Separating from wife
Discussion
Ok, apologies if this is in the wrong area, but typical male is really have no one to turn to here.
I need to leave. Long story short, we’ve grown apart quite significantly. I’ve called her out on some narcissistic behaviours, and I’m outright miserable. She wants to try and be better, but I’m not in it. I feel like I’ve already checked out..
We have a house together, and decent savings. I don’t care about this. I’m more than willing to walk and leave her everything, I’ve always said she’ll never have anything over me if the worst happened and I’ll more than happily start from scratch. I intend to do this.
My dilemma, in doing this I have no deposit for another house. I don’t really want to rent, but I’m guessing this is my only option as 100% mortgages don’t exist do they?
Could I take out a personal loan as a deposit, and absorb it within the mortgage but taking out extra? Is that allowed? Or do I just have to rent for a year and save?
Feeling very lost, and I’ll be honest don’t have many people to turn to.
Any advice is appreciated.
I need to leave. Long story short, we’ve grown apart quite significantly. I’ve called her out on some narcissistic behaviours, and I’m outright miserable. She wants to try and be better, but I’m not in it. I feel like I’ve already checked out..
We have a house together, and decent savings. I don’t care about this. I’m more than willing to walk and leave her everything, I’ve always said she’ll never have anything over me if the worst happened and I’ll more than happily start from scratch. I intend to do this.
My dilemma, in doing this I have no deposit for another house. I don’t really want to rent, but I’m guessing this is my only option as 100% mortgages don’t exist do they?
Could I take out a personal loan as a deposit, and absorb it within the mortgage but taking out extra? Is that allowed? Or do I just have to rent for a year and save?
Feeling very lost, and I’ll be honest don’t have many people to turn to.
Any advice is appreciated.
interstellar said:
First of all don’t make rash decisions.
I’ve been here and it will get better but you will regret giving her everything.
Take half of the savings and put it in another account she can’t get to.
You will regret leaving her everything in months to come I think.
I have little regard for material possessions, I can always make more money.I’ve been here and it will get better but you will regret giving her everything.
Take half of the savings and put it in another account she can’t get to.
You will regret leaving her everything in months to come I think.
I don’t wish her any ill will, and I wouldn’t want her to struggle so I’m happy to just go.
raining_sulphur said:
Ok, apologies if this is in the wrong area, but typical male is really have no one to turn to here.
I need to leave. Long story short, we’ve grown apart quite significantly. I’ve called her out on some narcissistic behaviours, and I’m outright miserable. She wants to try and be better, but I’m not in it. I feel like I’ve already checked out..
We have a house together, and decent savings. I don’t care about this. I’m more than willing to walk and leave her everything, I’ve always said she’ll never have anything over me if the worst happened and I’ll more than happily start from scratch. I intend to do this.
My dilemma, in doing this I have no deposit for another house. I don’t really want to rent, but I’m guessing this is my only option as 100% mortgages don’t exist do they?
Could I take out a personal loan as a deposit, and absorb it within the mortgage but taking out extra? Is that allowed? Or do I just have to rent for a year and save?
Feeling very lost, and I’ll be honest don’t have many people to turn to.
Any advice is appreciated.
You dont say if there are kids involved, if there are it does complicate things.I need to leave. Long story short, we’ve grown apart quite significantly. I’ve called her out on some narcissistic behaviours, and I’m outright miserable. She wants to try and be better, but I’m not in it. I feel like I’ve already checked out..
We have a house together, and decent savings. I don’t care about this. I’m more than willing to walk and leave her everything, I’ve always said she’ll never have anything over me if the worst happened and I’ll more than happily start from scratch. I intend to do this.
My dilemma, in doing this I have no deposit for another house. I don’t really want to rent, but I’m guessing this is my only option as 100% mortgages don’t exist do they?
Could I take out a personal loan as a deposit, and absorb it within the mortgage but taking out extra? Is that allowed? Or do I just have to rent for a year and save?
Feeling very lost, and I’ll be honest don’t have many people to turn to.
Any advice is appreciated.
I divorced in my late twenties, we married in our teens and grew apart, married to young really, had a house with good equity, just sold up and split the money.
You will both need money to move on.
No kids involved tho, it was really easy and we both agreed.
richhead said:
You dont say if there are kids involved, if there are it does complicate things.
I divorced in my late twenties, we married in our teens and grew apart, married to young really, had a house with good equity, just sold up and split the money.
You will both need money to move on.
No kids involved tho, it was really easy and we both agreed.
No kids. It will be easy, I’m simply leaving. I’m just, I dunno, nervous I guess and I can’t lie a bit scared.I divorced in my late twenties, we married in our teens and grew apart, married to young really, had a house with good equity, just sold up and split the money.
You will both need money to move on.
No kids involved tho, it was really easy and we both agreed.
Been together for 18yrs, married for 14. I’m 36, she’s 41.
I don’t know what answers I’m seeking here to be honest, I think I’m coming to terms with some emotional damage I’ve been harbouring for a long time and I don’t know how to process..
t creek, but that’s your money too.That’s where you are in crisis mode. When the dust settles you will view things differently.
There is no need to leave with nothing and start talking about getting a loan for a deposit, it sounds like you feel very guilty when you don’t need to be.
We all have to live, I am sure she wouldn’t want you to be penniless.
I would reconsider that part.
Go for some long walks, it really helps think things out. I am lucky to live by the beach and in that first few weeks I walked for miles and it helped so get out in the fresh air if you can.
There is no need to leave with nothing and start talking about getting a loan for a deposit, it sounds like you feel very guilty when you don’t need to be.
We all have to live, I am sure she wouldn’t want you to be penniless.
I would reconsider that part.
Go for some long walks, it really helps think things out. I am lucky to live by the beach and in that first few weeks I walked for miles and it helped so get out in the fresh air if you can.
You can not buy a house on credit.
A house sale is a cash transaction.
You can not get a loan for a house deposit as you would be buying on credit.
95% mortgages are possible. There maybe 100% mortgages soon though.
A mortgage is not credit as the bank own the house you slowly buy them out of the house.
A house sale is a cash transaction.
You can not get a loan for a house deposit as you would be buying on credit.
95% mortgages are possible. There maybe 100% mortgages soon though.
A mortgage is not credit as the bank own the house you slowly buy them out of the house.
raining_sulphur said:
richhead said:
You dont say if there are kids involved, if there are it does complicate things.
I divorced in my late twenties, we married in our teens and grew apart, married to young really, had a house with good equity, just sold up and split the money.
You will both need money to move on.
No kids involved tho, it was really easy and we both agreed.
No kids. It will be easy, I’m simply leaving. I’m just, I dunno, nervous I guess and I can’t lie a bit scared.I divorced in my late twenties, we married in our teens and grew apart, married to young really, had a house with good equity, just sold up and split the money.
You will both need money to move on.
No kids involved tho, it was really easy and we both agreed.
Been together for 18yrs, married for 14. I’m 36, she’s 41.
I don’t know what answers I’m seeking here to be honest, I think I’m coming to terms with some emotional damage I’ve been harbouring for a long time and I don’t know how to process..
I'm also going through a seperation. It's amicable and we are looking at how to divide things fairly. We have kids, that makes a huge difference. As it stands probably my wife will get a huge portion of the equity and I'll have a small deposit. I earn significantly more than she does so it's not a big deal really. The kids have a good place to live, she is not burdened by a mortgage. Sure mine will be large but as a multiple of earnings isn't a worry.
But you have no kids. Why throw it all away. You are entitled to your fair share and its possible to split and it not be a disaster for either of you.
I would suggest an early conversation with a divorce solicitor. Find out where you stand.
But you have no kids. Why throw it all away. You are entitled to your fair share and its possible to split and it not be a disaster for either of you.
I would suggest an early conversation with a divorce solicitor. Find out where you stand.
sherman said:
You can not buy a house on credit.
A house sale is a cash transaction.
You can not get a loan for a house deposit as you would be buying on credit.
95% mortgages are possible. There maybe 100% mortgages soon though.
A mortgage is not credit as the bank own the house you slowly buy them out of the house.
That's how it should be, but back in the early 2000's, the wife & I bought our first flat with a 97% interest only mortgage from Halifax. They also gave us an unsecured personal loan of £10k, which we used as the deposit and to buy some new furniture.A house sale is a cash transaction.
You can not get a loan for a house deposit as you would be buying on credit.
95% mortgages are possible. There maybe 100% mortgages soon though.
A mortgage is not credit as the bank own the house you slowly buy them out of the house.
Of course, such lending practices were the cause of the GFC due to sub-prime mortgage lending, but it pleasantly received at the time.
Sorry OP for going off topic.
raining_sulphur said:
Ok, apologies if this is in the wrong area, but typical male is really have no one to turn to here.
I need to leave. Long story short, we’ve grown apart quite significantly. I’ve called her out on some narcissistic behaviours, and I’m outright miserable. She wants to try and be better, but I’m not in it. I feel like I’ve already checked out..
We have a house together, and decent savings. I don’t care about this. I’m more than willing to walk and leave her everything, I’ve always said she’ll never have anything over me if the worst happened and I’ll more than happily start from scratch. I intend to do this.
My dilemma, in doing this I have no deposit for another house. I don’t really want to rent, but I’m guessing this is my only option as 100% mortgages don’t exist do they?
Could I take out a personal loan as a deposit, and absorb it within the mortgage but taking out extra? Is that allowed? Or do I just have to rent for a year and save?
Feeling very lost, and I’ll be honest don’t have many people to turn to.
Any advice is appreciated.
Sounds like you have already made up your mind to split and looking for the easiest way to achieve this, but as others have said, take some time out to reflect and seek professional advice on options.I need to leave. Long story short, we’ve grown apart quite significantly. I’ve called her out on some narcissistic behaviours, and I’m outright miserable. She wants to try and be better, but I’m not in it. I feel like I’ve already checked out..
We have a house together, and decent savings. I don’t care about this. I’m more than willing to walk and leave her everything, I’ve always said she’ll never have anything over me if the worst happened and I’ll more than happily start from scratch. I intend to do this.
My dilemma, in doing this I have no deposit for another house. I don’t really want to rent, but I’m guessing this is my only option as 100% mortgages don’t exist do they?
Could I take out a personal loan as a deposit, and absorb it within the mortgage but taking out extra? Is that allowed? Or do I just have to rent for a year and save?
Feeling very lost, and I’ll be honest don’t have many people to turn to.
Any advice is appreciated.
You say that you have a house together but what does that actually mean? Owned outright or mortgaged - if the latter, to what extent/LTV?
Makes a big difference for many reasons.
Note you say you feel lost & not many people to turn to - feel free to PM me if you want a chat. Don't expect an immediate reply as I've got a lot on my plate currently but will respond when able.
sherman said:
You can not buy a house on credit.
A house sale is a cash transaction.
You can not get a loan for a house deposit as you would be buying on credit.
95% mortgages are possible. There maybe 100% mortgages soon though.
A mortgage is not credit as the bank own the house you slowly buy them out of the house.
You can use a loan as a deposit, Santander are fine with this. I’m not recommending it, just saying it is possible A house sale is a cash transaction.
You can not get a loan for a house deposit as you would be buying on credit.
95% mortgages are possible. There maybe 100% mortgages soon though.
A mortgage is not credit as the bank own the house you slowly buy them out of the house.
Register1 said:
Dont give her everything.
You really will regret such a foolish heart lead move later on.
Absolutely dont.
Agree with this 100%.You really will regret such a foolish heart lead move later on.
Absolutely dont.
People and feelings change, it’s completely normal and just part of life’s journey.
Stay pragmatic, don’t feel guilty, split everything fairly and look forward to enjoying some ‘me time’.
Best thing that ever happened to me (in hindsight!).
raining_sulphur said:
No kids. It will be easy, I’m simply leaving. I’m just, I dunno, nervous I guess and I can’t lie a bit scared.
Been together for 18yrs, married for 14. I’m 36, she’s 41.
I don’t know what answers I’m seeking here to be honest, I think I’m coming to terms with some emotional damage I’ve been harbouring for a long time and I don’t know how to process..
I rarely respond to these sort of threads, but your post struck a chord. You’re right about processing, which is why you need to give yourself time and maybe some space. This is not the moment to make all the decisions, it sounds like you’ve made the big one so leave it at that for now. Could you take yourself off for a week or two or just book an Airbnb locally? Been together for 18yrs, married for 14. I’m 36, she’s 41.
I don’t know what answers I’m seeking here to be honest, I think I’m coming to terms with some emotional damage I’ve been harbouring for a long time and I don’t know how to process..
Very sad that you don’t have anyone to talk this through with, but there is support out there if you look.
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