate bars, random bags of mini cheddars etc all went missing, until she worked it out.
"Dad!!! The Black Unicorn came on Boxing Day!! He stole the Double Decker from my Xmas selection box!!!"
I told of her of the time when at university, we had been playing a football match & came into the dressing room at half time, only to find the oranges, sweets & sports drinks had all disappeard. Outside on the grass were some mysterious hoof prints....
Then there was time I was living in a crap flat & had settled down to watch TV with a takeaway pizza & some cans of lager.
The doorbell went but there was no one there when I answered. When I got back the cans had gone, along with the pizza...but there was a greasy hoof print on the pizza box.....
He plagued her for a couple of years, as cakes, chocolate bars, random bags of mini cheddars etc all went missing, until she worked it out.
"Dad!!! The Black Unicorn came on Boxing Day!! He stole the Double Decker from my Xmas selection box!!!"
A rather convoluted one here, my ex's daughter had found out at school that trees took in CO2 and released oxygen, she also knew that hospitals used oxygen because of an elderly relative being on it. I'd convinced her that there were massive forests with each tree having a tent over it where they collected the oxygen to be used in hospitals. It was years before she finally cottoned on.
Spare tyre said:
When my kids are being very naughty, one of us warns that “the man” will hear and come round
One of us will sneak and ring the door bell
Usually calms them down a bit
We do exactly the same. One of us will sneak and ring the door bell
Usually calms them down a bit
Used to be "the policeman" instead of "the man", but then that led to terrified screams/tears whenever they saw a police car, so we changed it to "the man".
Rusty Old-Banger said:
Spare tyre said:
When my kids are being very naughty, one of us warns that “the man” will hear and come round
One of us will sneak and ring the door bell
Usually calms them down a bit
We do exactly the same. One of us will sneak and ring the door bell
Usually calms them down a bit
Used to be "the policeman" instead of "the man", but then that led to terrified screams/tears whenever they saw a police car, so we changed it to "the man".
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